All of Me (28 page)

“Okay, okay, I
didn’t know you felt so strongly about it.  But, for the record, I think it
would be an excellent decision.  I’ll let it go for now.”  At his scowl, she
fake locked her lips and threw away the key. 

Nathan snorted.

Stella sat up and
reached for her pants.  “After I clean up, I’m going to dig into these nasty
treats.  I’m
starving
.”

“Are you taking a
shower?” Nathan asked, his eyes hungry and hot again as he eyed her bare lower
half.

“Why?  You wanna
join me?  At Nathan’s nod, Stella gave him a half-smile and jumped up.  “Gotta
catch me first!” 

Nathan caught her
before she had taken three steps.

Chapter
Twenty-Two

Nathan dragged a
forearm across his sweaty forehead, braced his palms on his knees, and pushed
to a stand.  Hands on hips, he stared down at Stella’s Stratton & Briggs. 

He shot her a
glance as she stepped through her sliding patio door.  “Stella, when was the
last time you changed the oil on this lawnmower?”

“Uh, never,” she
replied.

His brows shot up
from beneath his sunglasses. 

Stella shrugged. 
“I didn’t know it had oil or maybe I would have considered changing it.”

“What did you
think this cap with the oil can on it was for?”

“To tell you the
truth, Nathan, I never really thought about it.  My dad gave it to me when I
bought the house and I’ve mowed the lawn with it ever since.  I put gas in it
when it dies and I try to remember to put it in the garage when it rains. 
That’s about the extent of my interaction with the lawnmower.”

“Uh-huh…”  Nathan
swiped a forearm across his forehead and sighed.  “Okay.  Well, I’ll take care
of it.”

Stella grinned. 
“I’m sure you will, Sergeant Stickler.  I have no doubt my lawnmower will be
the best maintained, cleanest, and most efficient lawnmower in Cleveland when
you’re done with it.”

He grunted,
bending down to mess with something on the mower. 

“Thanks for
everything you’ve done around here today,” Stella said as she sank into a patio
chair. 

Nathan had spent
the last two weeks taking care of some desperately needed stuff around Stella’s
house, starting with replacing the doorframe he’d cracked and patching the hole
he’d put in her wall.  So far today he’d mowed, laid new mulch, and chastised
her for not keeping spare spool trim for the grass trimmer.  He’d also
mentioned - despite his best attempts not to – that he hadn’t been real thrilled
with the state of her garage or the organization of her tools either.  But all
had been forgiven when Stella had kissed his cheek and told him how adorable
his anal retentiveness was. 

“No problem,”
Nathan replied. 

“Are you hungry? 
I can make you something.”

“Yeah.  Do you
want to go out or I can go grab something?”

“I’m actually not
feeling great all of a sudden.”  Stella shielded her eyes and looked up.  “I
think it’s the heat and humidity.  But I have some ziti I can throw in the oven
for you.”

Nathan eyed her. 
“Clarify ‘not feeling great.’”

“It’s no big
deal.  I get nauseous in the heat sometimes.  And I’ve been going in and out of
the air conditioning, which I’m sure didn’t help,” Stella said.

Now that she
mentioned it, Stella did look a little green.  And she looked exhausted.  A
pang of fear shot through Nathan’s heart. 

He slapped his
game face on, hands on hips.  “This have anything to do with cancer stuff?”

A weird expression
crossed her face before Stella waved off his concern.  “No, no, no, nothing
like that.  Seriously, Nathan, I get like this every summer.  When I go in and
out of the air too much, I get a little queasy.  But I do need to talk to you. 
Just for a sec.”  Stella gestured inside.  “Why don’t you come in for a few
minutes?  I’ll throw the ziti in and we can talk.”

Nathan’s fear
turned to dread. 
I need to talk to you
had never gone anywhere good. 
Ever.  But he nodded and followed her into the house. 

Nathan kicked off
his shoes outside and shut the sliding patio door.  He washed his hands in the
sink while Stella pulled something out of the freezer. 

Her
uncharacteristic silence was freaking him the fuck out.  By the time Stella
finally spoke, Nathan’s head was about to explode.

“Let’s go sit in
the front room.”  Stella slid the foiled-covered glass dish into the oven and
shut the door.  Her weird smile did nothing to alleviate Nathan’s fears.

