All of You (48 page)

Kat forced her lips into what she knew was a pathetic excuse for a smile. “Maybe we should eat at home. I think you’ve worn me out with your sex antics and my body needs some time to chill out and heal up.”

Danny searched her eyes for a few long moments before saying, “I don’t believe you. There’s something going on with you that you’re not telling me about. You need to talk to me, Kat. I need to know what’s going on so I can help you.”

Kat forced a scoff past the knot in her throat. “It’s nothing as dramatic as all that. I’ve lost more sleep and pushed my body more physically during this past week than I have in my entire life. It makes sense it’s giving me trouble right now.” When his eyes narrowed and his hold tightened, Kat tried smiling. “You should be reveling in masculine pride that you’ve worn me out, instead of worrying so much.”

“I would never revel in anything that harmed you, sweetheart. Ever. And if that means we have to slow things down, then that’s what we’re gonna do. Even if it fucking kills me.” Danny gave her a soft kiss and smiled against her lips. “Even if it means we have to lock you up somewhere to keep me from pouncing.”

Kat wound her arms around him, pressing her face into his chest and squeezing as hard as she could.

Tell him you are terrified.

Tell him about the mental walls you can already feel yourself building and ask him to break them down before they get any higher.

Beg him not to give up you.

Beg him to walk away and save himself.

Beg his forgiveness.

For all of it.

Say it.

Any of it.

All of it.

Just say
something!

Her thigh muscle chose that moment to painfully spasm.

Kat winced, lifted her head, and said, “Maybe you should pull the car up to the curb. I don’t think I can make it that far right now.”

His eyes full of emotions that broke her heart, Danny said, “I’m not pulling up any fucking car. I’m carrying you.”

Kat pushed at his arms, which were already trying to lift her. “No, I need to sit on this bench for a minute first.” She squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled a deep breath, trying to will back the sudden dizziness. “I just want to sit still and get my bearings.”

“Then I’ll sit with you,” Danny replied, turning them toward the bench a few feet away.

But when Kat tried to walk, she couldn’t. A few electrical shocks shot through her left leg, leaving behind numbness and tingling that quickly spread into her pelvis and abdomen. Neither leg obeyed her mental commands and, in a split second, Danny went from helping her to bearing her full weight in his arms.

Kat looked up and saw the panic in his eyes, which she could only imagine he saw reflected back in hers. Because all she could think was:

Please, no, God.

I only just found him.

Please don’t do this to me now.

Please not now.

Give us a little time, at least.

He doesn’t deserve this.

Please, don’t.

All at once, Kat felt like she was suffocating…beneath the escalating craziness going on in her body, the mass chaos of emotion going on in her brain, and Danny’s love, concern, and good intentions.

Kat had experienced relapses before – none as severe as this one was gearing up to be – but severe enough to freak her out. But, during those previous ones, she’d had the space and time to work through them in her own way and at her own pace.

Because her previous relapses had been mild, Kat had been able to keep most of her symptoms from her family and co-workers. Yes, they knew she occasionally had flare-ups and were aware of what those could potentially mean, but Kat had been able to keep the majority of her internal goings-on (mental and physical) to herself.

Just the way she liked it.

And just the way she needed it right now, even if it was only for a few minutes while Danny pulled the car up. Even if it was just long enough for her to put on a strong front for him.

Danny got her over to the bench. As she sank down, Kat grabbed his arm. “Go get the car, Danny. Please. I’ll be perfectly fine here.” When he opened his mouth to object, Kat added, “I want to get home as soon as possible, so please, please, please go pull the car up, okay?”

Danny glanced over at the parking lot, then back at Kat. “Okay. I’ll pull it up to the curb and then come get you.”

Kat managed a tight smile, despite the wave of nausea now accompanying the dizziness. “Great. Thanks.”

But then Danny just stood there, staring down at her with so much love and concern that Kat wanted to sob.

And scream.

She pushed at his arm. “I’ll be okay. It’ll only be for a minute.” When Danny still didn’t move, Kat pushed at him again. “Go.
Please
.”

With one last hard glance, Danny turned and jogged off toward the parking lot.

As Kat watched him go, she finally allowed the tears she’d been holding back to stream down her cheeks.

It is getting worse.

She wrapped her arms around her midsection and allowed herself a few more seconds of non-productive self-pity before bottling her emotions back up tight.

Several minutes later – eyes wiped, stoic mask affixed, and a frozen smile across her face – Kat watched Danny jog back up the walkway.

“You still doing okay?” he asked, eyeing her up and down as he approached.

Kat nodded. “Yes. Feeling a little better, actually.”

That wasn’t a lie. The dizziness seemed to be receding and the electrical shocks were gone, leaving only some residual numbness and a slight heaviness in her lower limbs.

She extended a hand to Danny. “With a little bit of help, I should be able to make it to the car now.”

“Fuck that.” Danny leaned down, sliding his arms beneath hers and, in one smooth, strong movement, he pulled her up against his chest. The second Kat wrapped her arms around his neck, Danny slid one of his beneath her thighs, pulling her up into his arms and snugly against his body.

Katarina Isabelle Ciaramitaro was a strong, independent, smart, capable woman, who’d always prided herself on not needing anyone or anything, despite her illness.

Or maybe, especially, because of it.

But she could not deny how very much she loved being carried in Danny’s arms.

There was just something about the way he held her…something about the brute masculine strength coupled with such loving gentleness…

Kat had never felt more safe, wanted, and loved as she did when his arms were around her. And it made her, for the first time in her life, actually want to let go and allow someone take care of her.

