After the Ending (7 page)

Zoe

The graveyard of snow-capped, motionless cars made driving
along the highway eerie.
Where were they going? Home? The hospital? Did they
know they were dying?
The air was heavy with silence. We all knew many of
the vehicles scattered along the road weren’t abandoned—they were tombs for
their unfortunate inhabitants.

“We’re almost there. It’s only another twenty miles or
so, I think.” Dave smiled back at us through the rearview mirror, patting his
chocolate lab on the head with his spare hand. I watched him playfully tug on
the dog’s ears; Sammy’s tail thumped excitedly.

Thinking of my own situation, I grew apprehensive.
How
long before Dave realizes I’m avoiding him
? The sporadic, unwanted emotions
I’d been feeling around him had intensified, becoming incessant and
overwhelming. I’d been trying to keep my distance.

Why Dave?
I wasn’t sure why his presence seemed to
affect me so much, but the foreign feelings seemed to fit his mood far better
than my own.

Are these
his
feelings?
The thought was
absurd.

Does he know he’s doing this?
I wished I could ask
him without sounding completely crazy.
Shit, this
is
crazy!

“Zoe, are you okay? You seem…fidgety.” Sarah was looking
at me with narrowed, very watchful eyes. She seemed to do that often, and I
couldn’t help but wonder what she was thinking.

“Sure, I just wish we were there already. I’m starting to
feel claustrophobic,” I said nonchalantly as I reached for the map in the seat
pocket in front of her.

Shrugging, Sarah started to open her book but sneezed all
over my arm in the process.

Irritated, I looked at her. “Really, Sarah?”

“I’m sorry.” She sniffled and wiped my sleeve with hers.

Grossed out and annoyed, I pulled away from her, but she
grabbed my wrist anyway. “I hardly think—” But before I could finish my
sentence, I felt a surge of embarrassment warm my body, bringing a flush to my
cheeks.

“Nice one, Sarah,” she chided herself, but I barely heard
her; I was lost in my own thoughts.

It’s not just Dave
. I suddenly felt nauseous.
It’s
me.

Date: December 16, 3:30 PM

From: Zoe Cartwright

To: Danielle O’Connor

Subject: Here at last!

Hey D,

It sounds like there’s a lot happening over there. I’m sorry
you’ve had to see all those disgusting, horrible things. It’s like a nightmare we
can’t wake up from. I hope being with Jason makes you feel safe enough to get
some rest. You’ve been through a lot this past week. I’ve been pretty lucky so
far, in terms of disgusting, horrible things. There’s so much snow on the
ground that it’s hard to see much of anything. As much as I hate this weather,
I’m grateful I’ve been spared seeing what’s underneath.

So that Air Force chick you mentioned sounds like a real
gem. I guess personality isn’t much of a priority for Jason. Surprise. I know
it’s probably hard, but try to ignore the bitchiness. It means nothing, I’m
sure.

We finally arrived at Dave’s cabin today, thankfully. It’s
actually quite homey. It reminds me of summer camp back in the day. It’s
nothing fancy, just an old summer fishing spot his family used when they wanted
to get out of the city. It’s too stormy outside to see much other than the
bare, frozen trees and the snow blanketing the ground. But inside the cabin is
cozy. I can tell Dave’s mom decorated the place. There’s an apple theme that
seems to run throughout the house. It’s making me hungry thinking about it.

Hopefully we’ll be able to rest and recuperate before
heading out again. I’m assuming we’ll leave tomorrow, but we haven’t really
talked about it yet. I’m not looking forward to the drive to Sarah’s house. I
think the close quarters worsen those feelings I’ve been experiencing. I felt
them again today but with Sarah this time. It’s seriously so weird. I have no
idea what’s going on. I’m wondering if I should say something to Sarah and Dave
or if I should keep it to myself. I wouldn’t even know where to start. What a
mess.

