A Year to Remember (29 page)
JULY 4, 2012
ISRAEL
WEIGHT: ?
STATUS: IN LOVE!!!
Together, Adam and I climbed the heights of Masada in the dawn of the morning light, floated weightlessly in the warm salty water of the Dead Sea, and explored remains of ancient ruins.
All experiences I would treasure for the rest of my life. I would treasure our passion filled nights even more. The memories of making love with Adam would remain etched in my mind forever, as the apex of unattainable passion every man in my bed would be compared forevermore.
All too soon, Adam and I sat side by side on our return flight to New York. We hadn’t mentioned the finality of our relationship since our night in Jaffa. As our time grew shorter, my heart broke into a million shattered pieces. We didn’t speak much during those hours, choosing to communicate our feelings by touches and light kisses.
The captain announced our initial descent into New York, and I began to softly cry, careful to keep myself under control so as to not alert any onlookers of the intensity of my anguish. I couldn’t keep anything from Adam anymore. I realized he knew me more intimately than anyone ever had or possibly would.
“Come here,” he murmured, taking me into his arms.
“Do we really need to say goodbye?” Part of me hoped as we got closer to the final moments, Adam would change his mind.
“Could you stay with me knowing we’d never marry?”
I had asked myself the same question throughout the week dissecting every possible option. I could lie and say yes, but ultimately, I’d wait for him to change his mind, never content with less than marriage. I could argue if he really loved me, he’d marry me. But then he could argue if I really loved him, I’d accept being with him without the formal institution of marriage.
“No,” I sighed, wishing I could give him another answer.
“Did you ever see
An Affair to Remember
?”
“No, but I saw the remake with Warren Beatty,” I told him, wondering where the hell he was going with this line of questioning. “Why do you ask?”
“Remember how they agreed to meet on the top of the Empire State Building in six months if they each could end their relationships and get their lives in order?”
Hope started building in my chest. “I do. I mean, yes, I remember. What are you suggesting?”
“Maybe you and I could figure it out. I’ll go to therapy and try to see if I could get over my aversion to marriage and you ...”
“Yes?” What would I have to do?”
“You can see if marriage is worth throwing away the love of your life. And of course, dump Caleb.”
“You’re not saying this to get me to end my relationship with Caleb, are you?”
“No. You already know what I think about him. Regardless of what happens between us, he’ll never make you happy, and you deserve happiness, Sara.”
“What else do I need to do?” He was right; I couldn’t stay with Caleb. I didn’t know what to say to him when he picked me up from the airport in Detroit.
“Find out how to make decisions for yourself. If you can, make up with Missy. I don’t think you’ll ever be truly happy without her friendship. You two need to learn how to be friends without being so ... what’s the word I’m looking for ... enmeshed.”
“Hey, I’m the psychologist. How do you know about enmeshment?”
“From ACOA. Adult Children of Alcoholics. My mom is a recovering alcoholic.”
“I didn’t know.”
“It’s fine now. She’s been sober for about five years.”
“I’m glad.” I squeezed his thigh without thinking about it, and he gazed at me with arousal.
“Are you willing to do this?”
“Yes. When and where?” I responded without a moment’s hesitation.
He chuckled. “Let’s say three months.”
“At my brother’s annual Halloween party,” I added.
“We should keep our time together in Israel under wraps if possible. If you talk to Alison and Hannah, I’ll talk to David. Tell them ... What should we say?”
“The truth. We’ll tell them the truth about the deal I have with NBC.”
“We need to keep it from everyone else. Especially your brother.”
I felt hopeful for the first time since our dreadful conversation in Israel.
“We won’t communicate until the party. No phone calls, emails, texts, Facebooking, Twittering ...”
“I get it, Sara,” he laughed.
“And if one of us doesn’t show ...” I started.
“Then we won’t bother the other one about it if we run into each other. Besides, we wouldn’t know if the other one actually showed, would we?”
It took a minute for me to wrap my mind around it before I understood, then I nodded.
“We also need to agree not to get hit by a car or have some sort of accident which keeps us from the party, like in the movie. If we do have an accident, we’ll tell the other one and not play the martyr. Deal?” I offered my hand to shake.
“Deal.” He ignored my hand and kissed me instead. The plane touched down before I had a panic attack from my fear of flying. Adam was a perfect distraction.
We landed in New York and found Alison, Hannah, and David at baggage claim. While Adam spoke with David, I filled in my new friends about my marriage predicament.
“I knew you looked familiar. I watched your interview on the
Morning
show.” Hannah pulled me into a big hug. “Of course we’ll keep your secret.”
“Let’s get together next weekend for a drink,” suggested Alison, and I felt relieved I had made two new friends I could count on.
“I can’t wait.” I grabbed my luggage.
Luckily, Alison and Hannah were on my flight back to Michigan. We agreed to have dinner before boarding the plane.
Unfortunately, Adam’s flight left in less than an hour and we had run out of time.
