All About Love: Anatomy of an Unruly Emotion (58 page)

individual
Sigmund Freud,
The Interpretation of Dreams
,
SE
, vol. 5, pp. 424, 483

only her ghost
Thomas Babington Macaulay, letter to Margaret Macaulay, 23 Dec. 1833, in Thomas Piney (ed.),
The Letters of Thomas Babington Macaulay
, vol. 2 (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1974)

must be together
Virginia Woolf, ‘Dorothy Wordsworth’, in
The Second Common Reader
(London: Hogarth Press, 1986), p. 169

was felt
Frances Wilson,
The Ballad of Dorothy Wordsworth: A Life
(London: Faber & Faber, 2008), p. 147 and passim

war and exile
Nell Dunn,
Grandmothers Talking to Nell Dunn
(London: Chatto & Windus, 1991), pp. 1–4 and passim

before my nose
Ibid., p. 21

did not stop
Virginia Woolf, ‘A Sketch of the Past’, in
Moments of Being
, ed. Jeanne Schulkind (London: Hogarth Press, 1986), p. 69

in their lives
Anstey Spraggan, ‘How to Survive a Stepfamily’,
Guardian
, 22 May 2010

leave them
Adam Phillips,
On Balance
, p. 29

PART SIX: LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP

hoard them
Emily Dickinson, letter to Samuel Bowles, Aug. 1858(?) in Emily Dickinson,
Emily Dickinson: Selected Letters
, ed. Thomas H. Johnson (Cambridge, Mass.: Belknap Press, 1986), p. 144

individual
Robert E. Lane,
The Loss of Happiness in Market Democracies
(New Haven: Yale University Press, 2001)

your family
Matt Lauer, ‘
Friends
creators share show’s beginnings’. The sentence quoted is from the original pitch for a series to be called ‘Insomnia Café’, which when made was eventually named
Friends
, Dec. 1993. See
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4899445/

same to us
D.W. Winnicott,
Home Is Where We Start From: Essays by a Psychoanalyst
, ed. Claire Winnicott, Ray Shepherd, Madeleine Davis (Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1986), p. 117

Emerson
Frank Waldo Emerson,
Essays and Lectures
(New York: Library of America, 1983), p. 350

characters
Quoted in John P. Kaminski,
Citizen Jefferson: The Wit and Wisdom of an American Sage
(Madison: Madison House, 1994), p. 40

things about
Roberts, W. Rhys (trans.),
Rhetorica: The Works of Aristotle
, vol. 11 (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1924), p. 54

formations
Stanley Cavell,
Cities of Words: Pedagogical Lectures on a Register of the Moral Life
(Cambridge, Mass. Harvard University Press, 2004), pp. 352–72 and passim

from life
Cicero,
Laelius de Amicitia
(New York: Loeb Classical Library, 1923), sections 20, 27

continue after him
Francis Bacon, ‘Of Friendship’, in
The Essays of Francis Bacon
,
http://www.authorama.com/essays-of-francis-bacon-1.html

and world
See Tom MacFaul,
Male Friendship in Shakespeare and His Contemporaries
(Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2007)

he gives
Alexander Pope,
Essay on Man
, Epistle 3, pp. 311–12
http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2428/2428-h/2428-h.htm

appearances
David Hume,
A Treatise of Human Nature
, ed. L.A. Selby-Bigge (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1978), pp. 604–5

Byron’s ‘sickly’
Janet Todd,
Sensibility
(London: Methuen, 1986), p. 7

books and ideas
Judith N. Shklar,
Redeeming American Political Thought
, ed. Stanley Hoffmann (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1998), pp. 22–3

a betrayal
Luise Eichenbaum and Susie Orbach,
Between Women: Facing Up to Feelings of Love, Envy and Competition in Women’s Friendships
(Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1989), p. 19

full term
Helene Deutsch,
Confrontations with Myself
(New York: Norton, 1973) and
The Psychology of Women
, vol. 2 (London: Research Books, 1947), pp. 146–9; see also Lisa Appignanesi and John Forrester,
Freud’s Women
(London: Weidenfeld & Nicolson/Orion, Phoenix pbk, 2005), pp. 315–17

abilities
Barbara M. Newman and Philip R. Newman,
Development through Life: A Psychosocial Approach
(Belmont: Wadsworth Cengage Learning, 2009), p. 2006

helped them
Marjorie Taylor,
Imaginary Companions and the Children Who Create Them
(Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1999), p. 68 and passim

disappears
Renata Salecl,
Choice
(London: Profile Books, 2010), pp. 69–72

existing others
For an interesting discussion of this dynamic, though pre-dating the invention of the virtual, see Michael Balint, ‘On Love and Hate’,
International Journal of Psychoanalysis
33 (1952), pp. 355–62

moment in time
D.W. Winnicott, ‘Adolescence: Struggling through the Doldrums’, in
The Family and Individual Development
(London: Routledge, 1989), p. 81 and passim

afraid of them
Margaret Atwood,
Cat’s Eye
(London: Virago, 1990), p. 379 and passim

