Absolution (The Protectors, Book 1) (10 page)

“Sorry,” he said with a little laugh. “I still haven’t gotten used to it.”

“What?” I asked gently. I hadn’t even realized I’d moved closer to him until I felt his body bump mine as he turned to latch the door.

“He never used to let me touch him,” Jonas said, motioning to the horse. “Casey was the only one who could handle him and even that took months of her gaining his trust after he arrived at the shelter.”

“Shelter?”

“Um, yeah. After we left Chicago, Casey and I ended up working at this animal shelter in a small town in northern Wisconsin. The old lady who ran it let us live there for free in exchange for helping her out with the stuff she couldn’t do anymore. She left it to us when she died…well, Casey technically, since I was underage.”

Jonas studied the horse for a moment. “She never used to let me touch her either,” he suddenly whispered.

“Casey?” I guessed.

Jonas nodded and then looked at me, his eyes glistening. “After everything that happened, I never really believed I’d get here, you know? You stop hoping after a while because it’s easier that way.”

“What is?”

But Jonas just shook his head. “I’m sorry she didn’t get this, Cole.”

The words hurt, but it hurt more to see Jonas in so much pain. I wanted…no, needed to take that from him, once and for all, but I didn’t know how. I lifted my hand to palm his cheek and said, “You knew her, Jonas. Would she have wanted you to keep blaming yourself?”

Jonas shook his head but when silent tears began slipping down his face, I shifted my hand to the back of his neck and drew him forward until his face was pressed against my neck. I felt the moisture seep into my shirt collar, and before I could stop myself, I shifted my head enough so that I could skim my lips over the sensitive skin just behind his ear. “She’s at peace, Jonas. You deserve to be too.”

I felt Jonas nod against me and he stayed there for several seconds as I let my fingers massage the back of his neck where I still held him. My other hand had gone to his waist and automatically tightened when Jonas tried to pull away from me. I felt the instant he became aware of the intimate way I was holding him, because his body stiffened and his breathing ticked up just the slightest bit. He lifted his head so that he could look me in the eye and I saw the confusion there as he tried to get his bearings. I wasn’t sure if I was afraid he’d pull away before I got my chance to finally taste him or if I would be the one who would end up chickening out, so I added just enough pressure to the hold I had on the back of his neck to urge him forward the few inches it would take for our lips to meet.

“Jonas!”

The sound of Ryan’s voice from somewhere outside shattered the stillness between us and Jonas pulled back enough that I was forced to release him. But then I heard him gasp and saw his eyes widen as he spied something over my shoulder and I knew without a doubt that we weren’t alone. And I knew without looking that it wasn’t Ryan who’d put that look of horror on Jonas’s face.

I turned just as I heard footsteps come running into the barn but my eyes bypassed Ryan and settled on Mace who was leaning against the barn doorway.

“Jonas, Izzy’s trying to open your presents!”

“Coming,” I heard Jonas say, his voice uneven as he shoved past me. He hung his head as he hurried past Mace. I followed more slowly and stopped once I was on the opposite side of the barn door.

“Cock-blocked by a twelve-year-old,” Mace drawled.

His voice was disinterested and amused but his expression said something else. I studied him for a long time before I said, “I can’t figure out if you’re such a callous asshole that you actually like fucking with his head, or if you don’t even realize that you’re doing it.”

The smug smile faded and then he was moving towards me. I was already leaning back against the side of the entryway to the barn so there was nowhere for me to go, but it wouldn’t have mattered because I had no desire to move. Maybe I’d get the fight I’d been craving. Maybe I’d get something else I’d been craving even more.

Mace stopped when his body was only inches from mine and I could feel the heat wafting off of him. I’d always thought his eyes were black, but I could see now that they were a very dark shade of brown. His lips were wide and full and slightly parted but my eyes drifted to his neck and I wondered if it would feel the same as Jonas’s…if his heat would burn my skin if I touched him there.

“He’s your first, right, Frogman?” Mace said softly but his voice was laced with steel.

“First what?”

“Your first time wondering if dick might taste just as sweet as pussy.”

I didn’t bother responding to the crude words because I knew he was saying them just to goad me into something…anything.

“Do you even know what he was, Mace? What he was forced to do to survive?”

Mace stilled at that and I saw a flicker of indecision go through him.

“That’s what I thought,” I muttered as I moved away from Mace and made my way back up to the house. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Mace hadn’t moved from the position I’d left him in.

Jonas

As far as birthday celebrations went, it hadn’t been one of the better ones. I’d known that having Mace and Cole in the same room for extended periods of time wouldn’t go over well, since they seemed to naturally rub each other the wrong way, but in the end it hadn’t been either of them that ruined the evening for me. Nope, that was all on me. Because I’d read into something that wasn’t there. I’d twisted Cole’s offer of comfort into something it wasn’t and not only had I humiliated myself in front of him, I’d given Mace quite a show too. My only consolation was that I wouldn’t have to be around either man for much longer…in fact, I doubted I’d see Cole again anytime soon. As for Mace, I could tell just by looking at my nearly done studio that he’d be out of my life for good within a day, maybe two.

As I let my gaze take in the clean walls and newly installed floor, I let my back slide down the wall behind me and marveled that a week from now, I’d be able to start welcoming kids into the studio.

I’d gotten home from the party a few hours ago, but as darkness had started to fall, I’d found myself too restless and agitated to paint, so I’d spent the last couple of hours unpacking and organizing the supplies that had arrived earlier in the day. I was excited at the prospect of watching kids who’d never held a paintbrush before get to experience the freedom that came with it. And I was looking forward to finally have some normalcy back in my life. Being around Mace and Cole had brought back a mess of feelings I’d thought I’d buried long ago.

