A Vagrant Story (38 page)

The gun man moved, or jolted, or twitched. In any case Rum read it as aggression and flicked the gun arm aside in an attempt to disarm.

A string of bullets fired. Cries followed.

When the bullet spray ended Rum stood there with a ringing in his ears. He heard the gunman cry something, which most certainly did sound like panic, right before he fled stumbling out the front door.

In the field of vision granted by swirling gun smoke, the man could see bullet holes lined along the wall. The line gapped in spots where the blood splashed.

The ringing in his ear died down for a horrible screeching of a young larynx. The eldest ginger haired son wailed, cradling his lifeless mother in arms, batting not an eye for the river blood flowing from a bullet hole in her head. It was something else to witness, or realise, that the child was not cradling her but attempting to lift her. She’d fallen flat down and the baby lay crushed beneath her weight. Blood too spurted from the thing. And it twitched too, and like its mother stopped shortly after.

As if to escape this scene the man turned away to face the counter where the manager and clerk stood previously. They were gone now. One hand had slipped out from under the counter. It was a plump hand of female delicacy. It didn’t move.

***

Old Rum finished the story with chin rested serenely on his palm. It didn’t matter in what tone he told the tale or how much he sobbed or what regret he could vent. All that mattered now was this priest had paid attention, and understood his words.

A shrill silence resonating from the opposite chamber suggested the priest understood all too well. It took some time for the priest to speak up again.

“Aubern … Nathan Aubern … is that you?”

Rum contemplated then sighed before answering. “Yeah … it’s me.”

Chapter 29

Rum clicked the confessional door open and left for a pew in the front row. He gazed straight ahead at the altar in wait for the priest to follow. By all appearances Rum sat like a man waiting nervously for a job interview.

In time the other confessional door did click open and Rum could again hear those hard bottom shoes tapping up closer from behind.

“You came all this way, you could at least turn and look me in the eye,” the priest said. “It is you isn’t it? It really is you.”

“I’ve changed a lot,” Rum replied, still without turning.

“Your clothing has, at least,” the priest retorted. “You didn’t come here for confession. Why did you come here?”

“I came on a hunch. I saw a donation request for this church over in the shopping centre. I saw your name signed at the bottom of the notice and figured it too high a coincidence to ignore. I couldn’t be sure if it was you but … I just had to come here.”

“Well … I’m glad some use came of those notices – even if it does bring a man like you here … over someone more decent.”

“Believe me, I’m not the man I used to be.”

“I always thought you’d say that when did eventually make your return. I didn’t want you to either, to be honest. I don’t want to forgive you. I don’t want anyone to think you’re worthy of it either.”

“I understand but…”

“But you haven’t changed. The way you live has. As for the way you think, the way you act, I doubt very much those things have changed.

“You won’t even let me speak.”

“I don’t need to hear you. You come here with that stench of alcohol hanging all over your clothes and expect me to believe you’ve been trying to change.”

“It helps me…”

“It helps you forget. It makes hiding easier. Is this what you’ve been doing with yourself, Nathan? You spent these last ten years half dead down some alley hanging onto your bottles. Honestly, I’d have thought better from you.”

Rum turned to confront the words but instead found himself staring vacantly upon meeting with that face again. The priest, with his ginger hair and turnip cheeks seemed not to have changed since Rum last saw him as a child, when he tried in vain to lift his own mother’s lifeless body. The eyes had changed. They’d changed from dripping tears to a stern glare which seemed never to have cried since. Rum could see his own reflection in them - he looked miserable under his beard and rags.

“No … you can’t say anything, can you?” the priest continued. “Yeah, I thought with the life you had made for yourself you might present a little more dignity. Even though you dropped off the face of the Earth I always assumed you’d show up one day, just to apologise, but you never did. So Instead I started to look for you.”

“You did? I never realised.”

“Even from the very day it happened I went looking for you. I wanted you to see … I wanted to show you … Well, I don’t know what I wanted. I was only a kid back then. I didn’t know what I was feeling.”

“How long did you look for me?”

“Five years from that night I wandered the hospital with no mother to cry to. You remained at the back of my mind. With every morning newspaper, I would read it subconsciously scanning for your name. You didn’t appear in one until I was seventeen.”

“I can guess which one. Found the paper lying on the ground with my own picture staring right up at me. It was about the millionaire who vanished off the face of the earth. I might have disappeared long before it was printed, but my stocks kept going up, along with my bank balance.”

“People started wondering who you were, and more importantly, where you were. It hit me then, when all those people couldn’t find you rthat you really had disappeared. It left a hole in me to know I would never get a chance to face you down. It left me empty, like a huge space had been torn out of my soul. I actually stopped hating you then.”

Rum perked up from his shame.

“But the emptiness was worse than hate. I realised where I was standing in life, going nowhere without a plan for direction. I had wasted so much time looking for revenge. It was then I found my path veering toward God. The change happened so suddenly but when it did I knew the change had been in the works for a long time.”

“I’m happy things worked for you.”

“You came here looking for my forgiveness … I can’t give it to you. Part of me would like to, but a larger part still hates you. I can speak some words and make you leave with a smile built on a lie, but instead I’ll tell you something … Nathan, it’s time you stopped drinking and started suffering. When you make an active attempt to grasp the things that happened, come see me then and I’ll try forgiving you.”

