All My Life (7 page)

“Tell him, no thanks. I’m just about to leave.”

I turn away quickly and hurry off in the direction of the restroom with the firm objective of taking my coat and getting the heck out of here. I’m about five feet away from the door when someone taps me on my shoulder. I halt in my tracks and think – Neil.
Christ!
I wish I hadn’t listened to Nalini and gone all trollopy. Now I’m so embarrassed I can’t even face him without my face flaming up. Wishing for the nth time in my life that I had the powers of de-materialization, I swing around and come face-to-face with…the stranger from the bar!

He steps closer and smiles confidently. “Wanna dance?”

I take a wary step back and shake my head. “Err…no, thanks. I have to go.” I turn to move away but then he puts his hand on my shoulder. My wariness instantly turns to alarm as I realize he’s not one to give up that easily. He comes in front to face me now and persists, “Oh, come on. Just one dance?”

I’m contemplating whether to kick him on the shin or just throw a hissy fit when a voice booms from behind. “Get your hands off of her!”

The guy immediately steps away and puts his hands up in surrender. But even as he does that, that irritating smile doesn’t leave his face. I step back while the lecher finally turns and goes back to the bar. My back hits something solid and I spin around. It’s Neil. He holds me by my shoulders and looks at me, his brow furrowed. “Kari, are you okay?

Okay?
Fine. Excellent. Terrific. And FYI I’m not a darn porcelain doll. I can take care of myself. Of course instead of saying any of those sensible snarky things, I smile goofily and say the stupidest, most inappropriate thing that has ever come out of my mouth, “Just a little hot.”

I watch as the worry leaves his face and something else replaces it entirely.
Heat.
His gaze travels down my front and back up to my eyes. Then he gives me this slow, sexy smile.

“I wouldn’t say
little
,” he says.

I’m sure I look like a basted turkey right then, what with the sweat oozing from my pores and the red hot blush spreading across my face and neck. It only gets worse as his smile stretches into a full blown grin, the potency of which is killing. As Neil clasps my hand and leads me towards the bar, I wonder about this strange turn of events. From almost being mauled to being willingly chaperoned, this was turning out to be quite the evening.

I glug down an entire glass of water and then get conscious of how Neil’s eyes are still watching my every move. I put the glass down firmly and wipe my face with the back of my hand.
Okay. Time to make an exit.
Only at that exact moment, Josiah’s band starts playing this song. It’s one of my favorites. The beat is edgy, fun and really, really groovy. I feel a cool breath of air on my shoulder. “Dance with me?” Neil says in my ear.

Oh, whatdahell! 
One dance wouldn’t kill me! Not with him smelling like that. Spice, lemon and ice. I take a deep breath and nod my head. Neil grins and takes my hand, leading me towards the dance floor.

We start dancing and damn
t
his guy
. He starts swinging it like Travolta and grinding it like Swayze, while all I can do is stare at him with my mouth agape, trying my best to ignore the blatant lustful looks being thrown at him by all the people surrounding us. And when I say people, I mean people.
Both 
girls and guys.

With a sudden tug, he pulls me towards him and our bodies collide. “Let it go, Angel,” he whispers in my ear as his fingers graze my bare waist and hook into my jeans. I put my hands on his hard biceps and gasp as my breasts press against his chest. And then we start moving. With his thigh between my legs, he guides my body into a rhythm that is wild, erotic and fun. As I lose myself to the beat of the music, my hands trail up his arms to twine around his neck. With his face an inch apart from mine, eyes unwavering, he tracks my each and every move. He dips me, brings me up, holds me close and never lets go. When the song finishes, I don’t know how long we’ve been dancing, I just know that I’ll never be the same again. Can a single dance change someone’s life? Because it certainly feels like it’s changed mine.

Till now, I’d thought the last year of my life had tainted me forever. But all that seems like such a blip now. My body feels sensual, feral and in complete abandon of any self-loathing or insecurity.
And though she be but little, she is fierce.
The line comes to me and I smile at the inappropriateness of quoting Shakespeare after just having finished a bout of dirty dancing, no matter how life-changing it had been.

