All the Feels (2 page)

He stepped through.

Liv waited until the theater door closed before she surged to her feet. The nearby attendant—a pimply teen sweeping popcorn—looked up with cow-eyed interest.

“This is wrong!” Liv shouted at the screen. “You can’t do this to people! Spartan deserved a better ending! It’s not FAIR!”

The boy’s sweeping stopped.

“Spartan wasn’t supposed to die! He had a mission—I believed in that!… I believed in HIM!” Tears choked her words. “Spartan always makes it through, no matter WHAT! He’s the hero of the story! He’s the reason the resistance exists! He’s … He’s…”

“Miss?” the boy asked. “Are you okay?”

She turned on him, hands rising. “No! I’m not okay!” she screamed. “I’m ANYTHING but okay!” Liv took a sobbing breath. “Spartan’s DEAD, don’t you see? H-how is that supposed to be okay?!”

The attendant stared at her. “Miss, I—”

“WHAT?!”

The boy’s eyes darted to the other attendant, staring openmouthed at Liv’s display. “Miss, I think you should probably leave the theater.”

Liv took a few defiant steps forward. “Fine!” She kicked the empty popcorn bag out of her way and stomped up the aisle. The second attendant swung the door for her and jumped out of her way as she passed.

“Thanks!” the attendant called. “Come again!”

*   *   *

@LivOutLoud:
Spartan can’t be dead. I don’t believe it. I need brain bleach. Something to UNSEE the last ten minutes of that film. *ugly crying*

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@LivOutLoud You got into an early showing too?

@LivOutLoud:
@StarVeilBrian1981 Yes-but I wish I hadn’t! DON’T GO BRIAN.

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@LivOutLoud Too late. Furious with MRM! How could he do this to us?

@LivOutLoud:
@StarVeilBrian1981 How? He hates the fans. No question about it.

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@LivOutLoud So done with this franchise. We deserved a better ending.

@LivOutLoud:
@StarVeilBrian1981 Agreed. I couldn’t leave the theater. My heart is broken. :(#RIPSpartan

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud @StarVeilBrian1981 Liv? Brian? Just logged on. How was Starveil 5? Tell me ALL the smutty details! MUST KNOW!:D #Spartan

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@JoesWoes OMG OMG OMG DON’T SEE THE MOVIE, JOE!!!!!!!! STICK WITH FIC!!!!!!!!!!!! You can’t unsee this. :(#Spartan #AllTheFeels

@JoesWoes:
@StarVeilBrian1981 @LivOutLoud What happened?!?!? Tell me!

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes Search the #Spartan tag. Or don’t … Ugh.

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud Searching now.

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud This just-NO. It’s a hoax. Some troll having fun!

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes This is not a hoax, Joe. It’s real. I SAW THE MOVIE. MRM deserves a slow, painful death.

@JoesWoes:
@StarVeilBrian1981 @LivOutLoud AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes *gentle hugs* Sorry, bb.

@JoesWoes:
@StarVeilBrian1981 @LivOutLoud I can’t believe that’s real. TELL ME THAT’S METAPHORIC DEATH, NOT LITERAL.

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes The credits said “Tom Grander in his FINAL role as Matt Spartan.” This is NOT a metaphor. It’s real. Spartan’s dead.

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud No! It can’t be! *clings* This is AWFUL!

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@JoesWoes @LivOutLoud

@LivOutLoud:
@StarVeilBrian1981 If I wasn’t crying, Brian, I’d laugh. Your Photoshop skills are amazing. That’s EXACTLY how it is!

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes *hugs* Sorry, hon. But you should see it prepared. (Bring tissues.) Tom Grander is phenomenal, but … Ouch!

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud MRM killed our unicorn! I will NEVER get over this.

@StarVeilBrian1981:
@JoesWoes @LivOutLoud Look at this one. RT: @Veilmeister

@JoesWoes:
@StarVeilBrian1981 @Veilmeister It’s good, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. *sobs*

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes @StarVeilBrian1981 Me neither. :(((((I’m heading off to read some fic and cry.

@JoesWoes:
@LivOutLoud AU fic, I hope. :(

@LivOutLoud:
@JoesWoes AU forever. :(*sighs* This can’t be real.

*   *   *

Liv stared at the empty kitchen table, considering her options. She and her mother had a large stash of plastic cutlery, but tonight she reached for the metal ones. Two glass tumblers followed the forks onto the table. Salt and pepper shakers finished the look. The effect was immediate: real, not pretend. On a whim, Liv considered using cloth napkins rather than paper towels, but she had no idea where to look. Liv couldn’t remember the last time they’d eaten anything but takeout. Dad had been the one who cooked.

She moved from one spot to the other, arranging the settings while she replayed the last ten minutes of
Starveil Five
. She sat in the same position at the dinner table she’d sat at all her life. Her mother, Katherine, always took the place next to Liv, facing the empty spot that no one ever took, not even her mother’s boyfriend, Gary, when he stayed for dinner. The chair and untouched place mat were like the artificial flowers in Grandma Fortin’s house: sterile, scentless. But year after year, the dusty arrangement stayed.

