After Nothing (25 page)

Kane and me, we had money now. We weren’t rolling in it, but it was enough for us. Like I said, he’d bought a car – a Hyundai. It was old, but it was decent. At least I thought so. Bey hooted with laughter when he saw it, and said, ‘At least no one gonna steal that, K-man.’

Then one night he and Teige did steal it. We were watching television and Kane heard it start up. He ran outside just as they drove off, wheels screeching.

‘At least you know what it feels like,’ I offered.

It was the wrong thing to say. A door got slammed. Then Bey got an abusive phone call. Fortunately, by the time Bey and Teige brought the car back, Kane had calmed down. When Bey came into the house laughing so hard he had tears streaming down his face, it wasn’t long before Kane was laughing with him.

Kane worked a lot. His normal work hours were spent doing auto repair for his apprenticeship. Outside of that he customized cars at his work, but on his own time. It meant a lot of late nights and weekends. It was where his extra money came from: that and the bonuses from the deals he was continuing to secure with businesses that ran fleets. Kane would have made a whole lot more if his boss had given him a proper commission rather than just a ‘bonus’ when he secured a deal. But his boss wasn’t like that, and Kane wouldn’t push it.

He had a plan. He said that what was most important to him was finishing his mechanics apprenticeship. Second to that were the relationships he was building with his custom work and fleet contracts.

‘I need both those things,’ he told me, ‘when I set up my own business.’

We decided to move. We could afford to pay more rent. Also, we didn’t want to get another cat. Even though it was months since Tank had died, we both still felt raw about it. I don’t think either of us could face the thought of falling in love with another cat, only to lose it again.

I went over to share our news with Reesey.

She unlocked the door but didn’t wait for me to enter, saying she was just in the middle of something but to come in.

She disappeared into the bathroom, and I sat down on the rug next to Joey, who returned my smile with a whole lot of arm waving. At six months, he’d just started sitting on his own, and boy was he proud about it. He was a bit unsteady still, and I had to rescue him a couple of times from toppling over.

I swear, the older he got, the cuter he got. He had big brown eyes, with really long black eyelashes, and round kissable cheeks. He didn’t look much like Reesey. In fact I imagined he looked like what Bey would have looked like if his uncle hadn’t kicked his face in.

Joey and I chatted away for some time: Joey in baby language, me in English, but using a ridiculous baby voice. I was praising him for repeatedly giving me and then reclaiming the same yellow block when Reesey came out of the bathroom.

Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her cheeks flushed.

‘What’s wrong?’ I said, straightening.

She burst into tears.

I got up and hugged her, and continued to hold her while she sobbed in my arms.

‘Reesey, what’s happened?’

‘Beyden came home wasted this morning. He didn’t sleep, he just played video games until he left again this afternoon.’

‘Did you talk to him about it?’

‘I couldn’t. Not when he’s like that. It would have ended in a fight.’

I sat down with her and listened, but I didn’t have any advice to offer, except to say I would get Kane to talk to him.

Kane wouldn’t talk to him. We were doing the dishes when I brought up the subject, and he made me so mad that rather than hand him the glass I’d just washed, I threw it at him.

I missed, but it really pissed him off. It also kind of scared me. The last time I’d thrown something at him that hard, it hadn’t ended well for either of us. Also, we didn’t have many glasses, and now one of them lay smashed on the floor.

‘Natalie. Fuck! What’s the matter with you?’

‘You have to talk to him. Reesey needs you to.’

‘It’s nothing to do with me, and it’s nothing to do with you either. Just stay out of it.’

‘Kane, she’s devastated.’

‘They’ll sort it out.’

‘But we’re Joey’s godparents.’

‘What’s that gotta do with anything?’

‘I don’t want him to be in danger.’

Kane frowned at me. ‘Bey’s come home fucked up once, and now Joey’s in danger?’

‘You don’t know everything.’

‘I don’t want to know everything, Nat, ’cause it’s none of our fucking business.’

I picked up another soapy glass from the sink.

‘Don’t even think about it,’ warned Kane.

He held his hand out for the glass. I gave it to him.

