A Wicked Beginning (22 page)

“Hard-ass…” I reached over to slug his shoulder, but he caught my hand instead and pulled me close.

I started to put my arms around him, but he winced. Instead I propped my hands on his shoulders and rested my forehead on his. “I’m not quite ready to kiss you from that soft place, Chér. I’ve got enough pain shooting through my body…don’t think I can deal with any mistakes that might set off the claw marks in my leg.”

“I’ll be gentle…” I replied. “Where can I touch you that won’t hurt?”

He looked down at his crotch with a bemused face.

I snickered. “I should have said where can I touch you that won’t hurt and won’t set off any pain elsewhere?”

He smiled and said, “I think my face is okay…then there’s my shoulders and arms…one of my legs…feet, neck…well, gee whiz, there are a lot of places.” He shook his head. “I sure wish I could ‘get’ the lesson of this…this…whatever this is. I’m getting worn out.”

“I know, love. It will take time, but you’ll get it.”

We sat in companionable silence for a moment or two. Then Cam picked up my hand and kissed the palm. “What a peculiar experience that was, Chér… I had these sickening encounters with the beast.”

He described the two encounters with the star dreamling in vivid detail. He shared the stuff about his horrible, horrible father. I listened, gasped, nodded, and supported.

“I felt so different when I left the sweat lodge…like I had made significant changes. Only then I had to go meet the Grandmothers. Then I thought I knew nothing. That was a trip and a half. There was this one woman…she was like the High Priestess. She freaked me out. And her hair was on fire. It was fucking on fire, but the hair didn’t burn.”

I looked at him with amusement. “Braids? Auburn hair? Kind of sturdy, stocky-like? Yellow-gold eyes that stare at you unblinking?”

Cam nodded.

I laughed. “You met Natalie Epic, Cam. You never believed me before when I told you about her, but that’s her, alright. She scares the bejesus out of me. I haven’t seen her for a while. She’s a trip and a half.”

“That’s one way of looking at it. I think she’s part of the reason I feel so hesitant around you. She schooled me about me and…well, about me and women. It was rough. But I actually respected her after she was done drilling me a new one.”

I laughed again. “She doesn’t hold back, that’s for sure. What did she tell you?”

Cam looked away, suddenly interested in the carpet pattern.

“Cam, what did she say?” I pressed.

He turned back towards me, his face all serious. “She told me that I had sex with women like I was snacking at the convenience store, pitching the wrappers in the trash when I was done.”

“Ouch…”

“Yeah, ouch… And then she said I had a woman of substance now…that’s you…and that I needed to learn that life is sacred, and I might make it or I might not.”

“That’s vague,” I concurred. “Except the part about me,” I teased.

“Yeah, it doesn’t make me feel very good about myself, that’s for sure. I don’t know which is worse; being clawed by an apparition or schooled by a bunch of crones. Anyways, I’m done talking. Since I can’t have sex with you, we may as well go paddle or I’m going to go out of my fucking mind.” He stood up and started pacing.

“I had another idea…”

“What…?”

“You’d have to be willing to try out that soft place.”

“I don’t know, babe. I’m like tenderized beef. That’s a bit too soft, don’t ya think?”

“Okay, then…” I got up and headed for the door.

“Wait a minute…” He grasped my arm, twirling me around. “Not so fast. I changed my mind. I’d like to hear your idea. You seem to have good ideas.”

There was a tone of desperation in his voice, like he had just returned from a desert island, found a woman, and didn’t know what to do or how to do it. I peeled his fingers off my arm. “Okay, alright, I’ll tell you. Remember I told you that I wanted you to know that you don’t have to hold back with me? That you can show me all of your ravenous sexuality?”

He regarded me with suspicion. “Yes, I remember…”

“Well…while you were doing the sweat lodge thing, I was getting tips from Zuri.”

“Tips in what?”

I gulped and flicked my eyes over at him and away. “You know…”

He gave me an earnest, eager look. “No, I don’t know. Tell me.”

