Read A Taylor-Made Life Online

Authors: Kary Rader

Tags: #cancer, #computer games, #dying, #young adult romance, #bittersweet, #teen marriage, #terminal illness, #new adult, #maydec, #sick lit, #teen mothers

A Taylor-Made Life (9 page)

BOOK: A Taylor-Made Life
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He’d found the right girl, damn it.
She was five years too young, or too soon, depending on how you
looked at it. The searing pain in his chest tore into his head, and
he touched his temple. Maybe he couldn’t stay with her, and maybe
he couldn’t take her with him. But he would not entertain the idea
of finding someone else. It seemed like sacrilege.

* * * *

My blood rushed hot through my veins
like a West Texas brush fire as Gavin pulled into the driveway and
parked.

We were perfect together. Couldn’t he
see that? When I’d asked about the matchmaker, I thought for sure
he would sweep me off my feet and carry me away. He
hadn’t.

He turned off the ignition and twisted
in his seat to face me. “I had a great time the last three
days.”

“Me, too.” I lifted my gaze to look at
him, to really look at him. God, he was gorgeous, smart, fun, but
also sweet and kind. Panic made me want to latch on to him and not
let go. I’d rather get an IV in my eyeball than let him leave. I
loved him. I always would.

He stared at back at me, his eyes
misting with some emotion I couldn’t name. He was breathing
heavily, too heavily. I didn’t move. I knew this game—the first one
to blink loses.

Kiss me. Please kiss
me.

His hand twitched. My lips parted, and
I quietly gasped.

Finally, he closed his eyes, whistled
out a long breath, and got out of the car.

Crud!

I wasn’t about to give up
yet.

He walked around and opened my door,
offering his hand. I clasped it and yanked myself from the seat so
quickly that I collided with his chest. He dropped my hand and
jumped back like I’d burnt him.

I slapped my palm against my thigh.
“What is your problem? Am I so repulsive you can’t stand to
accidentally touch me?”

His face paled, and his Adam’s apple
bobbed as he swallowed hard. “No. Of course not. It’s late. I’m
sorry.”

It’s late?
What kind of lame
excuse was that? My shoulders sagged as he swiftly ushered me to
the door. I tried to smile hopefully. “You wanna come
in?”

He eyed me up and down then shook his
head like he was trying to remove a bug clinging to his ear. “I
better go. I have an early flight tomorrow.”

“So that’s it, then? You’re just gonna
leave?” Everything inside me fell to my toes.

He smiled sympathetically. My hands
fisted. Slapping the pacifying expression off his face crossed my
mind.

“Hey. It won’t be that bad.” He
reached out to brush my arm but let his fingers fall short. “We’ll
talk on the phone, and maybe you and your Mom can come for a visit
in a few weeks.”

He leaned to kiss my cheek, but I
stuck my fingers over his lips. His mouth was soft and warm. Heat
spread from my fingers into my arm and through my body. I pulled my
hand away so I could concentrate. I was not about to let this end
here. “I don’t want a kiss on the cheek, Gavin.”

“I understand.” He held out his hand
for me to shake. Captain Oblivious.

I crinkled my nose and frowned. “No.
You don’t understand. I want a kiss, but not on the
cheek.”

He rubbed a palm across his forehead.
“Taylor, we’ve gone over this.”

“No, we haven’t. You’re leaving
and—let’s face it—I’ll never see you again. You know it, and I know
it.” My voice broke. I stood tall and continued, “You came here to
mentor me, take me on a few outings, and give me happy memories.
You’ve done that. But I’m asking for one last thing.” I twirled my
hair and met his gaze. “I want a real kiss.”

He started shaking his head before I’d
even finished. “No.”

Crud-ola! “Why not?”

“Taylor, you know the answer. I told
you from the beginning. It’s not appropriate.”

He hadn’t said he didn’t want to. I
glared at him and decided to pull out the big guns. “It’s one
harmless kiss, Gavin, and it’s a dying girl’s wish.”