Reesey turned twenty-two a couple of days later. We had a chicken roast for dinner. I cooked it at home and then Kane and I took it across to her and Bey’s so Joey could sleep in his crib in his own bedroom.

During dinner I gave Reesey her gift. It was some tiny gold cross earrings. She put them in her ears straightaway.

‘More motherfucking Christian shit,’ said Bey, shaking his head.

Kane laughed. I didn’t. Reesey smiled, but it wasn’t a real smile; it couldn’t mask the tension in her face.

Kane went back to our place to get the cake I’d left safe from the rats in our refrigerator. It was a chocolate and raspberry cake I’d baked from scratch and then decorated. I’d bought a cake decoration kit the day before, and then taught myself how to make flowers using frosting by watching videos online. That day I’d left work early and spent hours baking, mixing frosting, piping roses and cutting pink fondant hearts. The cake was covered in chocolate buttercream frosting, and the flowers and hearts arranged around twenty-two gold and blue candles.

When Kane came back into the house with the candles lit, they were one flaming blaze.

‘What the fuck?’ said Bey.

‘Kane, put them out,’ I screeched.

‘I can’t blow out her candles,’ said Kane, placing the cake in front of Reesey.

Reesey laughed, and then tried to blow out the ball of fire. All that happened was that most of the candles fell over.

I shrieked again, and Reesey completely lost it laughing. Kane tried blowing on the messy puddle of fire, wax and melted frosting. Bey picked up Reesey’s glass of water and tipped it on the cake.

The fire went out.

The boys and I looked at each other, and then at Reesey. She was helpless with laughter, clutching her stomach, and unable to speak.

‘You ruined it,’ I said to Kane.

‘It ain’t my fault you put the candles too close together.’

‘Oh, Nat. It’s beautiful,’ said Reesey, regaining her voice.

Kane, Bey and me all looked at what was left of the cake. Kane and Bey broke out laughing. I continued to stare at it in dismay.

‘I mean, I can tell it was beautiful,’ said Reesey. ‘Did you make these?’ She was looking closely at one of the roses near the base of the cake that had survived the fire. ‘And they’re my favorite flower. Thank you so much.’

She leaned over and hugged me.

‘No one has ever made me a birthday cake before,’ she whispered, before kissing me on the cheek.

I gestured helplessly toward the table.

‘Sorry about the fire.’

‘Girlfriend, I needed that laugh,’ she replied.

‘We’re going to have to throw it away.’

‘Fuck that,’ said Bey.

‘Just shift all that shit on top,’ said Kane, reclaiming his seat beside me at the table.

‘It’ll be delicious, Nat,’ said Reesey.

She was serving out the pieces of cake when Joey’s cries reached us. She immediately stood up.

‘Jus’ leave him,’ snapped Bey.

I looked up from my cake, and watched as Reesey ignored Bey and carried on to Joey’s room.

‘Reesey said he’s teething.’

‘Every time he cries she pick him up. I’d cry too.’

Bey bit into his piece of cake.

‘Fuck, woman, you can cook.’

I shrugged. ‘I like it.’

‘Keep that bitch on, K-man,’ said Bey.

‘You know it,’ said Kane, and held out a fist across the table.

Bey bumped it. I gave Kane my dirtiest look.

He shoved the last of his cake into his mouth and reached for the knife to cut more.

I stopped him. ‘That’s Reesey’s cake.’

‘Nah, bro, have it,’ said Bey, shooting a frustrated look over his shoulder as Joey’s cries became louder.

As Kane ate his second piece of cake, Bey got increasingly irritated.

He told me to leave it when I tried to clear the table, and then exploded when Reesey emerged with Joey in her arms.

‘What’d you get him up for?’

‘He won’t settle.’

‘’Cause you won’t fuckin’ leave him alone. Jus’ put him down, bitch.’

Reesey sat down at the table.

Bey reached out and pulled Joey from her arms. Joey’s little neck snapped back at the sudden movement, and both Reesey and I cried out.

‘Bey, stop,’ said Reesey, hurrying to follow him back to Joey’s room.

The door slammed in her face. Reesey opened it, and then quietly closed it behind her.

Kane and I sat there listening to them yell, listening to Joey cry.

‘Let’s clean up,’ I eventually said.

