Always Loving You (15 page)

Mac grabbed the check from the server’s hand and hastily threw a stack of bills on the table. They left the restaurant in what was just shy of a run. He paced as they waited for his SUV to be brought around. Ava thought they both breathed an audible sigh of relief when the doors were closed behind them and they set off toward Mac’s house.

As he drove with one hand on the wheel, he used his other arm to push the material of her dress up. Soon, she felt an embarrassing flood of wetness gather between her legs. “Mac . . . ,” she moaned, unable to hide the desire racing through her body.

Never taking his eyes from the road, he shifted his hand to rest against the thin silk of her panties. She knew that he could feel the moisture soaking through the material, but she was past caring. When he pushed harder, pressing against her throbbing clit, she threw her head back, needing a release from the pressure building inside her. She moved her hips restlessly, wanting more. “That’s right, baby,” he rasped, “ride my hand.”

With those words, she lost her inhibitions. Moving her panties to the side, she pulled his hand into her damp folds and sighed in bliss when he immediately started stroking her there. “Touch me, Mac,” she pleaded, needing more of what he could give her.

“I am touching you, baby,” he said as he flicked her sensitive nub.

“More,” she begged.

When he continued to circle her aching flesh, she planted her feet on the floor, groaning in frustration.

“Still not what you want, Avie? Tell me . . . give me the words, and I’ll make it happen,” he prodded, giving her nothing but maddening strokes.

Finally, she snapped, needing her release as she needed to breathe. “Put your finger inside me, Mac, now!” When he immediately thrust one of his large digits inside her wet heat, she almost wept with relief.
It felt so good. “More . . . please more.” He pushed a second finger inside her, and that was it. She was free-falling, spasms racking her body as she screamed his name. She had no idea how Mac kept the car on the road as she yelled like a wild woman in the seat beside him.

She had barely come back down to earth when the car stopped, her seat belt was suddenly popping open, and she was jerked from her seat and tossed over a hard shoulder. “Can’t be slow, baby,” Mac grunted as he took the steps two at a time, jostling her against his back. She gripped the ass that she admired so much and held on before finding herself lying half off Mac’s kitchen table with her ass in the air. Her panties were ripped from her body and in the next second all the air whooshed from her as Mac slammed home from behind. “Fucking hell!” he shouted as he pounded into her.

The feeling was building again. After her release in the car, she didn’t think it was possible, but Mac was fucking her toward another orgasm, and God, she wanted it now. Pushing her hips back to meet his wild thrusts, she took him to the hilt, grinding against the root of him. “Ahhh yesss!” she screamed as her body started to spasm around his length. Only his hands on her hips kept her upright as he continued to thrust until he found his own release.

Afterward, neither of them was capable of moving for several minutes. Mac lay slumped against her back, their hearts racing in unison. “That was completely insane,” he gasped against her ear. She was surprised to
feel his hand tremble as he pushed her hair aside to kiss her neck. “Want a shower if I can manage to get us there?” Ava nodded her agreement, and then shrieked in surprise when he swung her up in his arms. “Just one of the amenities offered here at Casa Powers, Miss Stone.”

Trailing her fingertips over his muscular chest, she asked, “And what are the other amenities?”

Giving her a wink that made her heart pound, he said, “Anything for you, baby. You name it and it’s yours.”

“Hmm.” She pretended to mull over her request. “Do you scrub backs?”

With a wolfish grin he said, “Damn straight and I also do fronts.”

Her tired body protested as her libido sprang to life at his statement. “No,” she moaned. Pointing down to his semierect cock, she added, “You are officially banned from my hoo-ha for at least eight hours. Snuggling is all we have left for tonight, mister.”

Mac bellowed with laughter. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’m not going to drop you, and I promise to stay away from your whatever the hell you called it for a while. You don’t mind if I think about it, though, do you?”

Waving a hand in a grand gesture, she said, “Oh no, be my guest. Thoughts are free. Now, how about that back scrub?”