“Just for that smile, Angel.” I look up to see Neil gazing down at me with a soft look in his eyes. And that’s when I realize. We’re at the edge of an almost deserted dance floor and the music has stopped. Then I realize something else. I’m still joined from chest to hip with Neil’s lean and hard body. I immediately unwind my arms from around his neck and wriggle away from him. He lets me go but then holds my hands instead. What had he said?
Just for that smile?
Oh God! I’m completely and totally done for.

I look up at him and he says, “Come with me?”

“Where?”

“Trust me?”
And I want to.
I really do want to. But it’s too soon
. Just too soon.

I let his hand go and shake my head. “I have to get back home.”

He cocks his head to one side and after staring at me for a few seconds, he finally says, “As you wish, Angel.”

Then he leads me to the restroom and waits for me right outside while I get my coat.

Riding back home on Neil’s bike, I feel a bit like Cinderella. The party’s over and my cellar awaits.

As Neil parks the bike in front of my home, I realize the street’s completely deserted and there’s no one around. The only distant sounds are of the traffic from one of the main roads beyond. It suddenly occurs to me that I’ve never been alone outside so late ever in my life. And also something else. I’ve never been so happy and so sad, right at the same time. I lock this precious memory away in that place in my heart. That place which is still a fledgling. Just beginning to stack up.

Before the melancholy of the moment overtakes me, I hop off Neil’s bike and stand on the sidewalk. “Thanks…for tonight,” I stutter as he takes the helmet from my outstretched hand. “It was really…awesome.”

He stars to take off his helmet while I keep spluttering and waving my hands in the air. “I mean really, really spectacular,” I finish lamely, fully aware that I haven’t done any justice to what he gave me tonight.

Then I feel his arm snaking around my waist and pulling me towards him. It’s an unexpected touch and even though it’s not unwanted, my body still resists. Neil pulls back a bit and looks at me.

“I…I…” I want to tell him I feel conflicted but I do want this…I really do want this. Every fiber of my body is calling out to him yet my mind defies the need. I open my mouth again to say something, when he suddenly smiles at me. Then he reaches inside his jacket and pulls his mask out. Oh!

He puts his Batman mask back on and once he’s done, he cocks his head. “You wanted to thank me?” he says through thin pursed lips.

I beam at him and whip on my mask as well. We stand there grinning at each other for a moment and this time when his arms surround me, my body willingly goes where he wants to take me. Because it’s a really good place to be.

His lips breathing right on top of mine, his nose grazing my cheek and the scruff of his cheek nibbling my nose. Seconds pass and he doesn’t kiss me. I inch closer to him. Bringing my lips that much closer to his and just when I think he won’t, his lips claim mine and I’m lost in a wave of sensations. Soft, patient, restrained, stoking and then unhinged, urgent and devouring. My lips part as I come up for breath and his tongue delves right in to caress my mouth. I moan as the wave hits me again. My fingers roam through his hair helplessly as his tongue strokes my body into a need so desperate that I lose all inhibition. My hands drift under his jacket. With one bold movement, I pull out his shirt and glide my hands under it, roaming over his hard pecs, his taut stomach. And still it’s not enough. I’m just drifting my hands lower to the waistband of his jeans when I hear the front door creak.

“Kari?” my Mom’s voice calls out firmly. Neil immediately jerks away but he doesn’t let go of me completely. Holding my hand, he hops off his bike, puts it on the stand and then we both turn towards my Mom. She’s standing on the doorway in her snowy bathrobe with her mad-as-a-hatter look. I can’t believe she came out in this cold to get me. In her bathrobe. And her pink flip-flops.

“I think you’d be warmer inside. And by you, I mean you.
Alone
. Inside.”

God! Could she be more obvious? Then again. Her reaction isn’t totally uncalled for. She caught me trying to disrobe a guy, on the street, right in front of our house!

“Mom, this is Neil. He’s Agnas’s son. Neil, this is my Mom.”

