Alex (In the Company of Snipers) (37 page)

Kelsey saw the honesty behind those boyish eyes. Harley wasn’t complicated by a long shot. He just wanted to be in control of his life, to be free from the drugs. He wanted to live.

“I ain’t gonna lie to you. That crap’s still calling my name. Sometimes, it’s all I can do not to go looking for my old friends. That’s why I need to work. My job’s real important right now.”

“You tried to get me to pray that morning, didn’t you?”

“Mostly I just wanted to keep you talking. You scared the hell out of me.” He shook his head remembering.

“Me, too.” Her words were soft. “What happened then?”

“So, anyway ….” Harley went on about how he had dropped into his old office hoping he still had a job. He explained how the BOLO from Washington police, the Be on the Look Out warning, had alarmed The TEAM, and how he had taken Whisper and Smoke to Washington state the same afternoon on an Air Force C-130 transport into Joint Base Lewis-McChord. He told her how he had found Alex, but then left him with only a gun and Smoke, because Alex made Harley promise to find her. And lastly, Harley told her how scared he was when he found her, how he thought he had lost two of the most important people in his life.

“Now wait a minute.” Kelsey stopped him with a hand to his arm. “You didn’t even know me. How could I have been one of the most important people in your life?”

“Simple, Kelsey girl. You’re the most important person in the world to him, and that’s good enough for me.” Harley winked. “That’s how it works. I’ve got his back even when he’s the biggest idiot in the world, and I know he’s got mine.” He paused for effect. “And Alex
is
the biggest idiot in the world.”

Harley made her smile. It felt good to talk with someone who knew Alex.

“The man can’t help it, darlin. He’s got this bigger than life persona, this huge idea of how to live and make a difference. He’ll never be a nine-to-five kinda guy. Alex has too much to give, too many people to save, too much ….” Harley took a deep breath, but Kelsey stopped him again.

“I get it Harley. He’s an idiot. I get it.”

She bit her lip and turned away before she broke down. She would go back to Alex right this second, but his last words still rang like curses in her ears. One thing she knew for sure, she would not live another life of abuse.

Harley took her hand and wrapped her fingers around a familiar object. He smiled that crooked smile. “I found this in one of their jackets that morning.”

She gasped. Once again Kelsey held the diamond solitaire ring she thought she had lost forever. In a flash she was back beside a crackling fire, looking into hopeful blue eyes, listening to Alex’s voice, husky with emotion.
“Will you do me the honor of marrying me, Kelsey? Will you become Mrs. Alexander Stewart?”

The fire within the stone still sparkled, but so much had happened since that night. It felt like forever ago. Kelsey stared into the brilliant rock. She had felt like a lost treasure in his arms, finally found and cherished, but she also remembered his crushing last words.
“Get out of my life.”

Harley interrupted her reverie with a gentle hand on her shoulder. “The thing is, me and Mother been talking since you left. We think this started when the boss had that last heart attack. You know, Alex might be a tough ex-Marine and all, but I’ll bet he thought he was gonna die. He was scared. I think the man just didn’t want to put you through the pain of watching him die, too. You’ve already had more than your share, Kelsey girl.”

She blinked back the tears that fell anyway. She had heard the telling single word.
Too.
Tommy, Jackie, and Alex—too. They were all part of the same heartache, the same wretched purgatory, and she had lost them all. Nick had stolen her boys, and Alex had sent her away as if distance between his life and love was a lesser pain. And she had gone. Like a fool she had gone.

Ah.
Kelsey knew now she should’ve screamed her refusal to leave. She should have presented him with other more physical options. She should have told him to shut up and kiss her. Anything. She should have done anything, but leave. It was her choice, too. They were both idiots.

“The doctor’s releasing Alex this week, and even that news didn’t perk him up none. The man’s a mess without you. He knows it. He just ain’t smart enough to know how to fix it.”

Kelsey knew Alex loved her. Even as she left him, she knew.

