Academic Exercises (45 page)

So I went to Anassus (they waived the entrance exam, for some reason) and there I met you and the others, and we read books and talked (sober, some of the time). I tried to put who I was completely out of my mind. I was just tall, skinny Nico with the stammer and the long, pointy nose, and by and large people were pleased to see me. It helped that I was in with Menestheus and Gorgias, the coolest of the cool. But they accepted me because I was, on balance, an asset to the community rather than a liability, because of what was in my head and what came out of my mouth (and because, unlike the rest of you, I still had the price of a round of drinks at mid-term? Well, maybe. That’s something I’ll never know).

So; I’m an amateur, and so are we all. That said, we aren’t doing all that badly. In fact (bearing in mind that we’re a bunch of political, economic and military virgins who couldn’t wipe our arses in the dark) we’re doing pretty well.

Take land reform. Second reading of Aristaeus’ Community Freeholds Bill in the House yesterday; and we got it through without me having to intervene. Law reform; three days ago, Strato pulled off an astounding dawn raid, and we impeached the twenty most corrupt and bigoted judges on the circuit; they never knew what hit them, they went so quietly I could hardly believe it—and, more to the point, we did it within the rules, instead of me sending soldiers round at three o’clock in the morning. Menestheus has actually made sense of the Treasury accounts, so for the first time in nearly forty years we know how much money there really is, how much we owe and how much is coming in. He’s cancelled sixty-six illegal or oppressive taxes, while at the same time he’s cut out so much graft and corruption and inefficiency and waste that we can cover expenses and maybe even start paying back some of the debt. Not bad for a bunch of unworldly, ivory-tower academics.

None of which would be worth a damn if we couldn’t keep the bastard steelnecks off our backs. You remember the dog at Leuco’s; how it used to sit there while you were eating, watching your every move, waiting for the slightest chance to jump up and snatch the bread off your plate or the meat out of your sandwich? That’s what the generals have been like, ever since I got the job. Dreadfully bad luck on them, of course, that for the first time in a decade, the Empire’s at peace with its neighbours. The only crack they could possibly get a knife into is Tremissis; and boy, haven’t they been trying their best. But—thanks to you—I’ve been able to smile sweetly at them, thank them for their offers of assistance but assure them that my governor and I have the matter entirely under control and expect a satisfactory resolution in due course. And there’s not a damn thing they can do about it. They pace up and down like caged jackals; and meanwhile, I’m quietly stripping away their funding and their support mechanisms. If we can only hold things together up there, I’m hoping I can get rid of the whole pack of them, and then the Empire will be safe from the greatest threat of all.

No pressure, Phormio. But—I’m telling you the truth—what you’re doing is the single most important thing in the whole business. Without you, the steelnecks would have my head on a spike, and it’d be civil war, business as usual. Just thought I’d mention that.

Now, here’s something really strange. You asked me to go through the military and find out which officers answering the profile can’t be accounted for. Well, the answer is, none. We’ve checked up on everybody who fits that description under the age of eighty, and none of them can be our man. So we’ve started again and we’re checking out their sons and grandsons, their adjutants, Academy lecturers, foreign asylum seekers with military experience; I know, it doesn’t make sense. You think someone, no military experience or background but extremely bright, could pick up the Book and learn it well enough to put it all into practice?

Rather more luck with the money. It’s a bit like the story about the invisible man; you couldn’t see him, you could only see his shadow. Menestheus’ people are trying to trace the money by the wake it leaves behind as it passes, if that makes any sense (if it does, please explain it to me). For example; the Philargyrus Brothers are very scrupulous about paying their taxes. When they make a big payment, it’s a sign they’ve done a big deal. Likewise, if a bank cuts its lending rate, it can mean they’ve just had an unusually large deposit. Stuff like that. It makes my head hurt, but Menestheus appears to understand it, so I don’t have to. He reckons that large sums have been moving about since roughly a year before the insurgency started—a bit nebulous about the early stages, because of the chaos during the last stages of the War—and there’s no indication of where it came from to begin with; it just appeared out of nowhere, and that simply doesn’t happen, apparently. Unfortunately, at various stages this mysterious fortune vanishes completely. Menestheus reckons it leaves the jurisdiction; gets shoved into Perimadeia for a while to cool off, throw the likes of us off the scent. Still, as the Treasury boys keep telling me, it only needs them to make one mistake and we’ll have them. Indeed. My breath, however, remains resolutely unheld.

Full reports enclosed. In with them, somewhere near the bottom of the third tin, if memory serves, there’s a copy of the new and utterly definitive edition of
Form & Substance
—yes, it would appear that Doc Stesichorus (he must be nearly ninety by now) has finally finished revising and mucking about with it and handed it over to the copyists. Amazing. I can only assume it’s because we’re not there any more to get under his feet and bother him with idiot questions. If that’s not an omen of the end of the world, I don’t know what is.

Phormio, governor of Upper Tremissis, to His Divine Majesty Nicephorus V, brother of the invincible Sun
,
father of his people, defender of the faith, emperor of the Vesani, greetings.

Phormio begs to inform His Majesty that the insurgents have breached the defensive barrier, burnt Theano and demolished the bridge at Zapontus.

From Stesichorus,
Form & Substance
, book IV, chapter 7, paragraphs 7a to 9d (the new edition);

Just thought I’d share that. Forty-six years in the writing, and what does he give us? An answer? No, a rhetorical bloody question. Thanks, Doctor.