Nathan followed
her into the front room and sat in the chair next to the couch.  As soon as
Stella’s butt hit the couch, she blurted out, “I found a lump in my right
breast.”

Nathan’s stomach
dropped.  And his chest tightened.  But all he said was, “What does that mean?”

“It means I found
a tiny – like pea-sized – mass in my breast.  It could be nothing.  Is probably
nothing.  But, of course, I have to get it checked out.”  Stella exhaled a long
breath she’d probably been holding all morning.  She looked down at her hands,
clasped in her lap, then back up at Nathan.  “I made an appointment for
tomorrow afternoon.”

“I’m going with
you.”

“Totally not
necessary.  They won’t do the biopsy tomorrow anyway.  They’ll just take some
blood and urine and the doctor will feel around a little.  But if you’re
willing to come with me for the biopsy, I’d appreciate that.”

The word biopsy
had Nathan feeling…strange.  Off-kilter.  Furious.  Terrified.  Unsettled. 
Lost. 

Helpless.

“I’m still going
with you.”

“You have to work
tomorrow afternoon, Nathan.  Please don’t worry about it.  One of my sisters
will go, okay?”  Stella walked over and dropped herself into Nathan’s lap.  She
wound her arms around his neck.  “Are you freaking out?”

 When Nathan
nodded, she pulled him into a hug.  “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you.  I
didn’t want you worrying over nothing.”

Stella momentarily
distracted him with her coconut/vanilla scent and her lips against his ears. 
And her sweet little body curled up against his.  But eventually her words made
it to his brain.

Nathan pulled
back, brows furrowed.  “How long have you known about this lump?”

Her face fell.

“God
damn
it, Stella,” he said quietly.  “Tell me right now.  When did you find it?”

She winced.  “A
month ago.”

Nathan stared at
her for a long time.  From living as himself for 32 years, he knew his outside
looked completely calm and controlled, but his insides were raging.

Hard
.

He lifted her and
then set her down on the couch.  Nathan was too angry to be that close to her
right now.  He was liable to shake her…or fuck her.

Stella wrapped her
arms around her midsection and looked up at him; her dark eyes full of
emotion.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.  But I didn’t expect things to
go the way they went.”  She smiled.  “It’s all going kind of quickly with us,
you know?”

Nathan stood in
front of her fireplace and crossed his arms over his chest.  “You’ve had plenty
of opportunities to tell me, Stella, and you chose not to.  You go on and on
about trust and telling each other everything and then you keep something like
this from me?  I cannot understand it.”

All fury and
frustration bled away as Stella’s eyes filled with tears and her lower lip
started quivering.

Nathan knelt in
front of her, bracing his hands on her knees.  “Why didn’t you trust me enough
to tell me?”  When she tried to avert her eyes, Nathan gently grabbed her chin
and tilted it back.  “Is it because you already know it’s cancer and you’re
worried how I’ll take it?”

“It’s because I’m
worried you’ll be completely turned off if I lose the other breast too,” she
blurted out, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes.  Stella huffed
softly.  “I don’t think I knew that until this exact moment, but I think that’s
the real reason I didn’t say anything.”

Her dark gypsy
eyes were so…
full
.  Of fear and worry.  And desperation.  It was a look
Nathan had seen thousands of time during his life, but it had never affected
him like it was right now.

“I’m going to say
this once and that’s it.  Because it’s so ridiculous I shouldn’t have to say it
twice.”  Nathan tightened his grip on her chin slightly and tilted her head
back farther.  He stared into her eyes.  “My attraction to you – no, let’s be
blunt…my
lust
for you – has nothing –
nothing
– to do with the
existence or absence of breast tissue.  You are the sexiest, most desirable
woman on the planet and that will not be diminished in anyway by the loss of your
other breast.  You have two things that matter to me…”  He pointed to her
head.  “…this.  And…”  he tapped a finger above her heart.  “…this.  As long as
you have those two things, you’ll have me panting after you forever.  You know
it, I know it, and that’s the end of it.  Period.”  

“Oh, Nathan…” 
Stella threw her arms around him and buried her face into his neck.  “I love
you.  So, so, so much.”

Nathan whispered
against her ear.  “I want you to be healthy and happy.  And with me.  That’s
all
I care about, Little One.  Period.  Got it?”

