All At Sea (12 page)

I can’t leave Fifi behind and just take you and Lachie.

I can’t leave you girls behind and just take Lachie. He has no social graces. He’ll piss in her pot plants or something, and that will be just as bad.

We have to go – all four of us, smiling and being charming.

We’ll go to that and then I will tell her in the morning. I am texting her right now and booking breakfast.

I’m doing it now.

Saturday 15
th
March 11.25am

—Rub-a-dub Pub Coin Laundry & Liquor—

You left out the option of the three of you going and me staying back. Anyhowww…

Lachie really wants me to go so I’ll be there. Smiling and being charming. If you don’t mind me asking, what sort of occasion is it? Should I wear a formal?

Saturday 15
th
March 1.29pm

—Hang Eleven Surf Shop—

Sasha will probably be in army fatigues and a singlet top. We’ll most likely sit on cushions around a coffee table and eat with our hands. She does kind of tapas stuff usually. Maybe Mexican. And wine. In tumblers. And that electronic, endless club music. There will be shirtless guys with dreads padding around or playing percussion instruments.

But remember that she spends all of her time with high-functioning creative types. She won’t be looking at what you’re wearing, she’ll probably want to know what you’ve been reading. She digs all that shit.

Saturday 15
th
March 2.56pm

—Waikiki Yacht Club—

It will be nice to talk with creative types. I can talk books and art for days. I’m actually looking forward to this thing now. See you after while.

Saturday 15
th
March 8.02pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

I hope I’m not being rude stepping away to look at Sasha’s house. You were busy consoling Fi and telling Lachie to remove his shoes when I commented on the Keltie Ferris in the foyer. (The bold, electric painting that looks like pixels? You’ve probably passed it a hundred times.) Sasha told me to look around, that she had some subtler stuff up in the hallway off the guest bedrooms. There’s an Aburano watercolor up here! I’ve seen some of his other paintings around the galleries in Honolulu. Sasha’s taste is exquisite.

Saturday 15
th
March 8.05pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

I’m out on the back deck. You can see down at the lights in the town, and there’s crickets and frogs. And Fi drumming with those bongo dudes. Wish I was drinking tonight! A mojito would go down a treat right now.

Fi is so pissed about Sasha assuming you were my fiancée.

“Oh this has to be her. Look at that bone structure! Her skin is divine!”

And then the crack about ubiquitous blondes didn’t help.

Saturday 15
th
March 8.21pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

Very awkward. I didn’t know what to say so I just smiled and shook her hand and started rambling about the painting. I’m almost done snooping. It’s art geek Nirvana up here. I’ll be down in a few and will make a point to join in. Looks like an interesting mix of people at this party. Eclectic. And whatever’s cooking down there smells amazing. Is Fiona’s face back to normal? I thought she was going to claw Sasha’s eyes out. (Or mine? Yikes!) Maybe get her some bubbles. :/

Saturday 15
th
March 9.22pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

Can you say something to Lachie about wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt? Looks like a freaking caveman.

Saturday 15
th
March 9.24pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

I’ve given Lachausaurus Rex a napkin. See, he’s using it and everything! *waves while texting under table* He was starving. He’s doing that carb-cutting thing and tonight is his cheat night. But seriously, the food’s amazing. I want ALL the empanadas. Nom nom nom!

Saturday 15
th
March 9.24pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

P.S. I’m putting my phone away. We’re dicks. Dicks that are going to get caught.

Saturday 15
th
March 9.25pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

I knew you’d like it here! :D

OK we’ll stop txting for a bit.

I bet you break.

Saturday 15
th
March 10.03pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

Hi. I broke.

I’m outside on the patio hiding from Fi. How’s Lachie liking Sasha’s home gym? I knew he’d go back for it. The ab machine was calling to him from across the house.

Okay…seriously though. Your fiancée is spiraling. Fi just yanked my arm and dragged me out of Sasha’s production studio to obsess over you. Sasha was in the middle of showing me and a bunch of people a commercial she is editing and it was extremely rude. Fi asked if I thought you might be seeing someone on the sly. Asked if I knew who you might have dated over the past year. I told her I didn’t know and it was like she was searching my face for cracks in the story. And I have no game face! Blah! I had to shake her loose by cuddling up with this dready tattoo chick who is apparently living on Sasha’s patio. (I don’t think this woman has taken a shower since puberty. She’s giving me a Tibetan shoulder massage. She’s so high she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it. Lol.)

Anyhow, Fiona definitely smells a rat. She’s somewhat distracted right now. Burying her misery in champagne and hummus. But be warned. Mt. Fi-Fi is about to blow.

Saturday 15
th
March 10.15pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

When I left for Hawaii the first time, Fiona was freaking out because of Lachlan. He banged all the girls in our school and half the girls from the Catholic School down the road.

Fiona wanted me to swear to be exclusive and I said no, because technically we weren’t together. She was the only one I had been with at that point, and that was one of the reasons that I left. I said I couldn’t promise, and then when I came back at Christmas she didn’t ask. She was stinging to know, but she knew better than to ask. It had been a long time, and I’m… Well, she knows what I am like.

