Alice Brown's Lessons in the Curious Art of Dating (35 page)

John looked at his plate unhappily.

‘And Dad, you don’t want to cock up!’ she continued sagely. ‘You’ve spent too long being a martyr and hiding behind Aunty Geraldine. It’s time to live a bit. Tell her!’

John looked at her sparkling eyes and self-righteous fervour. He knew she was right. She was always right. He felt like such a beginner when it came to this relationship stuff. If it was organized dating, he could date like a pro.
He was a pro!
But doing it for real was a minefield.

‘Mum would have wanted you to tell Alice,’ Emily said bluntly, delivering the killer blow. ‘Mum would have given you a kick up the backside, told you to stop hiding and get on with life. Mum would say that happiness is worth taking a risk for.’

John nodded. Emily was right.

He picked up his fork and ate his cold dinner.

It was 4 p.m., and Kate was at the Corn Exchange, wearing a starched white shirt and apron. She and the rest of the Julian Marquis PR team had been dressed as waiters and waitresses all day, running between stalls and making sure everything went smoothly for the inaugural Pedigree Pooch Gourmet Dog Food Festival. She’d been rushed off her feet since 8.30 a.m., erecting stalls, delivering fresh ingredients to the chefs and setting up microphones so the festival-goers (and their dogs) could hear the live cooking displays.

The first festivalgoers had arrived at ten, their dogs straining at their leashes as they caught the scents of the gourmet goodies being created in their honour. By 11.30 the area was packed.

Lots of journalists had turned up too, including several national newspapers and an ITN news crew looking for the day’s ‘and finally’ item. The crew had kept serious faces all through their interview with Geoffrey Laird from Pedigree Pooch, and had even spent a po-faced forty-five minutes trying to film a range of enthusiastic responses from the dogs.

Now that everything was winding down Kate felt a sudden rush of happiness. The festival couldn’t have gone better. The client was delighted, the journalists had been amused, and she’d helped bring a wag to the tail of a thousand local canines. All in all, it hadn’t been a bad day at the office.

Julian sidled up behind her.

‘Nice work, Katy darling. You’ve excelled yourself again.’

Of course, Julian had insisted on going one step further than dressing as a mere waiter and had come as a maître d’, complete with a badge pointing out his hierarchy in the restaurant staff pecking order. Kate had initially raised her eyebrows in bemused irritation but she had to concede he’d more than pulled his weight. He’d schmoozed journalists, public and canines alike and had even waded in to split up two snarling St Bernards who’d been scrapping over the last rum-and-raisin pudding.

‘Thanks.’ Kate couldn’t help grinning with pride.

‘Let’s get this wrapped up by five,’ Julian muttered. ‘Then it’s drinks over the road in the Star Bar. I think we deserve a little celebration!’ He shot across the square to bid an extravagant farewell to the
Daily Post
‘s features editor who was leaving with Xavier, her nauseous-looking poodle. Xavier, it seemed, had embraced the festival a little too enthusiastically. Kate would put money on the editor having to scrape an accident off her carpet later.

Kate tried to quell her smile and went to help distribute the doggy bags.

By half past five the Julian Marquis PR team were ensconced
in the Star Bar, knocking back their second round of mojitos and loudly congratulating themselves on another roaring success. Giddy from his brush with fame, Geoffrey had joined them and was waving his company credit card high in the air and leading the call for champagne.

‘To gorgeous food, greedy dogs and their pretentious owners!’ he toasted loudly. He’d even loosened his tie; the man was clearly ready to party.

Everyone clinked glasses and roared in agreement.

‘I must say, Julian, my man.’ Geoffrey manoeuvred over to Julian and Kate. ‘Great show today. Well done.’ He threw a fatherly smile in Kate’s direction. ‘What a clever little assistant you have to come up with an idea like that. You’d better hope she doesn’t sneak off and have babies.’

Kate stiffened. How did Geoffrey know she wanted a baby? And
an assistant
? Was that what people thought she was? She looked at Julian, waiting for him to put Geoffrey in his place.

‘Babies?’ Julian scoffed. ‘She’s a bit long in the tooth for all that, aren’t you, Katy?’

Kate felt like she’d been punched. How could Julian say that? She was only thirty-three! And why didn’t he tell Geoffrey she was an account director, and almost second in command of the whole agency?

She shot Julian a murderous look. He didn’t notice; he was too busy fishing a mint leaf from between his teeth.

Suddenly a loud cheer went up as several bottles of champagne arrived at their table.

‘Evening all!’ came a familiar voice from the door. ‘Is this a private party, or can anyone gatecrash?’

‘Lou!’ Kate cried out in relief. ‘I’m so glad you could make it!’

‘Free booze at a swanky members’ bar? What could possibly be more pressing?’ Lou replied dryly. ‘Ooooh, is that for me?’ She swept Geoffrey’s glass of champagne clean out of his hand with a pout.

