Alayziah II: When Loving Him is Complicated (15 page)

Rell

Waking up with Alayziah and Layyah in the same house was weird as hell. They fell asleep on the couch last night so I took Layyah to the guest room before putting my baby in bed with me. I woke up before the sun rose. I just had a weird ass feeling in the pit of my stomach. I looked down and Alayziah was laying on my heart as usual. Half of her body was covering mine and her hand was filled with my dreads. After sliding from under her, I went down the hall to the guest room to check on Layyah. When I did, she was on the edge of the bed crying. I started to go and wake Al up, but it seemed like she needed comfort now. I went over to the bed and sat next to her. She looked at me and smiled lightly wiping her face.

“What’s wrong, Lay?” I asked.

“Nobody else knows this.”

“Knows what?”

“I’m moving back to Memphis, permanently. You know I’ve been going back and forth because of my relationship with Mike but, I’m moving back home.”

“Why? What about him? What about your shop? What happened?”

“I’m just tired, Rell. I’m tired of being with men who can’t give me what I need. I can’t even have a healthy loving relationship because I’m so fucked up. You were the only man to ever really care about me and I cheated on you. Mike says he cares, but he don’t care about me. He cared about the old me, but not me. He swore he didn’t want to change me, but that’s all he’s been trying to do since I got back with him.”

“You just ain’t found the man for you, Lay. When the right man comes along, he gone make you want to be faithful. He’s going to be so different that you’re going to just… know… you’re going to know that he’s the one for you. He’s going to give you the love you need. He gone pull that selfishness out of you. Ain’t nothing wrong with wanting to have some fun, yo ass just need to be single while you’re doing it.”

She chuckled as I brushed her tears away.

“I just feel like I’m never going to get it right. At this point, I don’t even have the desire to. I’m never going to find a man who can handle me and make me want to do right. Then, I have to watch you and my sister. Y’all are so good together and it eats at me. Not because I want you back, but because I know I could have had that with a good man and I ruined it.”

“Every good man ain’t the man for you, Layyah.”

“I know, and I will never come at you like that, not that it would do my any good, it’s just hard being here. I feel so alone.”

“You are not alone. You got Al, Kai, me, and Bishop.”

“Yeah, but y’all got each other. Who got me?”

Her tears started to flow again and I sighed heavily as I caressed her thigh.

“Just wait on him, Lay. In the meantime, leave Mike’s ass alone for good. You don’t need somebody that’s gone make you want to be worse; you need somebody that’s going to make you want to be better.”

She nodded as she covered her hand with mine.

“Rell, I’m so sorry.”

“We passed that. You don’t have to apologize anymore. We good. You’re my sister now and I love you. I got you.”

“Okay, go before you make me cry even more,” she said pushing me off the bed.

“Aye, check this out… you remember when I first brought my studio downtown?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“When I first got it, it was a shoe store. The nigga that I got it from sold it because his business was expanding. He’s cool as hell… Maybe I could…”

“No. I am not letting you hook me up with anybody.”

“Why not? Don’t you think I would know if someone would be a good match for you or not? I know you Layyah, and I know what you want and need. You need a nigga that’s gone be able to handle you and make you submit, not a nigga you can walk all over.”

“Kai said I don’t need a man that’s gas to my flames like you. She said I need water to balance me out.”

“Kai ass only said that because that’s what she thinks she does for Bishop, but her ass just as crazy as him. Sometimes you do need water, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. A fire needs oxygen and nourishment, which can be other leaves, grass, and shit to build, right? So, if you kill that source of oxygen and the leaves that nourish it you create a controlled burn. That controlled burn keeps the fire from spreading. Once the fire is contained then it can be put out, but if you let the shit burn all Willy Nilly or just try and throw some water on it the flames will spread and cause more harm than good. Yes, you need water to contain you, but first, you need a nigga to handle you with some flames and sustain you.”

She nodded and licked her lips as if she was in deep thought.

“Let me think about it,” she mumbled.

“Cool. You good?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks, Rell.”

“Anytime.”

Alayziah

I woke up to my phone vibrating like crazy. The first time someone called I let that shit go to voicemail but they called right back. Groaning, I grabbed my phone angrily but softened when I saw Jabari’s name.

“Yes, Jabari?” I said groggily.

“Al… are you busy?”

“I mean… I was sleep. What’s up?”

“It’s Jessica. She’s been acting strange since she had the abortion. I was out of town last night but she was supposed to be at my place. When I got in, she wasn’t here. I called my mom and tried to see if she was there without alarming her, but she isn’t there. She isn’t answering her phone. I tracked her location. I was wondering… if you could go and pick her up with me. I don’t know what I’m about to walk into.”