Mom’s eyebrows go up for a second as she takes in Neil’s Batman mask and his dubious lineage. But then she quickly marshals her expression. Her convent schooling has long ago whipped out any tactlessness that the rest of us may be prone to.

“Really? How nice! Won’t you come in?” she asks Neil. Her smile is a little too wide to be sincere and I hope in my heart that I’m the only one who can make that out.

“No, Ma’am, I should be on my way home but…thank you.” I see my Mom’s eyebrows shoot up again when he addresses her as Ma’am. Then she smiles softly and I let out the breath I’ve been holding.

“I’ve got to go check up on Agnas,” Neil says and I wince. Uh-oh. Just when he’d been doing so well. A progeny referring to their pro-creator by their first name is never a good thing. At least not in my Mom’s books. Neil turns to me. The back of his hand brushes my cheek and he murmurs, “Goodnight, Angel.” And then he’s off.

I watch as he rides away but instead of turning left towards his Mom’s house, he passes it and turns the corner. Maybe he parks the bike somewhere else? Maybe he’s going back to the club? But then why didn’t he remove his mask and wear a helmet? Or maybe I’m just an effing idiot for having forgotten all about Ms. Stiletto. The thought is gut-wrenching. Then I realize I’m just standing there looking at an empty street while Mom is probably glaring holes into my skull right about…now. I turn slowly and without looking at her, walk inside the house, scrambling to enter my room to evade the inquisition that’s sure to come. But no such luck. Even in her flip-flops, Mom is faster than a fox on a kill.

“Angel?” Mom says with a smirk and I cringe. She heard him. Damn!

“Who does he think he is? Clint Eastwood? Wayne on Batmobile?!”

“Mom! Cut it out!”

“No, really. And what was that all about?”

I feign complete ignorance. “What was
what
all about?”

Mom cocks up an eyebrow at me, “Really? This is your mother you’re talking to.”

I give a deep sigh and slump on the bed. Mom comes and sits next to me.

After a few seconds, she asks softly, “You like him?”

I flop back on the bed and stare at the ceiling. “I’m not sure.”

“Not sure? You could have fooled me! If I hadn’t come out in time, you might have stripped him down to his undies, right in the middle of the street!”

“Jheezzus! Mom!” I shriek as I cover my face with my hands. “Stop it!”

Mom lies down next to me and we both stare at the ceiling in complete silence.

“Boys are like candy,” she suddenly says.

I grin. “Really, Mom? That’s your advice? Boys are like candy. What is that? Forrest Gump on teens?”

She clucks her tongue. “Hear me out, eager child.”

“Boys are like candy, you don’t swallow it too quickly, you don’t chew it. You taste it, test it, so if you don’t like it you can spit it right out. You don’t want to take in any of those wingnuts inside your body. Not unless it’s worth it.”

And there she goes again with her ‘your body is a temple’ convent-school drivel.

“But. If you do like it,” Mom says and pauses for effect. I turn to look at her and we lock eyes. “You dig your teeth right in, chew the heck out and swallow the pulp. Leave nothing behind.” Then she bounces off the bed and leaves me lying there, shocked and awed.

“Christ!” I mumble to my empty room. At least now I know where I get my psychosis from.

The next day a girl comes and sits right beside me in my Economics class. I’ve never seen her before but I can’t be sure. I haven’t really paid that much attention to my collegiate classmates in the last few months.

The girl’s got long blonde hair with an elongated sharp edge on one side and the blackest black eyes.

“Hey, are you wearing So Low Pants?” she whispers to me when Mr. Toledo turns his back to us.

I wonder if she’s right. Mom has been shopping for me lately. I think she thinks of it as thrifty therapy sessions. I decide to go along with it. “Umm…I think so.”

“Wow. You must be loaded! That’s some expensive shit!”

“Nah. It’s just my Mom trying to live vicariously through me.”

“Gecko! You got one of those too?”

We break up as Mr. Toledo resumes his lecture and in the next twenty minutes I realize the other girl’s as copious a note-taker as I am. When the class ends, she extends her long, slender fingers towards me. Then I realize she’s holding a post-it in them.

