After Me (18 page)

Wow. I braced myself for his mother’s reaction, but she appeared only slightly annoyed at what he’d said. On the other hand, her disdain for my clothes and my hairstyle was abundantly clear.

“You must be one of Lewis’s classmates from that horrible public school he insists on attending,” she said. “And what do your parents do, Gwen?”

“Mostly meth, but occasionally they do a little crack for old time’s sake.”

I swear to Flo I had intended to be polite, but once Lew had made it clear from his introduction how he felt about her, how was I supposed to resist giving her a smartass reply after she’d practically set me up? When Lew literally bent over with laughter, I knew he didn’t mind.

Belinda’s beauty queen features were arranged in an unflattering frown. “I see what this is, Lewis. Bring home a piece of trash to antagonize your mother. I’m sure you think you’re quite clever, but you’re only doing the same thing your Uncle Bud did to your grandfather. Not very original for someone who thinks they’re such a genius.”

Lew straightened up and put his arm around my waist. “She just gave you a big compliment, Gwen. My Aunt Jaycee is the one I can’t wait for you to meet. They’ll be here Tuesday for the tournament. You’re gonna love her.”

“Sweet.” I smiled at Belinda. “Thanks, Mrs. Stanton.”

She walked away in a derisive cloud of Chanel No. 5. “Don’t even think about bringing her into my house, Lewis.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it now that you’re home, Belinda.” Lew’s arm tightened a little more around me. As soon as his mother disappeared through the entrance, he picked me up by the waist and spun around. “Oh, God. Thank you for that!”

I looked down at him and scowled. “Put me down before you strain your big chess muscles, Triple C.”

Chapter Twenty-six

A
n hour later, I was leaning against Lew’s chest in the swing with his arms around me and our hands clasped together at my waist.

“I warned you that the novelty would wear off eventually,” I said. “Since you seemed to enjoy that little scene with your mother so much, it’s time to repay me for it.”

“I thought that’s what I’ve been doing since we got out here.” He laughed and nibbled my ear.

“You know that’s not what I mean. What’s the deal between you and your mother?”

I could feel him tense again. “I guess I do owe you an explanation after putting you through that.”

I turned around to look into his eyes. “Listen, I want you to talk to me, but only if you’re okay with it. Don’t do it if it’s gonna bother you too much.”

“No, I want to tell you,” he said. “I just don’t want to dump all my problems on you.”

“I can take it. I’m a lot stronger than I look.”
You have no idea.

“I don’t doubt that at all,” he said. “Okay, but turn back around. It’ll be easier to talk about it if you’re not looking at me.”

I had no problem with that. I could easily have stayed inside his arms in perpetuity, to borrow his phrase. When we were settled again, I heard him take a deep breath.

“My brother killed himself because the day he finally got up the nerve to tell us he was gay, Belinda’s response was to tell him she wished he was dead. And the worst part was that it wasn’t being gay that she had the problem with, it was because he wanted to go public with it. She told him she’d send him away to military school so they could beat some sense into him before she’d let him embarrass her like that.”

“God, what a bitch,” I said. “Just like Vanessa.”

“Who?”

“Oh… my friend Jada’s mother. She was all about appearances too.”

“Yeah, that’s Belinda. All she cares about is her social status. I don’t know why my dad ever married her.”

“How did he take the news from your brother?”

“It wasn’t like it was a big surprise to any of us. Dad had always been okay with Drew being different from me, but Belinda never stopped hounding him about playing sports and being popular and dating debutantes—her idea of the perfect son.” He paused to sigh. “What I used to be before Drew died.”

A light suddenly went on in my head. “You used to play football, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I was the star running back for Fisher Island Academy. And my best friend Matt was the quarterback.”

I’d thought I was beginning to get the picture, but that really threw me for a loop.

“You and Matt were friends? Why do you hate each other now?”

“I never said I hated him, but he’s been mad at me ever since I quit playing football and left the academy. He blames me for ruining his chance to play college football, and that’s all he’s ever wanted to do.”

“How is that your fault?”

