All of You (40 page)

Danny grabbed her arms, pulling her down against his chest, and then turning them so they were face-to-face, on their sides.

He wrapped an arm around her, tugging her in closer. Danny buried his face in the space between her neck and shoulder, nipping at it gently before whispering against her ear, “Just so you know, after my shift, I’m gonna wanna dope up and oxytocin and neurotransmit all up in you again.”

Kat laughed. “You’re missing the overall mark there, Danny, but close enough.”

Danny lifted his head suddenly, a stricken expression on her face. “Holy shit, Kat…we didn’t use a condom.”

“Oh, I know. That’s okay, I’m on the Pill.”

His brows dropped. “Why are
you
on the Pill?”

“It regulates my irregular periods.” When that answer just deepened Danny’s confusion, Kat laughed. “Doesn’t matter. The important thing is I’m on the Pill, so we don’t to worry about using condoms. I didn’t say anything yesterday because…”

She paused, flushing and feeling terrible when Danny’s expression reflected his understanding.

“Because you didn’t want to catch something from me.”

“Then you said you’d been recently tested and were fine – and, of course, I believed you,” Kat rushed to say. “But at that point it just seemed easier – and faster – to just use the condom and discuss it the next time.”

“Well, I am clean, so we’re okay. Like I told you yesterday, I’ve always been a rubber Nazi. Kinda shocking for someone who was never too smart about much else, but I never fucked without a rubber. Ever. Even as a kid, the thought of getting someone pregnant and having them attached to me for the next eighteen years scared me into using one every time.” He shook his head in what appeared to be bewilderment. “That was the first time I’ve ever come inside a woman. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before. I guess I was just so goddamn happy to be fucking you again, I didn’t think about it.”

When Kat asked, “Well, how was it?” Danny busted out laughing.

“It was amazing, sweetheart. Everything I imagined it to be and more. And I’m already looking forward to doing it again very soon.” He paused, smile fading. “Assuming you’re okay with continuing to do it that way.”

“Hell yes,” Kat shot back and was rewarded with a big shit-eating grin.

“Well, that settles that, I guess.”

Kat snuggled back into Danny’s embrace, wrapping her arms around him and skated her fingertips up and down his vertebral column. “What time do you have to work?”

Danny lifted his head to look at her alarm clock. “Seven.” He met her eyes. “So I still have a couple of hours.”

She tightened her hold on him, nuzzling into his chest. “
Good
.”

Danny pressed a few kisses to the top of her head. “Hey, why don’t we take a shower?”

He moved his head out of the way when hers dropped back and she met his eyes. “Together?”

Danny grinned, nodding. He watched as she considered his words. A few seconds later – a big grin on her face and her eyes all lit up – Kat slid off the bed, tugging at his arm.

“Okay, okay, I’m coming,” he said, laughing.

Suddenly, her grip tightened on his arm and a pained expression crossed her face.

The sudden, sharp yelp Kat let out caused his stomach to drop to his feet.

“What’s wrong?” Danny asked, voice laced with concern as he swung his legs over the bed and reached for her.

Kat wound her arms around his neck and leaned into him, exhaling a hard breath of relief when Danny stood and lifted her up against his chest.

“Wow…that feels better,” she said quietly. “Just getting the pressure off of it feels so much better.”

“Your leg?” Danny managed to shove past the huge knot in his throat.

She nodded and his arms tightened.

“I would do anything…say anything…be anything…to take that pain from you, Kat.” She buried her face into his neck, her arms tightening, too. “You are so strong that sometimes I forget all about it. And then shit like this happens and it kills me that I can’t take it all on for you.”

“I don’t want to think about it, Danny, okay?” Kat reared back to meet his gaze, her eyes damp and full of emotion. “I just want to enjoy this moment with you, before…”

Danny’s chest tightened at her pained expression. “Before what?”

Kat wiped the anguished expression off her face and replaced it with a perfectly pleasant one Danny fucking hated.

“You can lay me down now,” she said, lips pulled into a tight, tiny smile. “Your arms have to be getting tired from all my dead weight.”

“Uh-uh…” He said, hitching her up until his hands could slip under her thighs and pull her legs around his waist. “That okay, Kat? Doesn’t hurt?”

He felt her head shake against his shoulder.

“Good, ‘cause we’re gonna take that shower now,” Danny said, already walking toward her bathroom.

“I guess we still could; I’ve got a seat in there to use on my bad days.” She scoffed softly and added, “Nothing sexier than a bath bench, right?”

“We’re not using any fucking bench.” Bracing her with one hand, Danny flipped on the light, shoved the shower door open, and reached in to grab the little metal and plastic seat. He pulled it out and set it aside.

Danny glanced back, eyeing it for a few seconds. “Although there are a few scenarios running through my head right now in which that thing could be very useful.”

Kat’s brows dropped. “Like
what
?”

“Oh, I don’t now…” He said, eyes dropping to her lips. “Us in that shower…you sitting on that bench, legs spread…” Danny felt another erection forming as understanding dawned on Kat’s face. “Me on my knees…my face buried in you…”

Kat stared at him wordlessly for a long moment before whispering, “They should put
that
 – and
you
 – in the commercial, Danny. They’d sell a million of those damn things.”

Danny laughed loudly.

They spent twenty-five minutes in Kat’s shower – laughing, touching, kissing, and talking…

About nothing, really.

But it meant everything to Danny.

And he got to hold her in his arms the entire time.

When the hot water finally ran out, Danny stepped out, grabbed two towels from the rack and carried her back to the bed.

Kat shivered against him. “Oh, my gosh, I’m freezing, Danny!”

He laid her back on the bed, picked up one of the towels, and began drying her off. “I know, I’ll hurry.”