With the exception of the former occupants, it sounds like
you’re staying in a fancy vacation home...I’m a little jealous. It’s snowing
here...everywhere...still. It’s always snowing, and you know I hate being cold.
It doesn’t help my mood much. I could really use some Dani time right about
now…maybe a few mixed drinks on the beach too :) Why is time suddenly going by
so slowly? It’s taking spring forever to get here. I’ll let you know when we
take off or when we even have a plan. Be safe!

Hasta la vista,

Zoe

Standing in the cabin’s cramped bathroom, I looked in the
mirror as I brushed my teeth and studied the heavily shadowed eyes that stared
back at me.
I look like…shit.

“Zoe!” Sarah screamed from the living room, and fear
swept over me.

Spitting the contents of my mouth into the sink, I threw
open the bathroom door. My heart pounded against my chest. “What is it!?” I
rushed to her in alarm.

“Dave’s out
th
—” but before
Sarah could finish, I heard Dave’s cries for help.

I grabbed the shotgun leaning against the wall and flung
the front door open. I could barely hear Dave shouting through the angry howl
of the wind. Running out into the frigid night, I headed in his direction.

“Lock the door!” I yelled back to Sarah. My voice was
muffled by the blizzard. The cold hit me like razor blades, cutting through my
clothes and into my skin with every move. “Dave! Where are you?” I squinted to
see through the dense snowfall.

“Sammy!” Dave’s voice broke through the violent storm.

My muscles fatigued and my lungs burned as I struggled
through the powdery snow, trying not to let it slow me down. I heard Dave’s
voice right before stumbling upon him. I was shocked to see the form of a large
animal pacing nearby. Unsure what to do, I shot the gun into the darkness. Its
recoil knocked me back, and I lost my balance.

Squinting, I refocused my eyes just in time to see the
creature running away and Dave crawling toward Sammy’s unmoving body.

“Dave!” I ran to his side as he tried to move. He was
wounded; blood darkened the snow-covered ground beneath his body, and his legs
dragged limply behind him.

“Sammy!” Dave was crying and struggling to get to his
dog. Helping him up was impossible. He hit my hands away in hysteria, fighting
against my efforts.

“Dave, you have to get inside,” I shouted. My body was
achy and numb.

“Sammy!” he cried as he continued to fight against me.

I snapped. I slapped him across the face, desperate for
him to focus, and yelled with all the energy and lung power my freezing body
could afford. “Dammit, Dave! I’ve got to get you inside. I’ll come back for
Sammy!”

He looked at me in horror.

“I need you to help me. Try to stand up!” I could barely feel
my legs as I pulled his body toward mine.

He stared back with wide eyes. I could feel his anguish
coursing through me.

“I’ll come back for him, I promise.”

Date: December 17, 4:00 AM

From: Zoe Cartwright

To: Danielle O’Connor

Subject: (No Subject)

D,

There’s so much to tell you, but I don’t have much time.
Dave and Sammy were attacked by a mountain lion last night. Sammy saved Dave’s
life but didn’t survive himself. Dave’s got gashes all over his legs, and he’s
lost a lot of blood. I’m taking care of him the best I can, but he won’t let me
do much. He’s drinking enough Jose
Cuervo
that I
don’t think he needs any pain meds at this point; though he may never stop
bleeding.

We did everything we could for Sammy, but nothing worked.
Sarah’s freaking out. What am I supposed to do with a dog’s body? It’s not like
I can bury him…the ground’s frozen. And what am I supposed to do about Dave’s
injuries?

I wish you were here. You’d know what to say to him and what
to do. I’ll write with an update soon.

Zoe

Dani

“Wow. Nice find, Cece,” John said as he looked around the
posh hotel lobby. On such a boyish face his wide-eyed expression lent him a
look of innocence. A beautiful deception—the twenty-one-year-old was about as
innocent as Jason, but unlike Jason, John made sure everyone knew he was a
devil in disguise.

Cece simpered and hopped onto the lobby’s ultra-modern,
granite front desk. Contemporary decor appeared to be the hotel’s motif of
choice, along with black and white everything.

