Absolution (Mr. Black Series) (10 page)

Where could he be?
Fuck that, I’m gonna give that man a reason to bring his ass home
.

I straightened my hair the way I knew he liked it, and put on the same makeup that had left him speechless the day of the ball, and wore a dress he had complimented me on many times before, wanting everything to be perfect for when I professed my love for him.

I wanted to explain myself and hopefully convince him, or even at this point beg him, to give me a second chance. His work was probably not the best place to have this dramatic showdown, but I needed to catch him off guard.

I jumped into my car, and then realized I wouldn’t be able to get on base, but Stella could. I pulled out my phone and called her.

“Stella, can I pick you up to get me on base?”

“Depends…watcha goin’ there for?”

“Cole!”

“Then, hell yeah. Let me close up shop. Be ready in five minutes.”

“I’ll be right there,” I said, making a U-turn to drive to her store.

I pulled up to the store, where Stella was already waving me down.

She jumped in the driver seat, while I ran around to the passenger side so she could flash her ID at the gate. “Girl, this shit is exciting. Gonna go get your man,” she said, slapping he steering wheel.

COLE

There was a knock at my office door. “Come in.”

The door opened to reveal Elijah, holding a large manila envelope. “LT, this came by messenger for you. It just says
No Regrets
,” he said, handing the envelope to me.

I laid it on the desk, realizing that the handwriting was familiar. It was Catherine’s. I shook my head, motioning Elijah to leave the office. Inhaling a deep breath, I ran my finger under the lip of the envelope, tearing it open. If this were a big enough package, I would fully expect there to have been a bomb in it, seeing how crazy she had become.

I emptied out the contents on the desk. About twenty or so eight by ten black and white pictures slid out from the encasement. My eyes widened.

“That fuckin’ cunt bitch!” I shouted.

There was a knock on the door.

“What?” I bellowed.

The door opened slightly and Elijah peeked through the small opening. “Everything okay, sir?”

“No, everything is not okay, but it’s none of your concern. Please give me a moment.”

He looked at the pictures still lying on the desk, shook his head, and disappeared behind the closing door. I placed my hand over my mouth and chin, rubbing the slight bristles that had already grown back since this morning.

Picture after picture. Pose after pose.

How dare that bitch. How dare that muthafuckin’ poser.

I slammed my palm on the desk, my anger swirling around the office like a tornado. I felt like I was having an out of body experience, watching myself act like a caged animal, unable to stop my blood from boiling over.

I should have more control. I am a fuckin’ SEAL…God dammit!

I smacked my palm to the wall, utterly and undeniably pissed off. I turned back to the pictures, focusing my sights on the background, realizing it had been taken in my bedroom.

THE MESSENGER

ADELINE

I didn’t say anything. I was too nervous, trying to think of what I was going to say. Stella drove onto base and parked right in front of Cole's office.

“I’ll be right out here,” she said, patting my knee.

I jumped out of the car and hurried up the stairs to the main entrance. The minute I walked through the door, I saw Elijah doing paperwork at his desk. He stood up.

“Adeline, what are you doing here?”

“Where is he, Elijah?”

“He’s in the back. I’ll go get him.”

“No, I’ll go back there.”

He nodded, his face a little anxious, which puzzled me a bit. I walked slowly over to the door situated in the back of the office, tapping on it lightly.

“Come in,” the voice on the other side roared.

I pushed the door open. Cole looked up from a stack of pictures on his desk, his eyes widened as he quickly tried to cover the pictures with some paperwork.

“Adeline, what are you doing here? How’d you get on base?”

“Stella.”

He stood and came around from behind his desk. “Let’s go outside,” he said, trying to escort me out of the office.

I pushed back. I was tired of being pushed around. “No. I don’t want to have this conversation outside, or tomorrow, or the next day, or next year, and since you won’t come home, I have to come to you,” I replied angrily.

My anger seemed to be fueling something in him that I wasn’t quite prepared for. He backed up and leaned on the edge of his desk. “I’m at work, Adeline, and I don’t have time for any of this. I don’t have time for all of you crazy women in my life anymore,” he said, crossing his arms.

“You crazy women? Why am I being thrown in the bunch? Because I lost my fiancé and I didn’t want to talk about something right when you wanted to talk about it?”

“You act like I was asking you about fuckin’ tomatoes at the grocery store. I was tellin’ you how I felt about you and you were thinking of another man. You fuckin’ women are always thinking about another man.”

