A Taylor-Made Life (14 page)

“Yeah, pretty wiped out.”

An idea popped into my mind like a pod
from a cyber-sling. “Gavin, are you sure you just want to be
friends?”

He frowned. “Yes, Taylor. I’m
sure.”

“There’s nothing more than friendship
between us?”

“No.”

My heart beat wildly. I smiled
serenely, masking the devilishness I felt. “Okay. Then you wouldn’t
mind if I went out on a date with someone else?”

* * * *

Gavin’s heart crashed into his bowels.
What was she talking about? “Excuse me?”

“Well, I’ve been asked out on a
date.”

“What!
A date with
who?”

“If there was anything other than
friendship between us, of course I wouldn’t go. But if there isn’t,
I’d still like the opportunity to find someone to....” She raised
her eyebrows suggestively. “You know.”

“What do you mean, find someone to
you know
?” He raked his fingers through his hair.

Her face reddened. “Well, Matt called.
You know he goes to Stanford. He wants to see me tomorrow. I just
thought it would be nice to hang out with him and maybe if we got
to know each other again, we could pick up where we left
off.”

His chest lit on fire. His voice
spilled too loudly from his lips. “He could
what
?”

She flinched but answered, “You
know…what I wanted before.” Her cheeks colored further, and she
dropped her gaze.

His arms shook, and sweat beaded on
his forehead. “You surely don’t mean what I
think you
mean!
”

Cowering at his words, she said,
“Well, yes…I kinda do. But really for now, it’s sightseeing, with
the hope that we could….maybe later…much later.”

Over his dead body!
He stood
and paced in front of her. “No.”

Her eyes rounded. “What do you mean,
no
? I didn’t ask your permission, Gavin.” Her tone was calm,
almost admonishing, and fucking infuriating.

Dammit. He hadn’t invited her here so
she could flit around the city with Ball Boy. He shook his
head.

She leveled her gaze and straightened
her spine. “You aren’t my guardian. You’re just a friend,
remember?”

The cutting remark hit the heart of
the issue. The little temptress was doing this on purpose. But what
could he do? Either he could declare them more than friends or he
could let her go.

He paced to the window.
Mages of
the Ancient Circle
, he wanted to snatch her off the couch and
shake her…or kiss her. He couldn’t decide which. Maybe both. But
what would that solve? She was still seventeen, and he was still
dying. To leave a heartbroken teenager behind when he passed would
be the cruelest kind of torture.

Time was always the enemy. And this
Matt—
the
Daisy Plucker
. He spun to face her. She
studied him intently, her eyes giving nothing away.

“All right, Taylor. You
win.”

Her chin lifted haughtily, and she
smiled.
Jesus, she is so competitive
. It turned him on, but
he couldn’t let her have this one. “You can go out with Matt and
anyone else. You’re right. You should be allowed to find your
heart’s desire.”

Her face clouded, and a storm brewed
in those gray eyes. “Fine. I will. Maybe that’s why we met—so I
could end up with
Matt
.”

The words pierced him like a searing
sword, but he kept his gaze level. “Maybe so.”

She stood, pivoted on her heels and
stomped upstairs. Guess that meant she wouldn’t be sneaking into
his room tonight. He closed his eyes.
Just as
well.

His heart flattened like a mammoth
boulder crushed it down to his gut, and his head began to swim in
haze.

Shit. Not again
.

He took deep breaths, trying to retain
consciousness.

This girl had his blood pumping in
more than one wrong direction, but what would he do without her
tonight? Thoughts of her warm body pressed against him swam in his
mind. Then the thoughts changed. Her soft body pressed against
another man.

Damn it, Gav.
You
practically pushed her into the Daisy Plucker’s
arms.

What was that guy’s angle? Why did he
want to date a dying girl?

He plodded up to his room. Even the
thought of sleeping in his own bed was little comfort, especially
now since he’d be alone. When Taylor and her mother agreed to come
for a visit, the length of their stay was left open-ended. Time
together was all they had, but that time was limited. A small crack
formed in his reserve. He closed his eyes wearily. How long could
he hold out?

* * * *

I slammed the door of the guest room
and flung myself across the bed. The sound of the shower filtered
under the bathroom door.

Why was he so freaking stubborn? He
was dying, for God’s sake. Didn’t that give him some kind of leeway
to go against
proper
society? If the law said it was okay
for us to be together, then wasn’t it? I threw my forearm across my
eyes. Guess not.

I’d known telling him about Matt would
trigger a reaction. At least I’d hoped. Not that I got off on
making him jealous. That was a low blow under any circumstances,
but I wanted to shake him out of his stupid morality kick when love
was all that mattered.

But I wondered if his jealousy stemmed
more from insecurities about himself rather than me.

Probably
.

Most guys were intimidated by Matt.
That was last year’s news. But I’d somehow thought, hoped…maybe
Gavin’s feelings for me were more than brotherly love.

Actually, I knew they were. I may be
inexperienced, but I was no dummy. His kiss was proof enough, and
him allowing me into his bed each night to snuggle was a pretty
sure sign of more than friendship. But could I convince him of
that? Heck no. My heart hurt. Those nights of cuddling were over
now. No way could I sleep next to him and still go out on a date
with another guy. I wasn’t that jacked-up even if we were only
sleeping.

Maybe that was why he got so upset.
He’d practically yelled at me. Had he looked as forward to cuddling
as much as I did? I threw my arms up in the air as if some unknown
person on the ceiling could give me an answer or, at least, a
little sympathy. Whether he liked me or not, it still wasn’t enough
for him to change his mind. I’d misread the signals. Maybe the
truth was, he really didn’t want me like that. If he did, he could
never let me go out with Matt. I’d all but told him I planned to
have sex with Matt if he was willing.

