Alice Brown's Lessons in the Curious Art of Dating (36 page)

The afternoon had started badly. Audrey had been halfway through a Marks & Spencer prawn mayonnaise sandwich when Cassandra had bellowed across the office that Sheryl Toogood was on line three. Audrey swallowed painfully, shooting Cassandra a disapproving look. Why couldn’t she get off her rectangular backside, walk over and quietly inform her that Sheryl was on the phone? She spent too much time with her horses, that girl. It was making her coarse.

Grumpily Audrey picked up her phone.

‘Sheryl,’ she said coolly, putting down her sandwich and sucking a chunk of prawn from her teeth.

‘Auuuuuudrey!’

It was the sound of indigestion.

‘Listen, darling, I won’t keep you. I’m terribly busy and you sound like you’re snuffling for truffles.’

Audrey’s hackles rose. She wasn’t sure what offended her most – being compared to a rummaging pig, or Sheryl calling her ‘darling’.

‘I know you like to be the first to know news, so I thought I’d give you a quick tinkle with the latest.’

Audrey felt her sandwich sink awkwardly down her oesophagus. She tried to sound uninterested, but her mind was already racing.

‘Go on.’

‘You’re speaking to the new owner of Cupid’s Cabin!’ Sheryl crowed triumphantly.

‘You’ve bought Cupid’s Cabin?’

‘For a song!’

‘But I didn’t know Nigel had put it up for sale.’

‘He hadn’t! But everyone knew his heart wasn’t in it any more. “Take Marjorie on a cruise,” I said to him. “Forget about all this matchmaking nonsense. Work on your own marriage.” Well, Auuudrey, let me tell you, he almost bit my hand off!’

‘But if he’d let everyone know . . . put the business on the market . . .’ Audrey protested.

‘You’d have put in an offer?’ Sheryl gave a long, sceptical laugh. ‘Businesswomen don’t wait for situations to present themselves; we go out and make them happen. And besides, we all know you’ve got your hands full trying to cope with your little agency as it is. How’s Alice, by the way?’

‘Fine,’ Audrey shot back automatically.

‘Do make sure you pass on my news to her, won’t you? I’m sure she’d be most interested to hear about my acquisition.’

‘Right.’ Audrey was lost for words and her prawn sandwich was already repeating on her. She could kick herself for missing such a glaring business opportunity.

‘So, aren’t you going to congratulate me?’ Sheryl gloated.
‘I mean, it’s not every day you get to speak to a mogul, is it?’

Audrey put down the phone and simmered with indignation.

Why hadn’t Nigel told her he wanted to sell up? They’d always got on so well; she couldn’t believe he hadn’t come to her first. But now Sheryl had got her hands on Cupid’s Cabin, and that meant she was in charge of both of Table For Two’s closest rival agencies. This was very bad news indeed.

There was a knock on her door. Bianca stood in the doorway.

‘I’ve got Maurice Lazenby on line one. He’s insisting he speak to you.’

‘Oh, for heaven’s sake!’ Audrey snapped. ‘Give him to Alice!’

She saw Bianca blanch at her tone.

‘Alice is out.’

‘What do you mean, “out”? Where?’

‘Meeting a client.’

‘Just get rid of him!’ she barked angrily. ‘Do I look like I want to speak to Maurice Lazenby?’

Bianca backed out looking pale.

Where the hell was Alice? And what, exactly, was the point of Alice? If she wasn’t out racking up Table For Two’s expenses by having unnecessary coffees with clients, then she was staring moonily out of the window, no good to man nor beast.

Audrey was struck by a sudden memory.

Why had Sheryl been so keen for Alice to know she’d bought Cupid’s Cabin? Was Sheryl laughing at Audrey again? Hadn’t she called her a ‘little spinster’ at the ball? Was that what people thought about her and her Table For Two staff . . . a bunch of little spinsters?

Audrey scowled at the remains of her sandwich and dropped it angrily into the bin.

The afternoon dragged on. Indigestion made its inevitable appearance. Audrey had two cups of chamomile tea and tried some deep-breathing techniques. But they only made her chest burn more viciously and her head throb. Eventually she decided to put the cumbersome business of work aside. Instead she’d attend to an altogether happier, personal matter. She was going to book John for a functionless date.

Audrey carefully closed her office door, took a deep breath and dialled Geraldine’s number.

‘What do you mean, you’re unable to accept my booking?’ Audrey bellowed a minute later. ‘This is outrageous!’

‘It’s like I said,’ Geraldine explained patiently. ‘Regretfully John Marlowe is no longer available to you. I’m sorry. It happens sometimes.’

‘But why?’ Audrey snapped, panic beginning to grip. ‘Why? Why?’

‘It’s a personal decision, taken by John, and one that we must both respect,’ Geraldine continued calmly. ‘I’m sorry, my love. But he felt he’d given you many years of good service, and that it was time for both of you to move on.’

‘No, no, no!’ Audrey’s voice was shaking.

‘Really, Audrey, you should be grateful to have enjoyed his company for as long as you have. You were his longest-standing client by quite some margin.’

‘But I don’t book him often,’ Audrey pleaded, ‘just a couple of times a year. Why can’t we just go on as we are?’

Audrey’s emotions were all over the place, fury, fear and incomprehension whizzing around her like the plastic balls in the National Lottery machine. The indignation ball was picked up by the scooper and served through the hatch.

‘This is utter madness!’ she thundered. ‘Totally un-acceptable!’

‘Nevertheless,’ Geraldine continued evenly, ‘it’s John’s decision.’

‘I
need
him!’

‘I’ve got plenty of other interesting gentlemen on my books.’

