All These Things I've Done (7 page)

‘Easy money? Were those his exact words?’ I asked.

‘I—’ Leo shook his head. ‘I’m not sure, Annie. Even after the guy at the Pool offered me the job, I told him I’d have to talk to you and Nana first. That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?’

‘Yes. But the thing is, Leo, our relatives, I mean the guys who work at the Pool, aren’t always the nicest sort of people to be hanging out with.’

‘I’m not so stupid, Annie,’ Leo said in a harder voice than I’d ever heard him use. ‘I’m not so stupid as you think. I know what our family does. I know what Daddy used to do, too. I got hurt because of what Daddy used to do, remember? I know it every day.’

‘Of course you do, Leo. I know you’re not stupid.’

‘I want to pull my weight, Annie. I feel bad that I don’t have a job right now. If Nana dies and I don’t have a job, they could take you and Natty away. And Cousin Jacks is a real nice guy, Annie. He told me you don’t like him, but that was only because you’d heard something he said wrong.’

I snorted. Nice Cousin Jacks had gotten wasted and put his hand on my boob. Nothing to mishear there. ‘I don’t think so, Leo.’ I looked at my brother. He was wearing grey trousers that were too big on him through the waist (they had been Daddy’s) and a white T-shirt. Even though he was wiry, his arms were muscular from all the lifting they had him do at the clinic. He looked capable. Powerful, even. Not like someone who needed to be protected. Certainly not like someone whose little sister lay awake in bed worrying about him.

Leo’s eyes were like Daddy’s ice-blue ones with some of the ice thawed out. They were looking at me with hope. ‘I really want to do it, Annie.’

‘Let me talk it over with Nana, OK, Leo?’

Leo exploded. ‘I’m a grown-up! I don’t need you to say yes! You’re a kid! I’m the big brother! I don’t want you in my room any more!’ Then he pushed me towards the door. It wasn’t a hard push but I still fell a couple of steps backwards.

‘I’m going to talk to Nana about it,’ I repeated. As I stepped over the threshold, Leo slammed the door behind me.

There was a good chance the ruckus had roused Nana, so I went back to her room. She was indeed awake. ‘How are you, darling?’ she asked. ‘I heard yelling.’

I kissed her cheek, which smelt of baby powder and bile, and then I looked over towards Imogen. I shook my head ever so slightly to let Nana know I didn’t want to discuss family business in front of the nurse.

‘Well, I should go.’ Imogen put her book in her bag. It was the end of her workday anyway. ‘I guess you found Leo,’ she said.

‘Yes,’ I said with a half-laugh. ‘In the hallway.’

‘Always the last place you look,’ said Imogen. ‘Take care, Anya. Sleep well, Galina.’

After Imogen had closed the door, I told Nana where Leo had been and about the job. ‘So, what do you think?’ I asked.

Nana laughed, which made her cough. I poured her some water, then held the straw to her lips. A few drops spilt out on to the maroon silk coverlet and to my eye these looked almost like blood. I repeated the question. ‘What do you think?’

‘Well,’ said my grandmother in her desiccated voice, ‘I can already tell what you think. Your nostrils are flared like a racehorse’s and your eyes are as bloodshot as a drunk’s. You mustn’t let your face show so much of what you feel. It’s a weakness, my darling.’

‘So?’ I asked.

‘So, pfft,’ she said.

‘Pfft?’

‘Pfft. Jacks is family. Leo is without a job. Family takes care of family. Pfft.’

‘But, Leo—’

‘But nothing! Not everything is conspiracy. I used to always have to say that to your father, too.’

I decided not to point out the obvious – that Daddy had been right to be paranoid. He’d been shot to death in his own home.

Nana continued. ‘It’s nice that anyone’s taking an interest in your brother. Because from the family’s point of view, your brother is a
muzhik,
a nothing. He’s like a woman or a child. No one would bother with him.’

And yet Jacks was bothering with him for some reason.

‘Anya! I can see your furrowed brow. I only meant no one will shoot your brother or get him in any kind of trouble. It wouldn’t be honourable. These men at the Pool used to be your father’s captains and foot soldiers. And one of the best things about your father, God rest his soul, was that he took care of people. They loved your father, and they respected him in life, and they do what they can to honour him in death. This is the reason Jacks finds a job for your brother. You do understand that, don’t you?’

I unfurrowed my brow.

‘Good girl,’ she said, patting me on the hand.

‘Maybe I should go talk to Jacks at least?’ I suggested. ‘Make sure everything’s above board.’