I considered my shoe-clad feet. “You said you were too raw to try to stay in your heart place…this is not the right time to experiment. I shouldn’t have brought it up. Let’s go paddling.”

“I want to hear your idea.”

“I think I misspoke…” I was beginning to perspire in nervousness. I pulled at my collar.

“Just tell me…then we can decide.” The excitement in his voice was obvious.

“Well…”

“Chér, tell me your idea…”

“I don’t know if I’m ready.”

He groaned and threw back his head. “You’re torturing me here, babe. Just fucking tell me. Then we can decide if it’s a good idea or not. I might be wrong about the heart place thing…I might change my mind and have another go.”

“Okay…well…I got tips from Zuri on…er…on going down on a man.” I saw a mixture of shocked surprise and delight stretch over Cam’s face.

“Did you now?”

I could see a bulge start to form in his 501s. “Easy there…stay in your heart, now Cam. We don’t want to cause you any pain here.”

“I’m ready.” he stated.

“Just like that?

“Just like that. Here, I’ll even take out my lucky talisman.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out the cat’s eye. “Where do you want to try this out?”

“Where would you be most comfortable?”

“Here, there, anywhere…you name it.”

Someone was sure eager. “How about the couch?”

He went over and sat down. “Now what?”

“Well, now I think we should practice with that heart place stuff…with a kiss first…you’re going to find that it’s much harder to focus when I am stimulating your…your…”

“…cock,” he finished for me. He gestured towards his crotch. “These are not ‘bits,’ Chér, like you used to call them. It’s a cock, Chér. Cock, shaft, whatever…”

“Okay. With your cock…it’s harder to stay in your heart when I stimulate your cock.”

“And you know this how?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Let’s leave Kayden out of the picture. He and I never got physical like that. Let’s focus on you and me…and my mouth…around your…cock.” Cam inhaled sharply. “And practice first with a kiss…” I took his face in mine, careful not to let too much energy escape from my palms. “Wait…let me hold the cat’s eye next to your heart.” I held the tiny orb in my fingertips and placed it over this chest. “Okay…ready…”

Cam kissed me gently. Then he backed away. “Goddamn it, I want to fucking kiss you already…with the passion I feel…not this hesitant, careful shit. Are you going to tell me that passion is no longer a part of the game? If so, I’m not playing…” He abruptly stood up, his non-blistered hand forming a fist; his blistered hand extended with fingers curved in a taut bow. “Goddamn it, Chérie. I want my
life
back. As it
was
… As I want it to be…Where I can just let go… Where I can make sense of things…” He paced back and forth.

“You can be passionate again, Cam.”

He threw back his head. “Fucking
when
…?”

“I don’t know…you have to start somewhere…baby steps…”

“You know I don’t believe in baby steps, babe. It’s all or nothing for me.”

“Okay. It’s your body. You might explode with pain…but do it your way.”

He came back and collapsed on the couch. “I’m sorry…I don’t want to do it ‘my way’…I’m willing to learn new things here…I just want to
do
it.” He raked his long blond hair with his non-injured hand. “Okay…tantrum’s over for the moment. Let’s have another go…”

I heard Kayden’s voice in a delicious rumbling purr inside my head.
Get ready, ma chère. We’re about to experience the holy wilderness in all its glory.
A small shudder crawled up my spine.

Cam took my face in his hands and planted a gentle kiss. Then the kiss became stronger…and stronger…and stronger…until I felt like I was going to be consumed by him. He pressed a powerful arm against the small of my back. Then he pushed his hand under my shirt and along the smooth skin of my back. The ka’kriyayaga unfolded and opened with a gush of sensation until I was the one who pulled back. “Whoa, Cam…” I was panting, breathless. I suddenly craved this man with unbridled passion. I wanted to be penetrated by Cam, pure and simple. I wanted him to pierce my core and drive up the road to ecstasy.

“Ha HA!” he said triumphantly. “Fucking awesomeI am a quick study.”

“No searing pain in your leg?”

“No searing pain in my leg. I started in my heart and let it flow from there…like torrents of water.”

“Like Class 4 rapids?”

