All Messed Up: Windy City Kink, Book 2 (20 page)

Mallory’s cell phone rang and she pulled it out of her purse. Joe. Oh God. Oh God. Her breathing stalled again. She stared at the screen of her phone.

“Who is it?” Paige asked idly, looking at Mallory. Then Mallory felt the change in Paige, concern radiating off her. “Mallory?”

Trying to be casual, she touched the button to talk to Joe. “Hi.”

“Hey gorgeous. Where y’at?”

“I-I’m in a park.” Her voice sounded weird even to her own ears, tight and high.

“In a park?”

“Yeah. W-with Paige.”

She felt Paige’s curious gaze on her and met her eyes and tried to smile. The park spun around her. Fuck no. This could not happen now.

“Oh. Okay. D’you wanna come over here? Sasha’s here too, so you won’t be the only girl. We’re gonna order pizza.”

“I can’t.”

A beat of silence, then, “You wanna bring your girl Paige too?”

“No.” She closed her eyes briefly. She was sounding rude.

“You okay, babe?” he asked, his voice deepening.

“Um. Yeah.”

“You don’t sound okay. Where’d you say you are? What park?”

She looked around. She didn’t even know the name of the park. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. We came for a-a walk. It’s a nice day.”

“Fuck, what’s wrong?” he demanded, now alert to the fact that she definitely sounded weird.

“Nothing.”

Paige’s forehead creased again, watching and listening to Mallory.

“This isn’t a good time,” Mallory told him, words still coming out short and rude-sounding. “I’ll…I’ll talk to you some other time.”

Or maybe never.

This was ridiculous. She couldn’t handle all these complications in her safe little orderly world. She had to help Paige deal. She had to go quit her job. Or something. “Bye,” she added and clicked the phone off.

“Who was that?” Paige asked.

“Nobody.” Mallory closed her eyes, leaned her head back, slumped on the bench, and tried to stop the waves of dizziness. Her heart felt like it was missing every other beat.

“Mallory. What’s going on?”

“I met a guy. In the airport.” She sucked in air. “We hooked up. My flight got cancelled on the way to L.A. and I had to spend the night in Denver. I spent it with him.”

Mallory sensed Paige’s interest and concern radiating off her in waves. “That was him?”

“Yeah.”

“Is he bothering you?”

She had to huff out a laugh at that. “Oh yeah.”

“Jesus, Mallory.”

“Not like that,” she added, knowing what Paige was thinking. “He’s a great guy. But I don’t need complications in my life right now.”

“A boyfriend isn’t necessarily a bad complication,” Paige said quietly.

Boyfriend. “He’s not a boyfriend. It’s mostly sex. We seemed to, um, hit it off sexually.” Without going into kinky details, which she certainly wasn’t going to share with sweet little Paige. Who also thought Mallory was a sweet little thing.

“Oh.”

Now Mallory felt her friend’s tension. Then her phone rang again. “Shit,” she muttered. Eyes still closed, she felt Paige take the phone from her then heard her speak.

“Hello. This is Paige.”

Mallory’s eyes popped open and she sat up straight, making her head spin wildly. With her eyes on Mallory, Paige spoke again, “Yeah, she’s not feeling well.”

Mallory frowned and swiped at her sweaty forehead.

“I’ll get her back to her place,” Paige said. Mallory tried to snatch the phone away from her but she moved it out of reach, still talking. “I think she’s having a panic attack. Probably my fault,” she added in a low mutter. “Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Bye.”

Then she ended the call, shoved Mallory’s phone into her purse sitting on the bench and stood. “Let’s go, Mal.”

Mallory wasn’t actually sure if she could move, but she stood, wavering a little. Paige took hold of her arm.

“This is not your fault,” Mallory mumbled, still sweating. “I’m just being stupid.”

“You can’t help it.”

Mallory made a noise. Before she’d had one, she thought panic attacks were something people should just get over. She’d never realized that the mind could have such a powerful effect on the body. Even so, she still felt she should be able to just “get over it”. “This is not happening,” she grumbled as they headed out of the park. “I’m supposed to be looking after you.”

“You did,” Paige said. “And I’m fine. Or, I will be. Now it’s my turn. What’s up, Mal? Why are you freaking out?”

