Absolution (Mr. Black Series)
Read Absolution (Mr. Black Series) Online
Authors: Marshall,Penelope
ABSOLUTION
BY Penelope Marshall
ABSOLUTION
Copyright © 2016 by Penelope Marshall.
All rights reserved.
First Print Edition: September 2016
Limitless Publishing, LLC
Kailua, HI 96734
Formatting: Limitless Publishing
ISBN-13: 978-1-68058-812-5
ISBN-10: 1-68058-812-5
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.
Dedication
To my husband, who serves his country and his family every day. Who puts up with the long nights of a bright computer screen, and the long days filled with endless typing and phone calls to fix story holes. Lastly, to my children, who never cease to amaze me with their unfettered kindness and positive outlook on life.
For my cousin Brandon:
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
–
Unknown Author
Her smooth chocolate brown skin wrinkled as she screamed in my face. Her voice was muffled as she jostled me in the warm water, which had already turned red from my blood. It splashed around my limp body, spilling over on the tile floor and her light blue scrubs. I wondered who would have to mop it up tomorrow. I probably should have left them a thank you note…or an apology. I guess it just depended on the way you looked at it.
She ran her comforting fingers through my long, jet black hair as my stare extended past her tight ponytail to the bright, sunny window behind her. I couldn’t help but think what a nice day it must be outside; the kind of day that would have been great for a picnic, or a quick trip to the beach with my girlfriends, or maybe even a lover…if I still had one.
My lazy gaze shifted back to her frantic face, which had been so crisp and clear only moments before, but now had begun to blur. I smiled at her as my lids grew tired and heavy, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep in peace.
Why won’t she let me sleep?
I wanted to tell her to leave me alone as I slipped away into my dreams, but my throat wouldn’t cooperate.
I just wanna go to sleep, Nurse Pam.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t hear my thoughts, and trying to keep my eyes open was becoming tiresome, a job even, and I didn’t want to work anymore…so I closed them.
COLE
It had been a particularly windy day…the windiest I’d seen in months, and the dust being kicked up over the parched land choked away any drop of moisture in my throat. Surveilling a long stretch of flat land, I spit the dirt from my mouth as I lay still, perched on a cliff.
“Blackbird main, this is Blackbird actual, do you read me?” I said into my com.
“Blackbird actual, this is Blackbird main, report.”
“Eighteen hundred hours. All’s clear.”
“Copy that, Blackbird actual,” the voice replied, followed by static.
I laid the com back on the ground, and pulled out a small, tattered picture from behind my Kevlar vest.
“Catherine,” I muttered under my breath as I ran my fingers over the shiny paper.
Catherine was my girlfriend…supposedly. She actually hadn’t promised to wait for me this time, though I hoped she would. This being my fifth deployment in the last two and a half years, the excessive time apart was starting to take its toll on our already strained relationship, but time wasn’t the only thing working against us.
It seemed every time I returned home from a deployment, I left more and more of myself behind. I just wasn’t the same. I also had the sneaking suspicion she might have been seeing someone else on the side, but I couldn’t prove it.
This, by far, had been my longest deployment, clocking in at seven months. I only had two weeks to go, and I prayed she would be waiting for me stateside with open arms.
“Almen, you lookin’ at that damn picture again, huh?” Ezra, my spotter and best friend, asked.
“Well, there ain’t much else to do now, is there?”
“I reckon so. What if she ain’t there when you get back?”
“I guess I’ll just have to move on,” I said, tucking the photo back behind my vest and resuming surveillance through my Leopold scope.
“At least I know Adeline is waiting for me,” he said confidently.
“Yeah, it would be nice to have a girl as good as Adeline.”
“Yeah, a good girl. That she is.”
I shook my head. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“No. Good girls are great. But they ain’t never gonna be a bad girl, if you know what I’m saying.” He laughed.
“Bad girls are only good for one of two things, and sometimes, one of those things won’t go away without antibiotics. Good girls are hard to come by, Ezra, just remember that.”
“I know, I know, LT. Adeline is a good girl. She’s a keeper.”
“Well, I would hope so, since you already proposed.”
He didn’t reply. I glanced at him, and caught him jotting down some numbers on his notepad.
“It’s gonna be another slow night,” I said, shifting my gaze back through my scope.
“Yeah…I don’t even know why they have us watching this side of the mountain. Them muthafuckin’ gun runners never come this way,” Ezra said, shaking his head.
“It just takes one time, man. One time,” I replied.
