Adopted Son (19 page)

“Did Amalie know who my mother was?”

“That was the one thing Jess was insistent about. He had to tell Amalie. Bernadette agreed.”

They both knew. That’s why they’d told him repeatedly that he was a gift from God.

“Thank you, Sister. I appreciate your talking to me.”

Sister Frances frowned. “Who are you?”

“Jeremiah Tucker—Bernadette’s son.” This time he said it without pausing.

“Yes, yes.” She nodded. “Go in peace, my son.”

Sister Theresa motioned to the other nun and she wheeled Frances away. Sister Theresa slipped her hands into the pockets of her habit. “She fades in and out, but I believe it’s close to the truth.”

“I do, too,” Tuck replied, feeling numb.

Sister Theresa looked him straight in the eye. “Remember your promise to never use this information.”

“I would never do anything to tarnish my mother’s memory. Her secret will always be safe.”

“Bless you, Mr. Tucker, and may you find some peace.”

“Thank you, Sister.”

A nun guided Tuck, Grace and Eli down the long corridor, their footsteps echoing on the cold, hard stone. The gates of hell. The wages of sin drummed through his mind, mimicking the echoes. They stepped out into the warm April sunshine, but Tuck didn’t feel it. All he could feel was the pain. He blinked, his eyes adjusting after the dimness of the orphanage.

“Are you okay?” Eli asked.

Tuck placed his hat on his head. “I’ll be fine. I just need some time alone.”

“Tuck.”

“Eli, please. Just give me some time.”

“Okay.” Eli nodded. “If you want to talk, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks.”

Eli strolled away and Tuck walked briskly to his car. Grace broke into a run to catch up. Tuck didn’t speak on the drive home. He couldn’t and he could feel himself shutting down and shutting everyone out—even Grace. He needed time. Time to understand what he’d just heard. Time to learn to live with one of life’s hard truths.

He was the son of a rapist.

L
IKE
E
LI
, G
RACE WANTED
Tuck to talk, but she knew Tuck wasn’t ready. He’d heard so many truths today and she wondered how long it would be before he fully accepted them—both the circumstances of his birth and his adoption.

When they reached the house, Tuck hurried inside and studied the names on the table.

She picked up Sam. “What are you doing?”

“Her name should be here.”

“You mean your mother’s name?”

“Yes.” He jabbed at the table. “There it is. Bernadette.”

Grace glanced down. To the right of Bernadette was Tuck.

Tuck noticed it, too. “We’re together. I wonder if Ma and Pa planned it that way.”

“They…” But Tuck wasn’t listening to her. He tore toward the hall. She placed Sam on the floor and quickly followed.

She found him in the spare bedroom, going through the photos they’d stored in the plastic container. Kneeling, he hurriedly removed the frames, exposing the back of the photos.

“Tuck…”

“Ma wrote names on the back of all the photos. Her photo is here. I know it.”

Grace didn’t try to stop him. He somehow had to do this—to keep searching until he had all the pieces to the puzzle of the past. Of his life. Suddenly he sank to the floor, leaning against the wall, holding a photo.

Easing down by him, she read the names on the back: Carol, Bernadette and Nancy. “All dressed up for Easter services” the caption read.

Tuck turned the photo over, staring at the girls. “The middle girl is my mother.” The words came out in a hoarse whisper.

Grace looked at the smiling young girl. “She has dark hair and eyes.”

“Like me.”

Grace touched his face. “Yes, like you.”

He pulled away and her heart sank. “Tuck.”

“Go home, Grace. I need time—alone.”

“I’m not leaving you like this.”

“Will you for once not argue with me and respect my wishes?”

He sounded like the old Tuck who was always snapping at her. She waited for an apology, but she didn’t get one. Instead, he said, “We made a mistake. We should never have gotten involved.”

She bit down on her tongue to keep from crying out. “You don’t mean that,” was all she could manage.

“I do. I’m sorry if that hurts you.”

“Yes. It hurts me, but it hurts me more to see you like this.” She took a deep breath. “None of what we found out today matters to me. You’re still the man I’ve fallen in love with. I don’t care who your parents are. They’re not who you are.”

“Save your love for a man who deserves it and who can give you all you need. I’m not that man.”

“Why not?”

“Leave it alone.”

