Aftershock (9 page)

He stared at me, unblinking, his body so still I knew I’d knocked his legs right out from under him. “Sit down,” he ordered, with dangerous softness. “And tell me what the fuck you’re talking about.”

I practically fell into the seat in front of his desk, my knees shaking from the way he looked at me. His dark eyes were like a shark’s, hard and lifeless. “Remember when I said I was going to do some research and—”

“You went to a goddamned reporter?” He surged to his feet and slapped his palms down hard on his desktop. “Are you
insane?
”

“I contacted Deanna as a friend.
Before
you talked to me about never having privacy again!”

“Do you realize what you’ve done? How much damage this might cause? My mother’s disease was
never
supposed to become fodder for the fucking media!”

“Jax...” I stood, then flinched when he shoved away from his desk so violently he knocked his desk chair over. “I know this is terribly personal—and painful—but a lot of families are impacted by mental illness. People are going to understand and—”

“She wasn’t crazy, Gia,” he said coldly. “She was a drunk.”

The venom in his voice took me aback.

He faced the window. “She couldn’t handle the pressure.”

That single statement told me so much. My eyes burned as memories coalesced in my mind and were refracted back with a clarity I’d lacked before. “Alcoholism is an illness, Jax. You said it yourself.”

“She was weak.” His arms crossed. “She married the wrong man for what she wanted.”

“They loved each other. That’s what you told me before.”

He shrugged. “Parker is trying to change the world. She would’ve preferred him to just change the light bulb or a channel on the television.”

“She didn’t like politics?”

“She didn’t like the life that goes with them.” Jax faced me. “Agendas require allies and allies require compromises. She didn’t like some of the compromises that had to be made. Alcohol was liquid courage for her. She used it as a crutch.”

I deflated into my chair, overloaded by the emotional highs and lows I’d bounced between all day. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with Jax and hold him, but I knew he’d never let me help. That stung.

“Jax... When you said someone you loved had been torn up by the stress, you were talking about her, weren’t you?”

He flinched, and I finally felt like I had a shot at understanding him. I certainly understood why he’d been such an ass about the drink I’d had at Rossi’s...and why there was suddenly no alcohol in the apartment. If he thought the situation with Ted and my dad was enough to drive me to drink, he’d worry about how future—more stressful—incidences would affect me. And I couldn’t forget that we’d met in a bar...

“She was a lot like you,” he said in a tone that wasn’t complimentary at all. “Her family...her expectations of what a relationship with my dad would be like. She thought that being politically aware and active was a choice, instead of a responsibility.”

I felt the need to defend Leslie Rutledge, a woman I would never meet but still sympathized with. It wasn’t easy living with the rules Jax set but didn’t always share. “If she was kept in the dark like me, I don’t blame her for not being on the same page with the rest of you.”

“My dad told her everything, that was his mistake. He wanted her approval, but all he did was alienate her. Sometimes the end justifies the means, and the means can be ugly.”

I took a shaky breath. “You’re so angry with her.”

“I have a right to be! She tried to make me choose between her vision and my father’s. No one should be forced into that position, least of all a teenager.” He rolled his shoulders back. “I can’t get into this with you now. I’ve got to do...something. Damage control. If that’s even possible.”

“What can I do?”

Closing his eyes, he bowed his head. The defeat in his posture broke my heart, but his next words cut me wide open. “You should go stay with your brothers tonight. And pack a couple days’ worth of clothes.”

Pain made me lash out in self-defense. “Did you cut your mom off like this, too? Is that how you deal with the people who love you when they inconvenience you?”

“For all of her faults,” he bit out between clenched teeth, “she never sabotaged us!”

“That’s not fair! I made a mistake, Jax, and I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am. But I made it because I love you, not because I wanted to hurt you.”

He opened his eyes. “This whole relationship has been a mistake.”

The flat finality in his voice sent ice coursing through my veins. “You know what, Jackson Rutledge? Fuck you.

9

“I GET WHY
you did it,” Nico said, “but I’d be seriously pissed if a chick I was seeing sicced some investigator after me.”

My brother’s voice and the background sound of a busy evening at Rossi’s anchored my nerves.

