Absolution (29 page)

“We are receiving reports that a team of America’s elite Navy SEALs engaged the enemy in the mountains northeast of Jalalabad again last night,” the woman said. “Sources say that at least a dozen militants were killed in the most recent operation, and the enemy is said to be hunkered down in the region behind me, anticipating more attacks...”

“For Christ’s sake,” Bryn hissed, looking daggers at the screen. “How the hell do these idiots expect the SEALs to get the job done when the media tells the whole world they’re there? She’s going to get them
killed
.”

Emily went and sat beside her, setting a hand on her shoulder. The muscles beneath her palm were rock hard. She perfectly understood her friend’s outrage. SEALs and their families deeply resented the media prying into their operations because it put men’s lives at risk. For a band of covert commandos who worked best under cover of darkness using the element of surprise, that kind of unwanted attention was a bad thing. “No she won’t. They’re isolated up in the mountains, and no reporter’s going to get up there.”

“Yeah, well I bet CNN will try to get a couple of them to do interviews or some stupid thing.” She shook her head. “God, why do they do that? Can’t they understand how dangerous these reports are?”

Guaranteed. But it also increased ratings because the public loved anything to do with commandos and their secret operations. She squeezed Bryn’s muscles. “Think Dec’s out there?”

Bryn rubbed her eyes. “I don’t know. Luke told me yesterday he was close to here, but they could have been dropped in Afghanistan overnight.”

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And if Dec hadn’t been, he certainly would be heading there now with Luke and Rhys. Emily glanced at Nev, who watched the footage with haunted eyes. “You okay?”

The surgeon nodded, staring at the screen for a moment before replying. “Just takes me back. I keep thinking about what happened out there. To me and Rhys. And my friends...”

Emily’s heart ached for her. “Should we change the channel?”

“No,” both women answered at once. Emily wasn’t surprised. Part of her wanted to see what was happening, too. Luke would be there sometime later today.

Behind the reporter’s shoulders, the rugged peaks of the mountains rose sharply into the sky.

What Emily could see of them in the shot was covered with snow, and the wind blew hard enough to interfere with the reporter’s audio equipment.

Whenever they got there, Luke and the others faced their upcoming operation in what appeared to be bone-chilling conditions. It made her want to cry, thinking of them enduring more of it.

Finally, she’d had enough. “I’m going to take a shower.” The others nodded but didn’t look at her, and Emily didn’t bother trying to pry them away from the TV.

Upstairs she pulled off her wig and placed her robe on the counter before taking a good long look at herself in the mirror. She barely recognized herself, but somehow the scars on her body didn’t repulse her like they had before. Luke had touched them all.

Kissed them. He still thought she was beautiful. Her eyes went to the gold medallion resting in the center of her chest. All these years Luke had worn it. Had he put it on her because it was meant to be some sort of protection for her? Or because he didn’t think he’d be coming back?

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Forcing the thought away, she showered and dressed, trying to decide what to do with herself. She wasn’t up to socializing right now, and she didn’t want to watch any more disturbing footage coming in from Afghanistan. Instead she went to the study with a book she’d brought along, and curled up in the chair where Luke had found her. But a few pages in she hadn’t retained anything about the plot or characters. As usual, her mind refused to be distracted when she had something weighing on it.

Sighing, she got up just as Bryn knocked on the door and cracked it open. Her friend had dark shadows under her eyes Emily hadn’t noticed before.

“Feel like some lunch?”

“Not really, but I guess I should eat something.”

Maybe that would take care of the acidic rumble in her stomach. Together they made up some grilled cheese sandwiches with a Greek-style salad and took it downstairs to eat with Sam and Neveah. Sam pulled herself away from her computers for a few minutes and joined them on the couch outside the coms room.

“We need to find something to do,” Nev said between bites, “or we’ll go nuts.”

Bryn swallowed a mouthful of salad. “I could teach you guys to belly dance.”

They all looked up at her. “Seriously?” Sam asked.

“Yeah. It’ll be good exercise and trust me, the guys will love it when they get back.”

Emily finished off her half sandwich before saying, “I think I’ll sit out if you don’t mind.” She wasn’t in the mood for dancing.