“My family had been paying his tuition for him so we could play football together, and Belinda cut him off when I transferred. My dad offered to keep paying it for him when he found out what Belinda did, but Matt’s parents wouldn’t take it since I wasn’t going there anymore. They couldn’t afford to pay it themselves, so Matt had to transfer too.”

“How did you ever talk your mother into letting you go to Bay Harbor?”

He scoffed. “She didn’t have a choice. If she didn’t want her society friends to find out why Drew committed suicide, she had to let me transfer. Nobody outside the family knows the truth except for Matt. And I know he won’t tell anybody.”

“How can you be sure if—” I broke off and gasped. “Oh my God. He’s gay too?”

“Of course not.” He laughed without any humor. “He’s a big football star, and can’t you see what a chick magnet he is? He couldn’t possibly be gay just because he loved my brother.”

“But what about the rumor that he raped a girl at your other school?”

“He started that rumor. Apparently, he’d rather be called a rapist than a faggot.”

“Wow,” I said. “That is so messed up.”

“Tell me about it. Welcome to Lifestyles of the Rich and Pathetic.”

I knew all about that world. I wished I could tell him just how much we had in common, and how ironic was it that if Belinda knew the pretentious family I really came from, I’d probably have her blessing.

“Okay,” I said, “I understand your problems with Matt and your mother, and I’m guessing you quit football to spite her, but why do you want everybody to think you’re some kind of nerd?”

He didn’t say anything for several seconds, then he sighed again. “Drew and I were different in a lot of ways, but we were a lot alike too. We both loved to play chess—I was the only one who could beat him—and we were on the math team together in sixth grade. Then I started playing football in seventh grade and we seemed to move in different directions after that. When he died, I felt like I’d abandoned him. Maybe if I’d stuck with some of the things we both liked, he wouldn’t have felt so alone. Maybe he wouldn’t have killed himself if—”

“No, don’t say it.” I turned around in the swing and put my arms around his neck. “It
wasn’t
your fault. When somebody gets to the point that they truly want to kill themselves, nothing anybody says or does can change their mind. Trust me, I know.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I tried it a few years ago. Cut my wrists and everything, just didn’t bleed out fast enough before somebody found me.”

It was too dark for him to see the scars on my wrists, so I put his fingers over the raised tissue. He moved his thumbs across them for a second then lifted both wrists to his lips.

“I’m glad you failed.”

And I’m glad I got myself killed later so I can be here with you now.

“Yeah, me too,” I said. “But nobody could’ve talked me out of it back then.”

“Why’d you do it?”

I turned around and leaned against him again. “My life just sucked in general, and I didn’t think I could take it anymore. Turns out it got a lot more sucktastic before it got better, but I don’t want to talk about all that. You still haven’t told me why you basically wear a disguise all the time.”

“No, it’s not a disguise,” he said. “It’s my tribute to Drew. He was the one on the chess team, and this is how he dressed and combed his hair. When I look in the mirror, I see him looking back at me. Almost like he’s still here.”

I nodded. “And your mother has to see him every day too.”

“Yeah, this way she lost her Golden Boy instead of the son she was so ashamed of.” His arms tightened around me. “I knew you’d understand.”

He was right—I understood it all too well. I even envied him for getting the chance to punish his mother daily and witness how much it bothered her. It was a crappy thing for us to have in common, but it drew me to him even more.

“I can see why you do it, Triple C. And it doesn’t make any difference to me how you dress or what people think about you anyway. I liked you before—crazy math watch and all.”

He held up his left arm. “This was Drew’s too. I gave it to him on our fourteenth birthday. And that reminds me.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. “This is for you. Go open it under the light so you can see.”

We both went to stand under the bulb. Inside the box was a silver ring that featured a black stone in the center with grey swirls running through it. All around it were smaller stones that I suspected were diamonds from the way they sparkled in the dim light.

“The big stone is like yours, isn’t it?” I turned around to examine the ring on his left hand.

