Abruption (38 page)

Oh, this was worse than I thought.

She’s making no sense.

Now I was terrified. My heart pounded against my ribs, struggling to keep pace as the air was suctioned from the room.

Deep breath. Stay calm, Maya.

Think.

I’d overheard her talking to Guy’s mom when she was here, so I knew she’d tragically lost her infant daughter. Could this have been some sort of post-traumatic stress manifesting itself now? Maybe Finn’s failing health triggered it? Psych was the nursing class I had the least interest in, but suddenly I wished I had paid more attention.

“Jules, I can see you’re upset. But you aren’t making any sense. Can you just come and sit down here and tell me what happened? You can talk to me, Jules. I am here to help.”

She flung her arms in the air and yelled again. “How could you, Maya? He’s a
baby
, he trusted you … he loves you. You could have
killed
him!”

Her thoughts were disjointed. Confusing. Completely irrational. Even though I’d never seen anyone suffer a mental breakdown, I was pretty sure Jules was having one. She lost me, so I had to ask, “Who’s hurt? Who are you talking about?” She looked back over at Finn, and her face contorted with what looked like genuine pain.
Finn?
“Finn? Oh my God, how could you even think that, Jules? I’m the one who takes care of him. I’d never hurt him. I love him.”

“What’s going on in here?” Guy’s accusatory voice sent a shiver through my body.

“Thank God you’re here,” Jules cried, rushing into his arms.

Yes, thank God Guy was here. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle Jules for much longer by myself. I was definitely not qualified to help her. And to be honest, after this episode, I was positive psychiatry was not my calling.

While her head was buried against his chest, I mouthed, “I need to talk to you, privately.” It was obvious how taken Guy was with Jules. Witnessing her breakdown was going to kill him. On top of everything, no less. If I could just have a few minutes alone with him, I hoped I could explain the events leading up to this moment, prepare him for how bad it really was.

Jules pulled back from Guy’s embrace and screamed, “Guy, get her the hell out of here! She’s hurting Finn. It’s been
her
all along.” She snapped her neck to look at me. “Why, Maya? Why?” The octave at which her voice reached was piercing. Finn jolted awake and started to cry.

Suddenly, Cara and Dr. Guillroy appeared, and the room felt so much smaller. But at least there were more people here, God forbid her actions turned physical.

Guy went to Finn’s side and scooped him up, whispering, “Shh, buddy, it’s okay.”

If it couldn’t be me to console him, I was happy it was Guy. Finn and Guy had such a special bond. I loved that for them.

I just wished Guy was rubbing his back the right way. Finn liked big circles, not up and down. I always did big circles. And bouncing.

Bouncing soothed him.

Why wasn’t he bouncing?

I bounced my arms a few times in hopes of reminding Guy how Finn liked it.

Strangely, he handed off Finn to Cara with a quick peck on his head. Again with Cara. Finn didn’t really know her. She was just a nurse on her shift who couldn’t even remember a stupid sign. Didn’t Guy realize Finn was much sicker than before?

“Here, I can take him, Guy.” I held my arms open.

“Over my dead body will you touch him
ever
,” Jules hissed in my direction.

I didn’t recognize this woman. All eyes in the room were on her.

“Cara,” Guy forced her attention back. “Can you please take Finn to play with Max?”

I couldn’t remain quiet any longer. Jules’ episode was distracting everyone from the bigger picture. I felt bad for her, I did, but someone had to think of Finn. “Finn really shouldn’t be exposed to any unnecessary germs from the playroom. He’s in a fragile state. He’s even beginning to look jaundiced.”

Guy ignored me and lifted his chin toward Cara. She left the room with Finn in her arms. I didn’t get it. He wasn’t making good decisions.

Finn needs me.

“If he is jaundice, Maya, it is because you poisoned his liver!” Her outlandish accusation had all eyes on me now. “Or have you been
accidentally
spoon-feeding Guy’s little boy Vicks VapoRub for months? Try and deny it. Go ahead, Maya. You will never get away with this,” she wailed.

“What the fuck is Jules talking about, Maya? What the fuck have you done to my son?” Guy roared.

In the four years I’d known him, he had never, not even once, spoken to me like this. I was so taken aback I wasn’t sure how to respond.

Dr. Guillroy wrapped his hand on Guy’s bicep to try and calm him, and I felt my own tense body relax a bit. Thank God, a voice of reason. “Guy, trust me on this.” He had such a calming voice—I always liked that about him. In a time like this when emotions were high, it was so important to remember to stay calm. I needed to remember to thank Dr. Guillroy later for stepping in. “I’ve been taking care of your son since he was born. I’m as committed to finding out the truth as you are, Guy. But losing it helps no one. Especially not Finn. If we are dealing with camphor poisoning, we need more information and now.”

