Across The Divide (25 page)

I went back to my room covered in blood.

“What the flaming goat’s nuts happened to you?” Sprig climbed out from his cage the moment the door closed behind me.

Normally I would want a shower, but I walked to my bed and sat on the edge. I was numb and detached, barely aware of the blood drying on my clothes and skin.

“
Bhean?
” Sprig jumped down on the bed, then scaled my leg.

I didn’t move or acknowledge him. I only stared straight ahead.

“Talk to me,” Sprig’s voice sounded quiet and soft.

I could not speak.

“Okay, tell me whose blood this is.” Sprig slid off as I stood.

“Ryker’s.”

“What? Ryker’s? Viking is here? Why is his blood all over you? What happened?” His questions kept coming, but I tuned him out.

I stood, walking to the corner of the room and slid down, turning my face away from the room. I wrapped my arms around my legs and stared vacantly. I went to a faraway place where no one or nothing could touch me—not even emotions.

I sensed Sprig making a fuss for a while, but he went silent when the lights clicked off. DMG was putting us to bed.

Sprig always brought me comfort, but he wouldn’t be able to comprehend what I had done to Ryker. He didn’t have a mean bone in his body. Sprig would listen, but he’d be aghast. He would never even consider torturing a friend or someone he loved. Deep down, he would never think me capable.

I was
.

Time was a weird thing, or at least one’s perception of it. Time didn’t actually slow down or speed up, but without being tethered to the world, it jumped, skipped, and stopped at its own discretion. It must have done a few cartwheels, because to me, it was a blink of an eye, a lifetime, when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Zoey?” Croygen’s distinct voice whispered in my ear. “Hey.”

I didn’t move.

“Zoey, what happened?” Croygen sat next to me. The warmth of his palm rubbed my back, splintered my numbness, pulled me back from the depths. Like a life raft.

He could accept and understand what I’d done, like Ryker would have. I turned, crushing myself into his chest. His arms wrapped around me, holding me. I didn’t cry, but my body shook so violently he rocked us back and forth to calm me.

“Tell me,” Croygen said. “The monkey was not making any sense and told me to get my ass here. Said something about the Viking being back? What is going on, Zoey? Is Ryker here?”

“Yes.” It was only one word, but it broke the dam for the rest to follow. “He came back for me.”

“Is that his blood?”

“Yes.”

I recounted the events of the whole day in a monotone cadence.

Croygen listened, his face not giving anything away. Sprig uttered comments, until I got to where Ryker was strapped to the bed. I glazed over the torture part, but Sprig still crawled away, hopping back into his cage and shutting the top.

He hated me too. He teased about disliking Ryker, but Sprig cared about him, and he wouldn’t understand my cruelty. I couldn’t understand it either.

“You had to.” Croygen brushed at the hair sticking to the dried blood on my face. “You must do it for your sister. Ryker, out of anyone, would understand this.”

“Doesn’t make it better.”

“Probably not.” Croygen hands dropped. “If it was Ryker’s sister, he would do it for her.”

I lifted my face. “You know about his family?”

Croygen nodded.

“Yeah. One night when Amara was working, he got drunk and told me. I don’t think he remembers he did.” Croygen leaned his head back against the wall. Both of us still huddled in the corner. “But I know there is nothing he wouldn’t have done for Madi, to save her life. You have a second chance with Lexie. He would never forgive you if you didn’t take it.”

Croygen was right. I knew Ryker would want me to save her. But taking the life of a man I didn’t want to live without, for a sister I couldn’t survive without, was my own ruin. Either way, I couldn’t live with the outcome.

“I can see him resisting the oath.” I let my head slide till it was on Croygen’s shoulder.

“He’s incredibly strong. He’ll make it through this.”

“No, he won’t.” I sighed. “He’s dying. I can see it.”

“Then even more he’d want you to fight for your sister.”

“I know. It’s what makes this harder.”

“This is a perfect example why I don’t let myself love.” He pulled me tighter into his chest, contradicting his words.

“What about Amara?”

He tilted his head against mine. “We both know that isn’t love.”