He nodded. “It’s called Apache Tears, and there’s a story behind it. In the 1800s, seventy-five Apaches were outnumbered by the cavalry on a mountain in Arizona, but rather than be slaughtered or surrender, the warriors rode their horses off the cliff that’s now called Apache Leap. Legend says that when the Apache women heard what their men had done, their tears turned into these stones when they fell to the ground. When you give it to someone, it’s supposed to take away their tears for a lost loved one, because the Apache women already cried enough tears for everyone.”

I looked up at him. “Who gave you yours?”

“My dad’s grandmother, Julia Stanton. She told me the story behind it too. After Drew died, I stayed with her in Tampa until I could bear to come back home.” He took the ring from the box and slipped it onto my finger. “I hope it helps heal your heart from losing your friend Jada.”

I kissed him before I could start blubbering like an idiot. When I trusted myself to speak, I said, “I love it, Triple C. But where did you get it in a day’s time?”

He smiled. “I went to my mother’s favorite jewelry store and told them what I wanted, then I threw some money at them to rush it. Being loaded pays off sometimes.”

Chapter Twenty-seven

L
ew came over for a few hours on Sunday afternoon so Nathan could show him that he’d solved the chess problem, but he couldn’t stay long because he had to attend a family dinner with his grandfather. He suggested that I go with him as his date, but I told him I didn’t think it would make a good first impression on his grandfather if his mother and I came to blows in the middle of dinner.

I checked the newspaper Sunday night and spotted a paragraph on page six of the metro section that said an unidentified man’s body had been found in a vacant lot on Flagler Street with an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. No arrests were expected in the case.

I logged onto the Transdead Trustee blog and added a toned-down version of what I’d done to Rufus. I halfway expected to get a reprimand from Flo because of it, but all I got was another snippy message that my e-mail address still wasn’t appropriate. I figured I got away with it because he’d shot himself and it wasn’t actually me who’d killed him.

Monday morning on the school bus, I squeezed Annalee’s hand as soon as she sat down beside me. “Hey, how you holding up?”

“Fine,” she said, but her smile looked a little shaky at the corners. “I saw a couple of police cars across the street Saturday morning. I could tell they were questioning the employees at the gas station, but they never came around to our apartments.”

I told her what I’d read in the newspaper. “They’re probably glad to have one less junkie on the street and happy to close the case as a suicide.” I touched her ponytail with a frown. “Why didn’t you do your hair and makeup this morning?”

She studied her cuticles. “I decided that wasn’t me. Rufus wouldn’t have noticed me if I’d looked like myself.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” I said. “Besides, there’s no telling how many other women he’d already done that to or would’ve hurt later on. We did the world a favor by getting rid of him.”

“I know. I’m not sorry he’s gone.” She still wouldn’t look at me. “But I’d rather stay invisible from now on.”

“Listen, there’s nothing wrong with the way you look either way.” I took her hand again. “I just wanted you to know you had options if you ever want to use them. Okay?”

“Okay.” She suddenly caught her breath. “Oh my gosh. Where did you get that beautiful ring?”

I couldn’t keep the goofy grin off my face. “Lew gave it to me Saturday night.”

“It’s like the one he wears, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “His great-grandmother gave it to him after—”

I stopped when I realized I couldn’t talk about anything he’d told me until I asked him if it was okay. I’d have to clear it with him soon, because a girl had to be able to talk to her best friend. Surely he knew that.

“After what?” Annalee asked.

I turned to look into her eyes. “I can’t say anything about it until I ask him first. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad?”

“For keeping secrets from you.”

She sighed. “Gwen, you saved my life. I’m not gonna get mad at you for anything, and especially not because Lew likes you. Besides, you have to keep secrets from him too since we can’t tell anybody what we did to Rufus. And he must really like you a lot to give you a ring after one date.”

I held up my hand and touched the ring. “The stone is called Apache Tears, and there’s a legend behind it. I guess I can tell you that much at least.” I told her the story and said, “Isn’t that cool?”

“Yeah, it is,” she said. “But there’s something else I want to know, and you don’t have to get Lew’s permission to tell me.”

“What?”

“Is he a good kisser?”

I slung an arm around her shoulders. “He’s even better at that than he is at chess.”

