Against the Tide (34 page)

Her eyes widen in horror. “Oh my god, Finn. Your t-shirt, are you hurt?” I don’t understand her at first, but when I look down, I see that my white t-shirt is covered in blood. Harley’s blood.

“Oh, yeah. That’s not me,” I sigh. “It’s a long story. Shall we sit?”

She passes me our takeaway coffees to hold before she sits, but only on half of my jumper. “You can have the other half,” she says, patting the ground beside her.

“You think my arse will fit on half a jumper?”

“Take it or leave it, buddy.”

I shake my head and take a seat as close to her as possible. Not because I want to sit on the jumper, but because I can’t get close enough to her. If I could get away with having her sit on my lap, I would. But I doubt she would like that and we need to be able to concentrate to talk. Which definitely wouldn’t happen if she were sitting on me. Those thoughts make my mind race and all the blood heads south to my groin. I shift uncomfortably, feeling restricted by my jeans, and move over just a fraction so I’m not so tightly pressed against her warm little body. The park next to the hospital definitely isn’t the place for that.

“Enjoy your caffeine,” she says dryly, as I pass her back the polystyrene cup.

“I’m pretty sure caffeine isn’t good for growing a baby,” I argue, knowing she was a little put out that I took it upon myself to order her decaf in the hospital’s café.

“You don’t know that, it might grow a super baby.”

I roll my eyes at her and she grins back at me. It’s so easy with her. She’s not too argumentative, but isn’t a pushover either. We fit together. It’s just … right.

“So,” she says quietly.

“So,” I say back, not really knowing where to start. So much to tell her, so much I want to know. “I’m not sure if Damien was actually arrested yesterday. That’s what I came to your house for, before Jamie told me about the baby.”

“Oh,” she says quietly, the worry growing around her eyes. “Has this got something to do with the blood on your t-shirt? Oh, god, Finn, what did you do?” Her hand covers her mouth.

“I never did anything, I haven’t even seen him,” I say, which confuses her even more. “It was a long night. Not one I want to repeat either. When I left you, I went to see Harley. He lives just ten minutes from your place so I walked. When I got there, the door was open and the place had been trashed. I found him …” I feel my words drifting off as I recall finding Harley like that, worrying that he might not even be alive was almost as bad a feeling as I had when I saw Lizzie laying on the floor of the ladies’ toilets that night. Meg places her hand on my thigh and rubs her thumb gently back and forth.

“Is he okay?” she inquires softly.

“Not really, broken bones and cuts and bruises everywhere. I spent the night in the hospital with him. He’s a mess, but nothing that won’t heal.”

“You think Damien had something to do with it?” she questions.

“Meg, if I tell you something, you have to promise me to keep it to yourself.”

“Of course,” she replies with sincerity.

“Harley handed in the CCTV of the night that Damien drugged Lizzie. I knew he was going to be arrested soon, and when you told me they arrested him yesterday morning, I couldn’t have been happier, it made me feel a little freer, you know? Like maybe I could relax for a while as justice was serving its course. But then Harley’s place was ransacked, I mean totally destroyed, Meg. Whoever it was ransacked through everything.”

“Wow,” she answers shaking her head gently. “I had no idea.”

“Pretty fucked up, huh?” I sigh.

“Yeah. Pretty fucked up. So what do we do now?”

“I don’t know. I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

“I was tucked up in bed with the bear.” She nudges my shoulder with hers.

“Really? I hope he kept you warm.”

“He did, he smelled of you.”

“Well, I hope he doesn’t smell like I do now, because I’m now very aware that I haven’t been home to shower.”

“This talk can wait, if you want to go home.” She looks up at me with concern in her eyes.

“No, it can’t. Unless you think I stink so badly that you can’t possibly sit next to me for too long.”

“Well, I did notice the flies starting to buzz around us when we sat here.”

“Hey.” I nudge her playfully with my shoulder. “Can I please see the pictures again?”

“Sure.” She hands me the small, black and white scan pictures and I study them quietly.

“This little person changes everything, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“How long have you known?” I question, glancing up to her.

“Couple days. I didn’t know how to tell you before because I didn’t know how far along I was, and I wasn’t sure …” She stops and trails off, her voice wavering nervously.

“Meg.” I have to ask, I don’t want to, but I have to because I couldn’t bear it if further down the line, this little baby, that I’ve already in the last half an hour grown attached to and feel protective over, turned out to not be mine. “Are you sure it’s−”

“I’m sure. Damien and I hadn’t been together for nearly a month before you and me … You know, that night. And there hasn’t been anyone since. I know it’s probably hard for you to believe, but I don’t screw about, Finn.”

“I never thought you did. But you understand why I had to ask?”

“I would have, too.”

“I’m not over Lizzie, yet. I don’t think I ever will be. I know it’ll never go away, but I’m learning to live with the pain. But there’s something else you need to know because the next few months aren’t going to be easy …” I struggle with the emotion that overcomes me when I have to say out loud that my mum won’t be around much longer, and now it hurts twice as much as it means she might not even get to see my baby, her first grandchild. Meg continues to stroke her thumb across my thigh but stays silent, allowing me time to process what I’m going to say next. “My mum’s dying, Meg. She has a brain tumour. So not only did I lose Lizzie, but I have to deal with knowing that I’m going to lose her too, and up until today, they were all I had. They are the only family I’ve got, and until you gave me this baby, I would have had nothing and no one left to live for.”

