Alexei (Her Russian Protector #8) (17 page)

I wasn’t sure I could accept the first possibility. When he had asked me if I wanted him, I had answered truthfully. I did want Alexei, but I wanted him
my
way and on
my
terms. I didn’t want to play his mistress game.

You don’t have a choice. Alexei is the only thing between you and bunch of racist thugs and one pissed off drug kingpin.

The advice Stas had given me went round and round in my head. If I could keep Alexei happy, he would take care of me. If I wanted something more than he was offering, I would have to either find a way to come to accept his terms or show him that I was worth more than some seedy arrangement.

“Shay,” he whispered sleepily. “Stop thinking and relax. It’s late, and we both need rest.” His arms tightened around me and his hand gently pushed my head back to the comfortable spot it had occupied against his chest. “Go back to sleep.”

I held my breath when his lips brushed the top of my head. Safe in his arms, I let my tired, overwrought mind shut down. The slow, even thud of his heartbeat under my ear lulled me to sleep again.

When I awoke the second time, I was alone on the couch. For a second, I panicked, thinking that Alexei had left without a word, but then I smelled coffee. Sitting up, I pushed aside the blanket covering me and combed my fingers through my unruly hair. The memory of Alexei doing the same thing last night made my stomach flutter.

I rose from the sofa and went in search of him. I had just walked into the master suite when the door to the bathroom was flung open suddenly. With only a fluffy white towel around his trim waist, Alexei strode out of the steaming hot bathroom. My brain misfired as I tried to take in all six plus feet of his deliciously sexy manliness. The well-defined muscles of his chest and abdomen were incredible. There were even more tattoos on his chest, arms and legs. Some were bleak prison pieces with a bluish tint while others were more elaborate and richly colored professional artwork.

As if he walked around half-naked in front of me every day, Alexei strode toward the garment bag resting flat on the bed. “You must have been really tired. You didn’t even move when my clothing was delivered.”

“Which minion brought that?” I asked with a teasing smile.

He grinned at me, and I swear my heart skipped four whole beats. “My housekeeper’s son.”

Taking a seat on the edge of the mattress, I watched him take out a charcoal black suit with a fine pinstripe and a sky blue shirt. When he produced a pair of boxer briefs, I glanced away. My eyes widened as I heard him drop his towel, but I kept my gaze fixed on the wall, refusing to indulge the overwhelming desire to peek at his nakedness.

It was as though Alexei had flipped some switch. Yesterday morning, we were friends, and our relationship had been strictly platonic. Now, the very air between us was sexually charged and sizzling. He wasn’t hiding his attraction to me or shielding me from his very flirtatious ways.

Desperate to find something to talk about that didn’t include his naked body that was only a foot or two from me, I said, “I’m surprised you don’t keep more clothing here.”

“I’ve never spent the night the here.”

“What? Never?” I heard his legs swooshing against the fabric of his perfectly tailored pants and judged that it was safe to look at him again. “You have this ridiculously expensive apartment, and you’ve never slept in it?”

“I didn’t buy it for sleep,” he answered matter-of-factly while zipping his trousers.

“Oh. Right.” My face burned hot as I imagined what types of erotic delights kept him awake all night here. A pang of something that was far worse than jealousy stabbed at my chest. Memories of earlier that morning, of Alexei caressing my body and the way he had alluded to the physical relationship he wanted with me reminded me that I was wholly out of my depth here.

Didn’t he understand? Couldn’t he see that I wasn’t mistress material? I didn’t have the first idea of how to seduce him or please him. I didn’t fit the mold and I didn’t belong in a place like this. He was a man who strutted around daily wearing thousands of dollars in clothing and shoes. I was a girl who shopped the clearance racks and thrift stores.

Feeling inadequate, I tugged the bottom of the hoodie I still wore down around my knees. Thinking of how the women who entertained him here must have looked, I could only imagine what a disappointment I was in the cold light of morning with my mussed hair and ill-fitting clothing. He was probably used to silk lingerie and elegant robes and artfully arranged hair, not this hot mess I presented.

As if confirming my suspicion, he suggested, “You should shower and get dressed before Stas arrives.” Alexei slipped into his shirt. “We’ll have breakfast before I leave.”

“All right.” I pushed off the bed and gave him a wide berth as I headed for the bathroom.

“Shay.” He snatched my hand before I reached the bathroom door. With a little tug, he pulled me toward him. When he stepped into me, forcing our bodies into contact, I held my breath and wondered what would happen next. He cupped my face and trailed his fingertips over the bruise on my cheek and the healing split in my lip. “This looks better than I expected.”

“It doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.” Gazing up into his handsome face, I let myself wonder what it would be like to wake up like this every morning, to sit in bed and watch him dress, to have breakfast together, to have his warm, possessive hands on me.

“I should apologize for the way I groped you this morning when I was half-asleep,” Alexei said, “but I don’t think I will. I think you understand the sort of man I am. I could pretend to be someone else but that’s disingenuous. I won’t have lies between us.”

“It surprised me,” I admitted, “to have you touch me like that when you’ve always been so careful to
not
touch me.” Feeling brave, I placed my palm against his bare chest. “But I liked it.”

“Good.” He dipped down and teased me with ticklish kisses he pressed along the curve of my throat. “You need to understand that
you
are in control of this part of our relationship.” His hand moved down my spine until it rested on my lower back. “Until you’re ready, I’ll wait.”

I leaned into him, resting my cheek against his hard chest, and closed my eyes. I wanted to tell him that I was ready
now
, that I had waited long enough to experience everything he had to offer, but I knew that it wasn’t the right time. We were both still reeling from last night’s traumatic events. We needed some time to figure out what
this
was.