But after the engagement, I didn’t.

Saturday 15
th
March 10.16pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

I haven’t cheated. Only in my head.

Saturday 15
th
March 10.18pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

Also, she asked about Sasha in particular. I told the truth on that front. That I don’t know anything about Sasha. (But there’s a history there, I can tell. There’s an undeniable energy between the two of you.)

Saturday 15
th
March 10.24pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

Energy? You mean how she gropes me all the time?? ;)

Yes, but only briefly. Trying to keep messages short. I can’t keep running outside.

Saturday 15
th
March 10.25pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

How brief?

Saturday 15
th
March 10.37pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

Sorry. Scratch that. WIne’s made me tipsy. One glass and I’m drunk dialing you from across the hosue. Bye

Saturday 15
th
March 11.02pm

—Black Blossum Productions—

The thing with me and Sasha was ages ago. Before we were working together. Before Christmas. It was just one night, and she discarded me. You can see that she likes boys. She’s kind of a cougar, you know? She’s foxy. And I’m cool with that. Ancient history. She just likes to tease me about it, because I hung around like a puppy for a bit. But you can see that it would never have worked, because she’s older, and I’m a lowly beach bum. We’re both over it.

If Fi didn’t get pissed about it, neither should you. I don’t think she heard anyway. She was talking to Lachie.

Saturday 15
th
March 11.06pm

—
Black Blossum Productions—

I’m not pissed. I was just wondering. We have to stop texting. I feel like everyone can hear us.

Sunday 16
th
March 12.01am

—Black Blossum Productions—

Hi, I’m back again. One hour of no texts and I’m in withdrawal. Where are you and Fi? I haven’t seen you in an hour at least. Are you telling her? Please say you’re not telling her. Not here. You were right. Sasha is bona fide for realz. You don’t want to burn that bridge for sure. Lachie’s in the pool house asleep. It took him a while but he finally sniffed out the TV. The look on Sasha’s face when he asked where it was! Agh!

He tried explaining the rules of boxing to me, get me excited about it. Then he gave up and we made out for a little. Then I went to pee and check my phone (no new messages… wah…) and when I got back, he was snoring. Oh, Lachie.

Anyhow, I’m over at the pool’s edge now soaking my feet. Tattoo chick is sitting next to me giving the bongos a workout. Can you hear it in the house? She’s good. She’s totally in the zone.

Wanna come sit with me and tattoo chick? Bring Fiona. I’ll behave, I swear.

S
unday 16
th
March 12.18am

—Black Blossum Productions—

Holy shit! That was embarrassing. OK, so I’ve sent Fi to the loo to clean up. Can you go in there and let me know what she says? The loo off the kitchen. Where are you?

Sunday 16
th
March 12.19am

—Black Blossum Productions—

I’m swinging in your hammock with tattoo chick. She’s teaching me how to play Hot Cross Buns on the pan flute. What’s wrong? Did Fiona dump her bubbles?

Sunday 16
th
March 12.20am

—Black Blossum Productions—

Sasha grabbed my arse again and Fiona asked Sasha if we had fucked (her word) and Sasha laughed and said yes, of course, and Fi just kind of launched at her and I had to rugby tackle her and bundled her out.

Sunday 16
th
March 12.21am

—Black Blossum Productions—

On my way!

Sunday 16
th
March 12.23am

—Black Blossum Productions—

I’m going to talk to Sasha. Apologise again and whatever. Fark!!! Hurry up!!!

Sunday 16
th
March 12.33am

—Black Blossum Productions—

She’s puking in here. How many bubbles has she had? Sheesh! She’s fully on the turps.

Sunday 16
th
March 12.54am

—Black Blossum Productions—

I’ve tied her hair up in a knot. Tell Sasha thanks for the concern but I’ve got it. If she comes in here, it might make it worse. Also, I’ve decided I’m replacing Cristina’s DIY bead necklace with rubies and diamonds. Hair-holding is a thankless job.

Sunday 16
th
March 1:03am

—Black Blossum Productions—

It is so wrong for us to be texting while your inconsolable, soon-to-be-dumped fiancée moans in the toilet two feet away. We’re going to hell, Kody. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Straight into the fire, you and me.

Sunday 16
th
March 1.19am

—Black Blossum Productions—

She just asked me about the cheating again. I know you and me don’t technically qualify as cheating, like in the carnal sense, but still. If she gets hold of your phone, I’m going into witness protection. She looks like she has good fitness. If she finds out, she’s gonna kick my Yank arse up and down the street. 

Sunday 16
th
March 1.20am

—Black Blossum Productions—

I haven’t cheated.

Sunday 16
th
March 1.28am

—Black Blossum Productions—

It’s been, what, almost an hour in here? I’m going tough love on her. The consoling friend thing is only feeding it.

Sunday 16
th
March 2.32am

—Black Blossum Productions—

She’s fixing her mascara and pulling it together. She asked who I’m texting. I told her my best friend back home is in labor. It’s a boy. A real watermelon-head. Anyhow, we definitely need to leave now. She’s gotten a second wind, I think, and is reloading the cannons. When she sees you, I don’t know what will happen.

