A Winter's Date (10 page)

“Can you at least turn on the water, so you can’t hear me going?”

He chuckles before walking back in and turning on the water, then walks out again, waiting for me.

The rush of running water eases my discomfort, and I start to go. As soon as I do, I regret it. It’s so painful to go that I squeak out and quickly hold onto my abdomen.

“Are you okay?”

I can hear that Dani is back in the room.

“Can you go check on her please?” he asks my sister.

“Why couldn’t you wait until I was back, Noah?” she bites out. She’s seriously killing me.

I hear him reply, and I can tell he has a tenuous grasp on biting his tongue. “I didn’t know you were here, Dani. She told me she needed to go.”

She walks in, and I frown at her. “I’m fine,” I say to her sternly.

She shuts the door, completely excluding Noah.

“Dani, please stop it.”

I’m emotional and in physical pain, and she’s being such a butthead.

“He won’t even let you use the bathroom alone. He’s obsessed with you, and it’s not healthy.”

“I asked him to take me,” I snap back and wince when another sharp pain hits me. “Get the nurse.”

“Oh shit . . .” She pushes the button and the nurse comes in minutes later.

Noah’s standing in the doorway with a look of concern on his face.

“If you don’t mind, I need both of you to give me and Miss Lane a few moments alone, please,” the nurse says sweetly, and Noah nods, but I swear Dani is about to jump down her throat. I watch as my Greek god walks away from the bathroom and I think he goes to stand outside in the hallway.

The nurse shuts the door behind her, and I ask her if it’s normal to have this type of pain and cramping. She nods and explains that it’s normal to have both after a miscarriage, and that my bleeding should stop within a couple of weeks.

I’m deflated with this news, and it sets off something inside me. I don’t know what it is, and I can’t begin to explain it, but I’m unhappy. She helps me get cleaned up and back into bed. She says I’ll be able to go home tonight, but I have to wait for the doctor to sign a release form. After she leaves the room, I’m once again surrounded by the tension that engulfs Noah and Dani. I can feel myself slipping further into this veil of darkness.

NOAH

I’m waiting for the nurse to emerge from Heather’s room when Dani turns on me. “Listen, I know Heather means a lot to you, but you need to let her breathe. You are completely suffocating her from all directions, and I’m not going to stand by and watch you do it.”

What the hell just happened?

“Excuse me?”

“Noah, don’t be childish. She needs her space from you. I don’t know what you did last night, but I can tell she is incredibly upset today. You were the only one who could have done or said anything to her.”

I laugh because this is just fucking ridiculous. “What the hell makes you think I did something?”

“You were the only person around her last night. I don’t know what you did to her, but you completely mess with her emotions. She’s not herself.”

I can’t stand being accused of upsetting Heather. “You have no fucking idea what is going on, Dani. What the hell is your problem?”

“
You
are. You should leave . . .”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You have no clue what we’re going through.”

“Oh? And what would that be? That you can’t have my sister underneath you?” she spits out angrily as she steps closer to me in the fluorescently lit hallway.

“How about the fact that she had a miscarriage? That she lost our unborn baby . . . Or is that my fucking fault too, because I fucked her, and that was the reason she was pregnant?” I run my hands through my hair when the nurse walks out and says we can both go back in.

Dani is speechless.

She just stares at me as if I have two heads. “Noah . . .”

“Just drop it. Contrary to what you believe, I would never hurt her. She’s the one good thing in my life, and I would never compromise that.”

I reach for the door, and she reaches for my elbow. I automatically pull away from her—I don’t need her or anyone else’s pity.

“Don’t . . .”

I walk into the room with my heart in my throat. I feel like I can’t breathe.

“I’m sorry,” I hear her say as I walk into the room and sit down next to my girl.

“Are you okay?” I ask Heather anxiously.

“I’m fine, handsome. What’s wrong?”

“I let it slip to Dani about the miscarriage. I’m sorry, Heather. She just had me by the throat.” I take her hand and look down toward her flat stomach as I tremble with anger.

“Oh . . .”