“We’re not seeing each other,” I argued, staring at the half-packed suitcase waiting at my side, reminding me that things were in a precarious place with Jax and me. “We live together.”

“That’s worse. You have to ask a woman outside of your relationship for news about the guy you’re shacked up with? That’s some whack shit, Gianna. I’m gonna ask you again: is this really the way you want to be living?”

I scowled at him through the phone. “No, of course not.”

“Then get the fuck out of there and hook up with a decent guy who gives you what you want.”

“I tried that. It didn’t happen for me.”

He snorted. “Try harder.”

“Can you stop being so negative for a minute and help me find a way out of this mess? Why is it that guys are always trying to problem solve when we just want to vent? Then, when we do want solutions, they’ve got nothin’?”

“The solution to being with the wrong guy is to leave. There. Solved.”

I growled. “I’m thinking the problem is Deanna.”

“I never liked that bitch,” Nico said, startling me. He didn’t often speak in a derogatory way about women—our mother had raised my brothers to be gentlemen. “Vincent never liked her much either. He just put up with her because she was crazy in bed. Liked some kink and bondage.”

“Eww.” I shook my head. “TMI, Nico. Seriously. And it’s kinda uncool that you guys are sharing that level of detail with each other. Whatever happened to privacy?”

“Hey, I didn’t ask to see those photos she was sexting to him. Told him to take it into his room. Anyway, he should’ve warned you about her. She’d told him once that she started her career by sleeping with prominent
married
men, and then using pillow talk and extortion, if necessary, to get leads out of them.”

I stared at the closed bedroom door, frozen by a flash of an idea.

“So...” my brother went on, “should I head up there this weekend and help you move your stuff out?”

“Not yet.” I stood and walked to the bag where I kept my laptop. “Let me call you back.”

“If I can’t answer, I’ll call
you
back.”

With half my focus on something else, I still couldn’t miss how wonderful Nico was. I had a lot of blessings in my life, but my brothers definitely topped the list.
“Ti amo, fratello.”

“Love you, too.”

Shoving my phone into my pocket, I grabbed my laptop out of its carrying case and sat on the bench at the foot of the bed. I surfed to the cloud and sent up a silent prayer asking for Vincent not to have changed his password since he’d given it to me once months ago.

He hadn’t.

I had a hard moment of indecision, weighing my options. Either way, someone I loved was going to get hurt.

In the end, the public nature of Deanna’s threat won out.

I got into Vincent’s account, clicked on the photo album that synced with his phone, and immediately wanted to scour my eyeballs. There were some things a girl just didn’t want to think about her brothers knowing. Or doing.

I downloaded all the racy photos of Deanna—wondering why Vincent had kept them after their breakup—and then I sent her a text telling her to call me ASAP for info she’d want to hear.

With shaking hands, I started unpacking. Jax didn’t believe I was strong enough to share his life and it was up to me to prove him wrong. I could do that. I
would
do that. And then he wouldn’t feel like he had to hide things from me because I couldn’t handle it.

I heard Jax’s voice outside the door, growing louder as he approached. “I get it, Dad, but I’m going after Gianna now—”

The door opened and Jax strode in, pausing midstep when he caught sight of me. Parker was fast on his heels, but he stopped when he saw me, his mouth closing before he said whatever he’d been about to say.

With a nod of acknowledgment, Parker caught the doorknob and pulled the door shut. Jax locked the door.

My smartphone started ringing. Deanna’s name appeared on the screen. Holding Jax’s gaze, I answered with a curt “Gianna Rossi.”

“What’s up?” Deanna asked, sounding distracted and impatient.

“Hello to you, too, Deanna.”

Jax’s gaze narrowed.

I took a deep breath, knowing I needed to pull off the bluff of my life. “I’ll make this quick—either you kill the Rutledge story or I post X-rated pictures of you on every revenge porn site known to man.”

Jax’s nostrils flared on a sharply indrawn breath.

“Bullshit,” Deanna hissed.

“Is it?” I asked. “You want to take that chance?”

“Those photos are private property!”

“
You’re
throwing privacy in
my
face?”

“Two totally different things, Gianna! The Rutledge family gave up any expectation of privacy when they decided to take a stab at controlling this country.”