“Whatcha thinking, Kelsey girl?” Harley gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Would you ever consider coming back with me and giving my idiot boss a good talking to? I’ve got a pretty fast truck and two hound dogs ready to travel to the ends of the earth, just for you.”

And there it was – the real reason Harley was here. The cookies gone, the question asked, the perfect end to a tragic love story just waiting on her answer. She breathed out a big sigh and studied him again. Harley was an enigma, a highly qualified sniper who had killed men for his country, yet a simple man who had learned to rely on the Lord. It was obvious he idolized Alex, and she knew without a doubt Harley cared for her, too. Here he was again, come all the way to Pendleton, out in the middle of nowhere Oregon, trying to save the two most hopeless people ever.

“You make it sound so easy.”

Harley didn’t say a word.

“I’m getting my own place in town pretty soon, and then I’m going to start teaching again, and then ….”

Harley held his breath.

“And I am so sick of crying.” She jumped off the couch, stalked through the kitchen door, turned around, and came right back into the living room.

“I can’t do this again!” she ranted. “You come down here like its no big deal to ask me to go back to him. Back to what? Like I’m a ping-pong ball that just keeps bouncing back for more? Hit me again. Yeah, hit me again. Knock me down, just one more time. Punch me. Beat me. Scream at me. Well, I can’t do it anymore, Harley. Do you hear me?”

With that outburst, she marched into the kitchen again only to turn on her heel and march right back to where poor Harley sat dumbfounded on the sofa. With her face drenched in tears, she knew she was making a fool of herself, but she couldn’t stop. Her voice grew squeakier and squeakier as the torrent poured out.

“I think I deserve better. I mean, I buried my boys already and that’s my fault, because I’m … I was their mother. I should’ve protected them. I should’ve left Nick. I should’ve run.”

Her tears fell like rain. Once more she stomped into the kitchen, so angry she only half knew what she was shouting about. This time she was only gone long enough to grab a dishtowel to mop her face. She came right back, a frenzied tigress taking her anger and frustration out on the only man standing. Poor Harley sat there and took it without batting an eye.

“I thought Alex loved me. For once in my whole stupid, messed up life – I thought I’d met the man of my dreams. I am so dumb.” She outright wailed she was so upset and hurt and mad. “It’s not like I was at the mall shopping that night. I know what they did to him.”

Kelsey gulped back a suffocating sob as that night came back into focus. She stood in the dark again, her heart pounding in terror as Buck dragged Alex through the fire pit and tied him to the tree. The thought of that first cut took her breath away again.

“I was there,” she said with sudden, eerie calmness. “I know they c-cut him, and k-kicked him, and he’s hurt and ….”

She stared. The knowledge of how much she ached to hold Alex stormed her foolish heart. Kelsey could almost feel him in her arms. He needed her. Despite the miles between them, she heard him whisper her name. Somewhere out there he was calling to her. The man was hurt to the point of death only because he had stood between her and danger. All the anger in the world could not deny the continuous cycle of strength and protection he had offered. Her screaming tirade ended with a sad whisper.

“I’m hurt, too. I’ve had enough.”

This time when she went to the kitchen, she slammed the door behind her. The silence in the house was as deafening as her outburst. She leaned against the kitchen sink with the towel pressed hard against her face and sobbed. Somewhere in the world there had to be a safe place she could curl up and die. There had to be.

The kitchen door opened quietly, and she felt Harley snake an arm around her waist. She leaned into him with a shudder. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I shouldn’t have said those awful things. I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re right. It’s okay,” he murmured. “You deserve better than Alex. You’re too good for him. Anyone can see that.”

She dropped the towel into the sink and stared out the window. “I don’t have anything left to give.”

“It’s okay, darlin.” Harley gave her another squeeze as the storm subsided. “Murphy told me a story about Alex in the first Gulf War. You wanna hear it?”

Kelsey sighed. Harley seemed able to talk at the drop of a hat. She didn’t know if she wanted to hear anymore.