True to his word, Mac pampered her by washing not only her back, but her entire body along with her hair. When they were finished, he rubbed her down with a
towel before drying her hair and finding one of his T-shirts for her to wear. He then pulled on a pair of low-slung shorts for himself.

The shower had revived her somewhat and she found herself wide-awake as she lay in the bed surrounded by Mac’s arms. If she was honest with herself, she would admit that she was almost afraid to go to sleep. What if she had another nightmare? She knew that to a big man like Mac, her attack on him was probably the equivalent of a bunny attacking a tiger, but still, his gorgeous face and chest were riddled with signs of her dream freak-out. Ever perceptive to her moods, he seemed to feel her tense up on him. Rubbing a hand over her stomach, he said, “It’s going to be fine, Avie. Never be afraid to go to sleep in my arms. I’ll always be here to catch you if you need it.”

She twined her fingers with his, pulling them up to kiss his hand. “I can’t stand the thought of hurting you. Maybe I should sleep in the spare room, just to see if it happens—”

Before she could finish her sentence, Mac cut her off. “No way. Not going to happen. If you’re in my house, then you’re in my bed. Same goes for your place. I don’t care if you put me in a headlock and kick me in the balls, we sleep together. Try to keep the fighting above the belt, though, if possible.”

Ava giggled, elbowing him in the ribs. No matter what, Mac found a way to inject some humor into things when she got too serious. “Maybe you should be wearing a cup or something.”

“It’s a thought.” He chuckled. They lay there in
silence for a few moments before he said, “Can I ask you something, babe?”

She was surprised and wary to hear the sudden serious tone of his voice. “Did you ever talk to anyone . . . I mean, professionally . . . after that happened to you?”

When she tried to pull away, he pulled her tight against him. “Why?” she asked.

He seemed to understand her question even though she hadn’t elaborated. “If you haven’t, baby, you’ve been carrying a lot on your shoulders for a long time. Maybe the sudden dreams are your mind’s way of telling you that you need someone to listen.”

“So now I’m crazy,” she snapped, pissed that he was analyzing her. She knew this would happen if he knew that she wasn’t normal. All those years and all those deliberate acts to deceive him into believing she was okay were wasted. Now he knew she was messed up.

Blowing out an exasperated breath, he shook her lightly. “No, damn it, that’s not what I’m saying. Fuck, baby, do you have any idea how much finding you broken on my doorstep messed me up? I had dreams about it for years. I could barely function for months afterward. It tore me to pieces, Avie, and it wasn’t even me that it happened to! Why do you think I packed my shit and followed your brother into the damn marines?”

Breaking his hold on her, she whirled around, trying to see his face in the darkness of the room. “What? Mac—no!”

He ran a hand through his hair, gripping the ends as if he wanted to pull it from his scalp. Ava reached over
and turned on the lamp, bathing the room in a soft glow. She needed to see his face, needed to understand what he was saying. “Shit, I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty. You were the victim, not me. I just . . . I couldn’t get it out of my head. I still have a hard time dealing with it. The only reason I’m admitting this to you is to show you that there is no need to pretend with me. I understand how bad it was, maybe better than maybe anyone else. I know that trying to file something like that away without acknowledging it will eat you alive. It’s a testament to how strong you are that you’ve not only made it but excelled despite it.”

Sitting back on her heels, she whispered, “But I haven’t, Mac. I’ve loved you for most of my life, yet I kept pushing you away and doing crazy stuff to show you that I was perfectly normal and functioning instead of admitting that I didn’t know how to be what you needed. As soon as my grandfather got me home that night, he drummed into me that I needed to forget I was raped. No, actually, he never used that word at all. He called it an incident. It was as if he were talking about something as simple as a fender bender or a speeding ticket. That ‘incident’ he said would just embarrass me and the family and nothing would be done to the boy who did it anyway. I think he actually believed that he was doing me a favor by just making the whole thing go away. The boy who raped me got a free ride out of town with his family and that was that. You know, maybe the worst part was the aftermath. My grandfather never looked me in the eye again after that. I just tried to make myself invisible while he was around.”