The way he seemed to actually
enjoy
taking care of her only weakened Kat’s resolve further. Danny had never once treated her like a burden to be dealt with, but, instead, a treasure he
wanted
to protect, care for, and love.

The enormity of his rare, beautiful, selfless love suddenly overwhelmed Kat and she tightened her arms around his neck, burying her face in the crook of his neck, closing her eyes, and inhaling his warm, familiar scent deeply.

“You okay, baby?” Danny asked, tightening his hold on her legs. “We’re almost there. Just hold on.”

Eyes welling, Kat whispered against his skin so softly she was certain he wouldn’t be able to hear it, “Thank you for loving me, Danny.”

But then he stopped walking and moved a hand to cradle the back of her head, turning his head and pressing his lips to her temple. “Oh, sweetheart, you don’t have to thank me for that. Ever. Loving you is the easiest, most selfish privilege I’ve ever had in my life.”

A hard sob wracked Kat’s body as the emotions she’d tried so hard to stuff deep inside came bursting out. “But you deserve so much better, Danny,” she gasped out in that same soft tone of voice – half wishing he’d hear her and half wishing he wouldn’t. “You deserve a life free of burdens.”

“Burdens?” Danny scoffed. “If you think I view carrying you around as a burden, you don’t know me very well, sweetheart. I told you yesterday – I love picking you up, hauling you around, and holding you close. I love
all
that shit.” He dropped another quick kiss on her forehead before continuing to walk. “So I don’t want to hear any
burden
shit, Kat. You’re a blessing, not a fucking burden, and that’s all there is to that.”

When Kat started crying even harder, Danny stopped again.

“
Hey…
” He reared back, trying to see her face. “What’s wrong?” He paused. “Did I push my luck too far there, Kat?” he asked, a smile in his voice. “Too much mushiness for my very badass girl?”

Kat just buried her face deeper, head shaking and the tears pouring out of her eyes.

“Will you look at me?” he asked, his voice back to serious. When she shook her head again, Danny gave her another quick kiss and started walking again. “That’s okay. We’ll get you back home and you’ll feel better.” He paused, then huffed, as he bent down to open the passenger side door. “You know, we’ve gotta do something about our living situations, and soon, because I fucking
hate
your home and my home not being the same damn place.”

Danny leaned into the car and gently set Kat on the seat. Even though there was nothing at all wrong with her arms, Danny buckled her in. With a quick wink and smile, he slammed the door shut.

Kat watched him walk around the hood of the car, her heart as heavy as her stupid, non-functioning lower limbs.

And then a searing, white-hot anger suddenly boiled up inside of her.

Kat wanted to scream. And punch something. And rail at God, fate, the universe or whoever-the-hell else was responsible for the unfairness of it all.

She wanted to throw herself the biggest pity party possible, complete with streamers, noise makers, and a huge
cry-me-a-frickin’-river
cake.

Then she wanted to scream some more and punch something else.

But, of course…she didn’t.

Danny slid into the driver’s side and shut his door. “Better?” he asked, reaching over for her hand and entwining their fingers.

Kat forced a smile as she tightened her hand around his. “Yep. All better.”

‡

“K
at, do you
want me to want me to wait and walk you out to your car?” Stellan called out from the front of the lab. “It’s pretty icy out there!”

Kat slid the last rack of test tubes into the incubator, shut the door, and walked around the corner. When her left leg wobbled and weakened, she gripped the edge of a table and leaned into it.

Kat looked up to find Stellan eyeing her with concern and forced a smile. “No, but thanks. I have a few more things to finish up here before I can leave.”

Stellan gestured to her body as a whole. “Bad day today? I noticed you’ve been limping a lot.”

Kat quickly considered her options.

She could lie, knowing Stellan wouldn’t believe her and run the risk of him blabbing to Christopher, who would blab to Stella, who would then worry.

And nothing good had ever,
ever
come of Stella worrying.

Or, Kat could nonchalantly own up to some pain and fatigue and hope for the best.

“Yeah, probably should have been a cane day today,” she said with a shrug. “I haven’t been sleeping well, so I’m feeling a bit run down. I’m sure a good night’s sleep will help.”

When Stellan’s lips curled and his brow quirked, Kat instantly
knew
she had a sister or two to beat down.

“I’d bet my life sexing up that particular man is worth every single hour of lost sleep and decreased motor function, am I right, Kat?” Stellan shivered dramatically. “Hell, I’d go paraplegic just to set eyes on his gorgeous slab of-”

Kat held up her hand. “Okay, okay, okay, I get it. Just tell me: Stella or Fi?” Stellan hesitated and Kat leveled her best
I’m-not-fooling-around-here
stare on him. “
Stella…or Fi
?”

Stellan cringed. “Actually, it was Gigi and Marco.” When Kat’s brows rose, he quickly added, “But don’t be mad at them! Christopher and I drove over to C’s last night to do some shopping and they dropped the bomb. We were shocked, but so happy for you, honey.” His lips curled again. “But, I’m not gonna lie, I was more than a little jealous. I love Christopher and he’s the only man for me, but
damn
…” Stellan’s brow quirked and the corner of his mouth pulled into a lascivious half-grin. “Danny could crack my walnuts between those thick thighs anytime.”

Kat lifted a hand, face scrunched up. “I can’t even…I don’t even know…what the hell is that even supposed to mean, Stellan?” She waved off her own question. “Never mind. I get your point – the man is hot. I’m well aware of that fact, thank you very much.”

Memories of what they’d done this morning flooded her brain, causing an ache between her legs – and in her chest. She stupidly missed him already and, because he had to work all night tonight, she wouldn’t get to see him until the morning.