Stella nodded,
melting into him.  It was the safest she’d ever felt in her life and Stella
stayed there for a long time; breathing in Nathan’s scent as he gently ran his
fingertips up and down her spine. 

God, she was so
comfortable.  And tired.  Stella closed her eyes.

“Stella, baby?” 
Nathan’s voice, quiet and deep, startled her.

She jerked a
little in his arms.  “Yeah, yeah.  Sorry, I think I drifted there for a
second.”  Stella yawned.  “I am sooooo tired.”  She nipped at Nathan’s neck.
“Because
somebody
kept me up all night.”

Nathan snorted. 
“Then don’t sleep naked.” 

He’d been
amazing…and relentless. 

With one smooth
motion, he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.

“But the ziti,”
Stella said weakly, already yawning again. 

“I got it.  I’m
not much of a cook, but I can take a pan out of the oven without screwing it up
too much.”  Nathan set her in bed, pulled the covers up to her chin, and turned
off the side table light.  He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss.  On the
forehead. 

When Stella tried
to pull him back for a proper kiss, he cracked a half-smile.  “Nope.  None of
that right now.  We get started down that road and you won’t be sleeping for
another couple of hours.”

“That’s okay,”
Stella said, but her eyelids were already half-closed. 

She heard Nathan
chuckle, low and deep.  He caressed her cheek.  “Get some sleep, Little One. 
I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Don’t forget we
have dinner with the crazies tonight.”

“I don’t forget. 
Anything.  I’ll get you up by 5,” Nathan said.  He ran his thumb up and down
her jawline then over her lips. 

“I love you,
Nathan,” Stella whispered.  When a weird, pained expression crossed his face,
Stella turned and pressed her lips to his inner wrist.  She smiled up at him. 
“I know you love me too.  You don’t have to say it.”
   Nathan stared at her intensely for a while before finally turning to leave
the bedroom.

Stella snuggled
into her pillow and was out before Nathan made it to the door.

Chapter
Twenty-Three

Stella changed the
station on his radio.  “Wow,” she said, shaking her head.  “This song takes me
back.  It was on the Titty Tape my sisters made for me when I was going through
chemo and radiation.”

Nathan shot her a
look.  “First of all, what is this shit?  And second of all…a
Titty Tape
?”

“It’s
The
Fighter
by Gym Class Heroes.  My sisters bought me an iPod, loaded a bunch
of inspiring songs on it, and called it my ‘Titty Tape.’  Then, they made
another playlist about healing and getting over stuff and called it ‘Mastectomy
Mash Up.’”  She grinned.  “My sisters are really twisted.”
   “No, they’re…awesome.  And I hate that word, so you know I really think
that’s…well…cool – which is another word I hate.  You’re lucky to have such a
supportive family.”

Nathan hoped she
didn’t detect any fucked up wistfulness in his voice. 

She turned face
him; her expression telling Nathan she’d gotten dangerously good at reading
him. “You’re in that family now, too, Nathan.  I know you’re going to love
them.”  She grabbed the hand he had resting on his thigh. “And they’re going to
fall completely in love with you just like I did.”

“Even your dad?” 

“Why wouldn’t my
dad love you?”

“I wouldn’t be too
thrilled with my daughter hooking up with poor, white trash if I were him.” 

Especially poor
white trash that had survived by begging him for food year after year.  Not
exactly the kind of guy you’d trust your daughter’s well-being with.

Stella reared
back.  “Nathan, you are not poor, white trash.  You grew up poor – which was no
fault of your own.  But you are a respected police officer now and the farthest
thing from trashy I’ve ever seen.  I am so sorry you see yourself that way. 
Because it’s not true.  At all.”

Nathan grunted. 
“Fine.  Never mind.  Just trying to be funny.” 

But she already
knew Nathan wasn’t really big on jokes and, even if he was, it was blatantly
obvious that hadn’t been one.

“And even if you
were still poor, should that matter?  Yes, a father would want his daughter
taken care of, but love is love and money is money.”

“That’s always
really easy to say for people who have always had it,” he shot back. 

Stella nodded. 
“You’re right.  I have no right to tell you how to feel and, if you feel like
poor, white trash, then I guess that’s your prerogative.  But the facts remain
the facts:  you aren’t poor, you aren’t trashy, and…well…you
are
white,
but there’s nothing we can do about that, can we?” she asked, grinning.