“I understand.”

“But remember what I told you … time isn’t as forgiving as God. You can come to my church and ask for God’s forgiveness but I am not God. God forgives you … so long as you are truly sorry. Unlike myself, who is mortal, God does not judge based on deeds but the testimony of the spirit. Don’t try concealing the spirit with phoney deeds, but understand the deeds committed to quell the spirit … that is the first step.”

“It’s a long step.”

“You’ll have to take it. And most often it is easier to take the next step forward by taking one step back.”

“Father?”

“Try returning to your past life and fixing the problems you left behind to grow. What I mean is, you’re company has become quite a burden on this city. It’s really gone quite out of control. Pretty soon I may even be getting offers to sell up.”

Rum nodded understanding. “Yeah … I know. My own company’s been such a pain in my own ass for a long time. But it’s not out of control, far from it. It’s doing exactly what I told it. Before I left to the street I put directions in place, orders really, with the leading shareholders. I ordered them to follow my rules as I’d already put down. That’s all they’re doing now. But there weren’t any rules about going too far. The company continued to grow, swallowing anything it could, from hospitals to nursing homes. And it’s all my fault.”

“It used to be. One could say the old you did those things.”

“I thought you said I hadn’t really changed.”

“Not really, but you did come to see me. Even if I would have appreciated the visit coming a lot sooner, it still stands as a sign of maturity on your part.”

“Maturity,” Rum said, grinning. “Look at me … taking life lessons from a pup like you.”

The priest vented a half-smile. “It’s not so bad. I am a priest you know. What I meant, Nathan, was that the old you has been running for some time. He ran so long until he finally ran up the steps of my church. When he did finally decide to come here, the old you decided it‘s time to hang up the gloves and pass away. He entered my church but you’re the one who’s going to leave.”

“Shame the new me is still a drunken bum.”

“Then go back to your own life, you‘re real life where you aren‘t a bum. From what I hear, with my limited understanding of all things business, is that a lot of people will welcome you back with open arms. You never have to worry about people rejecting your claim over the company.”

“It’s not that. I don’t care about rejection. I just don’t think I’m ready to go back. I might be a bum … but I sort of like being a bum. It’s a bit strange, I know.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, you say the old me died today but, to be honest, I always thought he died a long time ago, when I should have.”

“Excuse me?”

“Roughly ten years ago I wanted to kill myself. I’d written up a suicide note and everything. In all truth, I should have done it that night.”

“What changed your mind?”

“Booze.”

“I see.”

“It’s not that simple. See, half way en-route to the nearest bridge I started feeling a bit shaky, so I went to the nearest store and bought the largest bottle whiskey I could find. So I walked on toward my destiny, slugging back the fantasy squash, when out of nowhere this little brat runs up and snatches my wallet. I didn’t have anything in it except my suicide note. That’s why I chased after the guy.”

“For what purpose?”

“Spite … maybe. If I was gonna die, I was gonna die with my own suicide note. Not a reprint.”

“That’s … forgivable.”

“The whiskey made more sense of it.” Rum coughed. “So … I chased the thieving bastard all the way into Middle Park, where I lost him. With no other plan I just wandered around, staggering and drinking till the drink ran dry. The rain was pretty bad that night too – I must have looked pathetic. I stayed there at the centre of the park, miserable as hell, looking for an easy way to end it all.”

“And what changed your mind?”

“A car fell on me.”

The priest paused first. “A car you say? Well … okay. It doesn’t really explain how it saved you?”

“You know, I think it does. I never really thought about it before but let’s say it helped me meet someone that night, someone who needed me. If I hadn’t met her, I’d have gone straight off to that bridge. And after that night, I always believed that’s what happened to the old me. That night the old me died, the new me was born a bum, but a bum with someone to care for.”

“And the two of you stay together despite your short comings?”

“Well, it’s more a posse nowadays. And yeah, we get by, even if our lives are pretty much irrelevant to most people. Sure we fight a lot, and I pick on others more than some but we get along. I trust them.”

“So you see, you’re richer than most.”

“I already was.” Rum smiled wryly.

The priest laughed. “Yes … yes you are.”

When the laughter died Rum allowed time for a sigh. “Listen … father. I know … there’s probably not much room in your faith for a guy who’s behaved like me. And I know you won’t forgive me. I want you to know … I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened to your mother and brother. If I hadn’t been such an arrogant prick that day then the robber would have grabbed the money and run. It’s all my fault.”

“Thank you. That does mean a lot to me.”
Rum nodded.

“You make me angry,” the priest continued. “If I’d chosen a simple man’s life I would yell at you, spit in your face and punch you till you passed out. Part of me wants to. But I chose God. When God steers ship the savagery of a man’s heart should lose the helm. Put simply, I wouldn’t be much of a priest if I couldn’t try to forgive you.”

“That’s all I’d like. Thank you.”

“And no, Nathan, it may not have been entirely your fault.”

“Father?”

“Maybe you did cause the fray which triggered the trigger but don’t forget there was a man behind that gun. A man arrested two months later for the shooting of an elderly lady – it was the same gun I believe. She died. And as far as I know the man has failed to show any remorse for it. It may not mean redemption, or even be comforting to hear, but never scratch out the true evils of the world, Nathan.”