“Fuck, it’s hot. Are you hot? I’m fuckin’ hot,” Ezra said, pushing himself up on his knees to catch a breeze.
I watched as he tugged at his collar. “It’s Afghanistan…pretty much the name of the game, my friend.”
SNAP!
The whistle of a sniper bullet zipped through the air.
“Yeah, I―” Ezra paused mid-sentence.
My eyes widened, and my jaw slackened as I watched a hole open in his abdomen, blood pouring out at a fast rate. He sailed backwards, falling onto his pack, which wedged between his limp body and the dirt.
“Son of a bitch!” I yelled as I whipped around and focused my scope, searching for any sign of another sniper. I grabbed the com. “Blackbird main, Blackbird main. Spotter’s down. Spotter’s down.”
“Blackbird main. Copy that, Blackbird actual. Do you have a visual of the shooter?”
I didn’t reply.
Slowly, I panned the flat land for movement, but all I could find was dust and stillness. In my peripheral, a flash of light caught my attention. Quickly, I repositioned myself and my rifle toward the light. Through the scope I could make out a small, brown, seemingly innocuous mound perched on an adjacent cliff. A mound I had missed only seconds before.
“There you are, you muthafucker. That’s a mighty fine ghillie suit.”
Slowing my breathing, I focused my vision through the scope. The glint of light came again and instinctively my index finger shifted from its safety position and pressed the trigger. The rifle snapped into my shoulder as it sent a .50 cal bullet traversing through the dusk. No less than two seconds later the mound collapsed, replaced by a plume of dust.
I couldn’t remember too much more after that. There were flashes from the Hum-V ride back to base.
“It’ll be okay, Lieutenant Almen,” a corpsman said, shifting his flashlight back and forth to check my eyesight, and then suddenly, I was on a plane headed back to San Diego.
It’s almost as if I had been in a fog for two weeks and was just waking up in a loud, bumpy cargo hold, holding my rucksack like a newborn baby.
I looked around for a familiar face, but found I was alone. Clearing my throat, I pulled out Catherine’s picture and stared at it as visions of Ezra being shot flooded my mind.
How the fuck did I miss that guy?
What am I going to tell Adeline?
I gripped the picture tightly as sweat started to bead on my forehead. Wiping it away with the back of my hand, I felt fatigue start to set in again. I tucked the picture back into my pocket and shut my eyes.
Unfortunately, I was quickly awoken by the snap of gunfire and the ghost of Ezra’s voice tugging at my conscience.
Cole.
My pulse raced out of control as I grabbed at my chest. I searched for a breath, but my lungs weren’t cooperating. I gasped valiantly for one last breath of air before I was thrown into a virtual tornado.
“I’m sorry, Ezra,” my voice cracked.
ADELINE
Today…
The sun pierced through the calm of the morning. The light beamed straight through the windows, annoyingly waking me from my slumber. In an effort to block it out, I lay my arm across my face, wishing the day had yet to start.
Wake up, Adeline.
Ezra’s voice wafted through my head.
“Let me rest a while longer,” I whispered.
No, my darling
. I could feel his presence lying next to me in bed.
My lids fluttered open as I pulled the heavy white comforter off my scantily-clad body, exposing it to the morning air, the chill creating goose bumps along my arms. Groaning, I rolled over onto my stomach. I stretched and then sat up, dangling my legs off the edge as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
What are your plans for today?
“I have work a little later at the diner.”
If I were your husband, you wouldn't lift another finger for the rest of your life.
I turned back to him. “But you aren’t my husband. You’re simply here.”
Why must you remind me of this, day in and day out?
“I might ask you the same thing. Don’t you think this situation is torture for me?”
I’ve upset you?
“Yes, you have upset me. I’m tired of this game you play with my heart. Why don’t you just leave?”
Is that what you really want?
he asked softly.
I was breathing heavily by this point, as this was a conversation we had frequently. I paused to ponder my answer, as I knew he loved me enough to leave if I asked.
My breathing slowed. “Give me more time. I don’t want you to leave me…not yet, at least,” I replied calmly.
This can’t go on forever, you know?
“That’s not what I said. Please don’t put words in my mouth.”
I felt a cold chill pass through me, and I knew he had left. A gasp escaped from between my lips as I stood, making my way to the bathroom.
I lifted my shiny brass brush from the counter, running it over my hair as my mind raced.
He appeared in the bathroom behind me as a tear rolled down my cheek.
“I just need a day away…a day to collect my thoughts.”