“Oh, Finn.” Megan jumps up off the ground and flings her arms around my neck. “I’m sorry,” she whimpers, “I’m so sorry.” I feel her tears making their way down my neck and I cradle her head to me.

“Please don’t cry, Meg. I hate to hear you cry,” I whisper into her hair. Feeling her cry for me, against my skin, makes me feel so protective of her.

She sits back on her heels and wipes the tears from her cheeks. “It’s no wonder you were so awful to me. I would have been like that, too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too. For everything. For everything you’ve been through. You know you have this baby now, too. This baby is a part of you, Finn.” She takes my hand and places it across her belly.

“I can’t believe this little peanut is in there.” I look between the scan picture and her belly that’s so flat, and tight.

“Little peanut.” She laughs.

“Well, that’s what it looks like! Do we know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?”

“Not for a while. Would you want to find out?”

“I don’t know. I guess … I suppose I would like my mum to know.” My voice grows quiet again as our happiness is tainted with imminent pain. “Just in case she isn’t around by the time it arrives.”

“Then we will do whatever it takes to give her as much information as possible. Okay?” She places her hand over mine so they are both resting flat on her tummy.

“Thanks, Meg.”

“So, what do we do now?” she asks, picking at a blade of grass beside her. “What about Damien?”

“I don’t know, Meg. I honestly don’t know.” I feel responsible for Megan now, and the baby. But I don’t know how to keep them safe. “I’m sorry Damien has caused you so much heartache,” she says quietly. “If I’d known …”

“You couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s not yours either,” she whispers, holding my gaze and not letting me look away. She sees the guilt that I carry. She’s sees the guilt that I have to live with every day and I don’t know if it’s ever going to leave me or if I will just learn to live with it. At least I have something to live for. Someone to live for now.

“I want you to meet my mum, Meg. I know we said to take things slow, but I don’t think we have the luxury of time here.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? No arguments?”

“Finn,” she laughs. “I’ll only argue for something worth arguing over. I’d love to meet your mum.”

“Let’s go.” I hop up, surprising myself with the excitement I feel at the thought of introducing Meg to my mum, and of course telling her about little peanut.

“You’re going like that? You won’t have your mum worried with all the blood on your shirt?”

“Shit, yeah. I don’t want her to see that. I’ll wear my jumper. But I do need to tell her about Harley, they’re kinda close.”

“Okay,” she agrees.

“Okay,” I smirk, and hold out my hand to help her up. When she’s up on her feet, she tries to pull away but I don’t let go. 

“Are you copying me?” she asks, tilting her head to look at me with a cute frown.

“Are you copying
me
?” I try to keep a straight face, but I fail and burst out laughing at our childish antics. I love how I can just be me with her. I don’t even think about things before I say them. My words just come out, my silliness just comes out, and it’s okay because she’s silly too.

Without any warning, she hooks her hand around my neck and pulls my head down to her for a searing kiss. It’s not a long kiss, but it’s enough to steal my breath.

“Whoa, what was that for?” I gasp, as she pulls back with a satisfied look in her eyes.

“It’ll all be okay, Finn. It’ll all work out.”

Shit, I’m nervous. Nervous as hell, in fact. I’m meeting the mum and I’m the woman that got knocked up by her son on a one night stand, not really the best footing to start off on.

“Relax,” Finn says squeezing my hand. “She’s cool.”

“I’m sure, but …”

“Chill, Meg. She’s going to love you, it’s hard not to.”

We walk down the corridor in the hospice. It feels weird in here. Comfortable, not clinical like a hospital, and it’s friendly, but there’s that feeling hanging in the air that you know the patients here are going to die soon. It’s a morbid thought, but I can’t help but think I want to visit every one of them to make sure they don’t feel alone.

We stop at a door, and Finn knocks gently before pushing it open and walking in.

“Hey, Mum.” He steps forward and I nervously hold back a little, hovering just behind him.

“Hey,” a weak voice replies.

“I’ve brought someone to see you.” He tugs my arm so I have to step forward to regain my balance. He pulls me until I’m next to him, and he puts his hand around my waist.

“Hi.” I nervously raise my hand and quickly drop it back down to my side.

“Hi,” she replies, giving me a soft smile. She’s thin, her eyes are sunken and it’s not difficult to see that she’s sick. But she’s still so pretty; she would have been stunning in her younger, healthier days. Finn resembles her in many ways.

“Come on in, you kids. Don’t stand to attention in the doorway.” Finn smiles at me and indicates for me to sit in the chair right by his mum’s bed. “So, are you going to introduce me, Finn? Or does your lady friend have to introduce herself?” She gives him a pointed look and I stifle a laugh at the fact that he’s just been chastised in front of me. He squeezes my shoulder as if to tell me to stop laughing and I smile knowing that he can tell what I’m thinking.

“Mum, this is Megan. Megs, this is my mum.”

“Finn.” She laughs, shaking her head at his way of introducing us. “Meg, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Kath.”

“Hi, Kath. Finn’s been telling me all about you,” I say, relaxing a little at the warmth that comes from her.

“Oh yeah?” she playfully raises a brow at Finn.

“All good, Mum. All good of course.”

“Of course, Finn.” She casts a wink in my direction. “So, what are you doing here? Don’t you have anything better to do with your day?”

“Well, I wanted you to meet Meg, and …”