The yelling stopped just as I put the dishwasher on. Joey’s crying stopped soon after.

‘Wish our house sat on concrete,’ said Kane, noting the cereal boxes and old dried-out apples that sat on the bench.

‘I think you should talk to Bey.’

‘Why?’

‘The way he grabbed Joey. Didn’t you notice?’

‘No.’

‘He lost it at Reesey on her birthday.’

Kane didn’t reply, just leaned back against the bench and watched me wipe it down.

When I was done I contemplated calling out goodnight, but hesitated, not wanting to disturb Joey.

‘Let’s just go,’ said Kane, putting an arm around me.

We walked up their driveway rather than clamber over the fence. Kane kept his arm around me. I looked up and could just make out some faint stars beyond the glow of the streetlights.

‘That was ugly,’ said Kane.

‘It was Bey doing it. That’s why you need to talk to him.’

Kane took a deep breath and then exhaled.

‘Nat, he’s reckons Reesey only ever talks about Joey.’

‘He needs to grow the fuck up. That’s his son she’s raising. And he should be home with her more.’

Kane let us into our place. Our small, shabby place, which felt, in that moment, warm and welcoming. He turned on the television. I went and had a shower. When I got out I joined Kane on the couch and sent Reesey a text.

‘Are you okay?’

I didn’t hear back from her till the next morning.

‘I’m so sorry about last night. Eating cake now. It’s amazing! Love you!!’

I barely saw Reesey all of that week. I was working late each night because the cook at the coffee shop had decided to increase the amount of marijuana he was smoking, which decreased the amount of food he was able to prepare and cook. Harold was trying to find a way to fire him and in the meantime I was staying late, prepping what food I could for the next day.

Also, the nights were getting colder as fall crept toward winter, so that when we did speak over the fence it wasn’t for long.

On the Saturday I heard her calling my name from outside.

I’d just finished mopping the kitchen floor, and was down on my knees meticulously drying it with an old rag. Happy to discard the chore, I opened the back door and called out, ‘Hi.’

I ran down the stairs, immediately smiling in response to Joey’s dimpled grin. He looked so cute. Although the sky was a brilliant blue and the sun was shining, the temperature was freezing, and he was all tucked up in a dark grey baby-sized puffer jacket with a hood pulled over his head.

‘Hi baby boy,’ I said, as Reesey passed him over the fence. I was so caught up kissing and nuzzling him that I didn’t realize Reesey was upset until her voice wavered when she spoke.

‘We’re not going to the Drummonds for dinner tonight. I just called Julie to tell her.’

‘Okay.’

‘It’s just Beyden forgot about it. He’s busy.’

‘You and Joey can come with Kane and me. Bey doesn’t need to be there.’

‘You’re going to a party afterwards.’

‘We’ll drop you home first.’

‘It’s out of your way.’

              ‘Reesey, it’s fine. Come. It won’t be the same if you’re not there.’

‘Nat, I can’t.’

‘We don’t mind – ’

‘You don’t understand,’ interrupted Reesey. ‘Beyden doesn’t want Joey and me to go.’

‘To dinner at the Drummonds? Why not?’

Reesey’s eyes filled with tears and she quickly looked away.

‘Could you look after Joey for me for half an hour?’

‘Of course,’ I said, taken aback. Reesey didn’t like Joey being at our house because of the rats. I’d only ever looked after him at her place.

‘I just need a break. It hasn’t been a great day.’

‘It’s fine. I’d love to have him. I’ll keep him longer. I’ll bring him back before his dinnertime.’

‘Thanks, Nat.’

The tears spilled down her cheeks and I reached a hand across the fence and somewhat helplessly rubbed her arm.

‘Reesey, come over.’

She shook her head and turned away. Joey and I both watched her walk back toward the house. She moved more slowly than normal.

I placed a kiss on Joey’s cheek, and murmured, ‘What’s your dad done to your mom, Joey?

I was savoring the feeling of heated water hitting my face when Kane got home from work.

‘I thought you’d be ready,’ he said, already stripping as he came into the bathroom. He opened the door to the shower and the scent of paint entered with him. I reluctantly slipped out past him. Neither the size of the shower nor the water pressure was conducive to two people washing at once. I wrapped myself in a towel while he lathered his whole body with soap and then scrubbed at his skin.