My dear, just ask me to leave and you will no longer be burdened by me. You can move on, and so can I.
“I could never ask you to leave. You left me once, and only half of you came back. If this is all we have left, then I must hang on to it with clenched fists. Do you want to leave me?”
There will come a day when you will find another and ask me to leave, and on that day I will smile at your beautiful face and grant you your wish.
I didn’t reply. I turned back to the mirror and continued to brush my hair.
“How dare you tell me what will be? I will decide my own fate, and if I choose to stay single until the day I die, then that is my choice,” I said angrily.
I leaned in to inspect the edges of my eyes, noting the ever-increasing lines that time had plagued them with.
What could you possibly be looking at? You’re beautiful.
“What is beauty, anyway?” My voice soured. “It is flesh and blood that ages and withers with the passing days.”
Oh, Adeline. You are as beautiful as a flower amidst a sea of weeds.
“And one day I will fertilize those weeds,” I said, shaking my head.
I turned and walked out of the bathroom toward my closet. “Maybe I should ask you to go.”
I could feel him behind me, the chill of his presence wafted over my neck.
I wish your lips would allow one more kiss.
“They would allow your request if you’d only let me meet you halfway,” I said, turning toward his chill.
I must admit, I crave more and more of you every day, but I’m not selfish in my pursuits of you. You deserve to be touched with a warm hand and kissed with soft lips. All these things I can’t give you.
“But I could take it for myself,” I said. “A simple slit to my wrist could solve our problem.”
Suddenly, I was startled from my dream by a light tapping at my door. “Yes?”
“It’s me, Catherine.”
I sat up. “Come in.”
The door slowly creaked open. “Are you going to be ready to leave soon?”
A lump formed in the back of my throat, and my eyes began to shine with tears. “I don’t think I can go.”
She came and sat down, wrapping her slender arms around me. “Yes, you can. Cole and I will be there right next to you.”
I couldn’t hold back the rush of tears. The dam broke, and all I could do was let it flow out. I was so angry. “I dreamt of him again.”
She swayed me back and forth. “Let it out, Adeline. It’ll be all right. Just let it out.”
Cole walked in, looking at the floor. He hadn’t looked me in the eyes since he had come home. “The service will start in about an hour.”
Catherine swatted him away as she continued to cradle me in her arms.
“Come on, my dear. Let’s get you ready. We wouldn’t wanna keep Ezra waiting.”
She pulled me out of bed and helped me slide my dress on. I felt like a zombie, just walking through life with no purpose or energy. She fixed my hair into a clean bun, and added a little blush to my cheeks.
“No sense in wearing any mascara. I did get you a pair of sunglasses and a hat to wear,” she said.
I grabbed her wrist. “Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you here.”
“Oh, Adeline, I couldn’t leave you right now.”
The next few hours seemed to be a hazy fog. I remember sitting in the front row at the funeral while the Honor Guard performed the twenty-one gun salute, then the commander handed me the folded flag that had lain atop Ezra’s casket. There were words said in his honor, but I heard none of them. All I could feel was the ache of loss in my heart.
As the crowd dispersed, I sat there staring at the wooden box that held the body of the man I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I felt a hand on my shoulder, squeeze, then let go. It was Cole. I knew it wasn’t his fault. I knew in my heart that Ezra had chosen this life, and knew the consequences of it. But a small part of me blamed him, and I think a small part of him blamed himself.
Stella, one of my best friends and the widow of another fallen SEAL on Ezra’s team, leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek.
She whispered, “I love you, sweetheart. Come see me at the store, or call me for coffee anytime. I’m always available. “
I glanced up at her. She knew my pain…a pain no one else in the world knew, except for women like
us
.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called you in the last few weeks,” I whispered.
“Oh honey, please…you’ll come around when you’re ready, and I’ll be waiting with open arms. I know you’re in good hands with Cole and Catherine.”
I nodded as she gave me another peck on the cheek and walked away.
Catherine bent down in front of me. “Let’s go home,” she said, grabbing my hands, pulling me from the seat.
She walked me to the car as I leaned all my weight on her. Cole was waiting, holding the back door open for me to get in. He still wouldn’t look at me. I slid in the backseat and stared out the window over the sea of tombstones, perfectly set in beautiful symmetrical rows. It suddenly hit me. This was it. I would never see Ezra again. The tears began to stream down my cheeks, but I held in the noise because I didn’t want them to hear me cry anymore. I didn’t want to hear me cry anymore.