They crossed the street and Paige marched her along the sidewalk toward her building. “I want to move to Fiji.”

Chapter Twenty-One

Joe was pretty relaxed after spending the afternoon with Kev and Beamer watching football, drinking beer and eating potato chips. When Sasha arrived home and they started to talk about ordering pizza, he had the idea to call Mallory and invite her over. She could meet his friends. They could meet her. It would be cool.

But fuck, she’d sounded rough on the phone. He had no idea what was going on, but he’d knifed up off the couch when Paige answered her phone and told him Mallory wasn’t feeling well and was on his way out the door before she’d finished talking.

He shouted back at the guys, “Gotta go. Later.”

Now he was in his truck and on his way to Mallory’s apartment. A rock had formed in his gut. What was wrong with Mallory? Why hadn’t she told him something was wrong? Shit.

He was soon knocking on her door. A woman opened it with a security chain on and peered out, a small woman, with short blonde hair. “Joe?”

“That’s me.”

She let him in and he tried not to shove right past her to find Mallory. “Hi,” he said extending a hand. “Nice to meet you, Paige.”

She shook his hand, giving him an assessing look and a tight smile. He didn’t usually like short hair on women, but hers was cute, pale blonde, showing off small ears and a delicate neck. Long bangs swept across her forehead, emphasizing big gray-blue eyes and high cheekbones. Then he took in puffy eyes, pink nose, pale face, tension lines around her eyes and mouth, a faint bruise on one cheekbone and a cut at the corner of her mouth. Jesus Christ.

“Come in. Mallory’s resting on the couch.”

“What the hell happened?” He strode past her into the living room, now even more concerned about Mallory. She was stretched out on the couch, eyes closed. He dropped to a crouch beside her and touched her face. “Mallory? Babe, you okay?”

She opened her eyes and blinked, then frowned. “Joe?”

“You must’ve dozed off, Mal,” Paige said from behind him. “Feel any better?”

What the fuck? She looked okay, a little pale, maybe. He slid his hand into her hair, his thumb rubbing along her hairline. “What happened, babe?”

She closed her eyes again and sighed. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

“It was definitely a panic attack,” Paige offered.

Mallory’s gorgeous blue eyes flew open to shoot a glare at her friend.

Panic attack. Yeah, Paige had said that on the phone. Not life threatening. But why was Paige all battered? “You have them often?” he asked.

Mallory shook her head. “No. I just started having them recently. You know…”

Yeah. He knew. Shit.

She didn’t meet his eyes. “You really didn’t need to come. I’m fine.”

“I was worried about you.”

She squeezed her eyes closed. “Well, you shouldn’t be. You didn’t need to come.”

Joe sensed Paige hovering anxiously nearby and shot her a smile, then said to Mallory, “I’m gonna let it go that you’re being bitchy,” he said quietly. “Since you’re not feeling well.”

She glared at him. “What? Did you just call me a bitch?”

“You heard right.” His thumb rubbed her hairline again, gently. “What can I do?”

“Nothing! Paige is staying with me tonight. You don’t need to be here.”

“Oh.” He turned to look at Paige. Yesterday she hadn’t shown up at the airport…Joe’s mind starting putting things together.“Are
you
all right?”

“I’m fine,” she murmured.

“Paige.” Mallory spoke up. “Joe is a police officer.”

Paige and Mallory exchanged a long look. “So?” Paige asked, a bit of an edge to her voice.

“He could… Maybe he could give us some advice.”

“I don’t need advice. I told you.”

This was giving him a fucking headache. “You know,” he said to Mallory. “It’s a good thing I know you’re worth all this.”

After a moment of heavy silence, she said, “I’m not.”

“Fuck yeah, you are. I’m not leaving. Let’s order pizza, I’m hungry.”

Both women stared at him, and then, miraculously, they both broke into reluctant smiles.

“I like him, Mal,” Paige said.

He grinned.

Mallory closed her eyes again and he leaned over and brushed his mouth over hers. “I don’t know what’s going on,” he said in a low voice. “But I’m here for you, gorgeous.”

Her lips tightened and he saw her throat move as she swallowed. But she gave a little nod.

He rose up and moved to the end of the couch, lifting Mallory’s feet and sitting, lowering them into his lap. Her pretty, bare feet with the bright toe polish. He stroked her feet, up over her ankle beneath the hem of her jeans, down around her heel. Yeah, her feet turned him on. But this wasn’t the time or place for that. This was about comforting her.