When we got off the bus at school, I saw Lew standing with Sidney and the guys. My stomach did a little flip just at the sight of him. He smiled and took my hand as soon as we walked up to the group.

“Might as well bite the bullet and let everybody know about us,” he whispered in my ear. “Hope you’re okay with it.”

“Sure,” I said.

Justin and Leonard were staring at us in obvious surprise, but Sidney looked like he was almost about to cry.

“Sorry, guys,” Lew said. “I fought her off as long as I could, but she wore me down.”

“Yeah, right,” I said. “He thinks this means I’ll do his chemistry homework for him, but he’s wrong.”

When the bell rang, Lew walked me to my locker and said he’d see me at lunch. I wanted to ask him about how much I could tell Annalee, so I said, “Hey, can we skip lunch and go somewhere to talk?”

“Why, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just need to ask you about something in private.”

“Can it wait until after school? Eating’s kind of a habit with me.” He rubbed his stomach and gave me a doleful look.

I laughed. “It’s overrated if you ask me, but I guess we can talk after school so you won’t die of starvation.”

After Lew left, I hurried to catch up with Sidney. “Hey, I hope you’re not mad at me for going out with Lew.”

He kept walking without looking at me. “Why should it matter to me?”

“Aw, don’t be like that, Sid.” I linked my arm with his. “You know it never works out when good friends date each other. I didn’t want to risk losing your friendship.”

His expression softened a little. “I guess I know what you mean.”

“Great,” I said. “Besides, I can tell you don’t want to be tied down to one girl anyway. You’re too much of a player for that, right?”

He struggled not to smile. “Yeah, there’s a couple of girls on the DerpWar forum who always flirt with me. It drives Leonard crazy.”

Typical of high school grapevines, everyone had heard about me and Lew by lunchtime. Judging by the comments I got from several girls throughout the morning, I could tell that his nerdy persona had shielded him from their radar only slightly, especially considering the car he drove and his family’s money. They had probably assumed he must be gay when he wasn’t interested in any of them, so it brought out their claws to find out he’d passed them over for street trash. Made my morning fun at least.

When Lew and I walked into Mr. Forrester’s classroom together sixth period, Matt said, “Damn, Stanton. You go from trust fund babies to a streetwalker. Bet your mama’s thrilled.”

“She is,” I said. “We’re getting a mani-pedi together after school today, then she’s taking me shoe shopping. Streetwalking’s hell on the Manolo Blahniks.”

Lew laughed and Matt looked surprised that neither of us got mad at his insult. Now that I knew the reason behind their feud, I understood why Lew usually ignored his comments, but I had to wonder how much they really bothered him. It couldn’t have been easy to lose his brother and his best friend at the same time.

“Don’t forget our talk after school,” I told Lew when we sat down.

“I won’t, but I have chess practice,” he said. “Mr. Weston told us he’d be late because there’s a faculty meeting, so I can slip away for a little while after I get everybody started.”

“Okay, where do you want me to wait for you?”

He thought for a few seconds. “Mr. Weston’s room is on the back hall by the football field. Meet me behind the bleachers on the gym side.”

I gave him a sideways look. “Slipping back into your old jock ways, huh?”

He winked at me. “Hey, do you want to be a chess team groupie or not?”

* * *

I
called Karen from the office after school to let her know I’d be home a little later than usual, then I went to sit in the bleachers and wait for Lew.

Football practice was going on out on the field, and one of the coaches—a tall blond man with bulging muscles—was yelling at a group of players on the near sideline about how they needed to read the other team’s offense from the way they lined up. When he finished his profanity-laced rant, all the players started to run back onto the field, but the coach grabbed one of them by the facemask and pulled him back.

“Get your ass in my office, Winston!”

Matt took off his helmet and tried to protest. “Coach Morton said I could take some snaps at quarterback since Scott—”

“I don’t give a damn what he told you!” The coach shoved him toward the gym. “You’ll be lucky if I let you dress out Friday at all!”

“But I been working extra hard, Coach.” Matt’s voice had a pleading note to it. “I knocked a quarter second off my forty time and beat all my maxes in weight training.”

