All of My Soul (17 page)

“Are you okay?” he asked. Concern was etched
in every feature in his face as I looked up at him and nodded. “Can
you tell me what your nightmare was about?”

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself.
“Your house was on fire.”

His nostrils flared, and he exhaled sharply.
“And?” he prompted.

I closed my eyes knowing how much it was
going to hurt him to hear the rest. “And you weren't there to help
me.”

The only noise in the shower was the sound of
the water hitting the tiled floor as I waited for Lincoln’s
reaction. I opened my eyes and saw the pain on his face.

“It was just a stupid dream, Lincoln.” I
didn’t want him to feel bad over some unrealistic scenario my
sleeping brain had come up with.

“Have you had nightmares before?”

“Not for a long time. Not since before
college.”

He pulled back from me and held me at arm’s
length, ducking down to look me in the eye. “I need you to know
your nightmare will never come true. I know I’m gone a lot, but you
are one-hundred-percent safe, even if I’m not physically with
you.”

I nodded. I wasn’t scared. Not like he
thought I was.

Pain flashed across his face again. “It kills
me that you would ever feel like I’m not here for you.”

“No, Lincoln. No.” I clutched at his face,
desperately trying to ease his despair. “It’s not true. I don’t
feel that way.”

He scoffed. “Obviously you do if you’re
having nightmares about it.”

“It was just a stupid dream, baby. Please
don’t let it bother you. I know you are here for me. You’re my
fucking rock, okay? There’s no one in this world I need more than
you.”

