All I Want For Christmas (17 page)

“I'm certain you and she can work that out. You're far too young to retire. Without a career that makes you happy…”

“I know, I know. If I'm unhappy, Maggie will be, too.”

Ryan wanted to discuss the whole thing with Tina. Damn, but he missed her. He wasn't calling her, though. Not until Maggie asked him to.

The song on the radio ended and his daughter glanced at him.

“Dr. Wright teached me what to do when I have a bad dream.”

The therapist had explained this to Ryan, too, but he wanted to hear Maggie's version, to find out whether she understood. “What did she say?” he asked, slowing to make a turn.

“That I can make the bad things stop. I just stamp my foot and say, ‘I don't like you, go away!' and the mean people will.”

Such a simple technique. Maggie sounded quite pleased about it, and Ryan only hoped it worked. “If you're asleep, how can you do that?” he asked, wanting to know.

“Practice, practice, practice,” she said, parroting Dr. Wright. “If I really want to get rid of those mean people in my dreams, I can.”

“I believe you, Maggie.”

“Good, 'cause I'm gonna do it.”

The way she raised her chin reminded him of Tina. Copying her gestures? Man, was she attached. Ryan hoped the therapist was right about Maggie being able to stop the dreams and that she would quickly get used to life without Tina.

A new song started. Singing along, Maggie turned to look out at the darkness. Ryan went back to thinking about the rest of the afternoon's conversation with Dr. Wright.

“Maggie won't be getting a mother,” he'd said. “My track record with women has been lousy.” He thought about Tina, who was basically gone from their lives. She might be back for the holidays, but like all the women he'd cared for, her career came first. “I'm not about to put my daughter's heart at risk again for any woman.”

“Fine, but if you meet the right woman, and she loves both you and Maggie, why not take a chance at happiness?”

“Is it all right to clean in here, Miss Morrell?”

Tina looked up from the computer screen, where she was putting together numbers for a presentation. She smiled at the janitor. “Certainly, Henry. I need a break, anyway.”

She glanced at the card Maggie had given her, which occupied a prominent position on the corner of her desk. The little girl was doing well. The nightmares were less frequent now. Tina received daily reports from G. G., who, having made a quick recovery following her hospital stay, was back to watching her after school.

Stretching, Tina headed down the empty hallways of CE Marketing. The last one here, as usual. Especially this time of year. With only two weeks until Christmas, business was slowing down, and everyone was preoccupied with holiday activities.

Since Tina had finished her shopping the weekend before and had no family here, she was happy to stay at work. She was still settling into her new job, and with so much to do, and the office closed from next Friday until January 2, she could use the extra time to catch up.

In the fifteen days since she'd assumed the title of creative director, she'd made a habit of arriving at the office early in the morning and leaving late. The long hours and breakneck pace kept her way too busy to think.

Yet for the first time in her life, work failed to distract her from the gaping hole in her heart. Every day she grew more dissatisfied and unhappy, and every day she worked harder in an effort to stifle her feelings. As a result, she was sleeping badly and now had a bear of an ulcer. She'd had to give up coffee altogether and had switched from over-the-counter antacids to a high-strength prescription medication.

Too bad no one had invented a pill for heartache. Tina missed Ryan and Maggie—and G. G. and Kate and the rest of her friends and neighbors on Halo Island.

At least she'd talked with Maggie and Ryan a few times. She'd called them twice. They'd called her, too, Maggie always talking first and then handing the phone to Ryan.

The difference in their tones was telling. While Maggie was sweet and chatty and full of news, Ryan was more reserved. He did mention that he'd resigned and was looking into various options, but with Maggie nearby he never said much. And he never called without his daughter nearby. Well, he didn't want a relationship.

Crossing the reception area, which was festively decorated with holly, poinsettias and a tall artificial tree, Tina moved to a large window overlooking downtown Seattle. Staring out at the darkness and the lights of the bustling city below, she felt as if life were passing her by. The one positive was that G. G. and the others were proud and pleased about her job.

That's what matters most.
Wasn't it? Suddenly needing to hear G. G.' s reassuring voice, Tina pulled her cell phone from her blazer pocket and called.

“What a pleasant surprise,” G. G. said, sounding much more like her old, energetic self. “You just missed Ryan and Maggie. That sweet man stopped by tonight to bring my Christmas decorations down from the attic. He offered to string the outdoor lights tomorrow.”