Adams, John, and Adams, Abigail,
The Book of Abigail and John: Selected Letters of the Adams Family 1762–1784
, ed. L.H. Butterfield, Marc Friedlaender, Mary-Jo Kline (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1975)

Aeschylus,
Aeschylus I: Oresteia
, trans. Richmond Lattimore (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1953)

Anonymous,
Every Woman’s Book of Love and Marriage and Family Life
(Cambridge: Icon Books, 2003)

Ariès, Philippe,
Centuries of Childhood
(Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1962)

—— and Béjin, André (eds),
Western Sexuality: Practice and Precept in Past and Present Times
, trans. Anthony Forster (Oxford: Basil Blackwell, 1985)

Arndt, Bettina,
The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex and Other Bedroom Battles
(London: Hamlyn, 2009)

Atwood, Margaret,
Cat’s Eye
(London: Virago, 1990)

Augustine,
The Confessions
, trans. R.S. Pine-Coffin (London: Penguin Books, 1961)

Austen, Jane,
Pride and Prejudice
(London: Penguin Books, 1985)

Badinter, Élisabeth,
Le Conflit: La Femme et la Mère
(Paris: Flammarion, 2010)

Balint, Michael, ‘On Love and Hate,’
International Journal of Psychoanalysis
33 (1952), pp. 355–62

Balzac, Honoré de,
The Physiology of Marriage
(London: Caxton Publishing Company, 1900)

Baron-Cohen, Simon,
The Essential Difference: Men, Women and the Extreme Male Brain
(London: Allen Lane, 2003)

Barthes, Roland,
A Lover’s Discourse
, trans. Richard Howard (London: Vintage, 2002)

Bauman, Zygmunt,
Liquid Love: On the Frailty of Human Bonds
(Cambridge: Polity Press, 2003)

——
The Art of Life
(Cambridge: Polity Press, 2008)

Beauvoir, Simone de,
The Second Sex
, trans. H.M. Parshley (London: Picador Classics, 1983)

——
Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter
, trans. James Kirkup (London: Penguin Books, 1984)

Beck, Ulrich, and Beck-Gernsheim, Elisabeth,
The Normal Chaos of Love
, trans. Mark Ritter and Jane Wiebel (Cambridge: Polity Press, 1995)

Benjamin, Jessica,
The Bonds of Love
(London: Virago, 1990)

Bereczkei, T., Gyuris, P., Koves, P., and Bernath, L., ‘Homogamy, Genetic Similarity, and Imprinting: Parental Influence on Mate Choice Preferences’,
Personality and Individual Differences
33.5 (2002), pp. 677–90

Berger, John,
G.
(London: Chatto & Windus, 1985)

Blaufarb, Rafe (ed.),
Napoleon: Symbol for an Age: A Brief History with Documents
(Boston: Bedford/St Martin’s, 2008)

Bowie, Malcolm,
Proust among the Stars
(London: HarperCollins, 1998)

Brown, P.G. McC., ‘Love and Marriage in Greek New Comedy’,
Classical Quarterly
43 (1993), pp. 189–205

Cavell, Stanley,
Pursuits of Happiness
(Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1981)

——
Cities of Words: Pedagogical Lectures on a Register of the Moral Life
(Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 2004)

Colette,
The Vagabond
, trans. Enid McLeod (London: Penguin Books, 1960)

Cunningham, Hugh,
Children and Childhood in Western Society since 1500
(Harlow: Longman, 2005)

——
The Invention of Childhood
(London: BBC Books, 2006)

Davis, Madeleine, ‘The Writing of D.W. Winnicott’,
International Review of Psychoanalysis
14 (1987), pp. 491–502

d’Emilio, John, and Freedman, Estelle B.,
Intimate Matters: A History of Sexuality in America
(New York: Harper & Row, 1988)

Der, Geoff, Batty, G. David, and Deary, Ian J., ‘Effect of breast-feeding on intelligence in children: prospective study, sibling pairs analysis, and meta-analysis’,
British Medical Journal
333.7575 (2006), pp. 945–50

Deutsch, Helene,
The Psychology of Women,
2 vols (London: Research Books, 1946–7)

——
Confrontations with Myself
(New York: Norton, 1973)

Dickinson, Emily,
Emily Dickinson: Selected Letters
, ed. Thomas H. Johnson (Cambridge, Mass.: Belknap Press, 1986)

Dillner, Luisa,
Love by Numbers: The Hidden Facts behind Everyone’s Relationships
(London: Profile Books, 2009)

Drabble, Margaret,
The Millstone
(London: Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 1965)

Dunn, Nell,
Grandmothers Talking to Nell Dunn
(London: Chatto & Windus, 1991)

Eichenbaum, Luise, and Orbach, Susie,
Between Women: Facing up to Feelings of Love, Envy and Competition in Women’s Friendships
(Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1989)

Ellmann, Richard,
Oscar Wilde
(London: Penguin Books, 1988)

Eshel, Neir, Nelson, Eric E., Blair, James, Pine, Daniel, and Ernst, Monique, ‘Neural Substrates of Choice Selection in Adults and Adolescents: Development of the Ventrolateral, prefrontal and Anterior Cingulate Cortices’,
Neuropsychologia
45.6 (2007), pp. 1270–9