I shook my head a little confused. “That’s―”

“That’s what? That’s never how it is, is it?” he asked in a taut voice.

His tone was something I was not used to, but I was determined to speak my piece. I placed my hands on his chest to keep him from walking away from me.

“Will you shut the fuck up and listen to me?” I yelled. “I’m tired of all of you people thinking I’m so fragile and meek. I’m tired of all of it too, you know. This shit ain’t easy for me, either. So fuckin’ excuse me if I don’t have some sort of handbook to get me through this.”

He didn’t reply, except for his eyes widening at my tone.

I kept on, “You didn’t give me a chance to talk to you yesterday. You just left and never came back. The last couple of days have been a real eye opener for me. I’ve tried to process. I’ve realized that not having you in my life is something I’m not okay with. I found out a few things about Ezra, and I realized that what I thought I always wanted was not what I actually needed.”

“What does any of this mean to me?” he asked with an attitude.

“I’m trying to say that I need you,” I replied softly.

“Fuck that! I
don’t
want to be needed, Adeline, don’t you get it? I need health insurance, I need dental insurance, and I need a paycheck to pay my fuckin’ bills. Those are needs. I
want
to be fuckin’ wanted. I want to be fuckin’ loved. The way that I fuckin’ love you,” he said, sweeping my hands off his chest as he walked to the one window in his office.

“So my choice of words might not be the best, but you know what I mean. I do love you, and I
do
want you. I can’t see my life without you. Can’t you give me a second chance?”

“A second chance? You women, always wanting a second fuckin’ chance. For what? To hurt me again?”

“I get it. I fucked up, but do you have to…” I paused, looking down at his desk, where half of one of the pictures he was trying to hide was left uncovered, revealing a woman’s naked breast. I pulled the picture from under the sheet of paper. My eyes widened and my jaw fell open. “…what the fuck is this?”

He whipped around to see me staring at the picture he had tried to keep from me. He just looked at me with no reply, his face not giving away any cue to his real emotions. He shifted his gaze back out the window, toward the parking lot.

“How long have you known?” I asked, tears cascading down my cheeks.

“They were just delivered not even twenty minutes ago,” he replied in a low, monotone voice.

“Why were you trying to hide them?”

“It was Catherine’s last dig at me. Why would I let her hurt you as well?”

“I just found out he was cheating, but I didn’t know it was with her,” I said as I pulled the rest of the pictures out from underneath the paperwork.

“Fuck those two,” he said, shaking his head.

I looked at every single picture, all twenty of them, every single one was of Ezra and Catherine in a sexual position. My tears fell on the photographs, making the paper bubble up in those spots. I was paralyzed with anger and my voice refused to work.

“I can’t even deal with this shit. I have a mission coming up and I need to have a clear head. There is no building a relationship on all these fuckin’ lies,” he said, walking out the door shaking his head, leaving me alone in his office to stare at the pictures by myself.

He slammed the main entrance door shut, jarring me back to reality. Feeling insecure and rejected, I walked toward the exit, not wanting to make eye contact with Elijah.

“Ma’am,” Elijah said.

I didn’t even look up. I just waved him off as I walked out the door toward the car. I slid into the passenger seat like a zombie.

“What happened?” Stella asked.

My agony turned to anger as I shoved the pictures in front of her.

“Oh, shit!” she said, looking at every picture.

“Cole had these?”

“He said Catherine just had them delivered.”

“What a bitch!” she cussed, examining one in particular. "Isn't this your house?" she asked, handing me the picture.

I looked at it then shook my head. "Bastards. Right under our noses."

I rested my elbow on the car door, wiping my lips with my fingers, unable to form a coherent thought.

“She fuckin’ hugged me, laid with me, and cried with me for days over Ezra’s death.”

“I’m sorry to say this, darlin’, but it looks like you were the one consoling her.”

I grabbed the pictures out her hands, and threw them out the window, letting the warm California breeze spread the word of her and Ezra’s affair to the world.

“That’s it! I’m done trying! Fuck Ezra, fuck Catherine, fuck Cole.”

“Fuck Cole? What did Cole do? He ain’t done nothing but wanna be with you. Don’t you think this shit hurt him too? That was his girl and his best friend,” Stella reminded me.

“Just drop me off at home, please. I’ll pick up the car from you later.”

The car ride home was a silent one. What was there to say? As we pulled up to the house, I could see Cole’s car parked out front.

“Are you gonna be okay? Do you need me to come in?”

I leaned over and gave her half a hug. “No, I’ll be fine, I’m sorry I took this out on you.”