Sam’s phone rang and she jumped up to answer it using her headset. The three of them watched her disappear into the coms room, and the tension in the air was palpable. She came back out a minute later and stopped when she saw them all staring at her.

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“None of the guys,” she said. “Sorry.”

Emily rubbed the back of her neck. What if Luke didn’t call? She’d be waiting around all day and night for nothing if he didn’t, driving herself insane.

“You know what? I have to get out of here for a while.”

Three pairs of eyes focused on her. “As in, out of the compound?” Bryn asked.

“Yes. I need some air. Some space.” Some peace, if possible. Though she didn’t have a clue where to find it. “Anyone want to come with me?”

“I don’t know,” Sam began. “Luke wanted us all here under lock and key for a reason.”

“And that reason is why they’re going to Afghanistan in a few hours.”

Sam chewed her bottom lip. “I think we’d better talk to Ben about this.”

“Do what you have to do, but I need to get out of here,” Emily insisted.

Sam dialed a number and waited, but hung up with a sigh a few moments later. “Voicemail.” She looked at the other two. “You guys want to go with her?”

“No,” Nev said.

“Me either,” Bryn added. “Sorry, hon. I want to hang around in case something important comes in to Sam.”

Emily nodded. “I understand. I could use some time alone anyhow, but that’s not going to happen. I realize I’ll have to take some sort of security with me.” “Are you sure you’re feeling up to it?” Nev questioned. “You’re still weak, and going out will increase your risk of picking up a virus or infection.”

Emily fought the urge to roll her eyes.

Sometimes she thought Neveah forgot she was a nurse. A virus? Yeah, her immune system was low because of the chemo, but it wasn’t like she was 238

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going out to take a sip from everyone else’s drinks.

She felt like a pressure cooker inside. The stress built higher and higher, threatening to make her explode. That would do much more damage to her health than any bug she might catch. “I’ll only go out for an hour or two.”

“Let her go,” Bryn said. “God knows she’s under enough stress without the three of us treating her like a child, and Tehrazzi’s up in the mountains we just saw. We’re safer now than we’ve ever been, so as long as she takes a security detail with her, she’ll be fine.”

Emily smiled at her best friend, but then Sam said, “What about Luke? Don’t you want to talk to him?”

“And what if he doesn’t call?” He wouldn’t. He hadn’t the last time he’d walked away. She had an awful feeling this time would be the same.

Sam tossed her titian hair over one shoulder.

“Take my cell then,” she said, going into the coms room to get it and then brought it to her. “It’s got a GPS tracking chip in it so I’ll know where you are, and if Ben or Luke have a conniption because you’ve gone out, Ben can go get you. When Luke checks in I’ll have him call you. And if you need to get hold of me, just press and hold the number two.”

“Thanks.”

Bryn called down to the gate house and asked one of the guards to drive her into the city, and when nothing more from Luke or any of the guys came in, Emily walked with her down the driveway.

“Be back before you know it,” she said, desperate to get away from everyone and their whole situation.

Bryn hugged her tight. “If I wasn’t so frantic for information about Dec I’d be going with you whether you wanted me or not. Just so you know.”

“I’ll be fine. Just need a change of scenery before I go nuts.”

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“I totally hear you.” When she pulled away, her black eyes delved into Emily’s. “You’re still in love with him, huh.”

She sighed. “More than ever.”

“You at least get to be with him last night?” Her expression must have answered for her, because Bryn gave her a sad smile. “Oh, honey... This whole damn thing sucks.”

Tears welled up. “I didn’t know he was leaving.

He didn’t say goodbye.” She took a deep breath. “And I didn’t tell him I love him. God, I’m so stupid.”

Bryn smoothed a hand over the long wig. “I’m sure he knows.”

“I hope so, but I...I’m scared he doesn’t think he’s coming back. He put this on me.” She lifted the medallion from beneath her sweater. “You know how he is with Tehrazzi. He’s obsessed. Won’t stop until he gets him or dies trying.”

Bryn shook her head. “Don’t think like that. You can’t. We’ve all got to be strong and stay positive.”