Fielding, Helen,
Bridget Jones’s Diary
(London: Picador, 2001)

Figes, Kate,
Couples: The Truth
(London: Virago, 2010)

Fine, Cordelia:
Delusions of Gende
r (New York: W.W. Norton, 2010)

Fisher, Helen,
Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love
(New York: Henry Holt, 2004)

——
Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type
(Oxford: One World Publications, 2009)

Flaubert, Gustave,
Madame Bovary
, trans. Alan Russell (Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1972)

Fonagy, Peter, ‘A Genuinely Developmental Theory of Sexual Enjoyment and Its Implications for Psychoanalytic Technique’,
Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association
56. 1 (2008), pp. 11–36

Freud, Ernst L. (ed.),
Letters of Sigmund Freud 1873–1939
, trans. Tania Stern and James Stern (London: Hogarth, 1970)

Freud, Sigmund,
The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud
, 24 vols, ed. James Strachey in collaboration with Anna Freud, assisted by Alix Strachey and Alan Tyson (London: Hogarth Press and Institute of Psychoanalysis, 1953–74)

—— and Fliess, Wilhelm,
The Complete Letters of Sigmund Freud to Wilhelm Fliess: 1887–1904
, trans. Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson (Cambridge, Mass.: Belknap Press, 1985)

—— and Jung, C.G.,
The Freud/Jung Letters: The Correspondence between Sigmund Freud and C.G. Jung
, ed. William McGuire (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1994)

Fulford, Roger, ed.,
Dearest Child: Letters between Queen Victoria and the Princess Royal
(London: Evans Bros, 1974)

Gerhardt, Sue,
Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby’s Brain
(East Sussex: Brunner-Routledge, 2004)

Giddens, Anthony,
The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Societies
(Cambridge: Polity Press, 1991)

Gilligan, Carol,
In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development
(Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1982)

Gopnik, Alison,
The Philosophical Baby: What Children’s Minds Tell Us about Truth, Love and the Meaning of Life
(London: Bodley Head, 2009)

Gorer, Geoffrey,
Exploring English Character
(London: Cresset Press, 1955)

——
Sex and Marriage in England Today: A Study of the Views and Experiences of the Under-45s
(London: Thomas Nelson & Sons, 1971)

Gottman, John,
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
(New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994)

—— and Silver, Nan,
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
(New York: Crown, 1999)

Hume, David,
A Treatise of Human Nature
, ed. L.A. Selby-Bigge (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1978)

Ignatieff, Michael,
The Needs of Strangers
(London: Chatto & Windus, 1984)

Jacobson, Howard,
The Act of Love
(London: Jonathan Cape, 2008)

Jalland, Patricia,
Women, Marriage and Politics, 1860–1914
(Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2002)

Jeffares, A. Norman,
W.B. Yeats: Man and Poet
(London: Kyle Cathie, 1996)

Jones, Ernest,
The Life and Work of Sigmund Freud
, 3 vols (New York: Basic Books, 1953–7)

Jong, Erica,
Fear of Flying
(St Albans: Panther, 1974)

Kafka, Franz,
The Sons
(New York: Schocken Books, 1989)

Kaminski, John P.,
Citizen Jefferson: The Wit and Wisdom of an American Sage
(Madison: Madison House, 1994)

Kipnis, Laura,
Against Love
(New York: Vintage Books, 2004)

Klein, Melanie,
Envy and Gratitude and Other Works
(London: Vintage, 1997)

Kristeva, Julia,
Histoires d’amour
(Paris: Denoël, 1983)

Kureishi, Hanif,
Intimacy
(London: Faber & Faber, 1999)

——
Midnight All Day
(London: Faber & Faber, 1999)

Lane, Robert E.,
The Loss of Happiness in Market Democracies
(New Haven: Yale University Press, 2001)

Langhamer, Claire, ‘Adultery in Post-war England’,
History Workshop Journal
62 (2006), pp. 86–115

—— ‘Love and Courtship in Mid-twentieth-century England’,
Historical Journal
50.1 (2007), pp. 173–96

Laslett, Peter, Oosterveen, Karla, and Smith, Richard M. (eds),
Bastardy and Its Comparative History. Studies in the History of Illegitimacy and Marital Nonconformism
(Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1980)

Leader, Darian,
Why Do Women Write More Letters Than They Post?
(London: Faber & Faber, 1996)

Lemmings, David, ‘Marriage and the Law in the Eighteenth Century: Hardwicke’s Marriage Act of 1753’,
Historical Journal
39.2 (1996), pp. 339–60

Levinas, Emmanuel,
Totality and Infinity: An Essay on Exteriority
, trans. A. Lingis (Boston: Martinus Nijhoff Publishers, 1979)

Lichtheim, Miriam,
Ancient Egyptian Literature
, vol. 2:
The New Kingdom
(Berkeley: University of California Press, 1976)

Macaulay, Thomas Babington,
The Letters of Thomas Babington Macaulay
, vol. 2, ed. Thomas Piney (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1974)

McCullers, Carson,
The Ballad of the Sad Café
(Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1951)