“You’re taking it too far.”

“And you’re not? There are laws against revenge porn. You post those pictures, and it’ll come back on you
and
the Rutledges.
You’ll
be the enemy then.”

“There are laws against extortion, too,” I said tightly, “but that didn’t stop you. There are ways of finding out who you’re squeezing for information, just as there are ways to hide how those pictures of you make it online.”

My lies were spinning into a clusterfuck, but I couldn’t stop.

She sucked in her breath. “I don’t know what you think you’ve got on me—”

“I’ve got enough.” My hand fisted around my phone. “Kill the story, Deanna, or I kill your reputation—your choice.”

“I can’t pull the story! It’s too late.”

“That’s too bad for you.” I hung up.

Jax stared at me. “What are you doing?”

“Not sure. I’m winging it.” My phone rang again and I answered.

“How can you do this?” Deanna’s voice was laced with panic. “One woman to another, how can you?”

I couldn’t ask myself that same question, because I’d back off if I did. I had sent Jax suggestive pictures before. Nothing as extreme as Deanna’s, but still...I’d be mortified if any of them ever got out. “Give me another choice.”

“This isn’t your business! Jackson Rutledge is a big boy. Let him fight his own battles.”

“I would, if I weren’t responsible for this mess to begin with.”

Jax started toward me.

Deanna groaned. “You’re going to take me to the mat for a guy who won’t tell you jack about himself? Do you think he’d care if the situation were reversed? He’d distance himself so quick your head would spin. Don’t think he wouldn’t!”

She’d picked the wrong time to throw that scenario at me, because the look in Jax’s eyes at that moment was fierce with love. Right then, I was pretty sure he’d do anything for me.

“This conversation is over,” I told her, needing to end it before I wavered. Yes, she was an opportunistic bitch, but what I’d threatened to do didn’t put me on higher ground. “You know the deal.”

I hung up a split second before Jax grabbed me and crushed me so close I could hardly breathe.

“Jesus, Gia.” His lips pressed hard against my temple. “I wasn’t expecting you to— I didn’t want—
Fuck.
”

I hugged him back, holding on tight. He was right; I hadn’t fought for him the first time we broke up. I wasn’t going to make that mistake twice. “We’ll get through this. Right?”

There was a plea in my voice. I hated hearing it, but I had a knot in my stomach that wouldn’t quit. I had a horrible feeling that the worst was still ahead of us.

Jax leaned his head against me, his entire body heavy with weariness. “I’m sorry, baby. I was pissed off at everything and everyone
except you,
but you were the easy target. I was an ass.”

“I’m sorry, too. I don’t know what I was thinking when I asked her for help.”

“This life... It’s an adjustment. I’ll have to teach you how to deal with it.” His lips brushed my cheek. “I should’ve talked to you. When you needed answers, I should’ve been the one to give them to you.”

“Next time,” I said, praying for it to be that easy.

Eventually, we’d run out of mistakes to make. I had to believe that.

A sigh left me. What we’d had in Vegas...it’d seemed so clear. So true. Now everything was murky, clouded by our family ties. I grieved a little for the innocence our relationship had lost along the way.

But mourning what we’d lost didn’t stop me from appreciating what we still had. When I was in Jax’s arms, I felt like I was right where I was supposed to be. The only other thing that came close to giving me that feeling of homecoming was Rossi’s.

I knew what it felt like to lose it. Now I had to learn what it would take to keep it.

Pulling back, Jax looked at me, his hands gliding up and down my back. “I was coming after you. If you’d left, I would have been bringing you home now.”

I nuzzled into his touch, wanting to comfort him and wanting comfort in return. I could feel the strain in his body, the tension pulled tight and ready to snap. “I might’ve made you work for it.”

His hands lifted to my neck, his fingers kneading into the knotted muscles. I moaned, melting under his expert touch.

He lowered his head, and his voice came deep and low. “I’ll work for it now.”

Even though I saw the kiss coming, it still knocked me out. The seal of Jax’s mouth over mine was tight and greedy, laced with a wildness I hadn’t tasted since we’d been together in Vegas. His tongue stroked fast and hard into my mouth, licking deep with devastating sexuality. The message was clear before he spoke.