Emily wasn’t sure she could anymore. She’d been hoping and praying for him forever, but now she was at her breaking point. She wiped her damp cheeks. “If Luke calls and I’m not back yet, have Sam tell him I’m going to light a candle for him.”

“A candle?”

“He’ll understand what I mean.”

“Sure.”

The guard nodded at them, and a minute later another pulled up with the silver Range Rover.

Stepping out of the gatehouse, the first guard held the door open for her. Talk about overkill. But she didn’t say anything as she hugged Bryn goodbye.

Bundled in the back of the Rover, Emily waved once to her friend. She’d asked the driver to take her to a place they’d passed on the way in from the airport. Closing her eyes, she laid her head back against the leather seat for a moment, willing 240

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herself to calm down. Luke wasn’t gone yet. She might still get the chance to talk to him before he left, tell him she loved him and would be waiting for him when he got back.

She needed to hear him tell her he was coming back.

The driver stopped at a security checkpoint before driving through traffic into the downtown area. They had to stop a few times because of congestion, and when they came to a standstill the third time, Emily had had enough. Through the windshield, she spotted the Christian church nestled next to the mosque a few blocks away. She’d go into the church and light a candle, then maybe go to the mosque and offer up a prayer there as well. Hedge her bets. Why not? Couldn’t hurt.

“I think I’ll get out here and walk,” she told the driver.

His dark eyes met hers in the rear view mirror.

“You are going to the church?”

“Yes, that one,” she said, pointing. “Then the mosque, I think. Will they let me in if I’m not a Muslim?”

A smile quirked his mouth. “Just make sure you cover your hair and take off your shoes before you go in. Someone will see you and tell you what to do.”

Good. “Thank you.”

“Not at all. I’ll pick you up outside the doors.”

“You don’t have to wait. I’ll call you—”

“I will wait,” he said firmly before putting the vehicle in park and coming around to let her out. “Go ahead. This is a safe area.”

As she slid out the passenger door, the cool, damp air washed over her, thick with the promise of rain. People crowded the sidewalks, heading for shops and cafes or businesses. She caught the tempting scent of pastries when she passed by one of the shops, weaving through the pedestrian traffic as 241

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she cut over several streets. The spire of the church and minaret of the mosque were her beacons, guiding her through the unfamiliar streets. The comforting weight of Sam’s cell phone rested in her hip pocket. A gust of chilly wind plucked at her jacket, and she wrapped the pretty red velvet scarf Bryn had given her for Christmas higher around her face. The old brick church welcomed her with a breath of slightly musty air when she pulled the heavy front door open and stepped inside the dimly lit interior. She wasn’t particularly religious, but she’d been baptized and raised an Episcopalian.

Growing up, she’d attended St. Michael’s Church in Charleston every Sunday with her parents. Though she might not attend services regularly anymore, her faith was a gift that had seen her through many hard times throughout her life. And St. Michael’s was where she’d always lit candles for Luke.

Her gaze immediately went to the altar, still decorated with the advent candles from Christmas celebrations, and the table filled with flickering votives close to it. Walking toward it and the elaborate manger scene set up on a dais, her heart beat settled.

Feeling calmer already, she breathed out the Lord’s Prayer as she approached, and selected a candle for Luke. Lifting the lit taper, she closed her eyes and asked for his protection, then chose a votive and touched the flame to its wick. The instant it caught fire something inside her eased, yet she still gripped the St. Christopher medallion tightly with her free hand. She had performed this same rite every time Luke had gone out on a mission or training exercise that she knew of. Sometimes she went in between those times to light another candle just in case she didn’t know about one. And over the years they’d been apart she’d gone twice a month 242

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without fail to do the same.

And every time he’d come back alive. Maybe he hadn’t come back to her, but he was still alive.

Kneeling before the flickering votive, her gaze went to the statue of Jesus suffering on the cross, suspended above the altar. It didn’t seem right for her to ask anything more of Him than she already had. Too selfish somehow. But staring up at that icon, another prayer formed.

Please let him come back to me. Let me live. Give
us the rest of our lives together.