But would I?

I sat up on the mattress and hugged a
fluffy pillow. Unless Gavin was willing to give me his heart like
I’d given him mine, our relationship was a dead-end. I snorted and
blew out a long breath.

Actually, it was a dead-end no matter
what Gavin decided, and the clock kept ticking.

I picked up my cell and dialed.
“Matt?”

I opened my eyes and stretched. The
morning light slipped under the curtains and lit the bedroom in a
soft glow. I glanced at my watch. Ten a.m. Dallas time. But even
eight a.m. California time was late for me to wake up. I closed my
eyes and smiled. My date with Matt was mere hours away.

Matt and I had talked for hours last
night. It reminded me of the days right before I got sick. We would
stay up till dawn talking and then meet at school. Both our studies
had suffered in the month we’d been a couple. All the old, familiar
feelings came rushing back, but I couldn’t suppress a nagging
thought.

My heart didn’t belong to Matt
anymore, not really. It belonged to a hardheaded computer geek with
blue-green eyes. And while thinking about life before leukemia was
a small dose of awesome, it wasn’t part of reality. Gavin was
reality. I trilled my tongue. He was also in denial.

I stood, shucked off my pjs, and
headed to the shower.

Afterward, I fluffed the soft towel
over my head then stared at my baldness in the steamed-up mirror.
It was still the one thing I needed to hide. I had no problem
telling a dying man I loved him. I could face my best friend’s
funeral with courage and even go out on a date with the guy that
had broken my heart, but showing my bald head somehow made me
vulnerable in way nothing else did.

The smell of bacon and coffee wreathed
around my senses and drew me downstairs and into the kitchen where
Zelda looked up from her work and smiled. Mom glanced up from her
paperback novel, and Gavin folded the Wall Street Journal in half
to glare at me.

He wore his soft flannel pajama
bottoms and a sleep-wrinkled t-shirt. His hair stood out in several
unnatural directions. The sight of him caused my heart to skip a
beat then thud faster. I’d missed him. Last night was the first
night since he’d gotten out of the hospital we hadn’t slept
together. I flushed at the terminology. Even though I knew what I
meant, the thought of making love with…

Stop! Just
stop.

I swallowed the thought and smiled.
“Good morning.”

He smiled, but it was more like a
grimace. He was obviously still pissed. “Good morning.” He glanced
at his watch. “I’m glad you slept well. You must’ve been
tired.”

Well, I could still be pissed, too. I
slipped into the soft padded chair at the glass breakfast table. “I
was up late.”

He continued to stare.
“Oh?”

Feeling a little scrutinized, I took a
piece of bacon and focused on Mom. “Hey, Mom, Matt called. He’s
taking me sightseeing today.”

Mom shot a glance at Gavin and
flinched when she found him. I couldn’t bring myself to look. Good.
I hoped he choked on the news.

Mom tilted her head in that knowing
way that comforted and annoyed me at the same time. “I’m surprised
he called. Is that what you want to do?”

I crunched the bacon and shrugged. “I
guess.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,
honey. Weren’t you and Gavin going to do something
today?”

I finally braved a look across the
table as I took a big gulp of orange juice. He looked down at the
paper on the table, but the way his chest heaved made it seem like
he was stressed.

All he had to do was say the word. But
he wouldn’t. I covertly stuck my tongue out at him. “Matt’s taking
me to the Wharf and Alcatraz…maybe down to Big Sur.”

A low growl came from the other side
of the table. I ignored it. “Gavin has work to do today, and said
it would be fine if Matt and I went somewhere.”

Mom quirked her lips to the side and
knitted her brow.

Zelda placed a plate of pancakes in
front of me. I smiled at the little lady in gratitude and picked up
my fork to dive into the steaming stack. “It was nice talking with
him. Just laughing and catching up. I’d forgotten how much we have
in common.”

Gavin stood so fast he had to catch
the chair from toppling. He dropped the paper and left.

I propped my elbows on the table and
slumped my head in my hands.

Mom gazed at me with narrowed eyes.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do, Taylor?”

I lifted my head to look at her. “The
only thing I’m sure of is that I love Gavin, Mom. But he apparently
doesn’t love me.”

“Oh, but I think he does.”

I shrugged. “What do you want me to
do? I can’t force him to admit it. Even if he does, it doesn’t
matter. He can’t get past my age.”

“You know he’s planning a birthday
party for you on Friday. Your father is coming to town.”

“A party?” He’d planned a party for
me? Why hadn’t he said anything?

A warm feeling slid over me. He cared
about me. I knew that, but…. “Jeez, Mom. If only he would open up
and allow himself to love me, I know I could make him happy. I know
we could be great together. Even if we aren’t, couldn’t he just
suck it up and do it? It’s not like I’m asking for
forever.”

“Well, give him some time, honey. He
has a lot of things to work through, I suspect.”

I laughed, but it wasn’t really funny.
“Time is something I don’t have to give.”

“True.” Mom frowned. “Maybe I can
help.”

* * * *

I put the finishing touches on my
make-up. The doorbell chimed in a deep melody that rang through the
house.
Matt.

I padded down the stairs in my black
flats and blue jeans as Zelda opened the door. Gavin had holed-up
in his downstairs office and refused to see me off. Not that I
blamed him. He did need to work, and I was sure the last thing he
wanted to do was play host to Matt before our date.

Matt stepped in wearing blue jeans and
a Stanford T-shirt. The brilliant red accentuated his golden hair
and broad shoulders. I couldn’t help it—I gawked. If nothing else,
he was pretty to look at.

He smiled. “Hey, Tay.”

“Hey yourself.” Nervous energy sped
like a Mario Kart around my insides. I sucked in a breath and tried
to keep from shaking.