All the Days of Her Life (6 page)

When it ended, she could feel him trembling.
She heard him take a deep breath as he leaned his forehead against hers. She could hardly breathe, and she was afraid to move, as if movement would shatter the magic world surrounding them like glass. “I didn’t think lightning could strike the same place twice,” he mumbled.

She hadn’t thought so either. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. She wasn’t supposed to feel this way about him. But she did. Nothing had changed since the summer. He could rock her to the tips of her fingers and toes with a kiss. “It’s only chemistry,” she said. “I’ve heard about such things.”

Jeff pulled away and looked deeply into her eyes. “It’s more than chemistry, and you know it.”

Lacey felt overwhelmed by emotion. Suddenly she wanted to cry, to weep uncontrollably, and she didn’t know why. “No,” she insisted. “This kind of stuff happens only in romance novels.”

“It’s because I’m sick, isn’t it?” he said flatly.

His question so caught her off guard that she stammered, “I—I don’t k-know what—”

Jeff stuck his hands in his pockets and stepped aside. A wave splashed over the tops of Lacey’s shoes, soaking her feet and leaving them chilled. “I know the signs because it’s happened to me before,” Jeff said. “I like a girl and then she finds out I’m a bleeder. Instant turnoff. But you knew from the beginning, Lacey, so I thought it didn’t matter to you. But it does matter, doesn’t it?”

She went hot and cold all over. It was as if he’d shone a light into some secret part of her heart and something dark and ugly had crawled out. She
had
rejected Jeff because she didn’t want a sick boyfriend. She’d said as much to Katie at Jenny House. “It’s any sickness, Jeff. It’s mine too. I hate it all. I know it’s not your fault, but it’s not mine either.”

“I’ll bet no one at your school knows you’re a diabetic.”

She said nothing.

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“You know, Lacey, you’re the person who won’t accept that you have a disease. Why is that?”

She whirled on him. “How can you ask me that when you’ve just admitted that girls drop you once they discover you’re a bleeder? You of all people should understand why I keep my little secret.”

“I don’t like being a hemophiliac, but it’s what I am. I can’t be responsible for girls who can’t handle it. Who can’t see past the illness and accept
me
. I do know that I have some pretty incredible friends who know about my problem and who care in spite of it. Give people a chance, Lacey. They just might pleasantly surprise you.”

“I’m not that way,” she said. “I can’t go around telling people that I’m sick. I’m
not
sick. I manage my diabetes just fine.”

“Get over it. If they’re really your friends, it won’t matter. And if it does matter, then they aren’t the kind of friends you need.”

“I’m not going to stand here debating this with you. I’m handling my life just fine and I don’t need any pointers from you. I don’t want
anything
to mess things up for me this year.”

“Such as me,” Jeff added with finality. “I get the picture.”

Emotionally, she felt wrung out. Her blood sugar was high too, she could feel the semiqueasiness in her stomach and an ache in her head. Much too high. “I should have never taken this little walk with you, Jeff. Whenever we’re together, we end up fighting.”
Just like my parents
, she thought but didn’t voice.

“I’ll walk you back to the house and see that you hook up with Mr. Wonderful.”

“Todd’s not Mr. Wonderful. He’s just a guy.” A guy who didn’t care, who’d never care about her, the way Jeff did, the inner voice reminded her.

Once they returned to the party, they discovered Todd guzzling beer with a group of guys, oblivious of Lacey’s presence. Lacey stared in dismay. She certainly didn’t want to be in a car with a drunk driver.

“The guy’s too smashed to take you home,” Jeff told her. “I’ll take you.”

“You don’t have to—”

“What will you do? Hitchhike? Call a cab?”

Knowing she didn’t have many choices, Lacey nodded. “All right.”

“Are you going to tell him you’re leaving?”

She looked at Todd, at the beer oozing down his chin, at his arm draped around the shoulder of another girl. “He won’t notice. Let’s go.”