“Anyway, Alex and his squad were working through one of them crowded Baghdad neighborhoods. Saddam was on the loose, and lots of insurgents were still active throughout the city.” He paused to catch his breath. His hand felt strong and sure on her waist. For a moment, she relaxed into his shoulder and just listened. As angry as she was with Alex, her foolish heart craved to hear any story about him.

“Alex and another soldier got pinned down. The other guy was hurt pretty bad, so they hunkered down for a couple hours waiting for a medic. But you know how Alex is.” He squeezed her tight. “He got sick and tired of waiting, and came out shooting like a madman. There were five of them insurgents, and all of a sudden, this maniac charges right up to them, guns blazing and screaming. I’d a given anything to have seen their faces. I think he just shocked the hell out of them guys. Alex killed all five of ‘em. Never got a scratch. He saved the kid with him, too. I think his name was McCormack or something, but that’s Alex for you.”

His hand had moved to her shoulder where he massaged a small circle of comfort. She was glad he was there. He had just described Alex to a T. The man was always fierce, angry, but always saving someone. Even her.

“Yes, sir, he can be one mean sonofabitch, darlin, but I’ll bet he thinks that’s his one good quality. Don’t ya think?”

Kelsey nodded, her thoughts still lost somewhere far away. “He’s so serious. There’s never enough time in the day. Work. Work. Work. That’s all he knows how to do.”

Her voice faded as another picture materialized in her mind. She could see Alex clearly at his kitchen table. He had made coffee, listened to her, and wiped her nose. Piercing blue eyes asked her once again,
“What is it you want, Kelsey?”

Her heart cried out, “You. I want you.”

“That’s how he keeps one step ahead of remembering, darlin. He’s got a boatload of crap in his head he’s still trying to forget. Kinda like me.” Harley pulled her close. “Guess it comes with the job. You don’t train a man to be a killer and end up with a regular guy now, do ya?”

“But he’s not a killer. He’s kind and thoughtful he builds cradles every year for the kids at the cancer ward.” She turned to face Harley. “Did you know that?”

“No, ma’am. I sure didn’t.”

“Everything he does is so important. I mean, its not like he can just take a couple hours off work, you know. I’ve been to his office. He’s important and his work’s important, too.”

“No, darlin, his job isn’t like most jobs, that’s for sure.”

She shook the image of Alex from her mind. Why was she defending him? She stared out the window as the puzzle that was Alex confounded her all over again. The field of alfalfa beyond the manicured lawn rippled as a summer breeze carved its way over and through the purpling flowers, but all she could see was – him. He was hurt, and she had left him.

“Hey, listen. I was out of line showing up like I did.” Harley gave her a final squeeze and stepped away. “I had no business asking you to go back to Alex. Me and the boys will just head back home and mind our own business like we should have done in the first place.”

He whistled to the dogs, but her hand on his arm brought him right back around.

“Wait.”

He turned to face her. “Whatcha need, darlin?”

She clenched the edge of the sink. “I don’t know. I do, but I don’t. It’s just that ….”

Harley waited.

“It’s just that I’m the stupidest woman on the face of the earth and ….” The tears started again. “I love him.”

“He loves you, too, Kelsey girl. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”

“Oh, hell, Harley. Hell. Hell. Hell.” She stomped her foot with every cuss word.

He kept grinning.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“How about I hold him? You smack him?” He arched a devilish brow. “I could find you a big ole two-by-four.”

“That’s actually a good idea.” Kelsey smiled through her tears.

Harley grasped her shoulders and wiped her face gently with the kitchen towel. “Listen, darlin.” He tipped her chin up so she had to look at him. “I think you already know what you need to do. Trust yourself for a change. Don’t stay with Alex if you know you shouldn’t. Yeah, he isn’t the easiest guy to live with, but you gotta trust him, too. He’s packing a heap of grief all by himself, but one thing’s for sure. He loves you. Anyone can see that.” He tucked his hand under her chin. “Sounds to me like he’s the one who needs a little saving this time around, doesn’t he?”