Nana shook her head. ‘Let it be. If you go down there, it will only humiliate Leo. He will lose face in front of the other men. And besides, Pirozhki himself is a nobody, and no threat to anybody.’

She had a point. ‘I’ll tell Leo at dinner that you said he should take the job,’ I said.

Nana shook her head. ‘In two years, you’ll be in college and I’ll be—’

‘Don’t say it!’ I yelled.

‘Fine, my dear, have it your way. I’ll be elsewhere. My point is, isn’t it best that you let Leo come to some decisions on his own, Anyaschka? Let him be a man, my darling. Give him that gift.’

As a peace offering, I made macaroni and cheese for the second time that week. I told Natty to go get Leo, but he wouldn’t come to dinner. I brought the bowl to Leo’s door. ‘Leo, you should eat,’ I said.

‘Are you mad?’ he whispered. I could barely hear him through the wood.

‘No, I’m not mad. I’m never mad at you. I was just worried before.’

Leo opened the door a crack. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. His eyes filled with tears. ‘I pushed you.’

I nodded. ‘It’s OK. It wasn’t very hard.’

Leo’s mouth and eyes clenched shut in an effort to stop himself from crying. I stood on tiptoes so that I could stroke his back. ‘Look, I brought you macaroni.’

He smiled a little. I handed him the bowl, and he started scooping the yellow tubes into his mouth. ‘I won’t go work at the Pool if you don’t want me to.’

‘The truth is, I can’t stop you, Leo,’ I said, somewhat ignoring Nana’s advice. ‘But once the clinic reopens, I think you should work there again. They need you. And—’

He hugged me while holding the bowl, and a few macaroni tubes fell to the floor.

‘And if anyone at the Pool makes you uncomfortable, you should quit.’

‘I promise,’ he said. He set the bowl on the floor, picked me up and spun me around the way our father used to.

‘Leo! Put me down!’ I was laughing so he spun me around a couple more times.

‘Let’s go out tonight! You and me and Natty,’ he said. ‘You don’t have school tomorrow, and I’ve got vouchers so we can get ice cream.’

I told him that I wished I could but that I was supposed to go out with Scarlet.

‘I love Scarlet,’ Leo said. ‘She can come, too.’

‘It’s not that kind of thing, Leo. We’re going to Little Egypt.’

‘I like Little Egypt,’ Leo insisted.

‘No, you don’t. The one time you went, you said how noisy it was. You got a migraine and had to leave after five minutes.’ This was the truth – the head trauma had left Leo quite sensitive to noise.

‘That was a long time ago,’ Leo insisted. ‘I’m better now.’

I shook my head. ‘Sorry, Leo. Not tonight. Just Scarlet and me.’

‘You never want me to go anywhere with you any more! I . . .’ Jesus, Leo was on the verge of tears again. He turned to look out the window. ‘You’re ashamed of me.’

‘No, Leo. It’s not that.’ I put my hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was a little bit that. But only a very little bit. Mainly, I just didn’t think I could manage babysitting my brother in a crowded nightclub and hooking up Scarlet and Win at the same time. ‘Scarlet’s got this guy she likes, and you shouldn’t be mad at me because I barely even want to go to that stupid place myself,’ I explained.

Leo was silent.

‘You’re killing me here. Trust me, I’d much rather be spending the night with you and Natty.’ This much was true. ‘Can’t I please have a rain check?’

He turned his head and gazed at me with eyes as dull as his stuffed lion’s plastic ones. ‘Sure, Annie,’ he said. ‘Another time.’

I V.
i go to little egypt

A
S I STOOD IN FRONT
of the mirror readying myself for the evening, my thoughts kept returning to Leo and how I might have handled things better. I picked up my tweezers and plucked a stray hair from my eyebrow.

The doorbell rang. Natty called, ‘I’ll get it!’

‘Thanks! It’s only Scarlet!’ Scarlet and I had agreed that she would arrive a half-hour before Win so that we could, I don’t know, strategize or something. ‘Tell her to come in the bathroom. I’m just plucking my brows.’

‘Don’t overpluck, Annie!’ Natty scolded. ‘You always overpluck.’

I heard her run down the hallway to the door. ‘Annie says to go in the bathroom,’ Natty said as she opened the front door. ‘Oh, you’re not Scarlet.’

A male voice laughed. ‘Should I go in the bathroom anyway?’ Win asked. ‘Seeing as she’s only plucking her eyebrows.’

I tightened my bathrobe around my waist and went out to our foyer, where Natty the flirt had already appropriated Win’s hat. ‘You’re early,’ I accused him.