He looked at her and their eyes met. Hers went wide and then she jerked her feet out of his grasp and scrambled to sit up. Oh for fuck’s sake. “What kind of pizza do you like, Paige?” he asked. Paige had taken a seat in a nearby armchair.

“Um. You mean what restaurant? Or what kind?”

“Both.”

“I’m not…” Then she sighed. “I like Luciano’s. Their Mediterranean special is good.”

“And a sausage pizza. We’ll get two. I’ll order.” He pulled his phone out.

“The menu’s in my drawer,” Mallory said, starting to get up.

“I’ll get it,” Paige said, rising.

When Paige returned, he called in the order, adding breadsticks to the two pizzas. Then he started talking about the football game and made them laugh with a funny story about his friend Beamer and the time he’d gone on a date with some girl who wanted to see
The Notebook
and he’d started crying at the end of the movie.

After a while, the pizza arrived, and he got up and answered the door and paid for it. After they’d eaten, both ladies seemed to be more relaxed and then Mallory hinted that he should leave by saying she and Paige both had to work in the morning. As did he.

He didn’t want to leave them. He was worried about both of them.

“I’m going to bed,” Paige murmured. “It’s early, but I’m exhausted.” She looked at Mallory. “Thanks for this, and I’m sorry you got stressed because of me.”

“It wasn’t because of you,” Mallory protested. “It’s just…a lot of stuff. I feel so stupid, trying to comfort you and ending up nearly passed out myself. God.”

Then they smiled at each other. The obvious affection they felt for each other was evident on their faces and something about that made Joe’s chest warm.

Paige disappeared down the hall and Joe turned back to Mallory. “What’s going on?” he demanded in a low voice. “Does this have something to do with why she didn’t pick you up yesterday?”

“Yes.” She stared at him. “Her ex-husband showed up, trying to convince her to get back together, and when she told him no, he…beat her.”

“Fuck,” he said again, hands clenching into fists. “Who is the asshole?”

Mallory shook her head. “He lives in New York.”

“I’ll fucking find him and fuck him up.”

“No, you won’t.” Her lips twitched. “But thank you.”

“Seriously, Mallory. What can I do?”

She blinked rapidly, her eyes glossy. “I don’t know. She doesn’t want to report it to the police.”

“Want me to talk to her? She should report it. If he ever comes back…there needs to be a record of all this. She might need to get an order of protection and that would help.”

She nodded. “You could try. I told her she should, but she just wants to forget it ever happened. She thinks maybe she finally convinced him they’re really done.”

“Is she really okay?”

“Physically, yeah, some bruises. Mentally…I’m not so sure.”

“Fuck.”

“She has to move to a new place,” Mallory said. “She’s going to stay with me for a while.”

“Good idea.”

“I told her that. She doesn’t want to.”

“Jesus Christ.” The rush of anger still had his entire body on alert. He wanted to punch something. Someone. He bowed his head for a moment. Then in a rush of some kind of emotion, an urge to comfort and protect, he reached for Mallory and hauled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms tight around her.

She tried to resist, going stiff for a few seconds, then softening, her mouth opening beneath his and her hands grabbing on to his shoulders. “Christ,” he muttered against her jaw, long moments later. “Mallory.” He didn’t want to leave. This was nuts.

“Joe.” Her tongue touched the skin on the side of his neck. His body was already hard and throbbing. His dick twitched.

“Gonna go home now,” he said, voice low. He opened his mouth on her jaw again. “Even though I don’t want to. We’re gonna talk tomorrow.”

“No.”

“What?”

“We can’t do this.”

He drew back and frowned at her. “What are you talking about?”

She sighed and pushed at his chest but he kept his arms banded around her. “This. I’ve got enough problems in my life. I can’t do this.”

“You’re saying I’m a problem.” It wasn’t a question. This was where they’d been that day in the airport on the way home, when he’d asked her if he was one of the things messing up her perfect life.

“Well…yeah.”

His insides tightened, a feeling of pressure building inside him. “Gee, thanks.”

“I’m sorry, but you are. For me.”

The pressure became heat. “Okay, no way in fuck am I leaving now without talking about this.”