I sat all the way up in bed after he said Jessica’s name. I sighed heavily and ran my fingers through my hair.

“Aight, Bari. Let me take a shower real quick and let my fiancé know what I’m doing and then I’ll head out your way.”

“Fiancé?”

“Yes, Jabari. Terrell and I are getting married.”

“Damn. That’s good, Al. I’m genuinely happy for you.”

I smiled and placed my feet on the floor. “Thanks. Let me hop in the shower and I’ll be on my way.”

“Cool.”

“Where are you going?” Rell asked as I ended the call.

“To find Jessica with Jabari.”

“Mane, they stay in some shit.”

“I know right. That’s my little sis, though.”

“Speaking of sisters… take some time today to see about yours.”

I looked at him skeptically. “Why?”

“She going through some shit right now.”

“And she talked to you about it instead of Kai or me?”

“Not intentionally. I woke up this morning and found her crying.”

“Crying? What the hell is wrong with her? Is it Mike?”

“Kind of. Just… take care of this shit with them and then see about her.”

The softness in his expression and voice warmed my heart. Even though she did him wrong he still cared about her.

“I will, baby.”

“I love you. Call me when you get to that nigga and call me when you on your way to her. Matter fact… do I need to go with you?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, baby, but if you want to come you can.”

“Just, text me the address to where y’all gone be and I might slide through there.”

“Cool.”

After my shower, I threw on some basketball shorts and a baby tee and made my way to Jabari’s place. When I got there, he was sitting on the porch waiting for me. I parked my car on the street and made my way to his car. He met me there.

“Hey… sorry,” he said lightly standing in front of me.

“It’s cool. She still ain’t answering?”

“Nah. I’m just gone go to the address her phone is at and see what’s up.”

“Cool.”

We got inside his car. After he put the address into the GPS, I texted it to Rell.

“So… besides being engaged what’s new?” Jabari asked.

“Um, I don’t know, Jabari, still working on my poetry CD. I recorded some of my songs to send out to some labels to try to get on as a songwriter. You?”

“We’re opening a second restaurant so that’s cool.”

“That’s great, Jabari. What’s up with you and your girl?”

“Man… she’s cool. I don’t see it going anywhere, though.”

“Why not?”

“Jessica don’t like her.”

I chuckled. “Why not?”

“She ain’t you. You got her spoiled.”

My smile faded.

“You ain’t gotta close up. She knows nothing will ever be between us. She just… really likes you.”

“Well, I love her like a little sister. That will never change, but that shouldn’t keep you from being in love and happy.”

“It won’t. I’m just going to give her some time to get you out her system. Me too. I told you Al, I just wanted to see you loved and happy, whether it was by me or not. I meant that shit.”

I nodded. “How far away are we?” I asked.

“About fifteen minutes away.”

“Cool.”

Rell

I scooped Bishop up before heading to the address Al sent me. I just didn’t feel right sending Al off to handle some shit with that nigga alone. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him… Fuck it. I didn’t trust him. I didn’t know him, and as much drama as he and his little sister stayed in, I just wanted to keep my baby safe. Bishop and I made light conversation as I drove to the address she gave me. We were a couple of streets away when I texted her to see what was going on. She didn’t reply. I sighed heavily unintentionally before throwing my phone in the cup holder.

“What’s wrong, nigga?” Bishop asked.

“Shit. She ain’t texted me back yet.”

“Yo ole impatient ass.”

“Mane… I know I am so I’m tryna be cool about it.”

“You think she’s in danger or some shit?”

“Nah. She trusts the nigga and she loves his sister. Ion know. I know he still wants her. Maybe that’s what it is. Ion know.”

“I feel you. Well, we almost there, nigga. Y’all need to set some boundaries if you feel that strongly about her dealing with the nigga.”

“We gone have to do some. He can’t be calling her all times of the day. They gone have to get their shit together. Especially once I knock her ass up.”

“Lord have mercy. That’s gone be a sight to see. Yo over protective possessive ass already crazy now. I can only imagine how you gone be then.”

I just smiled. His ass was right. That was gone be some shit.

Alayziah

When we made it to the house that Jessica’s GPS on her phone led us to, Jabari said he was going to try to call her once more before we went in. When she didn’t answer, we got out and headed for the door. He knocked, but no one answered.

“Stay here,” He said walking to the side of the home. I waited there for a second before pulling my phone out to call Rell. That’s when I noticed he called me. As I let the phone ring Jabari held one finger up to his mouth and motioned for me to come with him. I hung the phone up, put it back in my purse, and walked towards him. When I got to the back of the house, he’d already gone inside. I followed suit. After I walked inside the home, I closed the door lightly. I turned around and saw Carmen standing in front of me.