‘Great building,’ he said casually, as if he hadn’t even noticed that I was annoyed. ‘The marble staircase in the lobby. The gargoyles out front. A bit spooky, but it’s got a ton of character.’

‘Right,’ I said. ‘So, you were supposed to be here at eight o’clock.’

‘I must have gotten the time wrong. A million apologies.’ He bowed a tiny amount.

I don’t like when plans change. ‘Well, I’m not ready yet, so what am I supposed to do with you now?’

‘I’ll take care of him,’ Natty volunteered. I looked over at my sister. Win’s hat was kind of cute on her. It was a darker, sturdier fabric than the one he wore at school. Other than that, he was still wearing what he’d worn earlier in the day – that is to say, his school uniform – though he’d rolled up the sleeves of his dress shirt.

‘Different hat,’ I observed.

‘Yes, Anya. That would be my evening hat.’ He said this in a sort of self-deprecating way, but he leaned a bit towards me when he said it. His scent was woodsy and clean.

‘All right, Natty,’ I said. ‘You may as well offer the early bird a drink.’ I turned to go back to my bedroom.

‘Your eyebrows look great, by the way,’ he called. ‘At their current level, I mean.’

The doorbell rang. Scarlet.

‘Seems everyone’s early tonight,’ Win commented.

‘No,’ Natty volunteered. ‘Scarlet was supposed to get here early.’

‘Really?’ Win asked. ‘Now, this is interesting.’

I ignored him and turned to answer the door.

Scarlet kissed me lightly on the cheek so as not to leave a lipstick trace. Her outfit was classic Scarlet: a black lace corset and men’s wool trousers and a ton of her signature red lipstick. She had also somehow managed to procure a single white lily for her blonde hair.

‘That flower smells amazing,’ I told her, and then I whispered, ‘He’s already here. He got the time wrong or something.’

‘Oh, that is so incredibly annoying,’ Scarlet said. She stowed her overnight bag in the foyer closet, then put on a smile and went into the living room. ‘Hi, Win! Love the hat, Natty.’

I went to my bedroom to find something to wear other than my old bathrobe. Nana once told me that, in her day, the way we dressed was called vintage. New clothing production had all but ceased a decade ago, and a sartorial concoction like Scarlet’s required a lot of effort and planning. Unlike my best friend, I hadn’t put any thought into my outfit for that evening. I threw on an old dress of my mother’s – red jersey, short and swingy but with a modest neckline. It had a hole in the armpit but I wasn’t planning on doing a lot of hand-raising anyway. On my way back to the living room, I knocked on Leo’s door to say goodnight and to make sure there weren’t any hard feelings between us. He didn’t answer so I pushed it open slightly. The lights were out, and he was buried under the covers. I gently closed the door behind me and went to join my friends.

‘Oh,’ Natty said when she saw me, ‘you look pretty!’

Scarlet whistled at me, and Win saluted.

‘Knock it off. You guys are embarrassing me,’ I said, though, if I’m totally honest, I did enjoy their compliments. ‘We may as well go to Little Egypt now.’

Win removed his hat from my sister’s head and we were on our way.

It was only a five-minute walk to the club but it took twice as long because of Scarlet’s shoes, which were stilettos and not necessarily the greatest for walking. By the time we got to Little Egypt, the line to get in extended past the long flight of marble steps that led into the building. Little Egypt was pretty much the only thing going in this part of town.

Scarlet flagged down the bouncer. ‘Can my friends and I please go in? Pretty please.’

‘What’ll you give me if I let you, blondie?’ the bouncer wanted to know.

‘My undying gratitude,’ Scarlet replied.

‘Back of the line,’ he said. We had just started walking down the stairs when the bouncer called, ‘Hey, you! Red dress.’ I turned. ‘Annie, right?’

I made a face. ‘Who wants to know?’

‘Nah, it’s not like that. I used to work for your pops. Good man.’ He unhooked the velvet rope, waved the three of us inside, then reached into his pocket and thrust a bunch of drink tickets at me. ‘Toast to the old man, OK?’

I nodded. ‘Thanks.’ This sort of thing happened pretty often, but it was still nice. Daddy had had a lot of enemies but even more friends.

‘Be careful in there,’ the bouncer warned. ‘It’s crazy tonight.’

The bar was below a sign that said
INFORMATION.
Another sign, bolted to the front of the counter, listed admission prices from back when Little Egypt used to be a museum. We traded in our tickets for beers. There was only one kind and it wasn’t particularly savoury: a fizzy, amber pond scum. Why would someone ruin perfectly good water for this?