“That’s my number and e-mail. I’m Tatiana.”

I take the post-it and shelve it inside my book. “Thanks! I’m Kari.”

“Mail me your schedule and I’ll swap mine. I think I’ve seen you in two of my other classes as well. We can hang out sometime or maybe form a support group?” Tatiana face breaks out in a grin. “Daughters against shopaholic mothers?”

I chuckle and nod my head. “Sounds like a plan.”

We wave our goodbyes and part ways. In the afternoon, I realize that we do share History and Math.

Tatiana sits right next to me in both the classes. Who knows? Maybe I’ve finally managed to befriend someone after Ian and Becky? I completely lost touch with them after school. Truthfully speaking, even before that. And just today morning, I’d gotten up to a fresh reminder about why. A text message from Eddie.
C U Friday
.

Maybe he was checking whether there’d been any truth to my last outburst.

Feeling disappointed that he didn’t really believe my threat and also pathetically relieved that he hadn’t done anything about it, I had been a twisted knot of emotions till I’d met Tatiana today.

Now walking back to the shop, I feel another anxiety creeping up my back. How will I face Neil after that kiss last night? After he drove around the block and dove right into Ms. Stiletto’s panties?

As I open the door, Nalini greets me a bright and cheery welcome. “Hey slut!”

I glare her a warning and head over to the coffee machine. But there’s no shirking her off. She comes right behind me.

“Saw you getting all hot and heavy with the boss’ son last night? Any achy body parts I should know about?”

“Nalini!”

“What?! Don’t go coy on me now. I want all the details. Frequency, props, kinks and junk. Spill it!”

I stand there with my mouth open, trying to blank out the pornographic images she’s painted in my mind. Nalini looks at me for a second, then her shoulders slump and she hangs her head. “You didn’t do it!”

“No!”

“Not even a kiss?!” she asks in dismay and I immediately avert my eyes to the steaming cup of coffee in my hand.

“Aha! Tongue, nibbling, petting, caressing? Spill it!”

I smile at her sweetly and with my lips sealed, walk out to the shop floor.

“Alright minx, be that way. I’m not spilling anything either. And trust me, with Josiah and I there’s a lot of spilling involved.”

Putting my cup down, I hold my hands over my ears. “
Christ!
Just stop it! I don’t want to hear about it!”

The stairwell door swings open and Neil walks right in. He stops in his tracks as he sees me covering my ears. Then that damning slow smile of his covers his face and it’s like my face isn’t even in my control anymore. It involuntarily breaks into a wide grin. He starts walking towards me and I realize I’m still standing there covering my ears. I put my hands down hastily just as he comes to stand right in front of me.
Close. Too Close.

Will he try to act like last night never happened? Will he just gloss over the fact that he left to get second helpings? My heart goes defensive. Maybe he was just going for a ride? An errand?
Or maybe I’ll end up with a broken heart. That and a sex tape. Great accomplishments so far, Kari!
I close my eyes, cringing at that horrible thought.

“What’s wrong?!” I hear him ask.

I open my eyes and take a deep breath. Then I answer him in a chirpy voice, “Oh! Nothing at all!”

But Neil doesn’t buy it. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asks and then walks off outside the shop.

“Lovers spat?” Nalini quips brightly as I grudgingly follow Neil’s tracks. I fix her with a stink-eye as I step out.

Neil’s leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets and a big frown on his face. My eyes trail his movements as he lifts one hand and rubs the back of his neck. I stare at dark stubble shadowing his cheeks, the cleft on his chin and the rest of his deliciously rugged unkemptness.

“So, what changed?” he says without looking up.

I snap right back to reality. “You mean what changed after you left to visit Ms. Stiletto?” I retort without thinking. The words just fly out of my mouth.

He raises his eyes to look at me. “
Ms. Stiletto
?!”