He patted David on the back and returned to my side. Not caring Alison and Hannah remained by me, he grabbed me for a kiss. A kiss to end all kisses, it was a kiss for the ages comparable to the great kisses seen in
From Here to Eternity
and
Gone with the Wind
. He bent me backwards, leaning me over his arm and made love to my mouth in front of everyone. The kiss left me breathless and horny. He didn’t want me to forget him.
As if I could.
“I love you,” he whispered in my ear. Before I could return the sentiment, he walked away, taking my heart with him.
My fear of flying returned without Adam’s comforting presence. Thankfully, I had no one sitting next to me. I could grip the armrest safe in the knowledge I wasn’t digging my claws into an innocent old lady.
I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the inevitable conversation I needed to have with Caleb. I wished I had arranged for my mom to pick me up, but when I left, I’d assumed I’d return to Caleb, ready to say yes to his marriage proposal.
Part of me wanted to wait one more day before ending my relationship with Caleb. Physically and emotionally exhausted, I wanted to climb into my own bed and throw the covers over my head for twelve hours.
Hannah, Alison, and I slowly strolled to baggage claim, our last stop on our trip before returning to real life. The Michigan sun setting in the sky, and we agreed it paled in comparison to the Israeli sunset. For me, the Israeli sunset signaled my time to rest in Adam’s arms, while Michigan’s offered a lonely bed in an empty home.
Three months.
No Adam.
There at the baggage claim, Caleb waited for me.
I kissed my friends goodbye and made my way over to him, trying to keep my hands from shaking and trying to keep my eyes from revealing the truth.
Then suddenly, he held me in his arms, hugging me to his chest, smiling, and welcoming me home.
“I have a surprise for you,” he whispered in my ear.
“What’s that?”
He got down on one knee and pulled out the ring. The beautiful ring I had waited for my whole life. The ring I no longer wanted from anyone but Adam.
I had to tell him. Of course, I had to tell him the truth right now. I needed to say the words “I can’t marry you.” I thought of Adam and gathered the courage to break Caleb’s heart.
Unexpectedly, I heard a familiar voice, one I recognized from Detroit Channel 4.
“Last winter, Sara Friedman became a national celebrity when the video of her toast at her brother’s wedding got more than four million hits on YouTube. If you remember, she swore to marry within the year. Today, her dream comes one step closer to reality as her boyfriend has just proposed.”
The video camera filmed Caleb on his knee holding the ring out to me in an offer of marriage. How could I say no to him in front of thousands of people?
The longer he waited for my answer, the more nervous Caleb appeared, with a trickle of sweat running down his nose and a slight tremor in this outstretched hand.
“Yes, I’ll marry you.” I heard myself say to Caleb. Then everyone in the baggage area clapped and cheered.
He tried to kiss me on the mouth, but I moved my head. His lips landed on my cheek. He stood back from me, noting for the first time I didn’t smile.
He knew.
I saw it in his eyes as he realized the media’s presence had forced my hand into accepting his marriage proposal.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered in contrition. His gaze turned to the floor and then without another word, he left me standing in baggage claim.
Twice tonight, I had been abandoned by men I loved. Each hurt more than I ever thought possible.
The reporter and the cameraman packed their equipment.
“Can you not air the proposal? We um ...”
The reporter shook her head. “I’m sorry. We had a special program on tonight about local celebrities and we arranged with your boyfriend to have the proposal done live. If you want, I can schedule a follow-up interview and you can set the record straight.”
I started to say yes, but then I remembered I couldn’t give any interviews to anyone other than the
Morning
show. “Could you just report it? Say that, I don’t know, we amicably decided to part ways? I can’t give an interview.”
“I doubt it, but I’ll ask my boss to give you a call.”
“Thanks.” I felt only minor relief at knowing this would be resolved. Because soon, my parents and family would learn I had gotten engaged to Caleb. So would the last person I’d want to hear this news.
Adam.
I had to break my promise to him and call him to explain. Right now, he might think I had changed my mind, that I didn’t want him.
I dialed his number, praying he’d answer the phone.
“Hello?” My heart pounded in desolation. A woman answered his phone. Maybe I dialed incorrectly.
“Is Adam there?” I managed to squeak out.
“Yeah, hold on. Adam!” she yelled. “Phone for you!”
I couldn’t breathe. He hadn’t been home for more than a couple of hours and already he had a woman in his home. Had everything between us in Israel been a lie?
I heard his voice. I wanted to hang up, but of course, he’d know it was me from Caller ID.
“Hello?”
“I know we agreed not to call each other, but I didn’t want you to hear this from anyone else. I got engaged to Caleb. I didn’t mean to, it just happened.”
Dead silence greeted me.
“I, uh, it was a mistake. I can explain.”
“I’m happy for you. Goodbye, Sara.”
“No, Adam, wait—”
He hung up. I closed the phone and fell to the floor of the airport in tears.
He didn’t care about my engagement. The Adam I loved no longer existed. Maybe he never did. He was Goldman once again.
I felt arms around my waist help me up and a command for someone to get my bag. Alison and Hannah had stayed to watch everything unfold. They let me cry it out, never questioning me, giving me my privacy as they drove me home to my sad, little existence.
I never felt more alone in my life.