‘No!’ Audrey cried out hysterically. ‘Another man won’t work. It has to be John!’

Why was this happening? Why was John turning his back on her? She felt like she couldn’t breathe, like the life-support machine that had kept her alive for so long was suddenly being turned off. She had to grasp at the flex, fight tooth and nail to plug her life back in.

‘But I have to have him. I have to! You don’t understand. Everyone knows him. They expect to see him. How can I do things without him?’

‘I’m sorry, Audrey.’

‘But I’m the client. The client’s always right. I haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not fair. I have rights!’

There was a short pause before Geraldine’s composed voice came back on the line.

‘How about you have a little think about things? Take a bit of time. I realize this has come as a bit of a shock. Let it sink in for a few days and then see how you feel. And in the meantime I can send you a link to our website so you can look through my other gentlemen. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.’

‘I don’t want to be pleasantly surprised,’ Audrey snapped. ‘I want John. What am I supposed to do? Tell everyone I’m divorced?’

There was a long pause.

Audrey let out an agonized moan and slammed down the phone. The walls of her office felt like they were zooming in towards her, crushing her and making it hard to breathe.

She put on her coat, picked up her bag and steamed out of the office. When she hit the cool afternoon air she gulped, trying to get her breath back.

She cried out in anguish.

John was refusing to see her. Her life was in turmoil.

She pulled her coat around her and was about to set off for the bus stop, anxious to put her own front door between her and the world. But before she’d taken a step, her eye fell on something leaning against the railing. It was Alice’s bike.

Audrey felt a surge of terrible anger, venomous and uncontrollable. The bike was a carbuncle, perched like a fungus outside the entrance to Table For Two. It was nothing less than a personal insult, a defiant two-fingered salute at her
from the overgrown Von Trapp sister. Well, she wouldn’t put up with it any longer.

She took two steps forward, swung her heavy handbag back and crashed it heavily into the spokes of the front wheel. Ten pounds of Filofax, make-up and a hardback library book thwacked into the spindly metal. It sounded strangely satisfying. She swung back her handbag again and took a second shot.
Thwack
. The bike’s spokes were now sporting two definite dents. Audrey felt a violent thrill of triumph.

‘You know, it’s just like you said when we first met,’ Kate grinned over the corner table of the tea shop. ‘You have to be open-minded. Life
is
more exciting when you let yourself be surprised!’

She looked bright-eyed and full of sparkle as she chased the last remnants of chocolate cake around her plate with her fork.

‘So, I take it I don’t need to set you up with any more dates for a while?’ Alice smiled.

‘No, thank you!’ Kate beamed. ‘I want to see how things go with Tommy. I know he doesn’t tick any of my stupid boxes but you were completely right about him!’

‘I’m very glad to hear it,’ Alice replied, trying to keep the full extent of her delight from spilling out and engulfing the tea shop. Nothing felt better than making a successful match. ‘Sometimes it’s good to take a risk, isn’t it?’

Kate nodded fiercely.

‘And remember: not a word to anyone at Table For Two.’ Alice tried to strike a note of caution, but it was hard to look serious with a joyful smile plastered across her face.

* * *

A few hours later Alice was still beaming happily as she sat in front of John at a candlelit restaurant in a quiet part of the city.

It had been a great evening. Alice had never met anyone who made her feel as attractive and comfortable as John did. She felt she could say anything to him, admit anything – even wear anything, from her baggiest cardigan to her tattiest gardening clothes. But something about John made her want to look nice, put on a dress, apply a bit of lipstick. He made her feel like a woman. And they hadn’t even had sex yet!

Every time Alice thought about the possibility of going to bed with him she felt weak with excitement. Sex, or what she could remember of it, had always been a perfunctory exercise for her, something to get over and done with. She’d never felt like she knew what she was doing, so she’d held back and let the man take the lead. But with John . . . she couldn’t wait to have sex with him, to fall asleep in his arms, for those eyes and that smile to be the first thing she saw when she woke up the next morning. She hoped it would happen soon; she hoped it would happen tonight!

‘So you did it,’ he said warmly, taking her hand across the table and entwining her fingers in his. ‘You found the career woman her perfect match!’

Alice felt a delicious shiver travel up her arm from his touch.

‘It’s early days, but I think so.’ She couldn’t stop smiling. ‘She definitely had that look. She looked like a woman falling in love.’

‘And it was all because you took a risk,’ John said emphatically.

Alice looked into his eyes. They were exactly the same shade of blue as forget-me-nots, she realized. How perfect that the thing she found most attractive about him was something he shared with one of the world’s most gorgeous and uncomplicated flowers.

‘But it was more than just that, wasn’t it?’ he continued, squeezing her fingers. ‘It was because you made her realize she needed to be more open-minded and give people a chance.’

He leaned forward, looking earnestly at her. Alice felt herself slowly melt into his gaze, like ice cream oozing onto warm apple crumble. Is this what it feels like? she asked herself. Is this what falling in love feels like? It certainly felt good. Better than anything she’d ever felt before.

‘You’re making me sound very clever, but I’m not really.’ She tried to shrug off the weight of his praise. ‘I just think we all believe our perfect partner has to be a certain way. But it’s not true. Perfect partners come in all shapes and sizes.’

‘We’ve got to let ourselves be open to surprises.’

‘Exactly!’

She felt him pull back his hand. He suddenly seemed on edge. She watched him pick up his dessertspoon and fiddle with it thoughtfully.

‘John, are you OK?’ she asked tentatively.

‘Yes, yes,’ he replied, but his face said otherwise. ‘Look,’ he said suddenly. ‘I know we’ve only had a few dates and
it’s early days . . . But hopefully you know how much I like you.’