Deep breath, Maya.

“Not
if,
Brian, we are!” Jules screeched.

Enough already.

“This seems insane, Dr. Guillroy,” I said, needing to stop this crazy-talk. “Shouldn’t we be focused on Finn’s labs? If he needs a biopsy, he should be on the schedule for tonight, right? Why would we want to wait and potentially risk more damage to his liver?” If Guy was too distraught over Jules, which he obviously was, then I needed to get us back on track.

“Potential risk? You poisoned him!”

Okay, now I’d really had enough. If everyone was going to tiptoe around Jules’ gibberish and false accusations, I needed to clear my name. “Why would I do that, Jules? He’s my cousin, for goodness sake, my family. You sound crazy.” Someone had to say it.

“Why would Jules lie, Maya? Tell me something that makes sense. Cause right now I’m looking at you, and I have no fucking idea who you are.” I cringed at Guy’s use of the f-word. He looked to be in so much pain, I hated what Jules was doing to him. Hadn’t he suffered enough?

“Does
yummy minty medicine
sound familiar, Maya?” Jules asked. “When I showed Max a jar of Vicks VapoRub those were her exact words, followed by
Maya gives that to Finny so he won’t get sick anymore
.”

“Jules, Max is four. She could have easily misunderstood. Sure, I am liberal with the Vicks as a topical—the menthol is soothing. Guy even rubs it on the kids’ chests when they’re congested. It is a very common product that has been around for years.”

“You fed it to him, Maya. As in, Finn ingested it!”

“Jules, I can’t imagine the pain you must be in from losing Gemma.” It was the elephant in the room that no one else dared address, but her craziness left me no choice. “And I realize that Finn’s grave health is terribly upsetting. To all of us. So much so that you probably feel like you are losing control—”

“Don’t you ever speak of my daughter. Ever!” Jules hissed with so much venom in her voice, it made me uncomfortable. I never meant to open her wound, but I wasn’t going to stand here defenseless either. Nor was I going to let Jules think that Max and Finn were going to be her redemption. Jesus, Finn had special needs that only I could tend to.

“Maya, listen to me. Finn’s a little boy. And right now we need to focus on his health,” Dr. Guillroy said. Finally, he was coming around. That was exactly the point I had been trying to make. “His well-being is at stake. And I can see how deeply you care for him. I need you to tell me if there is any possibility whatsoever that Finn could have ingested some of the Vicks?”

“Tell him the goddamn truth, Maya! My boy’s liver is failing! How long has this been going on? Tell him!” Guy’s eyes looked like hers. Wild and frantic.

Why was she doing this to him?

This was all
her
fault.

Yet he was still comforting her. She was snugly wrapped in his arms, crying and mumbling, “I’m so sorry, Guy. How did we not see this? How could we be so blind? What if there was more? God, the fevers, the vomiting, the seizures … camphor causes seizures. Every pinch, every procedure, it was all for nothing! It was all a lie!”

“You can’t possibly believe her, Guy,” I said, unable to comprehend how the conversation had spiraled so far out of control or that he had allowed it to happen. What kind of father does that?

Deep breath, Maya.

You are what Finn needs.

“He doesn’t have to believe me. He can watch for himself.” She picked up her purse and pulled out Finn’s iPad.

When did it get so hot in here? Weren’t hospitals supposed to maintain a cool temperature to prevent the growth of bacteria? Maybe I was just worked up. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail. Yes, that felt better.

My ears began to ring as soon as Max’s melodic rendition of Aladdin’s magic carpet ride started radiating from the small black tablet. The pulsations were so loud and painful I had to lift my hands and cover my auricles.

I couldn’t hear Finn’s initial plea,
No likey, Maya
. But I knew a snuggle on my lap and a gentle reminder that this was his yummy minty medicine that kept the doctor away would convince him.

I tried to stare at the screen, at the image of Max dancing in the pigtails I braided for her that morning, but my eyes began to burn and sting. She sashayed to her left and held her arms wide, hoping to capture her ultimate selfie. Not realizing the backdrop of her grand finale.

Suddenly, everything was blurry. I couldn’t see my silhouette spooning two teaspoons of ointment from the blue jar like I had done every day for the last several months. Nor could I see Finn’s innocent face when he swallowed each spoonful like a good little boy without further hesitation. It was so important he trusted me.

I closed my eyes, blocking the evil lies from existence, and allowed the serenity of nothingness to wash over me.

Hush, little baby, don’t say a word
,
Maya’s gonna buy you a mockingbird
.

Let them think what they must, all that mattered was
my
truth.

Finn needed me.

He would always need me.

No matter what, I’ll always take care of you. Always.