“Oh, baby.” Mac rubbed her leg gently. “I’m so sorry he didn’t stand up for you. He was always a cold man. For so long neither my parents nor I could figure out how in the hell everything had just been swept under the rug. I wanted to come to you, but you disappeared from my life. Before, I saw you almost every day, but afterward, no matter how many times I came over or hung around in your favorite spots, you were never there. You went from being the girl I had spent the last few years waiting to grow up to the haunted woman that I couldn’t get out of my head or my heart. I’ve loved you for most of my life, and I’ve never known how to live without you, Avie—I never wanted to. I just didn’t know how to reach you after that. When Declan decided to join the military, I figured maybe it was better for you and me both if I did something like that as well. There wasn’t a day that you weren’t right there with me, though.

“When I got out and we started spending time together again, I thought maybe our moment had finally arrived, but you gave no indications that you felt anything for me other than friendship. Even though you never had a regular man in your life, you seemed to be functioning okay, so I had to accept after a while that it was just me, that you didn’t feel for me what I always felt for you. I tried to let you go, so many times I tried, but it always came back to you . . . always.”

Ava launched herself into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. “I love you, Mac. You’ve been the only man in my life since I was old enough to have my first crush. I’m so sorry for what loving me has put
you through. I . . . I was scared for so long. Even if I didn’t show it, loving you was all that got me through those lonely years. I wanted to be better . . . to be normal so that I could be someone who you deserved. When you left me for Gwen, I just couldn’t let you go.” Grimacing, she added, “I have the scars to prove it.”

“Oh, Avie.” Mac put his hand on the back of her neck, keeping her eyes locked with his. “I love you too, baby. You’re the only woman, well, aside from my mother, who has ever heard those words from me. I’m sorry if my decision to date Gwen hurt you. I didn’t think you were ever going to return my feelings, and I know now that I was just trying to numb the pain. I hate like hell that I hurt both you and Gwen in the process. I want you to know that Gwen and I . . . we never had sex.” He looked at her intently. “I haven’t been a saint, baby, but I think that I knew even before I acknowledged it to myself that I couldn’t have a real relationship unless it was with you.”

“I love you,” she whispered as she stroked his cheek. “Being here with you makes me feel safe, like no one could ever hurt me again.”

“Avie, I’ve kept a watch on the bastard who attacked you for years, and he hasn’t so much as crossed the South Carolina line. You don’t have to be afraid of him anymore.”

“He told me that if I ever told anyone about what happened, he would come for me. I think that was one reason why I let my grandfather make it go away. I was scared that he meant it. But after a while, I started worrying about him doing that to someone else. What if by
me being a coward, I let the same thing happen again? I don’t think I could ever forgive myself. Have you . . . heard anything about him?”

Ava thought it was strange that Mac suddenly seemed uncomfortable with their conversation. Maybe it bothered him to talk about what had happened to her. It had certainly been an emotional evening for both of them. So she let him pull her closer and gather her up in his arms.

She also knew that if Mac knew something he would have told her immediately. Sinking into his chest, she refused to give another moment of their time together to the monster who had ruined so much of her life. As Mac settled in bed behind her, she didn’t notice that he’d never answered her question.

“Wow, who are all these people?” Ava asked as she looked at the cars parked in her brother’s driveway.

“I recognize Jason’s and Gray’s cars. I believe that’s Brant’s. Did Emma mention coming over tonight?”

Shrugging, Ava said, “I barely saw her today. I had meetings all morning, and she was helping Brant this afternoon since his assistant quit.”

Mac chuckled, shaking his head. “So another one of Brant’s assistants bites the dust, huh? I thought he was a little more relaxed now that he has Emma.”