His arms were suddenly around me, hugging me
tight against him. “There’s no one in this world I need more than
you either, Princess. No one.”

~~~~~~~~

A dark cloud loomed over us as we left
Washington, DC early Sunday morning. Lincoln didn’t have a game,
home or away, but he was required to report to practice and work
out. We napped on the plane ride home, and when he dropped me off
at my house, I was anxious to get back to work on my thesis.

“Do you want to come to family dinner
tonight?” I asked him when he pulled up to the curb in front of my
house.

“I’ll be there.” This wasn’t the first family
dinner he had attended, but due to his schedule, he hadn’t made
more than a handful. “Will you stay with me tonight?” he asked as
he held my hand and played with my fingers.

We tried to not stay together at my place.
Even if we were fully clothed and behaving ourselves, I worried
Tabitha would walk in on us. I also didn’t want to be the girl that
spent all her time with her boyfriend, so even if he wasn’t gone
overnight for away games, we didn’t always spend our evenings
together. And since we had just been together all weekend, I
assumed I would stay here and he would go home after family dinner.
But apparently Lincoln was not thinking the same way I was.

“I can stay with you. If you want.” I smiled
sweetly at him.

“Yeah. I want. I will always want.”

I bit my lower lip as my smile grew bigger.
“Me too, baby.”

He carried my duffel bag to my door and
kissed me good-bye before returning to his vehicle to head off to
practice. I walked into my house and collapsed on the couch in our
living room, dropping my duffel bag to the floor with a loud
thump.

I heard Tabitha screech. “Auntie Jilly!” She
raced from the kitchen and jumped on me, throwing her arms around
my neck.

“Mm…” I hugged her tight. “I missed you,
Tabby Cat.”

“Did you have fun?” my sister asked me from
the doorway.

I nodded and smiled. “It was great. Lincoln’s
parents are wonderful.”

“We saw you on TV!” Tabitha announced as she
climbed into my lap.

“I heard. I would have waved if I had
known.”

“What did Lincoln say about it?” my sister
asked.

I sighed. I didn’t want to discuss this in
front of Tabitha. “Can you set the code?” I asked her, meaning the
alarm code to arm our new security system.

Rebecca raised her eyebrows at me in concern
but turned and walked into the entryway without question. I heard a
few beeps and she returned to the living room.

“Thanks.” I eyed her meaningfully. “Did you
eat lunch yet?” I asked my niece.

“No, we were waiting for you.”

I grabbed her waist and dug my fingers in,
tickling her hard.

She shrieked and twisted off my lap, out of
reach.

“Come on. Let’s go eat, and I’ll give you
your souvenir.”

“What’s a souvenir?” she asked.

“It’s a present from when someone travels,” I
explained.

“Yay! Presents!” she yelled as she ran into
the kitchen.

Rebecca hooked her arm through my elbow as I
picked up my duffel bag. “I want to know everything.” Her voice was
serious, and I knew she didn’t mean she wanted to know everything
about the sights we saw.

“Later,” I told her, and she let it go for
now.

My sister, niece, and I ate a lunch of tuna
fish sandwiches and macaroni salad, and afterward I gave Tabitha
her souvenir. It was a one hundred-piece puzzle of the American
flag from the Smithsonian. She loved it and immediately ran to the
living room and dumped the pieces on the floor. Tablets and apps
can be good for kids to play with, but in my opinion they’ll never
replace having a hands-on game that encourages logical problem
solving and creative thinking.

Once it was clear Tabitha was preoccupied,
Rebecca again asked about Lincoln’s reaction to me being on TV with
his parents. I told her what Lincoln had said to his father and
what we had talked about. I informed her about how, once we got
back to our hotel room, Lincoln again asked me not to go anywhere
alone and to make sure the alarm was always set when I was
home.

“What did you say to that?” she asked me.

I shrugged. “What could I say? I wasn’t going
to tell him no when he does have a point, even if he is slightly
overreacting.”

“What if he’s not overreacting though,
Jillian? Someone put you in the hospital once already.”

“I don’t really want to think about that. I’d
rather just do what he asked and ignore the rest. It’s not like I
go many places anyway.”

“This isn’t going to just go away if you
ignore it, Jillian.”

“I know that,” I snapped. “But I have way too
many other things to worry about right now. Things that actually
are important, like my thesis and finding a job.”

And with that, I unzipped my laptop case and
pulled my computer out. I brought up my e-mail program and
impatiently waited while it opened, only to find no reply from my
professor.
Dammit
, I thought but reminded myself it was for
the best. I still had plenty of time, and the weekend wasn’t over
yet. I closed my laptop and pushed it aside.

“All right,” I said to my sister. “What are
we making for dinner?”

“Grilled pork chops, strawberry salad, and
veggies. Start cutting up the strawberries, please.”

I smiled to myself as I took the red berries
from their plastic package and dumped them on the counter. They
reminded me of Lincoln and Valentine’s Day.

“I don’t even want to know why you are
grinning like a fool at the strawberries,” Rebecca said. “Did he
really tell his dad his world would end if anything happened to
you?”

My smile grew bigger. “Yeah. He did.”

Rebecca lightly bumped her hip into mine and
smiled at me. “So lucky.”

“I know,” I told her while still smiling. I
was lucky to have him. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and
took a close-up picture of the red berries. I sent it to Lincoln
with a heart, knowing he wouldn’t get it until after practice. But
that was okay. He would at least know I was thinking about him.

~~~~~~~~

“Mm… I could get used to this,” Lincoln said
as he lay next to me in bed, breathing hard.

I had woken before Lincoln again the next
morning, only this time I managed to not rouse him as I crawled
from his bed. I slipped silently upstairs and made breakfast for my
man. He didn’t wake until I sat down on the bed with the tray of
food. He proceeded to devour the scrambled eggs and turkey sausage
before he had me for dessert.

I giggled as I tried to calm my own
breathing. “Used to what? Morning sex?”

He laughed. “Well, that too.”

“Ooh, you meant breakfast in bed.”

“No, actually. But that was good too.” He
rolled to his side and curled up tight against me. “I meant having
your full, undivided, attention for the whole weekend. I don’t want
it to end.”

I rolled over and cuddled against his chest.
“I’m sorry. It’ll get better soon. I promise.”

“I told you before don’t apologize for
spending time on your thesis. I’m so proud of you for working so
hard. I just want you to know that I cherish spending time with
you.”

“I know, baby. I cherish time with you too.
Once I present my thesis, things will get better.”

“Until you find a lab and start working.”

“Well, we’ll just make it work. I’ll still be
less busy than I am now.”

He was quiet for a long time. “What if—” He
stopped.

