Alice Brown's Lessons in the Curious Art of Dating (49 page)

The door crashed behind her leaving an eerie silence. Alice looked across the sea of scandalized DIPS faces, cheeks pink with titillated excitement. And then her eye fell on Sheryl, and she saw the unmistakable look of triumph.

Alice turned and silently followed Audrey out of the room.

Audrey barely noticed the pain that bit at the back of her heels, let alone the blood that was seeping through her tights and onto the back of her shoes. For once, she hadn’t considered the unsightly sweat she was working up as she marched, or that her professional reputation was in shreds behind her. She could think of nothing but calling John. Or rather, calling Geraldine to get his number and then calling John.

She bumped and pushed her way through the shoppers, Sheryl’s exposé still clutched in her hand. She had to get home, and fast. Waiting for the bus wasn’t an option; she couldn’t stand still. So she puffed and panted her way across the city, dumbly turning over the same words in her brain:
It’s not like that . . . It’s not like that . . . We’re in love . . . We’re in love . . .
Everyone had got it wrong. She and John were going to live happily ever after. They were in love.
In love!

Everything was out in the open now; there was nothing to hide any more, nothing to stop them being together. She
had
to tell him what had happened. She
had
to hear him finally say the words she’d been waiting for:
Audrey, I love
you. I’ve always loved you
. And then he’d take her in his arms and shelter her from Sheryl and Ernie and all the doubters and make everything in the world make sense.

Finally, after an hour of desperate power-walking, she steamed up the garden path to home. She swung open the door. Pickles rushed towards her in unnoticed greeting as she lunged for the phone.

‘Geraldine? Audrey Cracknell. I must speak to John. It’s an emergency.’

‘Emergency? Whatever’s happened? Are you all right?’

‘Never mind that, I need to speak to John right away.’

There was a confused pause at the other end of the phone.

‘It’s a matter of life and death!’ Audrey harried.

‘Has there been an accident?’

‘Not exactly. Sort of. Look, come on! It’s urgent.’ Audrey jumped from foot to foot in agitation. She could see her reflection in the mirror. She looked wild, crazy, out of control.

‘But you’re not hurt?’

‘I’m very hurt!’ she cried out impatiently. ‘That’s why I need to speak to John!’

‘Do you need me to call you an ambulance?’

‘Christ, no! Not that kind of hurt. Look, stop wasting time!’

‘Audrey, you’re not making any sense. And, besides, you know I can’t give you John’s phone number. Clients can’t make direct contact.’

‘Bugger the rules!’ Audrey cried angrily. ‘The rules have already been broken.’

‘What do you mean?’

Pickles began to purr loudly, winding around Audrey’s calves and sniffing at the blood at the back of her heel.

‘I mean, it’s over! Everyone knows. John’s been exposed!’ she wailed.

‘Ah, I see!’ Geraldine’s voice lightened with what sounded insultingly close to amusement. ‘Well, I don’t think John will be too worried about that. You see, he’s taken the decision to retire from escorting. He’s given it up.’

‘Given it up? What – stopped? With
all
his clients?’ For the first time since leaving DIPS HQ, Audrey stood stock-still.

‘Yes.’

‘So, no more dates? With anyone?’

‘That’s right.’

Audrey gasped. It was happening! It was finally happening! ‘Well, then, don’t you see?’ she stressed excitedly. ‘It’s more important than ever that I speak to him! We need to get things straight so we can be together!’

‘What things? There’s nothing to get straight. And you’re not together. Audrey, you need to let go!’

‘Let go? Oh, for goodness sake! You don’t understand.
Give me his number!
’

‘You know our policy: we don’t give escorts’ numbers to clients.’

‘But you said yourself – he’s no longer an escort and I’m no longer a client!’ Audrey cried in exasperated rage. She hadn’t come this far, been through this much, to be thwarted by Geraldine and her blasted policy.

‘Audrey, no,’ Geraldine replied firmly. ‘I’m not going to give it to you. Especially when you’re in this state.’

‘What state? What do you mean?’

‘I mean, you’re not yourself, Audrey. You might do or say something you’d later regret.’

