Addict Nation (41 page)

Let me say for the record, there are many, many times when I am not emotionally sober. When I fall off the spiritual beam, for whatever reason, I immediately begin regressing to my old alcoholic personality. I become irritable and discontent and quickly start to develop resentments, grudges, and a victim mentality. I get a chip on my shoulder. I become unpleasant to be around and am prone to yelling. In short, I go negative.

A recovering addict, whatever drug they’ve given up, is always moving in one direction or the other, either toward more emotional sobriety or away from it and toward a relapse. As a recovering alcoholic, I can’t sit back and say, “Well, I’ve been sober more than fifteen years. I no longer have to work on my recovery.” That’s a disaster in the making. When I stop working on my spiritual condition, in very short order, the “ism” of alcoholism comes right back, even though I’m not drinking alcohol. They say the “slip” back into the disease happens long before that first drink is picked up. So, perhaps most of all, emotional sobriety is a joyful attitude toward life.

Addiction Is a Disease of the Mind

How do we achieve this “attitude adjustment” that takes us from addictive thinking to emotional sobriety? The seeds that sprout a sober disposition are perfectly outlined in the Twelve Steps of recovery. Based on timeless spiritual principles, the Twelve Steps were first outlined in Alcoholics Anonymous, originally published in 1939. Those same Twelve Steps are now used by millions of people across the globe seeking a reprieve from a plethora of addictions.

The beauty of the Twelve Steps is that it’s a very simple set of recovery principles that can be applied to every addiction imaginable, including prescription and illegal drugs, food, sex, technology, materialism, cleanliness, violence, incarceration, celebrity, procreation, and war. They call recovery a simple program for complicated people. Given the complex nature of the addictions covered in this book, perhaps we can amend that to say recovery offers a simple program to deal with complicated addictions.

To make it even simpler, these recovery steps can be reduced to a mere handful of concepts that can guide us through whatever addictive challenge and psychological-emotional issue we encounter.

The simple concepts are:

surrendering to the truth that we are powerless over our addictive cravings

recognizing that ours is a spiritual problem with a spiritual solution

seeking guidance from a higher power as we define it

writing a list of the damage we’ve done

admitting to another person what we’ve done wrong

making amends to those we’ve hurt

being of service to others

There is an emotional alchemy that occurs when people practice the recovery principles of honesty, humility, integrity, service, and surrender. There is a radiance to someone who is emotionally sober, which is palpable. I recognized that rare quality in a woman who became my first mentor in sobriety fifteen years ago. We’ve been friends ever since. She’s always impeccably dressed, with a refined bearing. But when she starts talking, she’s shockingly honest about herself. She laughs as she tells embarrassing stories about her drinking days. She also isn’t afraid to share the pain she has experienced. She’s humble, especially when it comes to describing how she hit bottom on booze and then turned her life around, trading in her jaded lifestyle for a more spiritual approach. She spends a lot of time helping people like me maintain their sobriety. She’s very patient, but also firm and able to set boundaries. In this, and other ways, she is always being of service to others. I would describe this friend as sober, both in a literal and an emotional sense. Her life is in balance.

In an Addict Nation that constantly tells us “You can have one more,” it’s difficult to know when you’ve crossed the line into a self-destructive, addictive pattern. If we’re overweight, if we’re deeply in debt, if we’re overworked or frequently tired, if we’ve got an ulcer or high cholesterol—these are all indicators of a life out of balance. Doing an “inventory” can help us see clearly where we’re off track. By keeping a running catalogue of our actions, by literally writing down every cent we spend or every calorie we eat, or everything we drink, or every curse word we use, or every time we lie, or how many products we pour on our bodies, or how many shoes we own, or how many times we text, we can inventory our behavior and get a crystal-clear picture of what’s askew. The writing on the page will tell a story we cannot rationalize away. It stares us in the face, and we can no longer say, “It’s not that bad.” If you’re struggling with overconsumption, do a consumption inventory and list every single thing you purchase or use. After a week you may well hit bottom on overconsumption.

Addictions Are Contagious

One thing we know about addiction is that somebody else’s bad habits can easily rub off on you. People have a tendency to do drugs in groups, get drunk in groups, and get fat in groups. We’ve discussed that people are more likely to become overweight if they have overweight friends. There’s a recovery phrase for friends who are more severely addicted than you are:
lesser companions.
If you want emotional sobriety, then avoid people who consume addictively and seek out people who have qualities to which you aspire. The same concept applies to places. If you’re trying to reduce your consumption, don’t frequent superstores, malls, and outlets. Individual decisions, added together, are the only way our culture is going to evolve.

The miracle of recovery is one addict listening to another and identifying with the other person’s experience. When two or more people with the same problem connect, there is no passing of judgment or assigning of blame since everyone is in the same predicament. There are recovery meetings, support groups, clubs, organizations, and less formal gatherings for almost every human addiction and predilection. If you’ve kicked fast food by going vegan, it helps to make friends with other vegans and become part of that healthy, compassionate community. If you’re antiwar, it’s useful to join an organization that promotes peace . . . and there are hundreds of choices just a Google search away. If you’re kicking harsh chemicals and buying organic, you might want to join a health food cooperative where you’re likely to run into other ethical shoppers who share your beliefs. It doesn’t have to be you against the world. A sense of community and belonging is especially crucial when you’ve chosen a less-traveled road.

A great example of this is the 100 Thing Challenge. A San Diego father of three named Dave Bruno decided he wanted to “break free from the confining habits of American-style consumerism.” So he challenged himself to reduce his material possessions to 100 things, with reasonable exceptions for shared family items.
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His challenge took off, and now a whole bunch of people are trying the same thing. They’ve got a Facebook fan page and are developing a community.

Be the Change You Want to See in the World

The Internet is democratizing change. Anybody with a fresh idea can now create a community online. The only way we are going to change our addict-centric institutions is if we join together and invent alternatives. No longer do we have the excuse that it’s useless to try because one person alone can’t make a difference. We have now truly become a global village where no one has to do it alone.