I was reading Stesichorus when they told me about the raid. You know that wretched feeling you get when the worst thing that could possibly happen happens? You simply can’t help taking it personally, even if it quite obviously isn’t. So; I don’t really believe that the bad guys went to all that trouble and effort just to spoil what, up till then, had been a really quite pleasant day; but it felt like it. It felt spiteful and petty and mean, and I wanted to hit someone, and there wasn’t anybody to hit.

They must’ve approached the barrier the long way, right round the top of the woods, because our scouts didn’t see or hear a thing. What was so clever, they broke into the trench right at the extreme western end, where we’d only just finished propping and boarding in. I imagine they must have started just after dark, because it would’ve taken them at least six hours to work their way along, slowly and carefully sawing through the load-bearing props—not all the way through, of course, they left just enough to keep them from caving in; roughly half-way, they piled up a great big heap of the dry brushwood bundles we were using to reinforce the parapet; then they carried on sawing through the rest of the props. When they set the brushwood heap on fire, it burned through the main beams of the lower gallery, which made it collapse at that one point, which put a strain on the adjoining chambers, which was enough to snap off the nearly-sawn-through props, which made the whole bloody trench collapse in on itself in less than a minute. It really is a shame none of our people saw it, because it must’ve been the most amazing sight. All the dirt we’d spent all that time, effort and money digging out and piling up into a bank, just quietly sliding back down where it came from. It was so quiet, it didn’t wake up the workers in their camp, a hundred yards away. I went and had a look for myself, and honestly, I had trouble seeing where the ditch had been, it was filled in so neatly.

You’ve got to admire people who can do something like that.

Well, so much for finesse. Wasn’t much of that in evidence when they broke into the camp. There were three hundred and sixty men asleep in there; we found a hundred and sixty-eight bodies. A few survivors trickled back out of the woods when we showed up, but the rest just kept going, and I can’t say I blame them. It’s bloody obvious we can’t protect them, so they’d have to be mad to go back to work, even if we decide to rebuild the trench.

By this time, it was about an hour before dawn. They must’ve walked pretty fast to get to Theano by first light. I gather the scouts saw them coming and raised the alarm, but by the time the garrison was awake and ready to do anything useful, the bad guys were already inside the gates and setting fire to anything with thatch on it. The garrison commander, Major Lonaras, very sensibly decided to leave them to it and get his men, and as many civilians as he could, out of the southern gate before the fire reached it and trapped them all inside the town. It was a good decision; it’s just a pity that the bad guys had anticipated it, and were waiting just outside the gate. Lonaras and those of his men who were still obeying orders at that point managed to get between them and the civilians long enough for them to get away. It was a brave thing to do, but in the event he needn’t have bothered; the bad guys headed straight for the Zapontus bridge and cut them off there. All told, out of two thousand civilians and nearly a hundred soldiers, so far we’ve got thirty-odd civilian survivors; sixteen hundred confirmed dead, including nearly all the garrison, and Lonaras, of course.

After that, they broke up a jetty about two hundred yards downstream, piled up the dry planking on the middle of the bridge and set fire to it. The bridge is repairable, but that’s not the point. They did it so the Mesoura garrison had to take a fifteen-mile detour in order to cross the river, and when they got to Theano, needless to say, it was all over and the bad guys were long gone. We tried following their trail, but it petered out in the foothills. We didn’t catch a single prisoner or recover a single body. For all I know, they may have pulled it off without losing a man.

So, there you have it. I suppose you could try asking your generals what they think they might have been able to do to prevent it, or catch the bad guys before they got away. It might shut them up, at least in public, because I really don’t see what we could’ve done. We can’t put out pickets along the whole length of the frontier. That was the whole idea of the barrier—and I suppose we’ve proved it would’ve been a good idea; it must’ve worried them, to make them go to so much trouble to stop us doing it. But they have.

Nico, I don’t want to add to the horrendous problems this mess is about to cause you; but just think for a moment and be perfectly honest with yourself; am I really the right man for this job? If you can think of anybody else, maybe I should step down and go home. To cope with something like this, you don’t need a plodder, an honest man doing his level best. You need a genius; someone even cleverer than the clever bastard who planned that whole operation. Seriously. Think about it.

Meanwhile, I’ve only got one suggestion, and personally I think it stinks. Rebuild the barrier; not just put it back how it was, but extend it, right down to the sea at the western end and the Hog’s Back to the east. It would, of course, be an undertaking of truly staggering proportions. We’d need at least ten thousand men working on it, with certainly no less than five thousand soldiers to guard them; materials, plant and equipment, food, shelter and general support. I haven’t even considered how much all that would cost. But; I don’t know. I’m trying to put myself inside the mind of my enemy, trying to think; if I was him, what could that clown Phormio possibly do in response to the raid that might in any way alarm, inconvenience or even annoy me? And the answer came back; build the barrier. Build a bigger, longer, better specified barrier. Build a fucking
wall
.

Apart from that, I have only one suggestion, which relates directly to the Stesichorus quote. The only alternative to a wall, that I can think of, would be to bring up another two divisions, then do a fast, thorough sweep of everything within five miles of the border; burn every house, intern all the people, burn or impound all livestock and food reserves; then, when we’ve done that, cross the border and make a similar dead zone for five miles on the other side, put in a garrison, build forts; if that doesn’t work, increase the cross-border zone to ten miles, bring up even more troops, and so on until the insurgency stops.