Aced (Blocked #2) (19 page)

“Hmm.” Father Jacob crossed one leg over the other. “Does your father need to know the information to keep your sister safe?”

“Yes.” I remembered Maddie telling me Lucia could take care of herself. “No.” I breathed out. “I don’t know.” I eyed Father Jacob. Did he know Lucia had broken the sixth commandment? “I guess what it comes down to: do I obey my father, or do I respect my sister?”

“That sounds like a tricky moral dilemma. Pray to the Holy Spirit, and you’ll receive guidance.”

I nodded. I did need to pray more. But I wished he’d answered my question. “I’ve been prideful and judgmental. Someone…a, a friend…” If only Maddie were more than that to me. “She told me I shouldn’t judge Lucy. And I know it’s not my place, but I’m concerned about my sister. Maybe my father should know what she’s done.”

He blinked at me. “It appears you’re also thinking about your father’s judgment.”

“Yes.” I didn’t want Dad to be disappointed by me or Lucia.

“And judging yourself as well.”

I shrugged. How else was I to keep myself in line?

He opened his arms, his palms facing up. “In confession, there is no judgment. There is only mercy.”

Cierto
. Truth. I was here to receive God’s mercy. I closed my eyes and tried to open my heart. I needed to end the caginess and deceit and put it all out there, ask for His mercy. “You know, it’s ridiculous that I’m judging others for the very sin I’m committing.” My hands tingled with the yearning to stroke Maddie’s skin. I couldn’t stop thinking about her even in the confessional.
God, help me
.

“And what sin is that, my son?”

“I have impure thoughts. I have lust in my heart.” My chest tightened.
Tell him
. “I want to make love to a girl who’s not my wife.”

He sat back in his chair as he nodded slowly. Did he think I was hopeless to receive God’s grace?

“
Have
you had sex outside of marriage?”

“No, Father.” I sighed. “It was my full intent to wait for the sacrament of marriage, no matter what happened around me, until…”

“Until?” He prompted.

“Until I met Maddie.” Her enticing scent and smooth skin flooded my senses. “She’s so intelligent. So accomplished. She’s kind. She’s giving.” I pictured tears rolling down her face and frowned. “She’s hurting. When she hurts, I hurt, too. I want to help her.” My heart skipped a beat. “I, I’ve never felt this for any girl before.”

His mouth twitched. Was that the beginning of a smile?

“Truth is, she’s consumed me.” When blood rushed to my groin, I crossed my wrists in my lap. My face flamed. “She arouses me, and I know that’s not right, but I can’t control—”

“Has God brought love into your life, Alejandro?”

Startled, I looked up. Did I love Maddie? I didn’t know her well enough to determine that, right? I knew I cared deeply for her, though. That was indisputable.

Father Jacob tilted his head. “You confessed to trying to control things instead of seeking God’s will. And the depth of emotion you have for this woman feels out of your control.”

“Very much so.”

“You said you seek more love in your life, and He wants that for you as well. Perhaps your growing attachment to this woman is God’s will. Perhaps opening yourself to her is a way to honor our Lord, not diminish Him.”

Increíble.
Was he saying it was okay to have sex with Maddie?

Father Jacob patted my knee. “This is about you and your relationship with God. Feel His love for you. Let His strength replace your fear. Pray for His guidance. Pray for His grace.”

I sat still as his words settled over me like a silky altar cloth. I’d always been the responsible one in my family. I’d tried to set a good example for my siblings by working hard in school and baseball. I’d followed the dictates of my parents and parish without question. But my baseball dreams had died under the surgeon’s knife. And my utter compliance with authority had left me detached and lonely. Were these the just rewards of a godly life?

Maddie had assuaged my lonely heart. Spending time with her was a salve to my solitary existence. Could it be wrong to want her like I did?
Guide me, Father. Bring me love, if that’s Your will
. An unfamiliar burning sensation climbed up my throat, and I realized I wanted to cry.

“Do you have other sins to confess?”

I clenched my teeth against the threatening tears, and shook my head. I’d probably taken up too much of his time already. “I’m truly sorry for my sins.”

“In response to God’s mercy, pray three Hail Marys.”

I nodded. Father Jacob seemed different from my priest in Houston—less intimidating, more accepting—but the penance he gave me was standard fare.

“And I suggest daily prayer to let go of your fear, bring you closer to God’s love.”

I paused. That penance seemed more unusual, but also more needed. “Yes, Father.”

He waited for me to continue.

I cleared my throat. “Dear God, I’m sorry for my sins with all my heart. You are deserving of all my love, but I’ve sinned against You, my God. I resolve, with the help of Your grace, to confess my sins, do penance, and amend my life.”

Father Jacob took my hands in his. “God, the Father of Mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son, has sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins. May God grant you pardon and peace. I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

“Amen.”

He looked into my eyes. “God has freed you from your sin. Go in peace.”

I nodded. I craved peace. “Thanks be to God.”

I walked out of the room and found Allison sitting in a pew toward the back of the empty sanctuary. I pointed to another pew and raised my eyebrows to ask if I could stay and do my penance. She nodded and smiled; Lucia probably did the same thing. I slid into a pew a few rows ahead of her and leaned down to pull out a kneeler.