I partially lifted the sunglasses and wiped the tears from under my eyes, vowing that I wouldn’t shed another tear.
The drive back home was a quiet one. I don’t think anyone wanted to have the first word. I knew I didn’t. As we pulled up to the house, I let myself out, and quickly traveled up the brick walk to the arched doorway. My hands trembled as I struggled to get the key into the lock. Cole rested his hand on mine, squeezing it gently, guiding the key into the hole, and unlocking the door.
A gasp of air escaped from between my lips as I looked up at him. The lock clicked and the door gave way. The lump in my throat choked out any word that could have possibly come out at that moment.
He was still holding my hand when Catherine walked up. “Cole Almen, let that woman go.”
Cole loosened his grip, and I hurried to my room and shut the door behind me. I pressed my forehead against the door, taking hold of my rampaging breath, slowing it to a normal pace.
I was startled by a slight knock at my door.
“Yes?”
“It’s me, Catherine,” her voice filtered through the wood.
“I can’t right now. I have to go to work,” I said, resting my palm on the door.
“Work? You can’t go to work today.”
“I need to get my mind off of things.”
“Okay, honey.” She paused for a few seconds. “I’m here if you need me.”
I didn’t reply. I knew she meant well, but I was tired of well-meaning friends. I wanted Ezra. That’s all I wanted.
I walked to my closet, looking for my uniform, when I caught sight of his clothes hanging toward the back of the closet…untouched. I pulled a gray knit cardigan off the hanger, squeezing it between my fingers, caressing the material between my thumbs.
“What do I do, Ezra? Please tell me there’s something to live for,” I asked in a tight voice.
I paused, my eyes shining with tears as I waited for his reply which, of course, didn’t come. I fell to the ground in tears, placing the sweater against my face, breathing him in as hard as I could.
“Life shouldn’t be this hard,” I sobbed into the sweater. Obviously the vow I made in the car to never cry again didn't mean much.
COLE
I walked straight to my room, removing my uniform as I walked. I felt so constrained. I just wanted to rip the damn thing off and never see it again.
Catherine entered the room.
“Did you talk to her?” I asked.
“She doesn’t want to talk about it. I don’t blame her. If you’re so concerned, then why don’t you fuckin’ open your mouth and go talk to her?”
“I can’t even look at her.”
“Well, you better get over it. She lives here.”
“What should I say?”
“I don’t know, figure it out,” she replied with a twinge of an attitude.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“Oh, sorry I’m not catering to you. You signed up for that shit. I told you to quit a long time ago. Maybe if you had, then Ezra would be alive today.”
“Are you blaming me for Ezra?”
“Aren’t you?”
“Would you rather I have taken the bullet?”
She didn’t reply. I threw my uniform on the bed and walked to the closet, where the first thing I saw was the uniform I was wearing the day Ezra died.
“What is this doing here?” I asked.
“I had it cleaned.”
“Do you really think I’m gonna wear this fuckin’ thing again?”
“How am I supposed to know?” she asked. “You talk to me even less than Adeline does. All these fuckin’ deployments. I told you I wasn’t going to stay, and the only reason I did was because of Ezra passing. If he hadn’t died, then I would be gone already,” she said, walking out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
I stood there for a while with the added guilt she had just planted in my head, replaying the day Ezra died. It was my fault. I should have seen that fucking sniper.
Nothing had been the same since I got back. I felt like a zombie, walking through my own hell. I often wondered if it would have been better if I had taken the bullet that day, rather than Ezra. I threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt, then left. I had to get out of this fucking house.
ADELINE
I made my way to the bathroom and was startled by the front door slamming shut. I wondered who had left.
I leaned into the mirror, still a little sleepy from crying so much, so I slapped my face a few times to get the blood flowing. I groaned to myself, realizing that no amount of physical abuse was going to wake me up any faster. As I waited for the shower to warm up, I observed myself in the mirror until the steam slowly fogged up my image, leaving it an indiscernible blur.
Lazily I stepped in, where the heat engulfed my weary body and calmed my anxious mind. I sat down and began to cry quietly to myself. Eyeing my bare ring finger under the stream of warm water, I wished there were a diamond sparkling back at me. Alas, my Prince Charming wouldn’t be riding in on his valiant white horse to sweep me away from my daily drudgery, as he had died atop a cliff and would never come back.
Out of the shower, I dried off, and then quickly slipped on my simple beige uniform. It was about as flattering as a potato sack. I took one last look in the mirror before heading off to work.