Very slowly, I stepped out of his embrace and walked over to my suitcase. I wasn’t quite sure what I would find inside but I was pleasantly surprised to see what Alexei had packed. After choosing some comfortable yoga pants, a long-sleeve tee and underclothes, I grabbed the small selection of toiletries and locked myself in the bathroom.

My one indulgence every morning was a long shower, but this morning I wanted to have more time with Alexei before he left for work. Knowing the hours he kept, I probably wouldn’t see him again until well after dark. As I showered and changed, I made a short list of questions I needed answered. Without a blow dryer at hand, I wound my damp hair into a loose coil, secured it with a hot pink elastic band and left the bathroom.

Alexei was plucking piping hot English muffins from the toaster when I found him. He flashed that sexy grin of his, the one that made my knees week, and gestured for me to take a seat at the island. “We can eat at the formal dining table, if you prefer.”

I hopped onto a chair and picked up the glass of orange juice waiting for me. “No, I like this.”

He dropped an English muffin onto my plate of scrambled eggs and fresh fruit and walked to the other end of the island to grab my purse. He brought it back to me. “Your phone ended up under my seat. I found it last night when I got back from the trip to your house. You had some missed calls.”

Anxious to hear from my sister, I snatched my phone out of my purse and scrolled down the screen. There was only one message from Shannon.

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry
.

She was sorry? Feeling uncharitable and angry with my older sister, I wasn’t ready to accept her apology. She had nearly gotten me killed—and for what? Money? It was ridiculous and horrible.

But I still loved her. No matter what mistakes she had made, she was my sister, and I loved her.

Call me. I need to know you’re okay.

There were more than a dozen messages and seven missed calls from Kylee. By the looks of them, she was freaking out. Not wanting her to get the cops involved and make things worse for me or Shannon, I hastily composed a text and hit send.

I’m okay.
I snuck a glance at Alexei who was busy stirring creamer into his coffee and smiled at the thought of using Kylee’s nickname for him.
The Russian fox saved me. I’ll call later with details.

As if she had been waiting for my answer, Kylee zipped back a message only a few seconds later.

OMG. I was so worried. You sure you’re okay?

Yes. I’m fine. Really.

Call me. ASAP.

I will.

“Is everything okay?” Alexei stabbed at his eggs. “I don’t want to pry into your personal business, but if the police become involved…”

“No, everything is fine. It’s just Kylee. She’s my best friend. We worked together last night. I guess she got back to CleanRite and saw my busted up car and really freaked out. She went by the house this morning, and I wasn’t there so she assumed the worst.”

“Invite her over. Let her see that you’re safe.” He sipped his coffee. “We’ll put her on the visitor list downstairs, but she has to come alone.”

I played with my fork as I considered the authoritarian tone he had just used. Maybe it was better to just get all of the uncomfortable questions out of the way. “Alexei, am I your mistress now?”

“Yes.” He eyed me over the rim of his coffee cup. “Unless you’ve changed your answer from last night?”

“No.”

He put down his cup and studied me. A vulnerable expression flashed across his face. “But?”

“But I don’t know what you want from me or what you expect from me, Alexei.” Clenching my fork, I admitted, “I don’t know how to be a mistress.”

He pried the fork from my hand and slowly unfurled my fingers. “What I want is you, Shay.” He stroked my fingers. “I’ve wanted you, just as you are, since that night I took you home. If you only knew how hard it’s been for me…” He clasped my hand and gave it a squeeze. “All I want is for you to be happy. That’s it.”

“Nothing is that simple, Alexei.” I wanted to believe it could be, but I had seen enough heartache in my life to know better. “You’ve offered me sanctuary, and you’ve put your life on the line for me. I’m so eternally grateful for that, but I don’t want you to think that I’m here with you now only because of that. I don’t want you to think that I’m trading myself—my body—for safety.”

“I don’t think that, and if I did, I wouldn’t be here. I don’t want to take advantage of you. I don’t want to hurt you or make you feel used. I offered my help freely. You can say no to this arrangement of ours at any time, and I’ll still make sure you’re protected.”

He seemed to be intent on making that point very clear to me. He wasn’t asking me to pay for safety with sex. He was giving his protection freely because we were friends and because he cared for me. I would never be able to adequately thank him for what he had done. Alexei had willingly put himself in extreme danger for me.

“As for what I expect from a mistress? The rules are simple.” Alexei lifted my hand and kissed each of my fingertips as he ticked off his rules. “You will not have any male visitors in this apartment. Period. You will not have any overnight guests in this apartment without clearing it with me first. You will not smoke or take drugs. You will not work. You will be available to me whenever I call.”

It took me a few seconds to take all of that in and process it. Indignation swelled within me. “I’m not giving up my work, Alexei.”

He seemed surprised that I was pushing back so quickly. “I don’t want you cleaning floors or waiting tables anymore. Your handbag business is different. In fact, I want you to put your full focus on it.”

“But how am I supposed to support myself? I have school loans. My car was probably totaled last night. I have health insurance costs and—”

“The car is easy enough for me to replace, and I’ll take care of your monthly expenses.”

The thought of Alexei paying for my living expenses made me so uncomfortable. “Alexei, I’ve been working and supporting myself since I was, like, sixteen.”

“And it’s high fucking time you got a break,” he grumbled roughly. Reaching out to touch my cheek, he urged, “Don’t fight me on this. Let me take care of you.”

It was a tempting offer, one that I would be stupid to cast aside in my current predicament, but a lifetime of broken promises had taught me to be wary. I desperately wanted to pursue a relationship with Alexei, but I had to be careful. He was obviously a man used to getting his way in all things.

“Look at you,” he said with a faint smile. “You’re so grim. Is what I’m offering really so bad?”

He was trying to tease but I sensed he was hurt by my reaction. Taking his hand between both of mine, I held his gaze. “This isn’t easy for me. My past…”