‘Reesey and Bey aren’t coming to the Drummond’s tonight.’

‘Oh yeah? Why’s that?’

‘She wouldn’t say.’

‘Bey sent me a text saying his crew’s partying at theirs tonight.’

I swore.

‘What’s wrong with that? He never parties there.’

‘I don’t think Reesey knew that. Not an hour ago. And she doesn’t like his crew.’

‘Nat, you can’t say shit like that.’

‘I’m only saying it to you. I think she’s got a sore back, too.’

‘That sucks. Hey, I’ve nearly got the Escalade finished. It looks bad-ass. I can take you into work tomorrow and show you if you want? Owner’s buzzing out.’

‘Kane, I think Bey hurt her.’

Kane turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. The water in the showerhead continued to dribble out for a moment, and then became a slowing drip.

‘Did she say that?’ he said, wrapping a towel around him.

‘No, and please can you dry yourself properly before leaving the bathroom?’

Kane made an almost invisible attempt to do so before dripping water the short distance from the bathroom to our bedroom.

I picked up the dirty clothes he’d left in the doorway, throwing them in the bucket I kept in the corner of the bathroom specifically for his work clothes.

By the time I reached the bedroom he had on a grey pair of jeans, and was pulling a long-sleeved t-shirt over shoulders still covered in beads of water.

‘Please talk to Bey, Kane. Please. I’m begging.’

‘Well, don’t. You know what he said to me when all that shit went down between us?’

‘No. What?’

‘Nothing,’ said Kane, claiming some socks from his side of the dresser. ‘He didn’t say a damn thing. Seen my Jordans?’

I pointed to where I’d put them away in the closet that morning.

Kane took them off their rack, and then pulled a jacket off a hanger.

‘Baby, you need to get ready or you’re gonna make us late.’

I picked his damp towel up off the bed and held it out to him. He’d thrown it on my side of the bed.

‘My bad,’ said Kane, taking it.

‘Use it to wipe the water off the floor.’

Kane paused to kiss me. ‘You’ll come see the Escalade tomorrow?’

‘Yes.’

‘You clean the house?’

‘You noticed?’

‘’Course.’

‘Joey was over here this afternoon.’

‘Why?’

‘Because, Kane,’ I said, doing my best to keep my temper in check, ‘Reesey needed a break. Will we be going to their place after J.D.’s?’

‘No.’

‘But Reesey might need me.’

‘I can already tell you’d cause shit. Anyway, I’d already planned on us not coming home tonight.’

‘We staying in a hotel?’ I asked, suddenly excited.

‘No. We gonna sleep in the car.’

‘If that’s your plan, I’m coming home.’

‘No. Not with your mouth and Bey’s crew. Ask Mel if you can stay at hers.’

‘What will you do?’

‘Party all night,’ said Kane with a grin.

‘You’re burning them.’

I turned the griddle down and tried to take the spatula from Melissa’s hand.

‘Fuck off, bitch. You’re not the only one who knows how to cook.’

It was two hours since Melissa and I had left J.D.’s party. Denied each other’s company for months, we hadn’t gone to bed when we got back to Melissa’s. Instead, we’d stayed downstairs talking, watching music videos and finishing off a bottle of her parents’ vodka.

Now we’d sensibly decided to cook some pancakes. While drunk.

‘Mel, turn them,’ I ordered.

‘I think I’ll just let them cook a little longer.’

Her stare was a challenge; the batter-crusted spatula she was tapping against her cheekbone was a poor decision.

‘On no. I’ve got batter in my hair.’

We both dissolved in fits of laughter.

‘We need another drink,’ said Melissa.

She went in to her parents’ walk-in pantry and re-emerged with a sherry bottle.

‘Success!’

I momentarily stopped rifling through one of the utensil drawers.

‘That’s cooking sherry.’

‘So? You can still drink it,’ said Melissa, unscrewing the lid and swallowing a large mouthful.

‘Ugh. That is nasty.’

I’d found another spatula. I attempted to rescue the pancakes. Too late. Uncooked on one side and burned on the other.

