A Year to Remember (13 page)

I crave it.

I think about it all the time.

The therapist in me admits I have a problem, but the other parts of me are convinced I just need stronger will power. Right now, I’m too stressed to deal with it. I accept it’s who I am and try not to let it make me feel too guilty.

I’m certain if I lost another twenty or thirty pounds, I would have a greater amount of men attracted to me. Then I tell myself even though that may be true, I wouldn’t want such a shallow guy.

Missy knows more about my problems with food than anyone else, including my parents. She and I don’t discuss it outright, but she has tried to bring it up with me throughout the years. If I could tell anyone, it would be her, but I’m not ready to tell her just yet. Maybe after I get married, I’ll feel more confident and then it will go away on its own.

After hanging up with Ryan, I got a call from Max, the wealthy pediatrician and my other match from speed dating. At least in today’s conversation, he let me do a little talking. He had just returned from Florida and he wanted to know if we could get dinner on Friday night. He chose the restaurant, one I had never eaten at, but I didn’t have the nerve to tell him “no.” I’m sure I’ll be able to find something on the menu.

Then that night, I got a pleasantly surprising phone call from Caleb, one of the groomsmen from Seth’s wedding. Honestly, I had forgotten all about the fact he said he’d call me when he moved to Michigan. I guess he could hear the surprise in my voice.

“Didn’t your brother tell you I’d be calling?”

“No, he didn’t. That’s Seth, as you well know.”

“Actually, the Seth I know would have told you. Maybe it’s because you’re his sister,” he mused.

“I doubt it. He’s not very protective of me.” I laughed.

“He always talks fondly about you. He really respects you,” Caleb informed me.

I doubt that’s true, but Caleb had no reason to lie.

“I have to be honest. He never mentioned anything about you before announcing you’d be one of his groomsmen.”

“Seth and I worked out at the same gym. We became friends and started going to the bar together on the weekends until he met Emily. Then we went back to just being gym buddies.”

I hope Seth didn’t think I’d start working out with him.

“I’m glad you two became friends,” I offered with a hint of flirtation.

“I am, too,” he replied huskily. “I’d like to see you again.”

“I’d like that, too.” Only not Friday or Saturday night, because I’m already booked solid.

“What are you doing right now?”

“Now?” I’m in my sweaty, bunny rabbit pajamas trying to clean my condo, but I wasn’t going to share that bit of information with him.

“Would you like to get some coffee and take a walk?”

“You do know it’s snowing, right?” I teased.

“Yes, but it’s not too chilly out and the coffee will keep us warm,” he said, not so innocently.

I could read between the lines, and something told me he was thinking of another way we could stay warm outside. The thought he could be my mystery kisser from the wedding was not lost on me.

“I’ll need a little time to get ready.”

“Why don’t I pick you up at three?”

After hanging up with Caleb, I started squealing and jumping up and down in excitement. I immediately called Missy to tell her the good news.

“I only have a couple of minutes to talk because I have to get ready for my date with Caleb.”

“Which one is Caleb?”

“Seth’s friend from the wedding. The guy who probably kissed me!”

“Oh yeah, that guy.” She did not sound enthusiastic.

“Are you all right, Missy?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You just sound a little down.”

“No, you just caught me at a bad time.” Something was wrong. There was no doubt in my mind. But if she didn’t want to share, I wouldn’t force it out of her.

“If you need me, I’ll always be there for you, Missy,” I reminded her.

“I know,” she said softly.

“Well, uh, I have to go get ready. I don’t think my bunny pajamas will impress Caleb much.”

That must have put a smile on her face. “I don’t know. I think that would cause quite an impression on Caleb,” she joked.

I laughed along with her, glad she didn’t seem angry with me. Whatever was bothering her must have nothing to do with me, thank goodness. We said our goodbyes and I ran to my room to find something to wear outside on a snowy day in April. While I waited for Caleb, I remembered I hadn’t told Missy about my other two dates and wondered if I should keep that information to myself until I figured out why Missy had been so down.

Caleb looked even better than I remembered. He drove up in his Ford Escape, and I remarked how he must be highly intelligent to drive an American-made vehicle like me.

We started our date at my local coffee shop. I believe that unlike a job, your choice of coffee drink can define you. For example, I like a medium skim café latte, no sweetener. This says I’m generally easy going, but at times, I tend to be high maintenance. I don’t order a small coffee, because it’s never enough, and I don’t order a large coffee, because I can never finish it before it gets cold. I prefer the bold flavor of espresso over American coffee, but I require some milk to reduce the bitterness. Of course, I wouldn’t want to turn my coffee drink into a meal. Substituting skim milk reduces the calories, while at the same time providing me with the much needed calcium and vitamin D. I don’t like sugar in my coffee, because while it adds calories, it doesn’t seem to make my coffee taste any sweeter. While I drink plenty of artificial sweeteners in my Diet Coke, I don’t like it in my lattes. However, if I drink regular coffee, I use half and half and equal. I’d never drink regular coffee from a coffee shop, only at restaurants or at someone’s home.

I eagerly anticipated Caleb’s selection of coffee, while I tried to appear casual and uninterested. Caleb’s choice of the large Sumatra with a little 2% milk and a packet of sugar thrilled me. He enjoys a strong dark coffee, indicating confidence and strength. He added the milk and sugar himself, but didn’t pay attention to how much he added, demonstrating he is flexible and easygoing. I couldn’t have picked a better coffee choice for my potential husband.

Missy and I often meet in the morning at this coffee shop. She orders tea because she doesn’t like coffee. It’s easy to figure out what that means even if I didn’t know everything about her.

Once we got our coffee, Caleb suggested a walk through the neighborhood nature preserve. Until we got there, we talked about mundane things like movies and music we liked. When we pulled into the parking lot of the nature preserve, Caleb shut off the car and became both silent and pensive.

“Is everything okay?” I asked, hoping he wasn’t having second thoughts about our date. Did I say something to offend him?

He undid his seatbelt and turned to face me, taking my hands in his.

“Sara, I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the wedding.”

Flattery will get you everywhere. “I understand, you were still in New York.”

“That’s not why I didn’t call,” he admitted. I stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. “I really like you. You’re everything I’ve wanted. You’re intelligent, beautiful, funny and sweet.”

“While I appreciate your compliments, you barely know me. How do you know I’m not a raving lunatic?” I joked flummoxed by his kind words.

“Your brother used to talk about you while we worked out at the gym. I hoped you’d come out to New York for a visit but you never did. Then when I saw your picture in his apartment, I knew I had to meet you.”

“What picture?”

“He has a picture of you and him from your cousin’s wedding.”

I immediately knew what picture he referred to. It’s one of those pictures you wish you could burn, because you look awful, but the picture doesn’t belong to you. I weighed two hundred and fifty pounds in that picture. Even though I wore a beautiful dress and my hair looked halfway decent, I never saw anything but my three chins. That’s the picture he saw and liked?