As I studied the plain white walls in the studio, I began to contemplate the idea of painting murals on them but my thoughts were interrupted when I heard the gallery door unlock. I couldn’t see who it was from my position but I could guess, because the only other people who had keys were Mace and Casey, and I knew Casey would be knee deep in preparations for their flight in the morning. So knots of tension started to form as I got to my feet and walked into the gallery.

Mace paused when he saw me, but he didn’t speak and I noticed the same agitation he’d had when he’d muttered his goodbyes just before leaving Casey and Devlin’s house. I’d long ago lost my fear of Mace but there was something in the way that he was looking at me that was off, and I couldn’t make my feet move forward towards him. But I didn’t have to because he came to me. I didn’t even realize I’d backed away from him until my back hit the brick wall behind me. I held my breath as Mace reached out to cup my face with his hand. I thought maybe he was going to kiss me, but he just held me that way, his dark eyes latched to mine.

“I fucked up, Jonas,” he whispered. “I need you to believe that I didn’t know.”

“Know what?” I managed to ask in spite of the ball of anxiety that was bouncing around in my gut.

“Tell me about Cole’s sister.”

“What?” I asked, surprised by the change in topic.

“How did you know her?”

“I met her in Chicago…”

“How old were you?”

“Fourteen,” I answered, still not sure what he wanted from me. His body was brushing mine and his hand was still wrapped around my cheek, but his thumb had started brushing back and forth over my skin.

“Why were you in Chicago?”

“I…I didn’t know where to go after my parents kicked me out. I ended up at the bus station and I saw this poster for Chicago and I had just enough money for a bus ticket there. I kept thinking they’d have a lot of art galleries in Chicago…” I said numbly as I was transported back to that moment that I’d stood surrounded by people going about their daily lives, as I was trying to figure out what had just happened to mine.

“What happened when you got there?”

I automatically shook my head and tried to pull away from him. But then he brushed his lips over mine and I stilled. It was over as quickly as it started but the aftermath was brutal. My heart began pounding so hard in my chest that it actually hurt.

“Please tell me, Jonas.”

“I met a man who told me he could help me out. He said he knew some people who would give me a job. He seemed really nice.” I closed my eyes to try to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. “I was so fucking stupid,” I whispered.

This time Mace’s lips skimmed the cheek he wasn’t holding, and then his lips settled against my ear, “It wasn’t your fault, Jonas. Do you understand me?”

I’m not sure if I nodded or not.

“Was it Mateo Santero?”

I wondered how he knew the name and could only assume Cole had told him. I nodded. “He let me stay at his place, got me some new clothes, fed me…when it came time for me to meet the people who could help me find work, he took me to this motel.”

My throat seized up and I felt the tears I’d been desperately trying to hold back slide down my cheeks.

“Is he the one who hurt you?” Mace asked.

I shook my head. “Mateo only broke in the girls. It was his brother, Eduardo.”

“Fuck, Jonas, I’m so sorry,” Mace said brokenly as his forehead pressed against mine. He just kept repeating that he was sorry even as his mouth brushed mine over and over again. I wanted to ask why he was sorry but I didn’t want to risk losing the feeling of his lips ghosting over mine. But he never deepened his kisses or forced his tongue into my mouth like so many men in my past always had. And then he was pulling back from me. I managed to grab the back of his neck to prevent his backward motion.

“Please, Mace,” I whispered, hating how urgent my voice sounded. But I needed his touch because even now, I could feel the pain unfurling in my stomach and I knew the feeling of his lips on mine would keep that at bay.

He must have sensed my need because his next kiss was longer, heavier, sweeter. I didn’t know how long that kiss or the ones that followed went on for, but he never once asked for more. At some point, I’d wrapped my arms around his neck and he’d pulled me flush against his body. The tight hold he had on me should have had me trying to escape but I just wanted more. More warmth, more safety, more him. On the next pass of his lips over mine, I opened my mouth enough to let my tongue slide over his lower lip. Mace tensed against me but instead of shoving into my mouth, he opened his. I went willingly and moaned when his tongue greeted mine. I took my time exploring his mouth but then it wasn’t enough anymore and he and I both knew it and when he finally did take my mouth, I felt a rush of air escape me. My back hit the wall again as Mace plundered my mouth and then his hands were all over me, palming my flesh, kneading it, setting it ablaze with sensation.

I’d never really liked kissing but it wasn’t until that moment that I realized that the men who’d smashed their mouths down on my mine and thrust their tongues between my unwilling lips weren’t kissing me. Not even close. They’d bought and paid for me so they’d taken what they felt was their due. Everything Mace was taking from me, he was giving back a thousand times over, because I’d never felt more cherished in my entire life. From one fucking kiss.

I’d lost all track of time and our surroundings as Mace drove me higher and higher with each burning kiss but when he froze in my arms, I instantly stopped. His hands, which had been gripping my hips, fell away and his eyes opened and then shifted to the right.

I was about to ask what was wrong when I saw what was happening for myself as Mace turned his head. Even in my inexperience, I knew that what I saw pressed against the back of Mace’s head was the barrel of a rifle. I swallowed hard as Mace took a few steps back from me but when I saw Cole standing directly behind him, rifle in hand, I literally couldn’t move. I couldn’t even process what was going on.

For all I knew, I could have been standing there for a minute or a hundred before I finally managed to say, “Cole?”

While I’d been frozen with fear, Mace had managed to turn around, his arms held out. His body wasn’t completely blocking mine so I could see Cole and the way he kept his eyes on Mace. There was a long black bag on the floor at his feet and I could only assume it was for the rifle he was holding.

“Cole, what are you doing?” I asked as fear for Mace and myself threatened to consume me.

Cole’s eyes never wavered from Mace as he said, “You want to tell him or should I?”