A Wicked Beginning (21 page)

He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

She just looked at him and waited for an answer.

“Do you mean the pack of smokes I bought?” He saw her eyebrows twitch again, but she said nothing. “Uh…it’s…uh…it’s going okay.”

“Who’s winning?”

“Who’s winning? What do you mean?”

“I mean, who’s winning, you or your addiction?”

He felt confused.
What did it matter what he did? Who cared?

“I care.”

“Uh, then, I’m winning. Or I was, but then I blew it. But I’ll win again…”

“Like the lottery?” She guffawed. “Try treating it as a sacred dance.”

“Uh, okay.”
Was she giving him tips in quitting smoking?
His forehead furrowed in confusion.

“Hardly, sport. I’m giving you tips in how you should regard your life.”

Oh, well that made sense…not
. He didn’t know what to say or do.

“How does the star dreamling make you feel?”

Was she kidding? Wait…he needn’t ask that…she could hear his thoughts.

The old woman chuckled in a strange manner that sounded like rustling leaves. “You’re catching on, sport.”

“It, uh, it flips me out. I don’t know what to do, how to deal with it. It fucking flips me out.”

Mrs. Hair-on-Fire turned to the woman to her right, the one who looked like a vicious Doberman Pinscher with its balls in a vice grip and said, “It fucking flips him out.” The vicious looking woman nodded. Then she turned to the blasé woman to the left of her and said, “It fucking flips him out.” The blasé woman nodded. Everyone laughed at that. Everyone but Cam that is…he just sat there shame faced.
He wanted to wring these old bats necks.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Mrs. Hair-on-Fire said to him. “We’re only trying to help.”

“Well, quit trying to make fun of me,” he blurted.

In unison, the circle of women said, “Ooooooh.”

Cam’s face burned even more. He became angry.

Then the kind woman said, “Be nice, Natalie, he’s just a boy.”

33-years-old is hardly a boy,
Cam thought.

“When you’re our age, it’s infancy, sport,” Natalie intoned.

The women laughed again, but this time Cam did not feel like he was the butt of the joke. He actually smiled a bit.

Everyone sat in silence then. The women all closed their eyes. Cam did not know what to do so he kept his open, waiting for a sign or a signal. At last, Natalie’s eyelids fluttered open at the same time as all the other women’s eyes opened.

“Okay, were done here,” Mrs. Hair-on-Fire stated.

“You’re done? That’s it?” Cam asked, incredulous.

“That’s it,” she said brushing her palms together as if ridding them of dust or debris. “You can go now. Shoo…” She flicked the back of her hand at him like he was a street dog begging for scraps.

Cam was stunned. “Aren’t you going to tell me anything more about the star dreamling? Wasn’t that the point of the last three days?”

“Oh, my dear, no,” Natalie chuckled. “The point was to prepare you so you could sit within our sacred circle and not sully it with your energy.”

Cam became belligerent. “I thought the point was to prepare me to meet you so that you could tell me more about this fucking mystery beast? I don’t know whether it wants to kill me or what…” He was really mad, now.

“Oh, my, you do get mad, don’t you?” Natalie joked. She turned to the Doberman woman. “Isn’t he sexy when he’s mad?”

She turned back to Cam and gave him a look that made his cock jerk. A strange pleasurable sensation filled his pelvis like someone was rubbing warm oil over his belly and genitals.

“The things I could do to you, lad, would leave you breathless.”

Cam recoiled in repulsion.
She was old. Old and unattractive…and she was coming on to him?

“Do you honestly think you’re that special, sport, that a woman such as myself couldn’t teach you a thing or two?”

“No…I mean, yes…I mean, no, I don’t think that.” Cam stuttered, confused.
Since when did he stutter?
The warm rubbing sensation continued stoking his arousal until his shaft was stiff.
He didn’t want to feel this way in the midst of these old crones. Shit.

“Don’t worry about it cupcake, I would never do anything to you without your consent.” She chuckled again. “You’d like it, though, I can guarantee that.”

Cam frowned at her. “Let’s get back to the star dreamling topic.”

“You’re not in charge here.” Natalie glowered at him, making him wither inside. “You’re used to being the Big Man, the Big Dog, having your way with women. They fawn all over you, don’t they?”

Cam said nothing. He was certainly used to getting women when he wanted to. Only now he only wanted Chérie.

“That’s what I thought. You seek them out as if they were snacks at a convenience store for your enjoyment. You fuck them, crumple up the wrapper, and pitch it in the trash. And they crowd around you like you hold the key to the universe. They think your good looks and charming smile…” She flashed a dazzling ‘Hey look at me’ smile at all the women in the circle. “They think when you smile their way you will give them power or something. Maybe you should let them rub your belly like a fat Buddha.” She laughed. “Or stick coins down your pants like they do at a wishing well.” Now she and all the women shared a belly laugh. When their hysteria had subsided, she went on. “And when they do manage to get in bed with you…which isn’t hard, I can assure you of that…when they do bed you they think they have won the lottery. I think you need a big dose of humility.”

Cam felt his face turn white at this chiding.
Busted… Big time…
That was how he’d lived most of his life. “I’ve always been nice to the ladies,” he protested.

Natalie turned to the blasé woman. “He’s always been nice to the ladies.”

They all laughed again. Cam was starting to get furious.

Then Mrs. Hair-on-Fire continued. “Only now you are with a woman of substance.” The old woman’s eyes were piercing Cam now like razor sharp skewers cutting through a hunk of raw meat. “You’re either going to make it here…
Cam
…” She spat out his name. “Or you’re not. That’s up to you. Why this star dreamling has marked you is still a mystery. My associates and I…” she gestured to the circle. “…will have to discuss this further… Meanwhile, you’ll go back to your little world and see if you can manage to turn it into something sacred, not something tawdry. Can you do that,
Cam
?” Again, she spat his name out as if it were something foul on her tongue.