His jaw twitched. “That’s not fair,
and you know it.”

“Fair? Are we talking about fair now?
What’s not fair is that I’ll never get married or have children or
even be in love. You’re all I get.” I waved my hand between us.

This
is all I get.”

He set his jaw stubbornly, but his
eyes betrayed him. “I’ve offered you what I’m willing to
give.”

Tears stung my eyes. Damn it. I hated
crying, but I couldn’t help it. He’d hit the nail. “You’re no
better than those doctors offering me another round of chemo,
knowing it won’t do any good and would only make me weaker,
sicker.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Well, I won’t settle for
less. I’m settling for too little as it is.” I swiped at my stupid
tears. My pulse pounded. I was fighting with everything I had. “How
many women have you been with?”

He squinted in apparent disbelief.
“What kind of question is that?”

I stamped my foot. “How
many?”

He almost yelled it at me. “
A
few
.”

“Do you remember how it felt to be
with them? To love them? Would you trade those memories because a
few people said it wasn’t okay?”

He darted his gaze around the front
yard, shifting his weight from side to side. Even in the dim light
of the porch I could see his mind working through possibilities,
making him uncomfortable.

“There’s no one out there in the dark
to tell you it’s okay. You have to decide.” I pressed on. “What
memory do you want to leave me with? What memory do you want to
take? Is it really such a sickening thought? Just
one
kiss.”

He stared back at me with a wildness
that scared me. My heart drummed a xylophone chord across my
ribs.

“Taylor.…

I locked in on his gaze and stepped
toward him. “Tonight you get to decide what you can live with—or
without. I’m asking for one moment.”

Stopping inches from him, I absorbed
the tension like a thirsty towel. Electric sparks flew between us.
The only sounds were our shallow breaths.

Softly, I went in for the kill. “A
kiss goodnight. Is it really too much, Gavin?”

Chapter 6

Gavin’s mind muddled. He’d never
wanted anything more in his life than to kiss her. Her little
turned-up nose and sexy dress had his body straining for a kiss and
so much more. When she’d wrapped her arms around his waist at the
hotel, he’d very nearly given in. Then when she brushed against him
while getting out of the car….

God in heaven.
She’s just a
girl. She’s just a girl.

A very bright, very beautiful,
almost-eighteen-year-old girl. He swallowed down his
desire.

His heart beat only for her. Looking
into her gray eyes, he was lost. He could never leave her without a
kiss. In fact, he wasn’t sure he could leave her at all. His hands
balled at his sides, and he looked away to stare out at the clear,
night sky. To deny her request would put him in the grave. Kissing
her might too, but if he had to go….

“Kiss me.” She took the final step
into his arms.

Without guilt or reason, he pulled her
against his chest. The sweet surprise on her innocent face made him
chuckle. For all her bravado, she was exactly what he thought—just
a girl. But in that moment, it didn’t matter. Come the wrath of
hell, he was going to kiss her.

With one hand firmly around her waist,
Gavin braced her neck with the other. Her body shuddered under his
touch, and the ripple covered his own skin. Bending his head to
hers until their mouths met, he parted his lips and caressed hers
with them, planting small, feathered kisses at each corner of her
mouth. She held perfectly still, allowing him to lead. The soft
velvet wisp of her lips lit a fire in him.

He covered her mouth and pressed into
the kiss, fully engaging her. She tilted her head and laid her
palms against his chest. Heat from the points where their bodies
melded radiated through him. Scalding passion ran like liquid
electricity over his skin.

She was as fresh as spring, soft and
golden. In this timeless perfection, anything was possible. Santa
Clause existed. Miracles came true, and he never wanted it to
end.

No longer a passive recipient, she
kissed him back, and though her lips trembled, she moved her mouth
with his rhythm. Her tentative show of affection touched him
deeply, and her sweetness reminded him of chocolate pie mixed with
banana pudding.

