Abruption (33 page)

“Why would you give up your management position? You love your job, and you’re damn good at it.” He was missing what I was saying.

“I couldn’t care less about my title. But you’re right—I do enjoy being a nurse. Taking care of kids gave my life purpose again, and I would never completely walk away from that. But I
love
being home with Max and Finn more.”

The truth was that simple.

“Doll.” Guy’s steely blues softened, and he touched his lips to my forehead. “I love you for offering, especially with everything going on with Finn lately, but I’d never ask you to give up what you’ve worked so hard for. I’m not gonna lie—you saved us today. All of us. Without a doubt, Finn felt a hundred times better with his JuJu. And knowing my boy was safe and happy got me through the rest of the day with some type of focus. Hell, you even saved Finn’s GI from Maya’s harassment. I’d never seen her so freaked that he’d missed something on the scope. It sucks that we’re all so on edge and that we’re navigating this crazy minefield blindfolded, but I never want you to feel like it’s all fallen on you. I promise we’ll figure it out—”

I covered his stubborn lips with my finger and interrupted. “You’re not hearing me. I never said I felt like I
had
to do anything, and you never
asked
me for anything. I said I
love
being home with Finn and Max. They’re only little once, Guy. I
want
to be with them. I
want
to take care of them, take care of you. Sick, healthy, temper tantrums or other. I want to be the one dropping them at preschool and arranging playdates with their friends. We both know better than anyone that life doesn’t follow man-made plans. There is no rule book. You’re dealt your hand and you play it. But what is not lost on me is that my circuitous route sent me to nursing school and then into the arms of a man with a child with special needs. This is where I belong. I love your children as if they were my own. I love the life we are building together. So unless you have some hidden fantasy to be a full-time, stay-at-home dad and make me your sugar mama, I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Guy’s mouth lifted on the side. “Sugar mama?” He echoed my attempted slang, shaking his head with an amused smirk. “Only you could be funny and adorable after you lay it all out there and rock my world.”

“Who me? You think I’m funny, like a clown, I amuse you?” I totally botched the delivery, but hey, I tried. And it was worth it. Guy’s amused smirk turned to a grin and then he laughed. Not loud, not for long, but enough to bounce off the shower walls and ease the smallest amount of stress from his overburdened frame. I loved that I could do that for him, even if the reprieve was only temporary.

He cupped my face and in return, rocked my world. “Thank you for loving them the way you do and for putting them first like only a mother could. If this is what you want to do, I’d be a fool to stop you. Why wouldn’t I want Max and Finn to have
you
? All of you. As much as they could. So how about we forget sugar mama and you be the mama bear instead.”

“Mama Bear,” I repeated, letting it seep to the depths of my soul. “God, do I love that.” Because I did. There was no more fighting it. I couldn’t. I did not want to. A few months ago, the word alone had the power to paralyze my senses.
Mother.
I remembered how affected I was the first time I heard my nieces call Selena,
Mama
. The pain was so raw—I avoided my own flesh and blood for weeks. The thought of ever
being
someone’s mom again and embracing my maternal instincts would have sent me spiraling, sucking every drop of air from my lungs. It had been the trigger that would force me back and make me start over. Tonight, though, my lungs expanded. And instead of drifting to the past I only saw the future.

A future protecting and nurturing two precious lives. Like any mama (bear) would.

I can do this
.

“Thank you.” I said, kissing his lips. “I love you so much. I love that you believe in me, and you trust me with your li’l cubs.” Cheesy, maybe. But I didn’t care. He wanted me to be their mom.

He chuckled, nipping along the top of my shoulder, my neck, and up towards my jaw. His lips paused at my ear, and he breathed
I love you
before seductively rasping, “I’m interested in practicing for another
cub
if you’re up for it.”

He attacked my mouth before I could huff or even roll my eyes (so damn aggravating sometimes), but more importantly,
process
what those words could even mean. His fingers traced up my ribs, my breasts, and my neck, lifting my hair to grip the back of my head. My body instantly buzzed, and my nipples peaked under his caress. Guy had the power to consume me, make me ache for him, crave him pretty much anytime and anyplace.

When he released my lips, all silliness was gone and the depth at which his eyes penetrated me made my heart flutter. There was desire and a hunger laced with a melancholy that we both knew all too well. Some days it was easier to push aside, but today it was tough. We’d grown to rely on the safety of each other’s arms making it easier, more bearable. That together we’d jump the next hurdle and we’d be on the other side waiting if someone stumbled.

His mouth descended back onto mine, this time as a kiss of necessity. Like I was the last drop of water in a barren desert or the first lungful of air after a deep surface dive. He needed me tonight. And I needed him.