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this?” she asked. I was so caught off-guard that I couldn’t even respond. I just looked at her crazy ass. “Do you?” she screamed. I scanned the rest of the room for a sign of Jessica but she wasn’t there.

“Jabari,” I called out calmly. He slowly walked into the room. His face was laced with sadness.

“I’m sorry. She saw me kill Chris. She has been following me. You. Us. She said if I didn’t help her trap you she was going to go to the police,” he rushed out.

I nodded in understanding. I wasn’t messed up about him snitching. A nigga will do anything to keep his freedom. What I was pissed about was the fact that he didn’t appreciate all that I’d done for him and his sister to warn me.

“It’s cool Jabari,” I said nonchalantly throwing my purse to the floor.

“So what’s up, Carmen? What’s your beef? You wanna kill me cause I fucked your man and beat your ass?” I stepped towards her but stopped when she cocked her gun.

“No, bitch! I want to kill you because you took him from me. He was my last chance, Alayziah. My last chance to be happy. Do you know how hard it was for me to find a man who accepted me and my children as his own? And dealt with my crazy ass daddy? And you took Alex from me.”

I laughed lightly and shook my head. “Carmen, I didn’t take your man. He married you,” I reasoned.

“No. That piece of paper and ring didn’t mean shit to him. He still wanted and chased you. That’s why I killed his ass.”

My heart dropped. My ears had to be deceiving me. I know she couldn’t have said what I thought she said. She must be stone cold crazy. She had to have lost her mind. Alex died in a car accident. The hell she mean she killed him?

“The hell you mean you killed him?” I asked taking another step towards her.

“Stop fucking moving, Alayziah. You make me nervous when you move. Be still! I can’t think with you moving.”

“Fine. Fine. Just talk to me. Tell me what you mean. You said you killed him. Alex died in a car accident, Carmen.”

“I know, but I put sleeping pills in one of his bottles of tea. That’s why he fell asleep at the wheel. We took vows, Alayziah, that nothing but death would separate us. Not you. Not his family. Not my father or my baby’s daddies. Nothing but death. So, since he divorced me and planned to be with you I made sure death separated us, but now, you get to join him.”

I inhaled deeply before rubbing my face. Shaking my head as tears fell from my eyes. Running my fingers through my hair, I felt like my heart was pounding, trying to get out of my chest. Chills pierced my skin but I was hot on the inside, so hot my palms began to sweat as I stared into her eyes.

“You killed him? You took him from me?” I asked calmly.

“Seemed fair to me. You don’t agree?” she asked with a smile.

I opened my mouth to reply, but as I did, the door was kicked down behind us. Without even looking to see who it was, I took that as an opportunity to tackle Carmen and take the gun from her. After tossing it across the room, I started bashing her fucking face in. I have never been so angry in my life. Yes, I was happy, in love, and satisfied with Terrell and what I had with Alex could in no way compare to what I have with Terrell… but still… I loved him with all of me. I gave him access to my soul and that wasn’t something that could be easily forgotten. It was one thing for me to think that his death was just an act of God that neither of us had any control over, but to know that she took it upon herself to play a part in his death, took away what little rationality I had. I’d hit her so many times I was tired when a pair of arms wrapped around me and I knew by the grip that it was my baby.

“That’s enough, Ziah,” he said calmly pulling me away from Carmen. I didn’t even protest. Her face was already swelling beyond recognition. Bishop pulled his gun out and aimed it at Jabari.

“You want this nigga or can I have him?” he asked Rell as Jabari lifted his hands in the air.

“I want him,” Rell said putting me on my feet.

“Wait… wait… I know it looks like I set her up, and in a sense I did, but I wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. I only did it because she threatened to go to the police about me killing the nigga that raped my sister. I’ve been recording the whole thing. My camera is on top of the fireplace,” he said in one breath.

Rell walked over to the fireplace and pulled the camera down. After stopping the recording, he played it from the beginning. I walked over to Jabari and slapped him.

“You couldn’t fucking warn me?” I asked.

“I’m sorry, Al. Please, don’t be mad at me. I wasn’t going to let her harm you.”

“Where’s Jessica?”

“She’s at my mom’s. She’s safe.”

“I get that you did what you felt like you had to do… but this shit is just too much. For you to use my love and care for Jessica against me was low, Jabari. Do you know how scared I was that something had happened to her? You couldn’t think of another fucking lie to use?”

“I’m sorry, Al. I knew you wouldn’t come for me. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head in disgust as Bishop made Jabari go outside.

“What we gone do about her?” I asked Rell grabbing my purse.

“What you wanna do? We can do this the legal way and take her and this tape downtown and let her serve her time or we can do this the illegal way and dead her ass right here and now.”

Tired of the fighting, drama and death, I looked down at Carmen, as she lay unconscious. “Call the police.”