The mere mention of Ryan's name made Tina's heart ache. “That's very considerate of him.”

“Yes, it is. I promised Maggie I'd save decorating the tree for after school tomorrow. We'll hang the ornaments and tinsel, and then have Christmas cookies and cocoa, the way you and I used to do. Won't that be fun?”

No doubt Maggie's boundless enthusiasm would add special magic to the festivities. “You're making me feel extremely nostalgic,” Tina said. “I wish I could be there.”

She loved the December holidays, but never bothered to decorate her Seattle apartment. What for, when she always spent Christmas on Halo Island—the only place that had ever really mattered? “How was your checkup today with Dr. Lomax?”

“Excellent. You'll never guess—I've graduated to a cane now. No more walker! He says that by the time you're home again, I'll be walking without any help at all.”

“But that's only a week from Friday. You're doing so well.”

G. G. chuckled. “I know, and I'm tickled. You didn't ask about the Rosses' potluck last night. It was great fun, but of course we all missed you. We toasted you and your promotion—even Maggie. Of course, her eggnog was alcohol-free.”

In her mind, Tina pictured her friends and loved ones, laughing and talking and sharing their holiday plans. And felt even more wistful. “Sorry I missed that.”

“We all understand, honey. Your career comes first.”

Which Tina knew all too well. She sighed.

“What is it, dear?”

“Nothing. It's been a long day.”

“You're still at the office, aren't you?”

“I'm afraid so.”

“You've always given your all to the job. That's how you got where you are. Did you take the time to have dinner tonight?”

“I had a sandwich.” Purchased from a vending machine in the company lunchroom.

“That's not much of a meal. Go home, dear. The work will keep.”

If she went home, she'd only feel lonely. “I will. Soon.”

“I'll bet you're looking forward to the company party on Friday night.”

Every year Jim Sperling treated his employees to a catered dinner party at an exclusive club, followed by an evening of entertainment. Always good fun.

“I am,” Tina said. Even if she didn't have a date. “You should see the glittery cocktail dress I bought.”

“E-mail me some pictures, or better yet bring the dress with you next week. Who are you taking?”

“Um, nobody.”

“No one to appreciate that new outfit? That seems a shame.” G. G. made a sympathetic noise. “You know, if you invited Ryan, he'd escort you.”

A “pity” escort? No, thank you. “He doesn't date, remember?”

“It's not as if you're asking him to marry you, Tina. For goodness' sake, this is your Christmas party. Ask him as a friend, dear. It'll give me a chance to have Maggie all to myself for the whole night. We'll have a slumber party.”

G. G. didn't know they'd made love—or that they'd agreed to forget the whole thing. She didn't realize that Tina was in love with Ryan, and that he didn't want her love. Or that she was trying hard to get over him.

“I can't do that.” It was time to end the conversation. “I should probably get back to work.”

“All right, but first tell me, how are things with Kendra?”

She and Tina would never be friends, but Tina respected her coworker more each day. “Better, thanks. I think she's finally getting used to me as her boss. She's a hard worker, and very creative.”

“That's good to hear. Take care of yourself, honey, and let's talk again soon.”

O
NE WEEK
after his appointment with Dr. Wright, Ryan headed home, glad the workday was over. As he'd been expecting for days, this morning Jason and Danielle had given their two weeks' notice. Having tendered his own resignation, he didn't blame them. Serena, who was a single mom, needed her job too much to quit, but Ryan figured that once she lined something else up, she'd leave, too.

Then it was anybody's guess what would happen to Halo Island Bank.

They were good employees, and if Ryan bought the bank he'd hire back all three, give them raises and set up a solid incentive-pay program.

If.
He hadn't figured out how to do that without neglecting Maggie. If not for Dr. Wright's advice, he'd have completely dismissed the idea. He still might.

He was almost at Huckleberry Hill Road now, and looking forward to stringing G. G.' s house lights. He'd done his own the previous weekend. Thanks to a timer, his place was lit up now.

Ryan pulled into his garage and parked, then crossed his front yard. Tonight, G. G. had left her drapes open, and he stopped in the middle of the yard and watched as his daughter hung tinsel on G. G.' s artificial tree. He couldn't see her face, but her mouth was moving. By the way she jumped and pranced around, he knew she was happy.