Crossing her legs and lounging back suggestively, Cece
said, “Oh my God, I know, right? This is where my prom was. Isn’t this place
just sinful?” Her way-too-smoldering gaze lingered on Jason before sliding over
to John in the center of the lobby. John seized the unspoken invitation and
sidled up to her.

Seriously, how
obvious does she need to be? She might as well start stripping on the desk.

Shocked, I watched Jason walk toward the front
desk…toward Cece.
He’s falling for it?
Jealousy, white hot rage, guilt, and
self-loathing flared within me. I’d been experiencing that specific tangle of
emotions for several days, always around Jason. I wanted him, though I knew I
shouldn’t, and I hated Cece for having him. I also hated myself for desiring
another man so soon after Cam’s death, even if he was the guy I’d pined for
since I was a little girl.

Beside me, Chris snorted. I caught a faintly whispered,
“fool,” but didn’t know if it was in reference to Cece, John, or Jason. Maybe
it was for all three.

Fierce triumph filled Cece’s face as Jason neared her
perch. The expression remained for about two seconds until Jason did an
about-face to address the rest of us. Sulking, Cece hopped down and joined the
edge of the group. I couldn’t hide my faint smirk.

“This place is huge. We need to set up base somewhere we
can stay close together and easily defend ourselves, like the top-floor suites.
Ky,” Jason directed his voice at the half-Japanese man, “go see if the
elevators work.”

“Yes, Sir.” Ky looked to be around my age and followed
the slightly older man’s orders easily. “They work,” he called and jogged back.

“Great. When we get to the suites, just drop your shit
off. We’re going to search the place for food and anything else that might be
useful. Keep an eye out for other people, and be ready.” The warning was
unnecessary; like Jason and me, many of the others had run into hostile Crazies
in Longview.

“Ky, you’re with me on this floor. Chris and Dani, pair
up, you’re on this floor too. The rest of you—stick with your usual partners
and divide the remaining floors between you.”

Cece glared smoldering daggers at Chris, Ky, and me, but
I barely noticed.
I’m supposed to be partners with Jason, not with Chris,
I thought as rejection joined the tangle of emotions. My thoughts flickered
back and forth between
he doesn’t want me
and
I shouldn’t want him.

Belatedly, I realized I was assigned the only floor with
two teams.
Because I’m a worthless partner.

Everyone else could take care of themselves with their
special I-can-kill-someone-a-million-different-ways-with-my-pinkie military
training. I, on the other hand, could talk to any Italian, Russian, Gaelic, or
Spanish-speaking people we happened upon. Somehow, I didn’t think my background
in foreign languages would be a huge help traversing the devastated United
States.

Irritated, I huffed into the elevator, huffed while it
sped upwards, and huffed as I dropped my pack and duffel bag on the floor of
the largest suite’s living room. At that point I had to stop huffing or risk
hyperventilation.

Jack, who had been eagerly sniffing the sofa
cushions—happily inhaling whatever had been left behind by other people’s
butts—followed as I wandered back to the elevators to wait for Chris.

I have a gun
, I thought.
I can even use it
now…sort of.
It was holstered snugly under my coat, unfamiliar and heavy,
making me feel lopsided.

With crossed arms, I glared at my blurry reflection in
the brushed-metal door and wished there was something I could do, something I
could contribute. And desperately, I wished that my inappropriate feelings for
Jason would go away and that Cam’s voice would stop haunting me. “
But I
thought you loved me?
”

“Shall we?” Chris asked behind me; Jason and Ky were just
approaching as I faced the tall, blonde woman.

“Why not?” I grumbled.

The guys exchanged guarded glances while we all waited
for the elevator, but Chris just stared ahead, her expression bland.

    An electronic ‘ding’ announced the
arrival of the elevator.

On the nine-floor ride down to the lobby, I stood in the
elevator’s center and stared at the crack between the doors. Behind me there
was an intake of breath, immediately followed by a thump and a whispered, “Ow!”
from Jason.

“Shut up,” Chris hissed.