During the drive home across the causeway spanning Biscayne Bay, she and Jeff didn’t speak. Once he parked in her driveway, she reached for the car door handle. He pulled her hand away. “Don’t be
so skittish, Lacey. I’ll walk around and let you out. You’re not my prisoner.”

When he took her to her front door, she stood for a moment, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “Thanks for the ride. I did need one.”

“I hope you heard some of the things I said to you tonight.”

“I know what I’m doing, Jeff. What’s right for you isn’t right for me.”

“And I don’t mean anything to you, do I?”

“You’re my friend.”

“Big deal.”

She couldn’t back down now. She couldn’t let him know how she really felt about him. It would ruin everything. “We were friends at Jenny House. We’re friends now. What’s wrong with friends?”

He shook his head. “Because I don’t want to be your friend. I want more than that. Time is short for me, Lacey. I never know from day to day if I’ll have a bleeding episode, or if I do, if I’ll make it through. You’re wrong if you think I’ll settle for only being your friend.”

“You’re
wrong. We
are
friends. If you go to the hospital, I’ll visit you. All you have to do is call me.”

He pinned her with a hard stare. “You do whatever you want. You always do anyway. Like I said, I’m not holding you prisoner.”

She watched him disappear into his car in the moonlight.
You’re not my prisoner
, he’d told her. She felt tears brim in her eyes. He was wrong about that.

“W
HERE’D YOU RUN
off to Saturday night?”

The question came from Todd, who’d cornered Lacey in the prop room Monday after school and before the start of play rehearsal.

“I’m surprised you noticed,” Lacey said breezily, hoping to disguise the sense of ambivalence she felt toward him. She was still attracted to him, but she didn’t want him to think he could walk all over her.

“I noticed all right.” He caught her arm. “And I don’t appreciate it. When I take a girl out, I expect her to stay with me and go home with me. Someone told me you left with another guy.”

“And I expected you to stay with me at the party. I saw you hanging all over some redhead at one point, and I figured I’d been replaced.”

“Well, you figured wrong. I was just dancing with
her. But so what? You didn’t have any right to leave with somebody else.”

Lacey gave him a frosty stare and pulled her arm free of his grip. Her knees were shaking, but she sensed that Todd was used to getting his way with girls and she didn’t want to simply be another trophy for him. “So sue me. I went home with a guy I already knew because you were
blotto
and I don’t ride in cars with
blotto
drivers.”

“I had a few drinks. Maybe if you had a few, you wouldn’t be so uptight all the time. What’s the matter with you anyway? Don’t you know how to have a good time?”

There was plenty she could say about why she didn’t drink—everything from “It’s illegal” to “I don’t like the taste.” Naturally, the foremost reason was her diabetes, and she’d
never
volunteer that information. “Why do you think it’s impossible to have a good time unless you’re drunk?” she countered.

“I didn’t know you were such a loser. I’m really sorry I bothered with you. Next time, I’ll pick a girl who wants to have fun.”

She watched him walk away and realized that being dumped by Todd meant being placed on the outside of the hallowed circle of Miami High’s in crowd. She’d wanted to be a part of it for so long!

“You did the right thing, you know.” Terri stood beside her, watching Todd exit the prop room.

“How long have you been listening? Don’t you know it’s rude to eavesdrop?” Lacey was angry. Angry at having Terri see her humiliated, angry at Todd
for holding out the carrot of popularity and then snatching it back.

“Why do you care about that turkey? Leave him to Monet; they deserve each other.”

“It’s not that easy.” Lacey wished Terri would drop it, because there was no explaining to her why Todd and his world appealed to her. She wasn’t sure she even knew
why
.

“I know!” Terri said brightly. “You need a pick-me-up. Something to take your mind off that jerk. Come with me.”

“Where?”

“It’ll be a surprise.”

“We can’t just up and leave. Ms. Kasch is expecting us to work on the set.” Lacey didn’t need much persuading. She wanted to be out of there too. Away from Todd’s contemptuous gaze.