The tone of his voice should have deterred her, but it didn’t. “Why not?” she persisted, fighting for their relationship. Fighting for their love.

He scrambled to his feet in an angry movement. “Because I’ve always had control of that empty place inside me, a place that belonged to the unknown—my mother. It was protected, secure, but now it’s wide-open and the pain and the heartache is pouring in. I can’t stop it. I can’t do anything but feel that pain. The pain of knowing that I’m the son of a rapist. I’m no good to you or myself or to anyone. I’m completely spent, completely empty.” He turned toward his bedroom.

“You don’t need control. All you need is love.”

He didn’t respond. His back was rigid, straight and unyielding, telling her more than she wanted to accept.

“You’re an incredibly good man. I know that. Everyone knows that. What happened between your biological parents doesn’t change that. It doesn’t change you. You’ve spent your life giving to others. It’s all right to take some of that back. It’s all right to have a life. It’s all right to fall in love.”

“I don’t love you, Grace,” he said clearly and effectively. It crushed whatever hope she had and the fight left her. She knew when to give up.

But she would never give up on their love.

She ran from the room, tears streaming down her face. She made it to her car and called Eli. Tuck was hurting and alone and she couldn’t stand that. Eli said that Tuck needed time and they should respect his wishes, but he would check on him first thing in the morning.

She drove home feeling as if her world had suddenly come to end.

W
HEN
T
UCK HEARD
the door close, he made his way into the den. He laid his mother’s photo on the table and picked up the humidor from the floor. Pulling the letter from his pocket, he placed it on the bottom as it had lain for so many years. After putting the box back together, he sat in his recliner letting his mind take him places he didn’t want to go.

He’d had horrible feelings when he’d learned Pa had lied to him, but now he knew he had his reasons. Pa would never break his word. He was that type of man.

Thoughts followed about his biological father. What type of man forces himself on a nun? The lowest kind. But this man had also given Tuck life. That was harder to accept. He honestly didn’t know if he ever would.

Unable to stop them, tears rolled from his eyes. He hadn’t cried since Ma had died, but now he cried for a mother and the pain she must have endured. He cried for his adoptive parents and the torment they must have suffered at keeping their secret from him. And he cried for himself and the agony he couldn’t get through.

Lastly, he cried for Grace and all that could have been. He prayed one day she would forgive him.

T
HE RINGING OF THE PHONE
woke Tuck. It took a moment for him to realize what it was. The sound stopped and he instinctively reached for Grace, then everything came flooding back with painful clarity.

Grace wasn’t here. She wasn’t ever going to be here again.

He sat up, realizing he was still in the recliner. He ran his hands over his face, feeling as if he’d been slam-dunked through a net of barbed wire. Each scar ran deep and wide inside him and he couldn’t get past the truth.

His father…

He swallowed hard, unable to complete the thought. Did the truth somehow change him?

Tuck didn’t have any answers. All he knew was that he had started to believe that he could have a life, a family—with Grace. But now…

Feeling the weight of despair, he slowly stood and a deep, tortured sigh escaped him. He had hurt her in a way no man should hurt a woman, but he was powerless to change that. She deserved someone better than him. She deserved love, happiness and everything that entailed.

He couldn’t give her that.

Not now.

T
UCK
’
S CELL RANG
and he reached for the phone on his waist.

“Tuck, this is Sheriff Wheeler.”

“Morning, Sheriff.”

“Remember that hit-and-run case you investigated about a year ago?”

Tuck headed for his bedroom as he talked, Sam trailing behind him. “Sure. Luis Rodriquez is well hidden in Mexico.”

“The Mexican authorities just called. Luis is tired of running and he’s ready to turn himself in and face charges here in Texas. They’ll bring him to the bridge in Laredo. Since the Rangers have jurisdiction, I thought you might like to be the one to walk across the bridge and arrest him.”

“You bet.” Tuck had spent a lot of hours on the case, trying to find Rodriquez after he’d run from a car crash. The young girl he’d hit died instantly. Rodriquez was drunk and fled the scene before police had arrived. His family quickly got him to Mexico. The girl’s family had been waiting a long time for this day.

“How soon can you be in my office?”

“In about forty-five minutes.” This was what he needed—to throw himself into work. It would keep him busy and his mind on other things.