“Why? I was just going to ask—” Jason’s words were cut
off by another thump, louder this time. If he’d been about to ask what was
bothering me, I was glad that Chris had silenced him, however painful her
methods may have been.

“I know. Shut up,” Chris told him.

With another ‘ding’, the elevator signaled the imminent
door-opening, and I remained in the center, completely oblivious to my idiocy.
I had experienced their super-coordinated elevator-exiting protocol on the ride
up, had even participated by pancaking my body against the side wall in
anticipation of an ambush. It made sense—there was no way to know what the
doors would reveal when they opened. But, distracted by my mental flogging, I
stood in the dead-center of the elevator and waited.

A moment before the doors slid open, Jason yanked me
behind him and held me against the wall. My stupid, traitorous body hummed with
pleasure everywhere it touched his. Around me, all my companions pressed
themselves against the elevator’s metallic walls with weapons at the ready.
When the lobby was revealed and nobody attacked, they all relaxed.

I’m such an idiot.
Disgusted with my body’s
reaction as well as my stupidity, I skittered away from Jason and grumbled,
“Come on, Chris, let’s go search for things. I can at least do that without
screwing up.” I marched out of the elevator with Jack growling at my side.
Lately, he seemed to have developed the inexplicable ability to match his mood
to my own.
Good boy.

After several dozen paces, I slowed and looked around at
the deserted hotel—I needed a plan. The lobby, delightfully absent of dead
people, was scattered with abandoned luggage racks that easily could’ve doubled
as pieces of postmodern art. I grabbed one, casting it as a large shopping
cart, and wandered into the open-plan lounge. The bar seemed like a great place
to start.

At the sound of another cart smoothly rolling closer, I
quickly ducked behind the sleek black bar. It had to be Chris. She would make
me talk now that we were away from the guys. Though I knew hiding wouldn’t stop
the determined woman, I couldn’t bring myself to stand.

The muffled scrape of chair legs on hardwood and the
creak of leather told me she was sitting on one of the nearby bar stools.
“What’s wrong, Dani?”

“Nothing. I’m fine,” I lied weakly.

“Right. What’s your full name?” Chris asked.

Surprised, I answered instantly and completely, “Danielle
Ceara O’Connor.”

With another creak Chris was off the stool, leaning over
the bar. Her shadow seemed to glare at me from the rubber-matted floor a foot
away. “DANIELLE CEARA O’CONNOR, you will tell me what’s wrong RIGHT NOW!”

“Um…I…um,” I stuttered, shocked by Chris’s ability to
capture my grandma’s commanding, you’re-in-deep-shit tone. All she needed was
an Irish accent, and she’d be a dead ringer.

Standing, I took a deep breath and answered, “Well…I’m
not really sure.” As I spoke, I made my way around the bar to sit on the stool
beside hers.

“It’s like everything’s been building up to this feeling
of…of…I don’t know. Helplessness. Or maybe uselessness. And now Jason doesn’t
want to be my partner…not that I mind being with you.” The relentless avalanche
of words flowed out as I rubbed Jack’s ears; he’d wedged himself between our
bar stools.

“I can’t do anything. Nothing useful to surviving this…”
I paused and gestured around wildly. “I can’t defend myself. I just end up
being a distraction. And this…” I pulled the gun from inside my coat. “What
good is this if someone’s close to me? And what if I can’t even use it, if I’m
too afraid? I’m not surprised he doesn’t want me as his partner anymore. Once was
enough. Cam should’ve been the one to survive; he could’ve at least cooked for
everyone. Hell, when I have food duty, I might accidentally poison everyone.”

With placating amusement, Chris said, “I’m sure you’re
not that bad.”

“No,” I said adamantly. “I am. And what’s so frustrating
is that you and Jason work so hard to keep me safe, nursing me back to health,
protecting me…I mean, Jason faced off with a group crazy men! And why? I don’t
contribute anything.

“And I…I’m a bad person. I have these feelings, these
thoughts I
really
shouldn’t be having. I really did love Cam, I swear
it, but…” By the time I trailed off, my gestures had become as despondent as my
tone, my hands finally settling on the bar.