I reached for his growing erection, my palm running up and down his smooth length. He forcefully pushed himself against my hand, releasing a strangled hiss. I did that to him. God, did I love knowing that my touch alone could make him question his control, and he in return could let go. The shower wall was cool against my back when he gripped my bottom and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and his hot and silky tip nudged my entrance. My walls immediately clenched, drawing him in deeper. He rocked his hips forward and back in a steady rhythm that both eased and intensified my throb. My fingers dug into his upper arms, and our foreheads pressed together. Our eyes were locked on our union, while droplets of water rolled down our bodies. The intimacy of watching and experiencing this moment together was a culmination of our trust in one another.

It didn’t take long before we both crashed over into a bliss that only we could create. My name on his lips and his on mine, both of our hearts ricocheted in time with the other. It was an escape that only we could find.

“You okay?” I asked because he was still holding me like I was a feather. “You can put me down.” If I felt shaky from the combination of our powerful orgasm and the heat from the shower, his thighs had to be shot.

“I love being inside you.” I rolled my eyes. “I want you for a little bit longer. What’s the rush?” he asked, sucking my nipple into his mouth, like we didn’t just have mind-blowing sex and the water wasn’t tepid at best.

“What if Finn calls for us?”

“Do me a favor, doll.”

“Anything.”
Any. Thing.
I couldn’t imagine begrudging this man anything.

“Promise me you’ll never bring up the kids again while I’m balls deep.”

I giggled, sliding down his body. “Deal,” I promised, and his expression was priceless. Turning off the water, I grabbed two towels. We needed to hash out tomorrow’s details before my head hit the pillow that was calling for me. “Glad we got all that sorted because I have to get to bed before my eyes close right here. Do you mind rounding a little later tomorrow so you can drop Max at school? Maya said she didn’t mind switching back to her old schedule, just for the day.”

“No problem, but where are you going?” he asked, confused.

Since we moved in together, I adjusted my schedule so I could hang back in the morning, handle the breakfast/getting dressed routine, and then drop Max at school on my way into work. Guy rounded earlier with the hopes of getting done earlier (not like the man understood the concept of sleeping in anyway) and it shortened Maya’s day.

“I told you, I have back-to-back meetings with my department head and human resources to cut back my hours. Have less administrative duties, but keep my time in the PICU with patients.”

Guy let out another unrestrained laugh. “You said you were
thinking
about it, not that it was hours away from being a done deal. What am I going to do with you?” If he kept looking at me like this, he could do whatever he wanted to. Whenever and however.

“Whoopsie,” I answered, hoping my eyes said as much as his.
Who loves ya?
“Besides, the sooner we get this all squared away, the better. And I think Maya could use the break. Today she seemed a bit more unnerved, understandably so, she was scared. We all were. If the timing of everything works out, hopefully she’ll be able to clock the precepting hours she needs to be able to graduate in less than a year. And before you say anything, I know she relies on this income, and working fewer hours could be a stress for her. So I figured it all out. I haven’t raised the rent on the brownstone apartments since, well, ever. They are so far under market value it’s probably illegal in some way. I’d obviously never take a dime more from Sal, but the leases on B and C are up next month and both tenants are moving out. I’m going to rent them at market value. I only need to cover my health insurance, which I’ll probably lose when I’m working less and whatever you need me to contribute here, so all the extra money can go straight to Maya until she graduates.”

The playful smirk fell from Guy’s face.
Crap
. Maybe I didn’t think through all the details. I was just so eager to spend more time with the kids.

“Not once did my wife consider our finances or how to make life easier for us. Money was tight
—
w
e had
one salary and a baby nurse we didn’t need and couldn’t afford. I would lay awake at night and worry about not providing enough, while Britt slept sounder than our newborn.” I was so taken aback, my mouth parted but nothing came out. “Now money’s not tight, and I’ve got a woman who
deserves
everything I can afford to give her but she would rather sacrifice to raise our kids herself …
and
she’s losing sleep strategizing how to keep our babysitter on the payroll.” Guy shook his head in amazement.

I refused to let him see me cry, even though his words brought me to the brink. I swallowed past the tight knot and struggled to find my voice. “You know whatever happens, good or bad, you’ve got me. You’re not alone, Guy. I promise I’m here.”

“You are amazing.” I didn’t have to worry about my loss for words this time. Guy took advantage of my parted mouth and covered it with his own. My body was beyond exhausted, yet this man had a way of awakening my senses. “And don’t worry about Maya. I’ve relied on her so much over the past four years I’d never abandon her. I’ve got all of us covered. As for my real estate tycoon, that’s your money. Bank it, spend it, bejewel an eye patch for Casey with it. Whatever you want.”

I loved that he was trying to be playful for my sake, but I saw the emotion behind his own eyes. I saw him. “Whatever I want? Then
when
Finn is feeling better,
when
his new meds get ironed out, and all this uncertainty is behind us, how does a kick ass family vacation sound?”

It had to be
when
because
if
wasn’t an option.

Please God, let it be when.

As if he heard my prayer, Guy’s voice was heavy when he answered, “Sounds perfect, doll. Perfect.”