Liv stepped past the empty chair, her memory full of the other nights in her childhood when her dad had sat there.
It was a Thursday
, Liv thought.
I was setting the table—same as now—and he was already gone.

She pressed her lids closed, breathing slowly until the tightness in her chest faded.

I didn’t know he was dead.

Hands quaking, Liv pulled down two plates and closed the cupboard doors. Her mother would be home with dinner soon. She’d be bringing something precooked and easy to serve. Takeout wasn’t a question in the Walden household. It was a fact. Another thing that had changed that long-ago Thursday.

If she’d been feeling ambitious, Liv might have picked up groceries and persuaded Xander to teach her another of his “soon to be famous” recipes. With three little brothers and a mom who worked nights, he had taught himself how to cook. As Xander always said, “it was that or starve,” but Liv had been proctoring in the audio lab all afternoon—adjusting audio levels for amateur musical performances—and by the time she made it back, she was wiped. Besides, Liv reasoned, whenever Xander cooked, he talked.… And tonight she wasn’t in the mood to hear about his latest cosplay ideas, or—worse yet—his last date with Arden, his bubbly girlfriend. The duo made a striking couple. (Liv could see that as much as anyone.) Arden was light and laughter to Xander’s brooding looks, but Liv wasn’t in the mood to hear about their evident happiness.

She was grieving.

Liv flopped onto the couch and pulled out her phone to scroll through the latest postings on the various Spartan websites. Almost a week after the Christmas Eve release, there were spoilers everywhere. The entire
Starveil
fandom was in an uproar over Spartan’s death. Liv’s throat grew thick and painful, and she searched until she found a fix-it AU, posted just today. She was halfway through reading it when she heard the garage door open. Katherine swirled through the doorway, coat flapping like the sails of a ship.

“Dinner’s on!” she called, dropping a moisture-soaked bag onto the floor of the entrance.

Liv popped her head around the corner, snatching up the bag before it could soak through. “Smells good.”

“Hope it tastes as good,” Katherine said. “Missed lunch because of the presentation. I’m starving.”

Liv peeked inside the paper bag as she headed to the kitchen. She groaned.

“Mom, you know I hate fried chicken.”

Her mother gave a long-suffering sigh. “I had a coupon, Liv. Two can dine for—”

“I know, I know. It’s just greasy and gross and—”

Katherine set her laptop bag on the floor next to the table. “I thought you said it smelled good.”

“I did.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Liv slumped in her chair. “It’s the
thought
of it I don’t like, Mom, not the smell.”

“Then pretend it’s something else.”

Liv lifted the corner of the first lid. “Not working.”

“Oh, Liv. Just work with me. All right?”

Liv put spoons into the paper tubs and took an extra helping of coleslaw. (You could survive on coleslaw, couldn’t you?) Her mother nudged the chicken toward her, and Liv took the smallest piece in the tub.

“How was your day?” her mother asked.

Liv made a production out of picking off the chicken skin and dabbing the meat with a paper towel. The action gave her time to collect her thoughts as she forced herself to return to the hours she’d spent volunteering in the audio lab. She was surprised to realize she could barely remember it. With Spartan’s death still hanging over her life, nothing else felt real.

“All right, I guess,” Liv said, adding a scoop of potato salad. “Made it through.”

Her mother patted her shoulder absently. “That doesn’t sound good, Liv.”

“Just distracted by things.”

“Fandom things?”

“Er, yes.” Liv shrugged. “You know how it is.”

Her mother pursed her lips and pointed at Liv with a spoon. “You’re not still going on about the ending of that
Starveil
movie, are you? Goodness, Liv, you don’t have time to get wrapped up in the fandom nonsense.”

It was an argument they’d had many times during senior year, when her mother was focused on Liv’s grades, but Liv was so busy vidding at night she could barely stay awake during the day. It had come to a head almost one year ago when Liv’s crash-and-burn SAT score had destroyed any chance at a full scholarship. Widow’s pension and student loans it was.

When Liv didn’t reply, her mother leaned forward, frowning. “Liv, I don’t like the sound of this.”

“But I didn’t say anything!”

“You didn’t have to,” her mother said. “You’ve been moody all week. You’re hardly eating.” She pushed another piece of chicken onto Liv’s plate. “It’s like you’re in mourning.”

“I am!” Liv snapped. “Spartan died, Mom. It was a terrible ending.”

“It’s
just
a movie, Liv. And I don’t want fandom to affect your grades.”

“But we’re on winter break. Classes haven’t even started.”

“You know what happened last year when you got involved.…”

Liv knew better than to argue. Her mother equated fandom with Liv’s dismal high school performance. Liv had thought that the university—and a tech program—would change her mother’s mind about vidding.

It hadn’t.

“Can you pass the fries?” Liv asked. Katherine nudged the container toward her daughter, and Liv rushed to fill the silence before the argument could restart. “So how was work?”

Katherine put down her fork. “Good enough, I guess.”