As I knelt and set my elbows on the wood pew in front of me, a familiar twinge of pain shot up my right arm. I glared at my elbow, which hadn’t been right since the surgery.
Goddamn baseball injury
. My head popped up with a guilty glance around me.
Whoops
. Here I was, sinning again, not yet two minutes since my confession. I definitely needed to pray. I lowered my forehead to my clasped knuckles.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners…

Hail Mary, full of grace
…My mind wandered as I repeated the silent prayer.
Bring me closer to Your love, God. Let me not be controlling or prideful. Guide me to honor my parents, my sister, and my brother. Show me how to proceed with Maddie.

I would see her tonight. Would she still be angry with me? Would she let me kiss her? Was it okay to kiss her when I wanted even more?

Hail Mary, full of grace…Help me get an A on my next exam. No, I shouldn’t ask for that. Help me be worthy of your love, God. Guide me to do the right thing.

Allison studied me as I stood and approached her. “Ready?”

“Yes.”

She kept glancing at me on our way to the car.

“What?”

“Oh. Sorry.” She blushed. “I was checking to see if you were crying.”

“Why?” I suddenly felt exposed.

Allison scanned the parking lot as she held the door open for me. “Lucia cries when she prays. She says the spirit moves her, that she feels God’s love at church.”

My sister
. She was a precious gem, a sensitive soul. Dad had worried about her attending school so far away from Texas, but she’d made a home here. I was proud of her.

As we drove back to the greenhouse, I remembered my phone had buzzed during confession. I took it out of my jacket pocket and saw a text from Jake. We tried to talk at least once a week, but it had been a while since I’d heard from him. I looked at the time—it had to be almost midnight in Afghanistan. Hoping he hadn’t gone to sleep already, I typed out a reply.

Sorry, was in confession. You still up?

Just finished patrol.
What the fuck has choirboy got to confess?

I grinned. I missed his insults.

We’re all sinners. Even heroes like you sin sometimes.

It took him a while to reply.

Cut it with the hero stuff. I’m no fucking hero.

My grin faded. Jake always deflected my praise, but tonight he had an edge.

What happened on patrol?

Can’t discuss it.

C’mon, you know my security clearance is stellar.

That’s right, El Niño.

I relaxed a little when he joked again. Ever since my father had become governor, Jake had referred to Dad as
El Presidente
and me as
El Niño.
Somehow Jake had known my father would become president before my family figured it out. He also knew how much I lost when my father won. Jake was the only person I’d confided in about my disdain for public scrutiny. Before Maddie, he’d been the only one to know Charlotte had left me because of my family’s fame and my values. Jake had been there for me, and I wanted to be there for him.

It gets rough out there. But El Niño knows your heart, knows you want to make things better. Keep fighting.

I had a long wait for his reply.

Maybe I need confession too.

What had happened out there? God, I hoped he hadn’t been forced to take a life.

You definitely need confession, Marine.
You’re messed in the head.

Pot, meet the fucking kettle. You prob ruined that priest. So you found a church you like?

I’m at Highbanks.

Have you punched Douchebag yet?

I smirked. Jake had gotten an earful after the first time I met Dane. And I hoped Lucy wouldn’t find out I’d told Jake about Dane getting to know her in the biblical sense. I’d been so angry when Frank had called me I hadn’t known what to do. So I’d texted my best friend. Jake had been against me confronting Lucy, and I should’ve listened to him. But when did I act rationally when I was ticked off?

Hail Mary, full of grace…

Not yet.

You okay? Why’d you go to confession?

I played with my watch. Should I tell him about Maddie? He’d give me hell, I knew. But that meant he cared.

I met a girl.

Holy FUCK! So you want to boink her bones,
but your stupid religion holds you back?

You’re a Neanderthal.

I knew it. El Niño’s finally growing up. *wipes a tear*

I hate you.

Get some for me, ok? It’s a desert out here.
The only action I get? Cleaning my rifle.

I rolled my eyes. He texted again.

Bopping my baloney. Polishing the banister.

Thanks, I get it.

No really, you like this girl, huh?

Yes. Not sure how she feels about me.

She must be damn special.

She is
. I smiled. But enough about me; he was the one who’d texted.

Enough about me. You ok?

Your lameass life’s the perfect distraction.
Ow. Benson just threw his boot at me.
Gotta turn off the phone.

Be safe, Jake.

You too, El Niño. Hey, ask El Presidente
to send some chicks over for me and my boyz.

I laughed.

I’ll get right on that.

Chapter Thirteen

A
S
I C
LIMBED
T
HE
L
AST
S
TAIR
to my floor, I let out a long breath. Jaylon was not waiting at my door.
Praise God
. After the day I’d had—weights, class, Coach chewing me out, class again, mind-shrinking therapy, practice—I couldn’t handle him on top of it. Mrs. Marshall’s Yorkie started his high-pitched yaps when I unlocked my door and walked inside.

Bed
. I peeled off my coat and left it pooled at my feet. I wanted my bed. And that little fucker had better shut his pie-hole by the time I got there. But when I turned toward my bedroom, my stomach growling stopped me.

Is that you, hunger? I haven’t heard from you in a while.
Maybe I’d actually worked up an appetite at practice. I somehow hadn’t been the worst athlete out there today. Perhaps I should’ve accepted Rez’s Valentine dinner invitation. She’d looked so sad when I turned her down in the locker room.

I changed direction and entered my little kitchen. Then I realized I didn’t have anything to eat. My road trip to Cleveland had interfered with my usual weekend grocery store run. With a groan, I sagged against the wall. I was way too exhausted to venture out into the cold for food.