All of You (5 page)

And feel.

Fuck that.

Danny dragged his ass out of the car and into the house. After tossing his keys on the counter, trudging up the stairs, and kicking his shoes off somewhere in the hallway, Danny face-planted onto his king-sized bed.

The $300 gray silk sheets felt nice and cool against his flushed skin. It was too quiet, so Danny flipped on ESPN and tossed the remote back onto the nightstand. He set his alarm for four o’clock, which would give him plenty of time to shower and get to the station in time for his five o’clock shift.

Danny pulled a pillow under his head, but instantly reared back at the strong scent of cloying perfume. He recognized it as the same stuff Rochelle had been wearing at the club last night.

With a grunt, he flipped the pillow over, happy to find it smelling only of Tide. He closed his eyes and soon his thoughts drifted back to the conversation he’d overheard back at Nathan and Stella’s house…something about Kat getting asked out on a date by some science-loving, engineering douchebag she barely knew at work.

And it had really chapped Danny’s hide.

It’s not like he gave a shit what she did in her private life. There was no way he’d ever start something up with the woman –
fuck, no
 – but it pissed him off she could chat it up all sweet to a total stranger when she’d barely been able to speak a civil word to Danny in eighteen months.

Danny, who was her brother-in-law’s best friend and partner.

Danny, who had been a rock for Stella during some rough times with Nathan last year.

Danny, who had scared the shit out of the guy who had roughed-up Fiorella. Danny, who had never been anything but polite, friendly, and helpful to her entire family.

Danny figured there was only one explanation: his very existence offended her to her snotty, judgmental core. Obviously Stella had told Kat some wild stories she’d heard from Nathan and Kat had decided Danny didn’t live up to her high moral standards.

Well, screw her and the high horse she rode in on, then.

Danny had never apologized for his choices and he sure as hell wasn’t going to start now. Especially not to
her
.

But then he thought about her disease and instantly felt like a huge asshole.

It was a horrible disease…a disease that for some stupid reason Danny sometimes spent hours thinking about. And Googling.

Yeah, MS was some serious shit and Danny had decided a long time ago that Kat’s pain and struggles entitled her to pretty much do whatever she wanted, including being a huge bitch to him.

But her MS didn’t explain why she was nice to everyone
but
him.

Because you don’t fool her. Because she, more than anyone else, sees right through your bullshit, right down to your repulsive, rotten core. Because you are as worthless as she thinks you are and she’s the only one with balls big enough to be honest to your face.

Some sudden, seriously ugly self-deprecation veered Danny’s thoughts right back to childhood…back to the filth of his parents’ shithole and their neglect, the abusive foster homes, and the quiet despair of state-run juvie.

Back to things that had happened and shit he’d had to do to survive.

Danny’s eyelids snapped open, heart pounding and a light sheen of sweat coating his body. He forced himself to register the cool softness of the sheets against his skin, see the light from the TV flickering, and identify the bulky forearm clutching the pillow as his own.

Danny kept his eyes open, focusing on the muscles of his forearm, when all he watched to do was squeeze them shut.

I am not a little boy anymore.

I am not weak anymore.

I am no longer at anyone’s mercy and I sure as fuck have no reason to be scared.

I own this home, own that car, and make my own money. I will never be at anyone’s mercy again.

Not physically.

Not financially.

And not emotionally.

Not
ever
again.

But the truth was those empowerments mattered very little in moments like these, when the past felt more real than the present and there was no one there to convince him otherwise. Or to just hold him and tell him everything would be okay. That no one could hurt him again.

That he was safe.

Wanted.

Loved.

It was a dream – a fantasy – he’d had ever since he could remember. A fantasy that had gotten him through thousands of long, uncertain days and cold, terrifying nights. A fantasy he still clung to, despite knowing he was far too old to believe in fairy tales.

The reality was no one was coming.

They never had and they never would.

He was entirely on his own.

He always had been…and he always would be.

‡

K
at heard the
deadbolt lock turn and a few seconds later Fi slipped through their front doorway covered in snow.

“Man, this weather will
not
let up!” Fi closed the door behind her, brushed the snowflakes from her long, dark waves, and stomped her boots on the doormat. She tossed her purse onto the couch and peeled off her coat. “I was so glad when Stella called and said you’d already driven home. The roads are
awful
.”

“My leg started tingling right before I left their house, so I’m glad I beat the snow. All that pumping on the brake freaks me out when my leg gets like this.” Kat slid the World’s Greatest Sister silver bookmark into the crease, shut her copy of
The Book Thief
, and set it on the couch next to her.

That bookmark never failed to make Kat smile. Fi’s penchant for getting involved in one hair-brained hobby after another had always been an endless source of entertainment for the Ciaramitaro family. The bookmark was from a metal-stamping phase Fi went through last year. Kat supposed the $200 worth of equipment and supplies Fi purchased were still somewhere in the apartment, but she hadn’t seen them in a long time.

Fi’s current passion was jewelry making, which meant Kat spent more nights than not clearing crap off the kitchen table and stepping on all manner of beads, clasps, and wire.

“It’s your right leg today?” Fi dropped onto the couch next to Kat, pulled the afghan over them both, and cast a worried look at Kat’s lower half.

“Yeah. It surprised me, too. Haven’t had trouble with the right one in a while.” Kat shrugged and gave Fi what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’m sure it’s no big deal. Probably just the meds working themselves out.”

Truthfully, Kat
was
worried. It was one thing to have a bum leg, but quite another to have two, especially when it could mean the disease was progressing.

“Stella didn’t mention anything to me about your leg,” Fi said, brows furrowed.

“That’s because I didn’t say anything to her about it. Because then she would have called you, Gigi, Nina, Carla, Pops, and probably the damn National Guard. You know how she gets.”