“Class 4 all the way, babe, streaming from my chest… Now I do recall you saying that I don’t have to hold back with you anymore.” He grasped my hair and pulled it until my head was held taut. “So I’m going to kiss you again, only this time you’re going to like it.”

My breath caught as I strained against his grasp on my hair. “You honestly don’t think I didn’t like the last one, do you?” I bit out.

His answer was a kiss that was definitely hotter than the last. I became so wet I thought the ka’kriyayaga was going to slither out of me into a puddle on the floor. Instead, she burst out of the top of my head, causing my head to spin.

When that kiss ended, Cam pulled away once more and eyed me with a gleam. “That was me loving you, babe. Heart-fully loving on you… Loving on you and loving on you and loving on you…” He looked extremely pleased with himself. “Want some more?” Without waiting for an answer, he kissed me again and then moved his lips down my neck with sensuous nibbles, bites, and licks. “Loving on you…” he sang between nibbles.

“I didn’t know you could sing…”

“It’s my new thing…I just tried it and it worked…”

The man was in a serious state of elation. Young and alive with joy… It brought heart-stopping bliss into me as well. When Cam was a happy man…well! The man was a force to be reckoned with. This man was pure adrenaline heart-joy excitement.

Tugging my t-shirt over my head, his mouth found its way to a breast, and he suckled me with delight, taking me in like a starving man at his first meal. The joy in his body swirled around him like a cyclone. I could see all the colors of it; blues of the sky, purples of the mountains, the blue-greens of the sea, and the reds and browns of the soil. The man was an energetic, intoxicating suffusion of earth and sea.

The ka’kriyayaga was in a state of howling ecstasy. She…or was it me…was dancing to an inner tribal beat in wild and unconstrained passion, saying yes, yes,
yes
. I could picture myself dancing around a bonfire with abandon in frenzied bliss.

Cam’s kisses and sexual energy were so different than the ecstatic energy exchanges which Kayden and I shared with one another. Was it because of the humanness of him? I didn’t think that was the difference. It was more like…even though he was unskilled at the energetics of this…he just felt more like earth. Raging rapids, granite walls…the splendor of the planet. That was Cam. Vast galaxies, exploding stars, and unexplored universes: that was Kayden. For me it was like this: I could be a universal being…a Galaxy Dancer…lost in ecstatic communion with the All That Is when I was with Kayden. With Cam, I was happy to be here, on this planet, delighting in my physical being, learning a thing or two along the way. And with the two of them pushing from within and without…my, my, my, I was just beginning to know that kind of sweet music…

Having found his way to his immensely radiant heart, Cam was most definitely
not
holding back, no sir. The joyfulness between us was palpable as he licked, sucked, and caressed. We had yanked and ripped the clothes off of one another until we were skin to skin. We were like two hungry sparkling-eyed beasties with voracious appetites. Cam suckled a nipple…I bit his shoulder…he licked my belly…I pulled his hair. We rolled along the couch. Fell to the thick carpet. At one point I asked, “How’s your palm…your back…your leg…?”

“Endorphins, babe…or maybe it’s you…can’t feel a thing…except this…” He pressed his mouth to my lips to silence me.

I rolled him over onto his back and stretched out over the length of him. His erection was pressed against my leg. He brought himself up to kiss me, but I placed my palms against his chest and pushed him back. I felt like a huge cat…a sinuous powerful wild cat and I certainly had the power of one when I was in this place. I pulled some couch pillows down and put them underneath Cam’s head. He held his head aloft and watched me, propped on his forearms. Then I started licking my way down his torso…swirling the tip of my tongue in circles on his belly. His eyes were fixed on me, pupils dilated, his beautiful, sensuous mouth parted with just the corners curved upwards. As I made my way down towards his shaft, I could feel his gaze like a cascade of raging water pouring through me. Straddling his non-scored leg, I pressed my sex against his thigh. My fingers traced gentle swirls around his jewels until he could not hold himself up any longer and fell back onto the soft pillows. I slithered down until my mouth was poised over his hardness.