He tightened his arms around her. A
soft gasp escaped her, but she looped her arms around his neck and
pressed in further. The feel of her body, the taste of her mouth,
the smell of her skin filled his senses, and all reserve left him.
He slipped his tongue between the parted seam of her lips. She
opened, and her tongue danced and stroked against his. Her fingers
trenched through his hair. His fear and anxiety about her age
ebbed. His heart lightened and floated around his chest in zero
gravity. All thought left him, except this woman.

Slow and deep, the kiss held them
captive. He had no idea how long they’d been at it and he didn’t
care. He took his fill, but the need for more never diminished—it
only grew. Without thinking, he slid his hands down her backside
and squeezed her against the length of his body, aching to be
closer, more intimate.

She squeaked, and her eyes flew
open.

He slammed back to reality and
released her, throwing his arms up in surrender. She wasn’t ready
for this. “Are you okay?”

She nodded and smiled. “Just startled,
that’s all. I’m fine.” Wrapping her arms around his waist, she
stepped into his space again. “Where were we?”

Trying to steady his breath, he gently
pulled himself away. His heart broke, but it ended here. It had to.
If he allowed this to continue, he wouldn’t be able to stop. Hell,
he wasn’t sure he could stop even now. “It’s time for me to
go.”

Her seductive gaze faded. Dizziness
swept over him, leaving his heart pounding a painful beat. His body
rebelled, and his feet wouldn’t move.

Her lips quivered. “But you....
We
kissed
.”

“Yes, we did.” He stroked her cheek
with his thumb as his heartbeat began to slow.
So innocent.
His mind fogged in a haze he couldn’t understand. “It doesn’t
change anything, Taylor. I honored your request.”

“That’s not true. You felt it. I know
you did.” Her gray eyes filled with tears. “Don’t lie to
me.”

He staggered against the porch railing
and threw his head back. “Of course I felt it. I wanted to kiss you
and more. But this can’t happen between us.”

“What do you mean? It’s already
happened.”

He shook his head as he tried to
focus. “No, Taylor. We’ve had our moment.”

“You can’t leave me here to grieve for
you.” The muscles in her face clenched.

“So you’d rather we prolong the
inevitable and make it worse when the time comes?”

“Knowing you’re alone in California
when I want, more than anything, to be there will kill me.” Tears
streamed down her face and dripped from her cheeks. “Please, take
me with you.”

His head throbbed as if it were about
to explode, and his eyes burned. How could he leave her without
pain—to either of them? “No. I told you from the begin—”

The piercing ache behind his eyes
buzzed loudly in his ears. His knees gave way. He collapsed on the
porch, and everything went dark.

* * * *

I blinked away the tears and tried to
catch Gavin as he fell.

Oh God.

“What’s wrong?” His body writhed in
pain, and I trembled in fear. “Stay with me, honey.” I pulled out
my cell, dialed 911, then rang the doorbell and pounded on the
door.

“9-1-1. What’s your
emergency?”

“My boyfriend collapsed on my front
porch. Please send an ambulance.” I knelt beside Gavin and grabbed
his hand.

“All right, ma’am. Is he conscious and
breathing?”

The front door opened, and Mom shot
out. She didn’t interrupt my call but took a quick inventory and
yelled to Dad for help. I provided information to the dispatcher as
Mom and Dad lifted Gavin’s head and placed a pillow under it then
covered him with a blanket. He wasn’t moving.

I had barely hung up the phone when
the siren sounded at the end of the block, getting louder as it
came closer. Red and blue beams circled and flashed through the
windows. Neighbors turned on their porch lights and stepped into
their front yards.

Once the paramedics arrived on the
porch, I sat beside Gavin while they stripped his shirt and hooked
him to a heart monitor. They strapped him on the stretcher as I
held his hand, the same hand that had cupped and caressed my face
minutes before.

“Ma’am, what’s your relationship to
this man?”

I glanced at Mom and back to the EMT.
“I’m his fiancée.”

“All right. You can ride with
us.”

Mom hugged me. “I’ll gather some
things and meet you at the hospital. He’ll be okay,
honey.”

BOOK: A Taylor-Made Life
7.84Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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