She doesn’t say anything else. I look up at her, and she won’t even make eye contact with me.

“I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

I get up and start pacing the room. I’m petrified of losing her. I can’t and won’t lose one more single person in my life. I’m beyond pissed right now, and thirty seconds later Dani walks into the room. She gazes at her sister and then at me, before walking over to Heather. I can tell Heather is uncomfortable, and I want to protect her, but every time Dani is involved, I have to bite my tongue. I can’t be in the same room as her right now, so I walk out.

My face is masked of all emotion when I walk up to the nurse’s station, mustering the lowest, most controlled voice I can. “When will Heather Lane be able to leave the hospital?”

“Oh yes, give me a second.” She lowers her glasses to look at the screen. “The doctor will be by to do his rounds shortly. He is the only one who is able to sign the release form for her. She’s going to need crutches, which her insurance will cover. Her doctor will be the one to bring them in when he signs her release form.

“Okay, great. Is there anything I will need to pick up for her?”

“We’ll be sending her home with a list of things she can and cannot do. The doctor will go over the list with her to ensure that she understands all of it.”

“Good. Thank you for your help.” I head back to Heather’s room and walk in. I’m unsure of what I’ve missed, but Heather is in tears.

I look directly at Dani. “What in the hell did you say to her?” My fury is barely contained.

“Noah,” Heather croaks out and reaches for me, “it’s okay. She just apologized.”

My shoulders sag in relief.

I move close to her and kiss her tears, whispering, “You and I are going to be okay.”

She nods, but I know she doesn’t believe me. “I love you, Noah.”

“I love you too, beautiful.”

“Heather? Noah? I’m so sorry for how I’ve been acting. There’s no excuse for it.”

Heather looks up at me, judging whether or not I’m in the right frame of mind to forgive her sister. I reassure her by squeezing her hand and accepting Dani’s apology.

NOAH

I’m fucking petrified.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve never dealt with anything like this before. Heather has been lying in bed for three days now. She won’t come out of her room, she barely eats, and I can’t get her to stop crying. I’ve had to deal with Dani jumping on my ass—she’s pissed at me for God knows what, and I have to say that I couldn’t care less. My only worry is Heather: she’s not herself.

At first I thought she was upset about her foot, and dancing. Then I thought she might have been in pain from the stitches in her head. But now I know . . . it’s the miscarriage. I’ve tried everything I can think of. I’ve even joined an online forum for people who have suffered through this loss before. I’m heartbroken for her and for us. I just need time to figure out what she needs.

HEATHER

How can I miss something I barely had?

Something I didn’t know I had the pleasure of having?

There’s too much that time cannot wipe away.

I feel like I’ve lost my way.

Nothing in this world can describe how devoid of life I feel. A life I didn’t know I had inside of me was ripped out of my body, out of my womb. I never thought I’d want a child, but knowing that the child was Noah’s baby . . . it pains me like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I think I want that from him now. I think I want something that belongs to the both of us.

I feel like I can’t move, and I don’t want the sunshine spilling into my room, even if the weather is gorgeous outside. Noah’s tried to open the curtains a few times, but I just can’t bear it. I’m wallowing in the darkness and in his arms. A rose that was once held up with such elegance and grandeur is now wilted, bent over and crying dark blood-colored petals.

I can’t tell when Noah’s down, upset, or when he cries . . . if he even cries. He’s been putting me first since he told me about our loss. He hasn’t turned away from me once, and I know he won’t. I know he’s going through as many complicated emotions as I am, but he still manages to be my pillar, the strong stalk of my wilted rose. He stands tall and holds me up; I would crumble without him. I think he’s awake as he holds me.
What do I say?

“Noah?”

“Mmm? I’m here, baby,” he replies softly as he kisses my neck.

“Are we going to be okay?”

He turns me over and presses his lips to mine. “We’re more than okay. You’re the sweetest thing in my life.”

I grin because I know he’s talking about my sweet tooth, “Can we go get some ice cream? Or see a movie? I think I’d like to be outside today. Well, I’d like to try.”