He started at her feet and moved up, dragging the towel very gently over her damp skin – his mouth going dry and his groin tightening as Kat began running her fingers through his hair.

But he focused on the task at hand, forcing himself to ignore the wet warmth between her legs, her soft, smooth, goose bumped skin, and those perfect, perfect tits.

Danny eyed her breasts, his hands itching to touch and his lips burning to taste.

Those are the first damn things I’ll be attending to tonight.

He finally got her all dried off. “Move over, Kat…let me hold you.” Danny waited until she positioned herself on the other side of the bed and then slipped in right beside her, pulling the cotton comforter over them both.

Kat scooted back until her back side was flush against Danny’s front. She grabbed his arm, wrapped it around her waist, and sighed contentedly.

“So, you’re coming
to Gigi’s for Christmas now, right?” Kat asked, nuzzling her face into his bicep.

Danny’s body stiffened. “I don’t know…why?”

Kat turned in his arms. “You don’t know? Why wouldn’t you?” When Danny didn’t answer, she twisted more until she could see his face. “Danny?”

“To tell you the truth, that’s not really my scene,” he replied, his face arranged into a weird, neutral mask. “Plus, that’s your time with your family. I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“Intrude?” Kat wiggled until they were squarely face-to-face. “You are Nathan’s best friend. And Stella’s friend. And Gia’s godfather. And my…” Her lips curled. “Whatever.” Kat’s smile faded when Danny didn’t return it. “I know for a fact Stella has invited you to every function, event, and holiday since the two of you met. Gigi has also invited you and now I’m inviting you.” She searched his eyes. “How is that intruding?”

“Pity invites don’t count, Kat,” he snapped.

Taken aback at his uncharacteristic anger, Kat didn’t say another word. Because getting into a fight with Danny was the absolute last thing she wanted to do right now.

His expression softened as he ran the backs of his fingers down the side of her face. “Don’t mind me, sweetheart. I get all fucking skittish with family shit, that’s all.”

Kat held his eyes. “Do you remember a little while ago…when we were making love and you said I was your home?” Danny’s expression hardened again before he nodded. “Doesn’t that make
me
your family, Danny? And doesn’t it make you mine?”

He shook his head. “No. ‘Family’ is something else. Something I’ve never had and don’t know how to do. Something I’m not looking to do, to be perfectly honest with you.”

Kat’s brain rebelled against his total lack of logic.

But, instead of shaking him, like she was dying to do, she simply asked, “Well, where exactly do you think this is going with us, then, Danny?”

“What do you mean?”

“I
mean
, if you don’t want to be a part of my family and you don’t want me to be a part of yours, then what are we doing here?”

“We’re…” Danny looked around, apparently searching for something that would lend credence to his absolutely irrational outlook. “I don’t know…we’re a couple…we’re…I don’t know, dating.” He lifted a shoulder. “Boyfriend and girlfriend, I guess.”

Kat nodded slowly, searching his mask again. “And then what? We’ll just date forever? You’ll live in your house, I’ll live here with Fi, and we’ll never become a family of our own?”

“It’s been less than a week, Kat,” he shot back, the derisiveness in his voice like a slap to her face. “Don’t you think you’re moving fast here?” Danny pulled back, until very little of their bodies were touching. “It’s a pretty big leap from fooling around to committing your whole life to someone.”

Kat knew he didn’t mean what he was saying. That there were obviously deep-seated reasons why Danny was lashing out and none of them had anything to do with her. But that didn’t mean his words and tone didn’t hurt like hell.

“Was I wrong to assume that you saying ‘I love you, Kat, and I always will’ meant you were going to love me forever? That you were planning to be with me forever?” When he stared back at her blankly, Kat’s pain and confusion momentarily got the best of her. “Or maybe you say that to all the women you have sex with, Danny. Maybe your ‘forever’ just means for as long as it takes you to ejaculate.”

His brows dropped, his eyes narrowed, and his lips took on a hard line she hadn’t seen before. Kat had no doubt she’d succeeded in hurting him as much as he’d hurt her.

And she wished with every fiber of her being that she could take it all back.

Danny rolled off the bed. “I should go.”

Kat propped up onto an elbow, watching him pull on his clothes as quickly as he’d taken them off.

Say you’re sorry.

Tell him you love him.

Ask him to stay.

Say something! Anything! Now!

But she didn’t.

And a few seconds later, Danny was gone.

‡

“D
o you want
to talk about it?” Nathan asked as they walked back to the cruiser, after dropping a few drunk and disorderlies off at the jail.

Danny shook his head. He opened his door and slid into the passenger seat and pulled on his seat belt while Nathan slid behind the wheel.

Nathan turned over the ignition and leaned back into the seat, nodding. “Okay. I’m just asking because Stella said you looked ‘all freaked out’ – her words – when you left Pops’ house earlier. And you haven’t said a word all night.”

Danny shrugged, silently staring out the passenger side window.

Because what was there to say?

Danny had fucked everything up.

Again.

As usual.

“Did something happen with Kat?”

Danny almost snorted.

What
hadn’t
happened with Kat?

Including Danny punishing her for daring to want to spend a damn holiday with him like a normal person.

God, you make me so fucking sick.

Asshole.

“Listen, you, uh, helped me through a lot of stuff when Stella and I first got together,” Nathan said quietly. “Maybe I can help you now.”

“Help me, what, Nathan?” Danny turned to face him. “Learn how to be a totally different person? To forget all of the shit I’ve been through? To….” He grabbed the back of his neck and faced forward. “To somehow become good enough for her, even though I already know that is fucking impossible?”

“Just tell me what happened.”

Danny huffed. “She wanted me to come to Gigi’s for Christmas. I told her I didn’t feel comfortable doing that, she didn’t understand where I was coming from, and I left.”