He hung up, took a shower and dressed. Carrying his boots and gun into the den, he sat down to put them on.

His back door opened and Eli walked in. “Morning,” he said, sinking into a chair.

“I’m not in a mood to talk, so go home.”

“I’m just checking to see if you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.” He slipped a foot into a boot. “I’m going to Mexico to pick up Luis Rodriquez. He’s turning himself in. I won’t be gone long, but would you check on Sam and Dee?”

“Sure. No problem.” Eli picked up the photo of Tuck’s biological mother from the coffee table. He flipped it over and read the back side. “You found a picture of your mother.”

“Yeah.”

“You have her coloring.”

“I know.” He slipped his other foot into a boot. “I wonder what I inherited from my father.”

Eli looked straight at him. “All his good qualities.”

He clenched his jaw. “I don’t feel like going over this.”

Eli fingered the photo. “You’ve been through a lot lately. Just take some time and think this through. You’re the most caring, giving man I know. There isn’t a part of you that’s bad.”

Tuck attached his gun to his belt, trying to block out Eli’s words, trying not to think, but somewhere in the corner of his soul he could feel that soiled part of him, like a scarlet letter. He would never be able to change that. He gulped in a breath.

He looked at his brother. “Then why do I feel so tainted?”

“Tuck, give this time. Whoever your biological father is doesn’t mean a thing. It’s the man you’ve become that matters. The man we all love. Ask any kid you’ve mentored. Ask Grace.”

“Leave Grace out of this.”

“Tuck, for heaven’s sake, don’t throw away what you have.”

Tuck sucked in a painful breath. “It’s over. I know that.”

“Tuck—” Eli stopped for a second. “Okay, think about your biological father. He helped out at the orphanage for free. A bad person doesn’t do that. He’s human and fell in love with a nun. I’m not saying that what he did was right by any means, but your mother forgave him. And you have to, too.”

Without a word Tuck attached his badge to his shirt.

“You’re not the spawn of the devil,” Eli said firmly. “Even if you were I’ll still love you. Caroline and Jesse will, too, so will the McCains. Even Grace will. Do you know why?”

“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“Because we know you. And soon you’ll realize that, too. Just don’t throw away everything that’s good in your life.”

Tuck didn’t reply. He had nothing to say.

Eli stood with an aggravated sigh, glancing at the boxes. “What are you going to do with those?”

“Put them back in the attic for now.”

Eli settled his hat on his head. “Tuck.”

“Go home, Eli. And tell the McCains I don’t want to talk to anyone.”

Eli shrugged. “Sure. But you know Beau. He’s going to want to help, as all of us do.”

“Eli…” Tuck couldn’t take much more. He had to get away from everyone.

“I’ll get the point across,” Eli added quickly.

“Thanks.”

“Are you okay?”

Tuck saw the worry in his brother’s eyes. “No.” He didn’t lie. “But I will be.”

G
RACE CURLED UP
on her sofa, clutching the peignoir she planned to wear for Tuck, her tears soaking it. Everything had been so wonderful and now it just seemed lost. What hurt the most was that she couldn’t reach him. Her love wasn’t enough.

Her doorbell rang and she ignored it, then she heard the key in the lock.
Caroline.
Why did she ever give her sister a key?

“Grace, where are you?” Caroline called.

“Go home, Caroline.”

Caroline flopped down beside her and Grace rose to a sitting position. Caroline brushed away Grace’s tears. “Oh, Gracie, I’m so sorry.”

“I love him, Caro, but…” She hiccuped. “But he doesn’t love me.”

“Tuck’s hurting. Just give him some time.”

“I’m so afraid that I’ll never be able to reach him.”

“Then fight for what you want. You do that better than anyone I know. Make a decision, fight for it with all your heart and the fear will go away.”

“I’d like to be alone,” Grace mumbled.

Caroline hugged her. “Sisters first—sisters always.”

“That’s not true anymore. You have a husband and a baby. Our lives are changing.”

“But we will always be sisters. Nothing will ever change that.”

“No.” Grace wiped at her eyes. “I never dreamed love could hurt this bad.”

“Gracie…”

“But I’ll survive. I was taught to be strong.”

“You have to be strong to survive in a man’s world.” Caroline dropped her voice to sound like their father.