“Dani, listen to me.” Chris grasped my wrist firmly and
captured my gaze. “You are
not
useless. You have great ideas. You
thought of stocking up on the backpacking equipment—getting all that stuff
could end up saving our lives.

“And those feelings you’re having are perfectly normal.
Cam would want you to move on, to be happy. Things happen at a different pace
in times like these. It doesn’t make you a bad person. And…well…you do…I don’t
know…
something
to Jason. Something good.”

I scoffed.

“You do,” Chris urged. “You make him seem more human and
less like…I don’t know…like someone who believes in his own divinity. I chose
to follow him off-base because I knew he was a good man and a good leader, but
I’d never seen him really laugh or get very angry, or God,
cry
until we
found you. He’s just different—better—when you’re around.”

I searched Chris’s clear, determined blue eyes and found
only truth, but I couldn’t believe it. “It’s nothing like that,” I dismissed,
needing to diminish the effect her words were having on me. “I just remind him
of his past. Besides, he’s always avoiding me…always going off with
Cece
.”

Chris snorted. “Yeah…but that’s just so he can get his
rocks off.”

I put on a wry grin, masking the sudden, wrenching pain.
My unwanted jealousy was really starting to get on my nerves. Standing, I
rounded the bar again, searching in earnest. A jar of maraschino cherries and
several of blue cheese-stuffed olives were my first finds. A couple bottles of
Dom
Perignon
from the wine fridge were my second.

“He’ll be done with her soon enough,” Chris said,
lingering on the nauseating topic. “Since I’ve known him he’s gone through
dozens like her, none meaning more than the last.”

I felt like a piece of my heart had been sliced off,
seared, and chewed up.
Dozens
. I busied myself searching the cabinets.

Chris quickly joined me behind the bar and was selecting
various bottles of high-end alcohol. “For morale,” she justified.

Being the busybody mother hen that she was, Chris had found
a way to secretly tell Jason about my desperate need to be able to defend
myself. He’d thought giving me a gun and showing me how to use it would be
enough. He’d been wrong. As a result, several of us were having an impromptu
evening training session in the penthouse suite’s living room. With the trendy
burgundy, black, and gold furniture shoved up against the walls of windows,
there was plenty of room for grappling.
I
was learning the basics of
self-defense—specifically, how to get out of an attacker’s grasp. I was playing
my usual role as the victim. And the attacker? Jason,
of course
.

“Oomph,” I grunted, thrusting my backside into Jason’s
unyielding thigh and pulling at the arm he had locked around my shoulders.
I
am not enjoying this,
I told my misbehaving nerve endings.

Jason’s only response was a deep chuckle.

Wedging closer against him, I heaved again and was
surprised when his balance shifted. I had been trying to loosen his hold on me,
I’d placed the majority of his weight against my back. Ungracefully, we
collapsed face-first onto the geometrically-patterned carpet. Jason lay slightly
askew atop me, well over six feet of heavy muscle shaking against the back of
my body.

“What are you…are you laughing? At me?” I squealed in
outrage. I squirmed and wiggled until, at the behest of my pointy elbows, he
let up just enough for me to flip over. But he didn’t move off me—he was
laughing too hard.

“Get off me you big turd!”

Jason raised himself on thickly corded arms just long
enough to meet my eyes. “Big turd? Did you really just call me that?” He
collapsed again, pinning me helplessly to the ground, and buried his face in my
shoulder.

My heartbeat grew increasingly erratic, my breathing
ragged.
I should
not
love this.
Giddiness and guilt warred in my
chest. I wanted to wrap my legs around him. I needed to get away.

“I’m glad you’re finding me so amusing,” I breathed. I’d
been aiming for a more authoritative tone, but with his hard body flush against
mine, a whisper was the best I could do. “That’s what I’m here for. Ha ha…that
Dani, such a
hoot
!” With the last word, I gave one huge, wiggly thrust
in the hopes of creating enough room to scoot out from beneath him.