“What?”

He shook his head.

“Tell me,” I insisted.

He sighed. “What if you maybe didn’t find a
job right away?”

I furrowed my eyebrows and twisted so I could
look him in the face. “I need to work, Lincoln.”

“No, you don’t.”

I exhaled sharply. “Yes, I do. I have bills
and student loans to pay back. Do you have any idea how expensive
grad school is? And I’ll need health insurance.”

“I could pay for all those things,
Princess.”

“No,” I said firmly. “I’m not a charity
case.”

“I didn’t mean you are. I thought—” He
sighed. “I just wanted you to know that we could have this all the
time. We could wake up to each other every day. I’ll take care of
you.”

“I can’t just sit here and wait for you to
come home to me. I’ll go out of my mind.”

“Kennedy does it.”

“That’s different,” I argued, and he looked
at me dubiously. “It is! They’re married with kids.”

“That’ll be us someday.”

“Yeah. And someday I’ll consider staying
home. But for now, I need a job.”

“No. You don’t.”

I let out a frustrated groan and sat up,
holding the bedsheet to my chest.

Lincoln sat up with me. “All I’m saying is
just keep it in mind. It could be an option.”

“Not having a job is not an option. I didn’t
work this hard on my research to just give up.”

“I know, baby. I don’t want you to give
up.”

“Well, that’s what it sounds like you’re
saying.”

He placed a light kiss on my bare shoulder.
“I’m just going to miss this. That’s all. And I don’t want you to
stress about anything. If it takes a while to find a job after
graduation, I just want you to know I will take care of you.”

The stubbornness in my chest melted a little.
“I know. I know you will. And I love you for that.”

“I love you too, Jillian,” he said and placed
another kiss on my shoulder.

Chapter
Thirteen

Lincoln dropped me off at home before heading
to the airport for another stretch of away games. He wouldn’t be
back in Chicago until late Wednesday night. Despite our minor
disagreement this morning, I felt bad for so quickly dismissing his
idea of me not working. Part of me loved the idea of surrendering
and letting him take care of me, but a larger part of me knew that
was a fantasy. It would never work in reality. So as he flew to
Anaheim to face off with the Ducks tonight, I resolved myself to
crack down on my job hunt while I waited to hear back from my
advisor about my thesis.

I sat at our dining room table with my laptop
open trying not to check my e-mail every five minutes. I was
starting to worry why my advisor hadn’t e-mailed me regarding my
paper, when finally my computer pinged with a new e-mail
notification.

To: Jillian Thompson

From: Dr. Paul Rugger

Jillian, this is just a reminder. I need to
see your latest draft of your thesis before you can submit it for
approval. Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t sent me an update. I
hope you are not falling behind. Please feel free to call or e-mail
me with any problems.

I scoffed as I reread his e-mail. What was he
talking about? I had just sent him an update three days ago… hadn’t
I? I clicked over to my sent folder. A copy of the e-mail from
Friday with my thesis attached was the first e-mail on the
list.

I reached for my cell phone, desperate to
sort this out. My advisor answered on the first ring.

“Dr. Rugger, this is Jillian Thompson.”

“Oh, hello. I’m glad you called. I just
e-mailed you.”

“Yes. I just read it, and I’m a little
confused. I sent you my latest draft on Friday.”

“You did?” he asked with a tone of
surprise.

“Yes. I’m looking at the e-mail I sent you
right now.”

“Jillian, I have nothing from you. This is
the first I’ve heard from you in weeks.”

Worry prickled through me. “Is it okay if I
resend it now?”

“Of course. You still have time if I find
something you need to work on. I’ll read it as soon as
possible.”

“Okay. Thank you. Thank you,” I repeated
myself. I was slightly flustered. “I’m going to change one little
thing and then send it to you.”

“I’ll be waiting,” he said in a friendly
tone. Relief flooded through me. He wasn’t upset with my apparent
lack of communication.

We hung up, and I frowned as our house phone
immediately rang. It was never good when the house phone rang.
Rebecca and I both had cell phones; the only reason my sister kept
this number was for emergencies.