‘Nat, you’ve got to try this,’ said Melissa, on her fourth mouthful of sherry.

Thinking of the hangover we would both be facing in a few hours’ time, I claimed the bottle from her and placed it on the bench.

‘Only alcoholic housewives drink the cooking sherry, Mel.’

‘That definitely won’t be me. I’m going to be one of those successful businesswomen who kills it during the day and then spends every night alone at the bar waiting for the bartender to knock off.’

The smile she sent me was a little too close to sadness.

‘Mel, you’re not.’

She leaned back against the refrigerator and then slid down to the polished wooden floor. Magnets and the pieces of paper they’d been holding up went flying.

‘Bring the bottle,’ she said, as I moved to join her.

I reclaimed it off the bench, swallowed a mouthful and then passed it to her.

‘You want to talk about it?’ I asked her.

‘Of course I want to talk about it. Did you see the slut he brought with him?’

‘Considering she was just about the only white girl at the party, she was hard to miss.’

‘I love him, Nat.’

‘I know.’

‘Why won’t he fall in love with me?’

‘Mel, he spent more time talking to you than anyone tonight.’

‘Sometimes I think he makes a point to turn up to the parties I’m at. I mean, it’s only three-quarters of an hour between our colleges, but still, that’s three-quarters of an hour. She was beautiful. Do you think she was beautiful?’

‘She was okay,’ I said loyally.

‘Nat, I’m not beautiful enough for him.’

‘Actually, I think you can do better than him.’

‘No. Even J.D. is over me. Seriously, that boy has gotten fat this year. I mean, he’s funny. But damn, he’s gotten fat. And he told me that he told Callem to go for it with me. That’s how much J.D. was into me. “Yo dude, you should go for it with my ex.” Callem must have wondered what on earth he was on about.’

‘Lisa’s dad is white,’ I murmured.

‘There’s no one better than Callem,’ sighed Melissa. ‘For me, that is,’ she added. ‘Obviously for you, Kane’s better than him. But for me, it’s Callem, Callem, Callem.’

‘Give me that.’

I took the sherry bottle from her before she managed to take the mouthful she was working towards.

‘Everyone was talking about them,’ said Melissa.

‘While he was talking to you.’

Mel turned her head and squinted at me. ‘What now?’

‘Callem. Talking to you. All night.’

‘No, not that. Did you just say Lisa’s dad is white?’

‘Yes.’

‘You and Lisa had different dads?’

‘Yes. No. Mine raised her.’

‘And the other guy? Her other dad? He was white, like, for real?’

‘I’ve seen him. He’s white.’

‘Is he English? Like your dad?’

‘No. I don't know. I doubt it.’

That’s … That’s … I don’t know what that is.’

‘That’s just more of my screwed up mom’s screwed up life is what it is,’ I said, taking a drink from the sherry bottle, and shuddering at the taste.

I looked at the kitchen clock. It was a little blurry, but I managed to make out the time. 5 am.

‘I’m going to bed. I got to be up in a few hours for church.’

‘Oh please,’ said Melissa, staggering to her feet. ‘There isn’t going to be church.’

‘No?’ I said, as she helped me to my feet.

‘No. They cancelled it. I rang them.’ Melissa wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. ‘I miss you.’

Before I could reply, a shaft of light suddenly came through the kitchen door as the stairwell light was switched on. What followed sounded like a herd of elephants coming down the stairs. Both of Melissa’s parents came rushing into the kitchen – her dad in green and brown striped pajamas, and her mom in a revealing lace and satin slip.

‘What’s burning?’ demanded Melissa’s dad.

‘Girls, what are you doing?’ said her mom.

‘Nothing’s burning,’ said Melissa.

‘It’s from the pancakes,’ I said, glancing at the stove.

‘This is how fires start,’ growled her dad, checking the griddle was off. ‘You never cook when you’ve been drinking. You know that.’

‘Dad, you don’t even go near the barbeque without a beer in your hand.’

‘It’s not quite the same thing, Melissa.’

‘It’s not like we set the fire alarms off.’

‘Is that my cooking sherry?’ said Melissa’s mom, frowning at the bottle I’d placed on the bench.