All of You (43 page)

Instead, she said, “Yes, I am uncomfortable, but, no, I don’t want you to stop.” Kat fisted her fingers into the comforter and made her voice as steady as possible. “Tell me what happened to you, Danny.”

Danny’s eyes eventually opened, but Kat knew he didn’t see the ceiling. Or anything else. He was a million miles away, someplace Kat was very sure was too horrible for words.

When he didn’t speak for a long time, she whispered, “I love you, Danny. And nothing you say will change that.”

He flinched and the tears Kat had been holding back fell down her cheeks. Danny exhaled a long breath, turning to face her.

When he saw her tears, he lifted his hand to gently brush them away and forced a miniscule smile. “I’m thinking that’s good enough. You’ve got the gist of it now; I don’t see the need to beat it into the ground.”

Kat grabbed his hand. “I really think you should tell me everything, Danny. Or at least the stuff that hurts the most.”

Danny’s neutral mask reappeared again. “Why?”

“So you don’t have to carry it all by yourself anymore.” Danny’s mask fell away suddenly, leaving behind an expression so gut-wrenchingly vulnerable, Kat could hardly breathe. “That’s a terrible burden for a little boy to bear all by himself…and an equally difficult one for a man to carry alone, too.” She held onto his eyes. “Tell me, Danny. Let me help you carry it. I’m strong enough. And I need to. Because, when you love someone, their burdens are your burdens.”

Danny shook his head. “My job is to make sure you have less burdens, not more, Kat.”

She couldn’t help but smile at his impassioned tone. “I know you feel that way,
caro
. And I love you for it.” Kat’s smiled faded. “But you need to tell me this, if only so it doesn’t feel like such a horrible secret you need to keep from me.”

His head turned away from her, again. “But it
is
a horrible secret.”

“It is horrible that it happened and that won’t change, but, once you tell me, it won’t be a secret. And it will lose some of its power over you.”

“Or maybe you’ll be so disgusted you’ll never want me to touch you again,” Danny said so softly Kat almost didn’t hear him.

Almost.

She gently gripped his chin and turned his head until their eyes met. “Is that what you’re worried about?” Kat searched his pained expression. “That you’ll tell me and somehow it will change how I feel about you?”

“I already told you that before.”

Kat huffed. “Yeah, well, I thought you were going to say you beat someone up or set a building on fire or…I don’t know…sold drugs or something. I wouldn’t have thought any less of you for that kind of stuff, but
this
?” Kat shook her head. “Danny, this was not your fault. You couldn’t have done anything to prevent it and you certainly aren’t to blame in any way.”

“I never told anyone,” he said quietly, still staring into her eyes. “Not a soul. I could have; they would have removed me from the house. But I never said a fucking word.”

“Why not?”

“The kid who did it to me said he would kill me and I believed him. He was a huge thirteen year old and I was a scrawny, little nine year old. And because that particular foster family was a lot nicer than the ones I’d lived with before and I didn’t want to get removed from the house.” Danny scoffed. “Sounds fucked-up now…not doing a goddamned thing about it because I didn’t want to move, but it felt a lot different back then.” He shook his head. “I remember, clear as day, weighing out my options: fight that kid off every once in a while or take my chances on getting put in a home where I might get beaten and starved again.” Danny lifted a shoulder. “I guess to my stupid, pathetic nine year old mind, food and safety beat out letting someone try and victimize me.”

Kat gaped at him. “My God, Danny, you didn’t
let
him do anything. He was bigger, stronger, and obviously very, very sick. You did the absolute best you could. You were just trying to survive.”

Danny shrugged again, turning back to face the ceiling. “Yeah, well, whatever. It only happened a few times. And he never got past some grabbing, ‘cause I might have been small, but it doesn’t take a lot of muscle to bite, scratch, and knee someone in the balls.” He paused. “The ironic thing is I got moved not too long after that, anyway, and that’s the home where I met Nathan.” Danny paused again. “And then no one ever hurt me again. Not when Nathan was around.”

“Does Nathan know?”

Danny shook his head. “Nope. Never told him. You’re the first person I’ve ever told.”

Kat eyed him for a few seconds before whispering, “Can I hold you now, Danny? Because I’m trying to give you your space, but I don’t think I can wait another second.”

After shooting her a look full of heartrending surprise and relief, Danny lifted his arm and Kat scooted beneath it, curling into his side. Danny’s arm came around her, she put hers around him, and they held onto each other tightly.

“Thank you,” Kat whispered against his chest.

“For what?”

Kat reared back enough to meet his eyes. “Trusting me enough to share your secret with me.”

Danny stared at her for a few long moments. “It’s not a secret anymore.”

Kat shook her head slowly. “No, it’s not. Not between us.”

“You still…” The anxious, terrified expression on his face as he searched hers hurt her heart. “You still want me, Kat…like you did before, right? You still love me, right?”

“
Danny…
” Kat leaned up and over, wrapping her arm around his neck and pulling him into her. Her lips found his ear and whispered, “Of course, I want you just as badly. I will
always
want you just as badly, no matter what.” Danny’s arm tightened around her body as his mouth lowered to her neck.

Kat threaded her fingers through the back of his hair and tugged until Danny met her eyes. She made sure he was looking straight into her before whispered, “And I love you
even more
than I did before.”

Danny had been staring at her like she’d hung the moon since the moment he’d held her in her old bedroom last week. But no look he’d given her before had been close to the one he was giving her now…

It was a beautiful, gut-wrenching mixture of nothing but pure love, adoration, astonishment, and relief.

Kat cupped his face, her eyes welling when Danny turned his head and pressed a kiss to her palm. “Do you believe me, Danny?”