“We’ve been here every day for weeks and she allows three unexcused absences. This counts as one.” Terri grabbed Lacey’s hand and pulled her toward the outside stage door which she flung open. “Look. It’s spring. Blue skies. Bright sun. Smell that air. We shouldn’t be locked up in that smelly, dark theater.”

Lacey allowed Terri to take her to a parked car. “Nice wheels,” Lacey said, surveying the sleek black sports car.

“My brother Ramon’s. He let me drive it today and I promised to deliver it to him at his job.” Terri shut Lacey inside, got into the driver’s seat, and started the engine. “I know just what you need to get rid of the blue funk Todd put you in.”

“What’s that?”

“A feeding frenzy.” Terri shoved the car into gear and took off.

“Isn’t that something sharks do?”

“And people who need to transcend the blahs. I do it all the time.”

Eating was the
last
thing Lacey wanted to do. “Sorry, I’m low on cash.”

“No problem. Ramon is the manager of one of the hippest restaurants in Coconut Grove. We can eat ourselves into a stupor and never be charged a dime.”

“Oh, I don’t think—”

“I’m telling you, this place is really an experience. After we dine on everything on the menu, it’s off to Bailey’s Ice Cream Parlor. Imagine … double chocolate fudge ice cream smothered with hot fudge, marshmallow sauce, whipped cream, nuts, cherries. It’s like dying and going to heaven.”

Lacey was speechless. She couldn’t eat that stuff. “But my diet—”

“Begin again tomorrow. Tonight it’s food heaven.” Terri turned to her and grinned. The wind whipped her dark hair, and overhead the bright blue sky streaked past. “My treat,” she said with a beaming smile. “How can you say no to that?”

Lacey couldn’t. Not when Terri was trying so hard. Not when she suddenly felt ravenous. She thought about her insulin shot and how she’d planned to give it to herself secretly in the bathroom. She decided that it would be too risky to sneak off while she was with Terri; better to forget it
altogether tonight. What harm could it do? She was already running high blood sugars to lose weight, so skipping one shot at this stage shouldn’t be too bad. “Does Ramon’s restaurant serve lobster?” Lacey asked. “I have a weakness for lobster dripping with melted butter.”

“Lobster and steak,” Terri said. “It’s called Surf and Turf.” She picked up the receiver of the car phone. “I’ll just call and tell him to start our steaks right now.”

Lacey laughed and felt excitement bubbling up inside her. Terri was right. She needed to get out and have fun. And eating was fun. She’d been on this stupid diet much too long and it was time to take a break. “I like mine medium rare,” she said above the sound of the traffic. “With mushrooms smothered in butter.”

The restaurant was everything Terri had promised. Lacey had never been in such a fancy place, or pigged out on such delicious food. She ate until she thought she would burst. “Save room for Bailey’s,” Terri cautioned.

“I don’t think I can eat another bite,” Lacey groaned.

“Don’t tell me that. This is a lesson in gluttony, and I expect you to be a good student.”

Ramon checked on them and insisted they take home the remains of their dinner in doggie bags. Lacey thanked him while pushing aside the pangs of guilt for eating such a mountain of food.

In the parking lot Terri traded cars and she and
Lacey headed down the quaint streets of the Grove. There was no persuading Terri to return to the play rehearsal, so against her will and better judgment Lacey ended up at the ice cream parlor facing an impossible mound of a gooey sundae made with three different kinds of chocolate ice cream.

“It’s called Death by Chocolate,” Terri said, digging her spoon into her sundae. “Don’t be shy, eat up.”

Lacey took a tentative bite and savored the sweet, sugary flavor. Although sweets were not forbidden to her as a diabetic, they were something that had to be planned for and worked carefully into her menu. Sweets by themselves could not cause diabetes, but real sugar did cause elevated blood sugars and needed more insulin to metabolize properly. Still, she loved the taste of desserts and found the huge bowl of ice cream irresistible. “I’ll bet I’ve gained ten pounds tonight.”

“You needed the break,” Terri said, popping a plump red cherry into her mouth. “So tell me, who’s your best friend?”