Sunday 16
th
March 2.38am

—Black Blossum Productions—

We’ve got to get Fi out of here. I’ve woken Lachie and told him to go and get her from the bathroom and carry her out to the car. I can’t risk her screaming at me again.

I’m going to do it in the morning. First thing. At breakfast.

Sunday 16
th
March 3.13am

—near Black Blossum Productions—

I’m on my way back to the marina. Thanks for letting me come or having me come or inviting me to come with Lachie or whatever. Sasha is one cool chick with one cool pad. I can see why you like hanging out there. Very inspiring.

How’s Fi?

Sunday 16
th
March 9.15am

—North Shore Hostel—

OK. New development. I just woke up to a knock at my door and it was Fiona’s mother!!?? Fck!! I’m hiding in the bathroom just to quickly let you know. She’s absolutely ropeable.

But it’s good. It means Fifi will have a shoulder to cry on.

Wish me luck. Might have a black eye when I see you next. Another one!

Sunday 16
th
March 9.19am

—Waikiki Yacht Club—

Good luck! (And hide your phone! I don’t want them coming after me, too!)

Sunday 16
th
March 3.46pm

—Coconut Bay Resort—

OK. It’s done. Fark. That was really bad.

Sunday 16
th
March 3.48pm

—Waikiki Yacht Club—

Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it? You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But I just want you to know I’m here if you need a friend. I’ll try not to mix my feelings up in it and say too much.  I can be a good listener.

Sunday 16
th
March 4.45pm

—Hang Eleven Surf Shop—

Fiona’s mum flew in last night while we were at Sasha’s. She had a room booked at Coconut Bay too. Lachie said he didn’t see her mum when he carried Fiona in, so she must have gone to see Fifi after we left. I didn’t ask the logistics of how it went.

The thing is, Fiona thinks the Sasha thing is new and that’s why I am being weird.

Was being weird.

Fiona’s mum told her how I had been to see them when I was in Sydney, last week because I was calling it off. She knew it wasn’t a new decision.

Then when I saw her (we couldn’t go to breakfast because she looked like shit), she wanted to know how long I had been wanting to call it off, and I didn’t want to say
the whole time
. I’m not good at actual lying. I am best at just omitting pertinent information. I tried to backtrack and side-step out of saying.

She yelled for ages, and cried and threw stuff. It was really, really hurting her. She loves me with her whole heart. There is no plan B. There never has been.

So I let her yell and throw stuff at me.

I don’t know if you’ve ever watched a military training video (I know, why would you? 100 really fit guys in lines doing dive bomber push ups. Go on. Treat yourself), but they make these guys work out for twenty hours and then let them sleep for four hours and subject them to all these explosions and trauma, and you see guys that are broken by it. Their bodies sag and their faces are catatonic. She looked like that – like she’d been hit by a bus.

She was all obsessed about Sasha, and I said…

What I said was that she was kind of right. I told her that if you want to marry someone – if you really want to - you’ve got to not be able to imagine a day without that person.

I’m not right for her either. If I was, she would have got on a plane before now.

Anyway it went round and round for a long time. She was trying to negotiate. It’s fresh for her. Eventually I said I needed to go so she could cry it out, or whatever.

Then I went out in the hall and her mum bailed me up for another hour or so.

Then I left.

That’s the end, and I am really sad about it. I wish I had never gone back home, because the way Fi and I left it the first time I got on a plane was not bad.

But then it wasn’t the end was it? Because she waited for me.

She won’t wait any more.

Sunday 16
th
March 4.49pm

—Mockingbird Bookshop & Coffeehaus—

I’m so sorry. That sounds awful. But, she’ll be okay. She’s a great girl, Fiona. Beautiful and spunky. Plus, she’s young. She’ll find her plan B eventually. She’s going to be very happy someday.

Where are you? I could come hang out with you if you want. As your friend, I mean. We wouldn’t have to talk. We could just sit in the same space.

Sunday 16
th
March 6.02pm

—near North Shore, Oahu—

I’m on the beach now. Watching waves. Having a bit of a cry.

I’m just going to be on my own for a bit. Is that ok? It’s not that I don’t want to see you, but I have to respect this thing I had with Fi, and it wouldn’t be right to even see you because of the little sparky nerve thing I explained about before that I get just from being in your presence.

I’m pressing pause. If I don’t answer, it’s not because I feel any differently about you than I do this minute.

Please don’t sleep with Lachie while I take this little moment.

Sunday 16
th
March 6.05pm

—Mockingbird Bookshop & Coffeehaus—

I’m so sorry that you’re hurting. XO, Amelia

Thursday 20
th
March 10.00am

—Fitness Center at Waikiki Yacht Club—

Hi, it’s me. It’s been four days. Lachie said you’re being a “sooky la la.” I looked it up and then punched him in the arm for you. ;) Anyhow, he said that you won’t really talk to anyone and have immersed yourself in work. Just sleep, shower, work, repeat. Nobody sees you anymore, he says. I miss messaging you. What have you been up to? Are you okay?

Sunday 23
rd
March 11.03am

—Fitness Center at Waikiki Yacht Club—