He nodded.

“Then kiss me.”

And he did.

They talked and touched and kissed some more until Kat’s alarm went off at 6:30 a.m.

Danny had asked her to play hooky and Kat had seriously considered calling in, but had ultimately decided against it. There were new results coming in today and she didn’t want to put all the responsibility and work on her co-workers. So Kat dragged her butt out of bed – when all she wanted to do was spend all day in it with Danny – and got dressed.

Or tried to.

After the third time of trying to balance on her right leg to shove her left into its pant leg, Kat huffed in frustration.

“What’s wrong?” Danny said, still lying on her bed, arm bent behind his head as he watched her.

God, he is so damn sexy.

Call in and fool around with him all day.

Ugh. Don’t become like those irresponsible idiots you hate.

“When I’m tired, body parts obey even less than they normally do. Just a part of the disease,” Kat said, backing up to the wall to brace herself.

“Here…” Danny slid out of bed naked, which did very little for Kat’s already wavering self-control and sense of responsibility. He sat on the edge of the bed and gestured for Kat to come closer. “Come here. Let me help you.”

Kat stepped between his legs and held onto his shoulders. Danny held her pant leg up and open and helped her guide her fatigued, unruly leg into it. Kat stared at his face, loving it and him so much, as Danny adjusted her pants on her waist, pulled up her zipper and buttoned her button.

He looked up at her, grinning. “Opposite of what we usually having going on, right?” When Kat just nodded, still staring, Danny looked around on the floor. “Where are your shoes? Let’s get those on you, too.”

A half an hour – and lots of play-fighting, tickling, kissing, groping, and laughing later – Kat was finally dressed (and vertical) enough to leave for work.

Danny pulled on his uniform, shoved his feet into his boots, and grabbed his utility belt. “Nathan and I picked up a 3-7 shift for a guy’s whose wife just had a baby, but will you come over after?”

“Fi’s coming home.” Kat cringed, grabbing her purse off the couch. “And I have a lot of explaining to do.”

Danny grabbed her around the waist from behind and nuzzled her neck. “After that? ‘Cause I’ll be dying to get my hands on you by then.” He tightened his hold and kissed up the side of her neck, giving Kat all kinds of shivers and goose bumps.

And second thoughts about calling in.

Danny whispered, “Fuck that. I’m already dying to get my hands on you, again, and you haven’t even left yet.”

“After I talk to Fi. Or maybe you can come over here,” she teased.

Danny scoffed. “And face the Fiorella firing squad? No, thanks. I think I’ll let her head explode a few times first before I show my face.”

‡

A
round 4 p.m,
Kat texted:
I should be angry with you.

Danny:
Why?

Kat:
I am very tired. And very sore.

Danny grinned and texted back:
Stop being so fucking sexy, then.

Kat:
:/

Danny:
Fi get home safely?

Kat:
Yes.

Danny:
You telling her about us right when you get home?

Kat:
Not till I have a chance to crush some diazepam into her wine. Maybe then her head will only half-explode. Ha-ha.

Danny grinned and texted:
I miss you.

Kat:
I miss you, too.

Danny:
Tell her fast so you can come over.
Danny paused and then added,
I should have had a key made for you, cause I want you naked in my bed when I get home from the gym.

Kat:
Why would you want that?

Danny shook his head, lips curled. He replied:
Tease.

Kat:
Not teasing. Genuinely curious.

Danny:
So I can go down on you hard and then fuck you even harder. Twice. Curiosity satisfied, little tease?

A minute later, Kat texted:
Quite. But maybe this time…

Danny waited. And waited. And waited. Until he was so twisted up, he couldn’t wait any longer.

Danny glanced up, making sure Nathan was still standing a few yards away, bullshitting with another officer they’d bumped into on their beat.

He finally texted:
WHAT?!

Kat:
I don’t know…I was just thinking…maybe this time I’ll go down on you…HARD.

Danny groaned. Aloud. Grateful as hell to be alone in the cruiser.

Danny:
One more comment like that, little tease, and I’m gonna have a mess to explain to Nathan when he gets back to the car.

Kat:
Defilement of city property? Naughty, naughty, DM.

Danny:
If any defiling’s going on, it’s gonna be me defiling you. Again.

Kat:
You didn’t defile me. You deflowered me. Big difference.

Danny shifted in the seat. Not that it did a damn thing.

Danny:
That borderline smart-ass tone is gonna get you into trouble.

Kat:
What kind of trouble, officer?

Danny:
The kind where you end up even more tired and even more sore.

Kat:
Hmmm…that doesn’t sound like punishment to me, Danny.

Danny shifted again, not sure how much of this torture he could take without hopping into the driver’s seat, abandoning his post – and partner – to drive to Kat’s lab and fuck her on the first table he saw.

Danny had been wanting to give her “guys” a good look at him, anyway.

Just so everyone knew where they stood.

Danny:
Want to drive east right now and meet me? I’ll drop Nathan off somewhere and tell him I need the car for a while.

Kat:
Why would you need the car?

Danny:
Because I wanna fuck you in it.

Kat:
Oh. In the front or in the back?

Danny:
Both. And on the hood.

Kat:
In this weather? Please be realistic, Danny.

He snorted before replying:
Okay. Just inside.

Kat:
Gotta be the back. The front has too much equipment.

Danny:
Fine. The back. Wherever. I just wanna fuck you.

Kat:
When you say stuff like that, it gets all my biochemicals flowing, making it very difficult for me to concentrate on these disruptor study results, Daniel. I almost knocked my microscope off the table. :(