“I want you,” he said softly, tracing my lips with the tip of his tongue. “There are a dozen people on the other side of these walls and I don’t care. I can’t be quiet when I’m fucking you...they’ll hear me when I come inside you. They’ll see it on my face when I step outside. I couldn’t care less. If I’m not buried deep in you within the next ten minutes, I’m going to lose my mind.”

“Jax.” My phone started ringing. I switched it to silent mode and dropped it, not caring where it landed. Then I fisted Jax’s hair in my hands, holding him in place as I ate at his mouth.

I loved kissing him. The feel of his lips, so firm yet soft. The rough sounds of pleasure he made. How ravenous he was for me. He made me feel like he couldn’t live without me.

He caught one of my wrists and dragged my hand down to his erection, wrapping my fingers around him. He was hard as stone and deliciously thick. Then he pulled my hand up to his chest and pressed it flat over his pounding heart. “Gia...”

I lost it.

We tore at each other’s clothing, yanking off buttons and ripping through delicate threads. I was desperate to get at him, my lips and teeth catching every inch of golden skin that they could reach, my hands pulling and tugging at every scrap of material that got in my way.

In a distant part of my mind I heard my phone vibrating, but I didn’t care. Neither did Jax. With everything on fire around us, we focused only on each other.

He urged me back until I tumbled onto the bed, shrugging off his ruined shirt before following me down. His skin was hot to the touch, burning me even through my bra and slacks. Kissing me deeply, he cupped one of my breasts in his hand, kneading covetously before shoving the lace cup aside to touch my bare skin.

I gasped into his mouth, my nipple hardening against his palm. I fumbled with the hidden button of his tailored pants, growling when he settled on me and trapped my hands.

“You first,” he muttered. Clever fingers circled my nipple and rolled it, sending delight arrowing to my core.

The next moment, that mouth I adored was on my breast, wet heat surrounding my tender nipple. His tongue lashed at the hardened tip, his cheeks hollowing on a drawing pull. His hand was between my legs, rubbing my aching cleft through my slacks, teasing me by grinding the length of his erection against my thigh.

His scent and heat surrounded me, his hands and mouth moved all over me. I wanted some control, but he was too fast, sliding lower before I could catch him.

His gaze snared mine as he tugged my slacks and panties down my legs.

Sitting up, I pulled off my blouse and unhooked my bra. My phone was vibrating nonstop, setting a driving urgent pace. Jax rolled to his back and opened his fly, lifting his hips to shove his pants and boxer briefs out of the way. He came at me like that, too impatient to strip all the way.

I spread for him, lifted my arms to him, and cried out his name when he pinned my hips down and shoved half his cock inside me.

Lowering his head, he groaned in my ear. “Let me in, baby.”

Wriggling, panting, I pulled at him. My nails dug into the rigid muscles of his back, my calves tightened on his thighs. I grew wetter by the moment, turned on by the helpless way his hips swiveled, his body mindlessly seeking a deeper connection to mine. I could’ve used more foreplay, but I was quickly catching up, my sex clutching at him in rhythmic pulses.

“That’s it,” he gasped, pulling back an inch and thrusting again. “Take my cock.”

I moaned when he slid deeper, my hips fighting his hold, needing to arch upward.

Suddenly, he was gone, leaving me aching and empty. Then his mouth was there between my legs, licking, circling my clit, and fluttering over the throbbing bundle of nerves. My hands fisted in the sheets, my back arching. I went from not quite ready to orgasm so quickly the climax took me by surprise.

Heat spread over my skin like a fever. Shivers of pleasure wracked my body. I sucked in air, squirming away from the delicious torment of Jax’s talented tongue. He gripped my thighs in both hands, holding me down, making me take the rapid-fire shallow plunges. It was a wicked tease that left me desperate for the steely length of his cock.

The moment he moved to slide over me again, I wrapped my legs around him and twisted, taking him beneath me. He lay sprawled magnificently, golden and hot and wild-eyed. Sweat glistened on the hard ridges of his abdomen and heat burnished his cheekbones. His sinner’s mouth was wet from me and red from our kisses.