Kate turned to hide her smile. Lou was dressed in her customary tight, dark, dominatrix style; Dita Von Teese crossed with Sarah Palin, and heavy on the lipstick. Kate saw Geoffrey go pink in her presence.

‘So, how did it go?’ Lou asked.

‘Fantastic!’ Kate said happily, steering her friend away from the group. ‘We made a lot of dogs very happy.’

‘Amen. And Mr Marquis?’

Both women turned to look at Julian who was heading purposefully towards the Gents, his hand fumbling in the inside pocket of his jacket.

‘Wait for it . . .’ Kate quietly observed, and sure enough, exactly ten seconds later an excited Geoffrey followed him in, his nose twitching expectantly.

‘A boss’s work is never done,’ Kate said archly.

‘So . . .’ Lou turned her attention back to Kate. ‘How was last night? Didn’t you have your black-market date with the Table For Two impostor?’

‘Tommy? Yes, I did.’

‘Is that the remnants of a snoggers’ chin I can see?’

Kate’s hand flew up to her face.

‘Does it still show? I’ve put nearly a whole tube of cover-up on it!’

Lou laughed.

‘So the date went well, then?’

Kate went dewy.

‘Lou, it went so well, I can’t believe it.’

She filled Lou in on the details.

‘But hang on a minute,’ Lou interrupted, refilling her glass from yet another bottle of champagne that someone had ordered at the absent Geoffrey’s expense. ‘Isn’t he the complete opposite of what you’re looking for? What happened to well groomed, well heeled and well positioned? I thought you wanted a trophy husband?’

‘Oh, that!’ Kate waved away her old criteria with the sweep of a hand. ‘Rules are there to be broken.’

Lou looked surprised.

‘But following the rules is your number one rule! You’ve got more goals and spreadsheets and timetables than anyone alive! You’re the only person in the world who keeps a gallery of their most successful outfits on their iPhone.’ Lou’s attention was suddenly diverted. ‘Oooh, watch out. Someone’s ready to play!’

Julian and Geoffrey had returned from the Gents looking even more intent on celebrating. Both had flushed cheeks and shiny eyes. Julian had shed his jacket and tied his cashmere jumper around his shoulders.

‘Lou, Lou, Lou.’ He grabbed the nearest bottle and started topping up the girls’ glasses. ‘Good to see you. This party needs a few more party animals! I can’t do it all on my own.’

‘Looks like you’re giving it a go,’ Lou observed dryly.

Julian laughed. ‘And may I say, Lou, you’re looking as
delectable as ever. You’re definitely my favourite friend of my favourite staff member.’

‘I should think so!’ Lou replied coquettishly, tipping her glass so Julian could fill it to the very top. ‘And you’re looking very . . . dashing . . . yourself.’ She eyed his jumper ambiguously. ‘Those classic catalogue looks never date. And I do love a man who smells of Chappie!’

Kate gasped. Only Lou could come out with an insult and still sound suggestive. Chappie was the smelliest dog food on the market.

Julian laughed loudly.

‘At this very moment I’m probably irresistible to bitches.’ He eyed Lou wolfishly.

‘Woof, woof!’ Lou drawled, her eyes locked on Julian’s.

Kate turned away in horrified embarrassment. Surely Lou couldn’t be coming on to Julian? She had to be joking! And Julian? She knew Lou had no standards, but she’d never thought of Julian as being sexual before. He was a dreadful flirt with clients, granted, but that was just business. Besides, surely Lou wouldn’t be his type? He was posh and ridiculous; his girlfriends must be inbred Camilla types who rode ponies and wore caramel. But, Kate noticed, he
was
standing rather close to Lou. And as she looked she saw him stretch out his hand behind her friend, his fingers deliberately brushing her backside. Oh God, no, Kate thought with a sinking feeling. Please, no!

She looked at her watch. It was 5.45 p.m. Tommy had promised to call at six. Six o’clock couldn’t come a minute too soon.

‘You know, there’s no style like doggy style,’ Lou purred to Julian.

‘Mmmm, tickle my tummy and call me a bad boy,’ he replied lasciviously.

Kate quickly edged away.

At a minute past six Kate’s mobile rang. She grabbed it gratefully and shot outside where it was quieter.

‘I’ve just been watching the news headlines,’ Tommy greeted her cheerfully, ‘and they’ve got a special report coming up from the world’s first gourmet dog food festival!’

Kate shrieked happily.

‘Congratulations! You’re the queen of spin!’ Tommy cheered. ‘So how about granting me another evening of your time?’

Kate wriggled with happiness, her stomach suddenly deliciously full of butterflies. She felt a stone lighter, like she was hovering above the pavement. Tommy was certainly better than any diet she’d ever been on.

‘Pick you up at eight?’

‘Eight’s perfect!’

As she hung up she caught a glimpse of Lou and Julian through the window. Lou was sitting on Julian’s lap, her champagne spilling slightly as she leant close and told him a story. Julian was wide-eyed with appreciation, his nose on a direct level with her breasts.

Kate jiggled her phone in her hand and wondered if she really had to go back in.