“Joe. We both have to work in the morning. Let’s be sensible—”

“Fuck sensible,” he growled.

“No!” She almost shouted it at him then lowered her voice with a flick of her eyes toward the bedrooms. “Not ‘fuck sensible’. I need to be sensible!”

He stared at her.

She closed her eyes.

Mallory placed her fingertips on her throbbing temples and rubbed.

“Tell me why I’m a problem,” Joe said in a low voice.

She sighed. She didn’t want to talk about this, but maybe this would help him understand why this was so bad for her. “It’s a long story.”

“Got all night, babe.”

She sucked in a long shaky breath then let it out slowly. “When I was a teenager, I acted out a lot. I discovered at a young age that I liked men,” she told his shoulder. “And when I say men, I mean men. I especially liked older guys. When I was fifteen, I’d pretty much dated the whole football team, who were all seniors. I liked taking risks. I liked the adrenaline rush. I liked pissing my parents off.” She closed her eyes at the wave of remorse that still swamped her every time she remembered. “That part was especially fun. I loved the feeling of power I had. The wilder I got, the more I pissed them off and I loved the reaction. I lied about my age and got my tattoo. I got my piercing. I had sex with any guy who looked at me. I snuck out and stayed out all night. Then…I went too far.”

She sensed the air in the room change, becoming thick, his body tightening against hers.

“In my senior year, I got involved with one of my teachers,” she continued. “Sexually involved. I was failing math. I asked for some extra help. It turned into a…relationship.”

“Fuck,” Joe muttered. “Jesus Christ, Mallory.”

“I know,” she said quietly. “It was a terrible thing to do. Especially because he was married. I thought I was in love with him. He was mature and smart. A real adult. And he was interested in me. I was so excited, so thrilled with how wicked it was, so thrilled with how people were going to freak out when they found out. Of course I had no idea the kinds of consequences there would be. I thought I was all mature and worldly and experienced, but really I was just a lost little girl.”

“What kind of asshole was he?” Joe bit out.

She closed her eyes and tipped her head back. “It wasn’t his fault. I was pretty insistent.”

“The fuck it wasn’t his fault!”

Her eyes flew open. He stared at her, his jaw rock-hard, eyes flashing. “He was an adult, a married man. What kind of teacher fucks one of his students? He was the adult in that situation, he was the one who should have known better.”

“Yeah.” She gave a small smile. “He made a mistake, and he paid the price for it with his job, in fact, his whole career. I destroyed that for him.” The incredible weight of that guilt was still a heavy burden she bore. “The important thing is, I finally learned from my mistake. My parents paid a big price for what I did too. You can imagine the scandal, and my father’s profession makes it even worse. Since then, I’ve done everything I can to make it up to them. I went to college. I worked hard at my studies. I got a great job when I graduated and I’ve stayed out of trouble ever since. Until I met you.”

His eyes narrowed. “Me.”

“You have to admit we did some risky things.” Her heart picked up speed. “Things I never would have done. You made me do all those crazy things. I can’t keep doing that. I can’t let myself slide back into those patterns. I can’t let myself get addicted to that rush again. I don’t want that.” And then she said the words she had to say, even though it tore her up inside. “I don’t want you.”

He stared at her for what felt like a year. His expression didn’t change but tension radiated off him in waves.

She felt so pressured, by everything, her need to do the right thing, to make the right decisions, to make her parents proud and happy. He was tempting. So tempting. But she couldn’t give into that recklessness. If she kept going this way, she’d be that girl again, the one who caused so many people pain and anguish and embarrassment. The one who got her heart broken.

She’d told him she’d thought she was in love with Mr. Cramer. What had started as another way to assert her sexuality and feel wanted and desired and powerful had turned into an epic teenage crush that she’d thought had been love. But she didn’t mention to Joe the silly idea she’d had that Mr. Cramer had loved her too, and that he would leave his wife. Somehow, in all the rush of the forbidden, she’d fallen into a fairy tale where he loved her too and they were going to live together happily ever after. When the scandal broke and news got out about them, she’d been so sure he would leave his wife and tell the world he wanted to be with her. That didn’t happen, so on top of the scandal of it all, she was also publicly rejected and humiliated.

She knew better than to believe in fairy tales now.