The sisters exchanged a knowing look.

“Well, I was about to tell you that Michael is sending me to San Francisco for the week, but maybe I shouldn’t go,” Fi said.

Michael was Michael Monroe, the Cuyahoga County Prosecutor and Fi’s boss. He was a bit of a pompous ass and suffered from a mild Napoleon complex, but was overall a decent guy.

For a lawyer.

Kat waved off Fi’s words. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll be fine. I’ve had MS since I was twenty-one and have managed just fine on my own, for the most part. No need to rearrange your life.”

“What happens if you’re home alone and things get bad?” Fi chewed at her thumbnail thoughtfully. “Maybe you should stay with Pops or one of the sisters for the week. Stella and Nathan would love the help and you know Gabby and Sam would die to have you stay with them for a whole week.”

Nina and her wife, Carla, had adopted two baby girls from Guatemala. For reasons beyond Kat’s comprehension, Gabby, now six, and Sam, now four, found her very entertaining and fun to be around. Kat chalked it up to her willingness to listen to hours of chit-chat about Monster High dolls and her humorous attempts at
Just Dance 4
. Kat also bought great presents like home chemistry kits, volcano building sets, and a huge telescope Nina had been less than thrilled about putting together.

In fact, Nina still bitched about that telescope to this day.

Which still made Kat smile.

“I’m not going to intrude on anyone.” Kat rolled her eyes. “I’m perfectly capable of staying here by myself for a whole week, Fi. You’re not here most of the time anyway.”

“I guess,” Fi said, but she didn’t look convinced.

“Promise me right now you will
not
say a word to Pops or the other sisters.” When Fi didn’t respond, Kat pinched her arm. “
Promise. Me.
”

“Alright! Alright!” Fi smacked Kat’s hand away. “Fine. Geez. Just trying to love you, that’s all, Kat. I know how much you hate it when people try to love you, but I can’t help it.”

Kat harrumphed.

Fi nestled into the couch and slung her legs up over Kat’s. “I leave in a few days,” she said through a yawn. “I’m kind of excited, too. I’ve always wanted to go to San Francisco.”

“It’s really artsy-fartsy, so you should fit right in.”

“Ha, ha. You are so hysterical, Kitty-Kat.”

Kat pinched the skin on Fi’s kneecap hard enough to make a point and picked her book up.

“Hey, not done talking. No book escapism yet,” Fi said. Kat slowly lowered the book back to her lap. “So, Stella says that Ben guy asked you out.” Fi’s face scrunched up. “On a date, but not really a date?”

Kat shook her head.

That little…

“And?” Fi prompted.

“And nothing. He asked, I said ‘okay,’ and we’ll probably hang out one night. No big deal.”

“Tell me what he looks like again.”

Kat sighed. “Does that really matter, Fi?” When Fi lifted her brows and waited patiently, Kat sighed again. “He’s tall and only has one leg.”

Fi barked out a laugh. “Wow! What a description! Could you be a little more specific?”

“Hazel eyes. Brown hair. Relatively straight teeth.” Kat shrugged. “He is vey intelligent and nice and I should be able to stomach an interaction with him without too much difficulty.”

“Well, geez, Kat, that
does
sound awfully exciting.” Fi studied Kat’s face. “If you aren’t into him, why did you agree to go?”

“Because you know how I get in those situations. I freeze up.”

Fi shrugged. “The guy sounds like a hottie to me. Military service, college-educated, has a good job –
oh!
 – and has relatively straight teeth.” Fi grinned. “Can’t do much better than that, nowadays, right?”

Fi was probably right, but Kat still couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm about it.

“I should set you up with him. You’d probably really like him. He’s socially-awkward and super-smart, just like you like,” Kat said.

“Nope, no guys for me. Not even socially-awkward, super-smart ones. Not for a long, long time.”

Kat met Fi’s bright green eyes and felt the old, familiar anger rising.

Last year, Fi had briefly dated a guy who’d gotten physically abusive toward her. It had only happened once, thank God, but once was enough to scar Fi and put the entire Ciaramitaro family on the defensive.

“You’re too beautiful, fun, and smart to spend your life alone.” Kat grabbed Fi’s hand. “Hey, you hear me, right? You have way too much to offer this world to lock yourself up in a cage and throw away the key.”

“And we all feel the same way about
you
,” Fi replied.

Kat shook her head. “Totally different. I’m better off on my own. But you…you’re gonna be a fabulous wife and mom someday. It would be a travesty to throw all that away because of one asshole.”

“And it would be a shame for
you
to throw it away because you’re scared,” Fi shot back.

Kat dropped Fi’s hand.

She tried pushing Fi’s legs off, but Fi clamped them down harder. “Oh, no! You’re not gonna run away this time!”

“Real nice, Fi. You’d physically restrain a weakened person like myself?”

Fi laughed. “Weakened, my ass. You’re the strongest person I know.”

Kat managed to extricate herself from the tangle of limbs and afghan before grabbing her book and stalking toward her bedroom.

“I know you want to keep talking, so I’ll be right there in a minute, Kat!” Fi called after her. “We can gab all night and braid each other’s-”

Kat slammed her bedroom door, locked it, and crawled into bed. She cracked her book open and read until she finally fell asleep.

And then her Fickle Bitch of a brain pulled yet another fast one:

Kat dreamed of
him
.

All night.

They were fighting…

And then they weren’t.

Kat woke up the next morning sweaty, tingly (and not due to any neurological issues, either), and utterly ashamed.

It had been the most disturbing, unsettling, and enraging subconscious conjuring in the history of woman and Kat steeled her resolve to avoid
him
at all costs.