When the tips of Croygen’s boots slipped through the vent, disappearing back in the direction of his room, I wandered over to Sprig’s cage.

“Hey, buddy?” I peered in. In the dark, I could see him curled in the corner, his rhythmic breathing moving his tiny body up and down. My hand traced over his back, which felt hot under my fingers. Fae didn’t get sick often. Not unless something was really wrong, like an overdose of goblin metal. His hummingbird metabolism should work through it fast. I hoped he would be better in the morning. The testing, drugs, and lack of sugar had to be affecting him.

“I’m sorry. For…everything,” I whispered, before drifting over to my bed. Guilt consumed me for bringing him back here. Neither of us came willingly, but the only reason he was here again was because of me. I plopped onto my cot, exhausted from the day. The dull reflection off my boots from the emergency light above the door took my full focus.

Please say you didn’t, Ryker…

I could hope all I wanted, but my gut knew the truth. Still my stomach twisted around as I unlaced my right boot. Instinct picked that one first, luring me. With a tug, the boot slipped off my foot, falling to the floor. I leaned over, cupping the heel in my hand. Air stopped in my lungs as I tugged at the insert. It peeled away, the dark shadows disguising the depths of the hole. I tilted the shoe.

A stone rolled out on to the side. Oxygen flooded out of my lungs.

Hell.

The smooth gray stone easily fit into a palm and looked nothing more than a rock you’d find on the beach. But I knew the truth. Without even knowing why, you were drawn to it. Its power was subtle and unassuming, calling you to pick it up, to curl your fingers around it, and to keep it forever. It was strange, but I felt it had been patiently waiting for me to finally acknowledge it was there.

It was alive like most fae-made things, and the stone knew the taste of my skin, my soul. It understood my weaknesses, my desires, the things that made me tick. It had known even before I did what I most desired.

And it could give it to me…

I lifted my hand, reaching out.

“No.” I jerked my arm out of reach, shaking my head to clear it. I dropped the boot into my lap; the stone rolled back into the dark hole of my boot.

A sound escaped from the rock, a whisper of my name. 
Zoey…

No. You are not getting me,
I replied in my mind. But the idea of taking hold of it was incredibly enticing. It sounded like a great idea to get all of us out of this mess…screw consequences. Except the outcome might be worse. I was scared enough of the deep anger I carried inside. It would use this rage and turn it against me, resulting in worse circumstances than I started with.

I was selfish but not arrogant enough to think I could let the stone take me without horrific effects. The last time I held the stone I saw how easy it could turn my mind, twisting my good intensions.

I tucked the insole back and dropped the boot to the ground, shoving my foot in. The weight of my awareness tripled the heaviness of the shoe. My attentiveness created anxiety and grappled with my nerves. 
Would people notice?
Now that I knew, I felt everyone else would.

My head hit the pillow as I fell back, my hand rubbing at the tension across my forehead. Ryker did the smart thing keeping it far from Vadik or even Amara, but now the burden was mine. I crossed my arms and legs, closing my eyes, letting exhaustion override my mind. Sleep pulled me away from the world.

Zoey, you can’t fight me forever. It’s supposed to be you and me. Together. I will take your pain away, give you everything you’ve ever desired.

The words wrapped around me and flooded me with images and feelings of happiness.

Would it really be that bad?

The lights blazed on, tearing me from dreams of Ryker, us relaxing on a porch with a beer, watching Lexie and Sprig play on the lawn together.

I swallowed the lump in my throat when reality flooded in. The realization of the truth of my life constricted my lungs. Ryker was below me, waiting for another round of torture and tests. Lexie was drugged beyond thought or feeling. Croygen would probably be used for parts, and Sprig and I were lab rats, forced to create a new line of superior humans and primates.

My gaze returned to my boot, and I sat with a snarl. The stone was no better than Rapava—a passive-aggressive bully, twisting my mind and emotions so much I didn’t know which way was up.

My legs lifted me from the bed, Ryker’s blood still covering me, and I strolled over to Sprig’s crate. “You awake?” I asked, lifting the cover.