“Girl, please. You acted better than I would have. I would’ve come outta character a long time ago. Call me whenever,” she said as I stepped out of the car.

I took in a deep breath and trudged up the walkway, heading straight for my bedroom.

Cole's door swung open. “I need to talk to you,” he said, walking down the stairs.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I said, retreating to my room and slamming the door behind me.

I heard the floorboards creaking as he made his way to my room. He turned the knob and pushed his way in.

“How dare you just walk into my room like this.”

“After the other night, I think we’re past that, don’t you?”

I backed away. “Why would you bring up the other night? Don’t you think there has been enough debauchery going on around this house?”

“Exactly. That’s why I’m moving out. I’ll look for a place as soon as possible.”

“Wait, what? Move out? For what?” I asked, not realizing the situation had escalated this far.

“I can’t keep doing this to myself. I deserve better. I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love her. I don’t know how you feel about Ezra, now that you know…but I can’t be your consolation prize.”

“But…you’re not…let’s talk about this,” I pleaded, trying to move closer to him.

I knew if I could just touch him, he would let me in.

“No! You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t say you don’t know how you feel, and the minute you find out your dream boy is a cheater, then you want to be with me.” His body language was cold and distant; quite unfamiliar to me.

I was angered at his berating of my feelings. “First of all, you can’t say that I changed my mind because of the pictures, and you can’t judge all women because of Catherine. Just like I can’t judge all men because of that asshole Ezra.”

He didn’t reply as he backed out and slammed the door behind him.

“Fuck you too,” I screamed through the door.

I turned to all the pictures I had sitting on my dresser of Catherine and Ezra, pulling them all out of their frames, ripping them to shreds as I walked to the bathroom to flush them down the toilet. I sat on the side of the tub, watching as they swirled around the bowl, finally disappearing into the abyss.

Angrily, I trudged back to my room and lay on my bed, wondering what I was going to do if he moved out. I would have to move out as well. Not like I would want to stay somewhere where those two assholes had sex. Probably even on this very bed. I shook my head in disgust.

A few hours later, the sound of ripping duct tape, pots and pans shuffling, and boxes scraping across the wooden floor began to filter through my door. I knew what was happening, but I didn’t want to get up to see, because that would make it real. I wanted to stay out of his way. Not really for his sake, but more for mine. I knew I couldn’t make it through one more emotional conversation with him, so I waited until I heard the front door slam shut before I decided to peek out of my bedroom door to see if he had left.

Nothing seemed to be moving, and I no longer heard the noises of packing, so I hurried to the kitchen to get some food before he came back home. Halfway to the refrigerator, Cole walked back into the house. I stopped in my tracks, wishing I could turn around and run back to my room, but I was too far from the door. He walked into the kitchen, holding a roll of duct tape, but stopped when he saw me. We looked into each other’s eyes. It was such an epically awkward moment, one for the history books, especially because I was only wearing my usual midriff camisole without a bra, and my extra small boy shorts, that revealed more of my body than I wanted to at the moment.

“I…I…heard the door, I thought you had left,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’ll be out of your way in a second.”

“Take your time…really…I’m fine,” he said calmly, looking toward the boxes.

“I just wanted to get something to eat,” I said, pointing my thumb behind me as I slowly inched my way to the refrigerator.

“I’m serious, it’s fine. I’m almost done…just a few more things. I got movers comin’ to pick up my bed and the big boxes. I’m just here to grab the small things and I’ll be outta your hair here in a few.”

“You found a place that fast?”

“No. I’m putting everything in storage, and I’m gonna stay at Elijah’s until I find something.”

“You don’t need to leave until you find something, you know.”

“Trust me, I do. I can’t be around all of that…” he said, pointing at my outfit. “…without getting my signals crossed.”

“And how would you know if they were crossed?” I inched toward him.

He shook his head. “I think they’re crossed now.”

I exhaled at his words. I wanted him, but I wasn’t going to put myself out there again, so I restrained myself from commenting. I had made a fool of myself one too many times in the past day or so, and I was going to keep what dignity I had left.

“So that’s it, then?” I asked, shrugging my shoulders.

“Just because I’m moving out doesn’t mean I’ll forget what we had.”

“I feel like you already have,” I whispered.

He turned to me. “Do you think two days could erase the last couple months? Or what happened the other night? Just because I’m moving out doesn’t mean I’m not still in love with you.”

He moved toward me, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me toward him. He rested his hand on the small of my back as he pressed my body to his.