Oh, okay. If he’s going to be like that. I could spell it out for him, right and proper. “The one you were having the full on lurve action with, against that very wall,” I say, pointing to the brick wall across the street. Neil stares at me for a second and then…bursts out laughing! WTF?!

“You’re cute!” he says, shaking his head. Okay, that was totally not the response I was looking for. I clench my teeth and turn to walk away when he grabs my hand.

“Hang on. Let me explain. That day? That girl? She’s my childhood buddy.”

I smirk at him. “Really? And do you jump all your childhood friends or is she
precious
?”

Neil shakes his head again and places his hands on my shoulders. Then he grins and I feel an intense need to just knee him in his privates. That cute cleft on his chin notwithstanding.

“We were doing a lipdub for our studio!” he says and then raises his eyebrows at me, as if he’s just outed the greatest secret in the world. When he doesn’t get a reaction, he frowns. “You do know what that is?”

“Of course, I do! But that involves a whole bunch of people. And let’s not forget, people actually trying to sync to a song and not trying to eat each other’s face!”

“There
were
other people down the street. Didn’t you see her running off to complete the rest of the song?”

I frown, trying to recollect any such thing. To be honest he could be right. I’d been too embarrassed that day about prying into someone’s private moment and I remember turning away, right after he’d pulled off from her. After that, she could have been beamed up into space and I would’ve missed it.

I bite my lips and reply hesitantly, “I don’t know.”

“Of course, you don’t,” he says and that sets me off again.

“I am not naive!” Then something sick uncoils in my stomach. “At least…
not anymore,
” I finish on a whisper and then clench my eyes shut. The nerves in my head are throbbing and it feels like they’re about to explode. I realize I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday’s sandwich just as my knees give way and the darkness under my eyelids turns into a mass of swirling black tunnels.

A sharp bright light suddenly seeps in through the darkness and I raise my hand to shield myself from it. I hear someone calling my name. “Kari?” I look to my right and focus on the face peering back at me. Neil? Why does he look so worried? And why am I lying down?
Christ! Did I just faint?!
I sit upright and wince as that sudden movement swings, what seems to be, a brick lodged inside my skull.

“Easy, Kari,” I hear Neil say as I look around trying to find my bearings. Then I look at him crouched right next to me. There’s that damnable concern written all over his face again. My heart melts. He’s good people. Too good for me to be dumping my crappy baggage all over him.

“I’m okay,” I mumble and try to get up but Neil stops me with his hand on my elbow.

“No, you’re not,” he says sternly. “Sit right here. Nalini is getting some water for you. Have you eaten anything since last night?”

I shake my head and his jaw visibly clenches. “Dinner?” he asks.

I shake my head again and he exhales deeply.

Nalini comes rushing towards me, bearing a glass of water in her hands. After I gulp it down, I face the stern glares being thrown in my direction. Then a wayward thought enters my head. “Hey, deja vu!” I quip.

Both Nalini and Neil give me blank looks, probably wondering whether they need to call the loony bin. Did Nalini just edge towards the phone or is it just my imagination? I try my best to explain, “Remember, we had this exact same situation? When I drank that shit-scalding coffee and you got me water?” But Nalini doesn’t get it and keeps looking at me like my brain is mashed. Then she turns to Neil.

“Maybe her body was so starved, it ate up her brain,” she tells Neil who puts a finger on his lips and gives me a thoughtful look.

“Possible. Even so, I’ll get her a BLT. If nothing else, we’ll get a new rendition of a foodgasm out of her,” he says and then turns to leave the shop.

While Nalini snickers, I glare at Neil’s retreating figure. The over-considerate sarcastic…
asshat!

The door shuts and Nalini comes to sit beside me. “I hope you haven’t been storked up,” she says.

I gasp. “Christ! Nalini! Stop saying such things!”

“If you promise to stop stripping him every time you look at him.”

“I do NOT!”

Nalini shrugs. “Heck! It’s okay by me. Specially, since he seems to be returning the favor. Maybe you guys should just find a room and get all these come-hump-me looks over with.”

Before I can respond, the door opens. Probably our first customer for the day. No. It’s just Josiah.