He swallowed and nodded.

“Good. And you’ll also have to learn to control that temper of yours, won’t you?”

“I’ve already started,” Cam began.

“Well, finish what you’ve started, sport, before it finishes you.”

There was something righteous about being chewed out by this old hag. Cam did not care whether the woman heard his thoughts or not. He had never respected a woman with the same respect he felt towards this strange old woman…not even his Grandma Guinevere had commanded this kind of veneration. He could see that now. He saw her give a small nod at that.

“We’re done here. Try not to make a botch of your life. Now shoo…” Natalie waved him out of the circle.

Cam picked himself up, thanked the women, and stumbled out into the dark. “And don’t forget, tobacco can be sacred,” she called to his back.

Chapter 21 – Chérie

Cam had finished his sweat lodge journey a few days ago. I had been super busy, teaching aerobics night and day and developing new routines for the class. I was getting bored with my old stuff. But today Cam and I were going on another date. I was excited. I wanted to see and hear of the changes Cam had gone through.

The nights were getting long again so we’d agreed to take the kayaks and paddle around Lake Washington in the afternoon and then bring a take-out picnic back to my house. I could cook a mean omelet, but when it came to preparing dinner-type meals I usually punted to someone else or else ate simply – salads, yogurt, cottage cheese, pizza – whatever struck my fancy that didn’t require food prep. Cam, however, had a hearty appetite.

I sat on the porch in clean jeans, a soft orange cotton scoop neck t-shirt, and my light green jacket and waited for him to arrive, the cats by my side.

Get ready,
thought Mac.

He’s in a mood,
added Jack.

They each took turns grooming my hands as if to prepare me. Little butterflies danced in my tummy as I waited with excited anticipation. At last I saw his big green Land Rover turn up the long driveway. I jumped to my feet and ran towards the driveway waving.

When he got out of the car we were both nervous and awkward, as if we had first date jitters.

“Hi,” I uttered breathlessly.

“Hey.”

We stood there smiling at one another. I broke the moment with a sentence. “This is awkward.” I laughed.

“I’ll say.” He gave a hesitant smile. “Can I hug you?”

“Do you have to ask?”

“I don’t know…yeah, I guess that feels right…to not assume anything right now.”

Why the formality? This seemed kind of unusual. “Well, then…yes, please, let’s, er, hug.”

Cam started to reach for me and then stopped, his face becoming all serious. “Let’s go sit on the steps for a bit…unless you’d prefer to sit on the couch.”

Perplexed, I thought about it for a moment and said, “Couch…it’s kind of cool out here.”

We wandered into the house and settled on the soft green couch, side by side, a few feet apart. We each turned to face one another, resting our opposite arms on the back of the plush sofa. Quietly, we each took in the other as if we’d never beheld one another. He looked different. Stronger...more peaceful perhaps…yet, there was a touch of strain behind his eyes. Was it fatigue or was it wisdom? I scrutinized him and chose the fatigue option.

“So…” I began. “How are you?” Good grief, we felt like strangers again. When had the brick walls been erected?

“Not sure how to answer that…” he replied. “A bit tweaked in the head, maybe.”

“What does that mean?” He seemed so distant I wanted to cry.

“It means what it means. I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened to me.”

“What happened to you?”

“It’s hard to say…”

I started to get exasperated. “Try…” This was
not
going the way I’d planned it.

He said nothing for a long, drawn out moment that stretched to the edges of my patience. Then he held up his palm to reveal huge blisters that were starting to scab over. He twisted around and pulled up his shirt to expose giant red welts scoring his skin. Then he did something completely out of character…he stood up and stripped off all his clothes and pivoted in a circle so I could view his scored leg, the massive welts on his back and his blistered palm, over and over and over. He looked like he had been in a fight at a camp fire with a bear.

Now my eyes
did
tear up. “Oh, Cam,” I said quietly. “That’s the work of the star dreamling, isn’t it?”

He quietly dressed again, yanking up his jeans with one hand, pulling his long sleeved blue t-shirt over his head, shoving his feet into his gray socks. Then he sat down with a sigh. “Yup, that’s the work of the star dreamling. And I’m no closer to having any answers. I thought I was, but the last couple of days I’ve had too much time to myself to think…”

“Why didn’t you call me? Or come over?”

“You were busy, and I was bummed. I don’t know how to integrate all the changes that have taken place lately.”

I furrowed my brow. “Isolating never helps…it never helps me, anyway.”

“I know, babe, I just wanted to see you from a stronger place, not this confused and injured place. I don’t want sympathy. I want to understand. And I don’t know where to look to find it.”

“You look stronger to me.”

He gave a wan smile.

“You do…I mean it. And I know a thing or two about earth-shattering experiences, Cam. How do you think I dealt when I discovered the ka’kriyayaga inside of me?”

“I don’t know…I guess I never thought about it.”

“Right…because you weren’t here. You left me. I had to figure out how to integrate the changes inside of me all by myself. Even Kayden disappeared at one point. I just slogged through the winter months, angry, weepy, and miserable and yet, slowly, understanding dawned. I still don’t have all the pieces of the puzzle, but I’m closer. And I have more understanding of how to accept growth and change. I can help you, Cam, really I can.”

His face softened as if he’d removed a mask. That youthful appearance that was starting to emerge in him spread across his face. “I’d like that. I guess I’m not used to accepting help for anything.”