Grace wanted to smile, but she couldn’t.

“How about I get us some chocolate?”

“No.” Grace shook her head. “I really want to be alone to wallow in my heartache. Then I’ll pick myself up and decide what I’m going to do.”

“Okay.” Caroline pulled the peignoir out of her hands. “You’re ruining this beautiful garment.”

Grace snatched it back. “I was going to wear it for Tuck, but now…”

“This isn’t like you to indulge in self-pity.”

“Sometimes a woman has to cry.”

“I’ll give you that, but not for long. Tuck needs you.”

“Goodbye, Caroline.”

“I’ll call you in a couple of hours.”

“No. Don’t.”

“I’m not leaving you alone like this. Eli has Jesse and I have to go, but I’ll check on you later.”

“Whatever.” Grace curled into a ball. When the door closed, she burst into tears. She let the tears flow freely, cleansing, washing away, holding on to the peignoir and her dreams.

After that, she got up, dressed and went in to work. She sat in her big office unable to concentrate. The law firm used to be her life, but it wasn’t anymore. She wasn’t happy here. She’d once told Caroline that she wanted to be happy with herself and her life. For a short period of time she had been, and then she’d come back to the firm and gotten bogged down with the daily problems of being head of The Whitten Law Firm.

She walked to the window and stared out at the city of Austin, but she didn’t really see it. Her gaze focused on the oaks in the distance. Several miles behind them was the hospital. She wondered how Brady was, if he’d gone home. She wondered about Barbara, Molly and the other baby.

They’d touched her in a way she hadn’t expected. They’d touched her heart and awakened a part of her she hadn’t even known was there.

Just the way Tuck had awakened her heart.

Caroline had told her to make a decision and fight for it. She wanted a life with Tuck and she was going to fight for it with all her heart. First, she had to make changes.

She turned toward her desk and froze. A spider inched his way across the hardwood floor. Fear jumped into her throat and her natural response was to shout for Nina. But not today. She drew a deep breath, walked over and stepped on the spider with her Manolo high heel. She flinched, but she crushed that sucker.

Raising her arms in the air, she did a victory dance. “Yes. Yes. Yes.”

This was a big step. The last step.

Dancing on the dead spider, she now knew who the real Grace was—a woman who wanted it all with a man named Tuck. And she wasn’t afraid to fight for that.

She opened a drawer for a Kleenex to remove the spider from the sole of her shoe and then threw it into the trash can. After straightening her suit, she reached for a button on her phone. “Nina, please tell Byron I’d like to see him as soon as possible.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She took her seat and readied herself for this meeting and the changes that would follow.

Within minutes Byron walked into her office.

“Please have a seat,” she said.

Byron sat down and crossed his legs, his eyes watching her. “Is there a problem?” he asked.

She leaned back. “I’m offering you your heart’s desire.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I spend too much of my time at this firm and I don’t plan to do that anymore.”

His eyes narrowed. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. I thought you cut back on your hours.”

“I tried, but this is a very time-consuming job.” She took a moment. “I’ve found something that’s more important to me, so I’m offering you a comanaging partner deal. I will maintain my fifty-one percent and control, but I will leave the daily operations to you, except I will have approval of everyone who is hired.”

Byron wiped a speck from his immaculate slacks. “Have you spoken to your father?”

“No. My father has nothing to do with this firm anymore. The decision is mine and it’s final. As a courtesy, I will inform him after we come to an agreement.”

It took thirty minutes to iron out the details. Byron was in agreement on almost every issue. He’d been waiting a long time for this.

“So, Grace, what are you going to do?”

“I plan to take on a lot of charitable causes, helping people who can’t afford an attorney. And I’m getting involved with child advocacy, offering my services to help protect children.”

“That doesn’t sound like you.”

“It is, Byron. Trust me.”

Byron stood and shook her hand. “Thank you, Grace. I won’t let you down.”

The decision made, she picked up the phone and called her father. After the initial shock, the conversation went well. He spent five minutes trying to talk her out of it, but she stuck to her decision. In the end he told her he just wanted her to be happy. She told him she planned to be.

And she meant it.

Tuck wanted time and she would give it to him. But not for long. Happiness to her was being with Tuck, sharing his life.

Now she had to convince him of that.