“Yeah, I know how you did it too,” the coach said. “And we don’t need no juicers on this team!”

As they passed the bleachers where I was sitting, the man glanced up in my direction. I gasped when I saw solid black eyes looking back at me. I knew he’d noticed mine too when he stopped.

“Come see me in my office when I’m done with this moron, young lady.” He pushed Matt forward again. “We can talk about that eye problem of yours then.”

He walked away before I recovered enough to respond. I was still thinking about all of it when Lew arrived a minute later.

“Okay, what’s up?” he said as he sat beside me.

“Hey, what are juicers?”

“Steroid users.” He looked confused. “That’s what you wanted to ask me about?”

“No, I just heard one of the coaches call Matt one.”

His expression went rapidly from surprise to concern to anger.

“Damn it, I can’t believe he’d do something so stupid!” He kicked the bench in front of us. “I guess he figured he’d never make it in college ball unless he got bigger.”

Uh-huh. So he
did
still care about Matt as a friend. I realized we needed more time to talk than he had right now, so I made a quick decision.

“Look, I didn’t think about it before, but I’m gonna need a ride home now since I missed the bus. Why don’t I hang out here until you’re done with practice, then you can take me home and we’ll talk in the car.”

He seemed relieved at my suggestion, probably because he needed time to process the news about Matt. “Okay, I’ll meet you here in an hour.” He jumped down then turned and motioned for me to lean over. “Sure you don’t want to go under the bleachers with me for a few minutes like a good little groupie?”

I shoved him. “Watch it, Triple C.”

Ten minutes after Lew left, Matt stormed out of the gym, his face as red as his practice jersey. He rejoined the players on the field, but I didn’t know enough about football to tell if it was the offense or defense. I looked at the gym and saw the coach with the black eyes standing in the doorway. He crooked a finger to summon me, so I walked over and followed him inside to his office.

“Close the door and have a seat,” he said, sitting behind the desk. He leaned back in his chair and folded the biggest arms I’d ever seen outside of Hollywood. “How long have you been a Transdead Trustee?”

I pulled a chair in front of the desk and sat down. “Just a few weeks. How ‘bout you?”

“Way too long—since I was your age. What’s your name?”

He didn’t look much older than eighteen, so I had no idea how long he meant.

“My real name’s Jada, but I go by Gwen now. I’m supposed to be a foster kid who used to live on the streets.”

He nodded. “What’s your assignment?”

“It’s kinda complicated.” I wasn’t eager to tell him how I’d messed around with online predators. “Let’s just say I’m an advocate for girls who need somebody to stand up for them.”

He stared at me a moment, then a smile spread slowly across his face. “You broke my quarterback’s arm, didn’t you?”

“What makes you say that?” Despite his smile, I wasn’t sure he’d be okay with everything I’d done to Scott.

“Yeah, you did it.” He laughed outright. “No wonder he made up that crazy shit about getting jumped. Couldn’t let everybody know he got his ass kicked by a girl. What’d he do to piss you off?”

I told him about the roofie parties and how I’d put the fear of Zombie Girl into Scott. He seemed to get such a kick out of it all that I decided to trust him with a little bit more inside information.

“Hey, just so you know, Matt Winston wasn’t part of it. In fact, he was the only guy who stood up for Caitlin—the girl who told me what they did. He got her out of there and made sure she got home safe.”

His face sobered as he considered that a few seconds. “Might be because he couldn’t get it up. Juicers have that problem sometimes.”

“Okay, TMI.” I held up my hand. “But that’s not why he helped her. I just thought you should know he’s not a total asshole.”

He shrugged. “I know he’s not the first kid stupid enough to think football is worth risking your life over. I think I knocked some sense into him today, so maybe he’ll stay off the juice from now on.”

I looked from his huge arms back to his face. “That’s your assignment, isn’t it?” He nodded and I said, “Is that how you died?”

“No, but it played a big part in how I screwed up my life so bad that I ended up with my car wrapped around a tree.” He stared at his clenched fists a second then sighed. “But that’s a long story you don’t want to hear. Trust me.”