‘Regret? I’ll tell you what I regret! I regret not sorting this out years ago. I regret all the time John and I have wasted.’

There was a long pause.

Audrey gripped the phone in desperation. ‘I’m sorry,’ Geraldine said finally.

The words cut to Audrey’s heart like a blade. The injustice of the refusal nearly took her breath away. If she couldn’t speak to John, or book him for a date, how was she supposed ever to see him again? How were they supposed to tell each other they loved each other? How was anything in the world ever going to be OK again?

‘Well, can you at least tell me where he is today?’ she croaked, her voice sounding broken. ‘Please? I’m desperate, Geraldine.’

There was a very long pause.

‘You might find him in the conservation area, just south of the river,’ Geraldine said eventually. ‘That’s all I’m prepared to say. But, Audrey . . . ?’

There was no answer. The front door slammed shut, its mottled glass revealing Audrey’s misshapen silhouette hurtling away up the path. All that was left was a forlornly mewing Pickles and a small drop of blood on the carpet.

John looked at his watch.

‘I’d better make tracks.’

At the kitchen table Emily looked up from her computer.

‘Do you mind if I stay and finish this? My internet connection keeps crashing at the flat.’

‘Be my guest. Buster loves a bit of company.’

Emily smiled as she watched John check his reflection in the oven door.

‘Are you sure I’m not underdressed?’ he asked worriedly. ‘I’m so used to having to truss myself up. I never thought I’d say it, but I feel lost without my dinner jacket.’

‘It’s dinner with Alice, Dad, not a client. I’m sure she’d be mortified if you dressed the same way for her as you did for all your other women.’

‘I don’t want her to think I’m not making the effort.’

‘I don’t think ditching your job and taking her to the most romantic restaurant in town could be misconstrued as not making an effort!’ Emily laughed.

John rummaged for his coat.

‘I know, I know,’ he conceded. ‘I need to relax, don’t I?
I can’t believe my luck, that’s all! I’m going to dinner with a woman and I’m actually going to pay! And not only that, I’m dining with the most beautiful woman in the world.’

Emily threw him an arch look.

‘Sorry, the
second
most beautiful woman in the world!’

‘That’s more like it,’ Emily scolded.

John headed towards the front door.

‘Look, stay as long as you like. Stay the night if you want. I’d love you to meet her.’

‘What, she’s doing sleepovers already?’ Emily raised an eyebrow. ‘I’m not sure you should be hanging out with that kind of woman.’

John laughed, gave Buster a farewell tickle and closed the front door behind him.

It was getting dark by the time Audrey spotted John’s car. She’d spent two hours wandering the streets of the city’s conservation area and had been on the verge of giving up. She was exhausted. It had been a long time since she’d fled the Dating Practitioners’ Society meeting, a long time since she’d last sat down, and her feet were killing her. Towards eight she’d become aware of a sharp pain at the back of her heel and had discovered that her new suedette courts had given her a nasty blood blister that had erupted on her tights. She’d hobbled to a corner shop for a box of plasters, leant unsteadily against a road sign and stuck a plaster on top of her tights. She frowned. The back of her right shoe was now a rusty-brown blood colour. Blood was a devil to get out of anything, let alone suedette. They were probably a write-off.

As she straightened up she suddenly spotted it: John’s car, parked quietly on the driveway of a large, attractive house with a lush garden. Audrey’s heart missed a beat.

She scuttled across the road and onto John’s driveway, peering through the windows of the car for anything she
recognized. She tried not to steam the pane with her excited breath. This had to be his car! It had the same cream leather interior, the same unfussy dash, the same ‘ACJ’ letters in the number plate that served as divine proof that she and he were destined to be together. Audrey ached as she pictured herself in the passenger seat, John skilfully driving them to the latest Dating Practitioners’ function, both of them excited about the night ahead. This was the car, she thought triumphantly. She was here! She’d found John’s home! She’d found John!

Without thinking she rushed to the front door and banged on the knocker. ‘This is it!’ she thought as she heard a dog bark inside and footsteps coming towards her. This was the moment of truth: the moment she told John they had nothing to hide from any more and they were free to love as they pleased.

The door swung open.