“Baby,” he says happily as his eyes rest on Nalini and she doesn’t waste a moment in jumping and mounting him. They kiss with abandon. Like there’s no one else watching, no one else left in the world. It’s just him, her and their lips. It’s a beautiful thing to experience. A painful thing to watch.

When he finally puts her down on the floor, his face is flushed with elation and satisfaction. I think of doing the whole gagging thing but then I realize  it would be pointless to tease them. Their love is just too real, too natural to be mocked. I also realize that I’ve never felt so alone in my entire goddamn life. My life sucks.

“Ah! My competition’s here too!” Josiah says as he finally notices me.

Nalini shakes her head, making her short hair bounce and swing. “Oh no. Not anymore. She’s got the hots for someone else now. Traitor!”

Josiah perks up his eyebrows. “Really?”

The door swings open again and Neil appears with a big brown bag.
Christ! This guy.

I see Nalini nudging Josiah and nodding towards Neil. Josiah’s face scrunches up as he assesses my supposed new love-interest.

Neil extends his hand to him. “Hey, man. Heard you last night. You guys were awesome.”

Josiah’s face immediately lights up. “Thanks. Coming from you it means a lot.  Nalini here hasn’t shut up about you and your dance moves.” Then he casts an obvious glance in my direction. “Seems like you rocked someone’s boat last night.”

“Jesus Christ!” I spring up from the couch and point my finger at Josiah. “It’s bad enough that your girlfriend throws her dirty double talk at me all the time. Now you too?!”

Josiah scratches his ear and looks at me sheepishly while Neil chuckles. When I shift my eyes to glare at him, he straightens his face and quips, “I’m all on your side, Angel.”

My face reddens at his public use of that endearment. Nalini looks at me and her mouth forms a silent
awww
. I try to put on my best pissed off expression but one look at Neil’s face and I know I’m going to fail miserably. Damn that wicked, gorgeous smile.

I hear Josiah clearing his throat. “I think we’ll head out for a bit,” he says.

Nalini nods her head vigorously and before leaving gives me a not-so-subtle wink.
Jheesuz!

After they’ve left, Neil bunks next to me on the couch and drops the brown bag in my lap.

“You didn’t have to do this,” I say.

“Next time you remember to feed yourself…I won’t have to. Now just open it, Kari.”

I open the bag and find two packets inside. I pick up the bigger one and find a delicious BLT tucked inside a disposable. Heavens be praised!

“I owe you,” I tell him with feeling.

“Yeah, you do,” he replies in a gruff voice. I ignore the tingles his gravelly tone sends up my spine and instead start to plunder through my sandwich, trying very little to tone down my gusto. After sniggering at my enthusiasm, Neil slides down the couch and closes his eyes. A few minutes later, his breathing gets steady. I should feel miffed that he chooses to snooze rather than witness my gastronomic gusto. But I don’t. I’m much to busy chowing down the last few bits.

Once I’m done, I start to get curious about the other package. I reach inside the bag and look at the paper bag. It’s from a drugstore. Weird.

My curiosity heightened, I pry it open and peer inside.
Oh mother of God! Why did he? Was I? Did he see? Ohmygawd.
I jump off from the couch and head over to the bathroom. I quickly shut the door and just practice even breathing for a few seconds. This is beyond embarrassing. This is kill-me-quick-right-now. This is…mortifyingly humiliating.

I place the pack of tampons on the sink and with trembling hands undo the buttons of my jeans. Then I glower at the tell-tale patch that has dared to leak through and given me the most disgraceful moment of my life. After I plug the thing in, I think of how I’m going to walk out and face Neil. Oh why do I have these awful things happening to me right when he’s around?

I slowly open the bathroom door and peer out. My eyes go straight to the couch and rest on Neil’s prostate form. He’s still napping.
Yes! Thank you God!
I quietly walk across to the coat hanger, put on my coat and walk out of the shop. Then I all but run to my house, dash into my room and replace my sodden pair of jeans and panties for fresh ones.