Buoyed by the knowledge, he smiled, shook his head and strolled toward the street. Now that Maggie knew how to stop the bad dreams, she was doing well, far better than he'd expected. She missed Tina, but any time she wanted to talk about her, which was often, Ryan followed their therapist's advice and listened. That seemed to help, and so did the phone calls.

As busy as Tina was, she hadn't forgotten to call Maggie, for which Ryan was grateful. He still missed her, way more than he should. Which she'd never know. He had no delusions about her missing him. According to G. G., she really liked her new job and was putting in long hours. Before she'd even left, he'd figured she would.

Come next Friday, a little over a week from now, she'd be back on the island for Christmas. Pathetic, how he looked forward to that.

Man, did he have it bad. If he didn't know himself better he'd think he was in love with her.

But he absolutely did not love her.
The hell you say,
argued a voice in his head.
You are so whipped, it isn't funny.

Dammit, it was true. Halfway up G. G.' s walkway he stopped and smacked his forehead. Of all the ridiculous things to happen. Once again he'd tangled himself up with a woman who put her career above all else.

When would he ever learn?

Hands in his pockets, muttering choice epithets at himself, he trudged to the front stoop.

Before he even reached the door, G. G. opened it. Christmas music spilled out, filling the air.

“Hello, Ryan,” she said. “Maggie's in the washroom, and I want to talk to you before she comes out. Let's go into the den and get those lights.”

Alarmed by the notion that maybe something had gone wrong with his daughter, Ryan followed. Using her cane, G. G. breezed ahead. She was recovering amazingly fast.

The second they entered the den, she closed the door and turned to him. “I'm worried about Tina.”

“Tina?” So this wasn't about Maggie. He let out a relieved breath. Then he looked at G. G. “What's going on?”

“After you and Maggie left last night, she called. From work. Seven-thirty and she was still at it. Working all those hours? It isn't healthy.” G. G. pursed her lips and shook her head. “And don't even get me started about the flare-up of her ulcer. I don't think she's happy at all, Ryan.”

He disagreed. “Last time we talked, she sounded like she was. She was real busy then, too.” Too busy to spare more than a few minutes of her time.

“I've known her since she was in kindergarten, so I know her pretty well. No matter what she says, there's something wrong. I think she's homesick, but I don't know for sure.” G. G. sighed. “Whatever it is, she isn't about to confide in me. But you—I know you can find out what's bothering her.”

“Me? What makes you think she'd tell me?”

“Call it an old lady's hunch. Now, it just so happens that she needs a date for her company Christmas party on Friday night. You could take her and get her to open up.”

He didn't date, especially when there wasn't a prayer that anything good would come of it. But G. G.' s eager look and his own deep feelings for Tina were too much to fight. “You think I should invite myself?”

“I do. Maggie can stay with me. We'll make gingerbread boys and watch a movie in bed. It'll be fun.”

Ryan figured his daughter would enjoy that. Suddenly, he couldn't wait to see Tina. Lay his heart on the line and tell her he loved her. Scary as that was. If she rejected him…He couldn't feel much worse than he did now. At least it'd be in Seattle, safely away from Maggie.

“Can those lights wait another day?” he asked. “Before I call Tina, I want to go home and talk things over with Maggie.”

G. G. beamed. “That sounds like a fine idea.”

Maggie's footsteps pattered over the carpet, and his daughter bounded into the den. “There you are. Hi, Daddy! G. G. and I had cocoa and Christmas cookies! Did you see the tree?”

“Hello, Sunshine.” Feeling better and more hopeful than he had any right to, Ryan ruffled her hair. “Why don't you show it to me, and then we'll head home.”

“But what about G. G.' s Christmas lights?”

“Your daddy can hang them another time,” G. G. said.

A short while later, as Maggie shrugged into her parka, she glanced at him. “Can I write a letter to Santa tonight?”

“You bet. You can do that while I cook dinner.”

As Maggie raced out the door, G. G. winked at Ryan. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

S
ITTING AT
the kitchen table, pencil in hand, Maggie frowned in concentration at the sheet of wide-ruled paper before her. “How do you spell Tina?”

“T-i-n-a,” Ryan said, as he shoved a meatloaf into the oven. This was the perfect time for him and Maggie to talk. He sat down across from her. “What exactly are you asking Santa for?”