“Oh, come on.” Ava laughed. “How relaxed do you think it’s possible for Brant to be? Of course, from the huge amount of oversharing I get from Emma on a daily basis about her and Brant, the poor thing probably walked in on them having sex on Brant’s desk.”

“Ain’t nothing wrong with that, baby.” Mac smirked, wiggling an eyebrow. “I’ve had a few thoughts of you on my desk as well. Like at least once an hour.”

Ava stuck her bottom lip out in a pout. “Only once an hour? I must be doing something wrong.”

Mac gave her a sexy smile in return, running his
hand up her leg. “Honey, you’re doing everything right, but Dom and Gage might get the wrong idea if I walked around with a boner all day.”

Ava felt her face flush, still not used to sexy wordplay with Mac. It might embarrass her a bit, but damn, it felt so good. Just being with him made everything almost effortless. She didn’t feel the need to disappear into her surroundings or walk with her head down. She wanted to embrace life, and she actually looked forward to each new day instead of dreading it. All because of the man beside her. Instead of making a teasing reply, she said simply, “I love you, Mac.”

All at once, the smirk left his face, and his eyes seemed to glow. Even without his next words, she could see the love he had for her. “I love you too, baby. You don’t know how long I’ve dreamed of that. Of hearing you say those words without prompting or hesitation.”

After pressing a soft kiss on his mouth, she gently brushed the hint of lipstick that she had left behind on his soft lips. “I always thought them to myself when we were together. I’m just sorry it took me so long to say them out loud.”

Mac had started to pull her across the seat and into his lap when a loud knock on the window brought their heads up. Emma stood at Mac’s window with her face pressed against the glass. “All right, kids, we’ve been waiting on you to get out of the car for ages. Either you get out now or I’m hitting the video button on my phone and posting it on Facebook!”

“Oh my God,” Ava moaned, mortified to see Brant
standing behind Emma looking decidedly uncomfortable. Beside her, Mac chuckled as if he found the whole incident highly amusing.

“Come on, baby, I don’t want to star in the next viral video. We’d better go.” Ava opened her door and walked around the Tahoe to take Mac’s proffered hand.

One good thing about all the people gathered here was that it took the pressure off them to offer to babysit. Apparently, this time they wouldn’t need to run through their checklist before offering their services. Emma walked up to her and threw an arm around her shoulders, effectively pulling her away from Mac. “So, what exactly was going on in that vehicle? I tried to get your brother to keep quiet so I could watch, but I guess the whole watching-your-sister-make-out thing is a bit weird.”

“No, really?” Ava said sarcastically.

“I know, go figure.” Emma laughed.

When they rang the doorbell, Suzy pulled it open, doing a little dance in place. “Hey, skinny, skanky skank!”

Emma turned to her, hands on hips, and asked, “She is talking to you, right?”

With her voice lower than Suzy’s booming one, Ava replied in kind, “Hey, whore queen!”

Emma, finally realizing that they were joking about all the names that Ella had called them while she was in labor, doubled over laughing.

Mac gave her a questioning look as he came up behind her. “You women are a little rough on each other, aren’t you?”

Ava knew by the pink of Ella’s cheeks when she walked over to greet them that she had heard Suzy. “I can’t believe I called you guys those names,” she moaned, dropping her head in her hands. “I even told Declan that I was going to cut off his penis and stick it in a paper shredder. I swear he held his hand over his pecker the whole time I was in labor! Even worse, when my parents came back to see me, my mom was lecturing me about using bad language, and I told her not to let the door hit that stick in her ass on the way out!”

That was it. Everyone collapsed back against the wall laughing over what Suzy dubbed the “labor and delivery: bitch edition.” As they were all trying to compose themselves, Declan walked over carrying the new Stone family addition. Little Sofia Grace seemed to be staring out at them from her daddy’s arms in fascination. In truth, Ella said that she couldn’t actually see much other than shapes yet. Considering their earlier conversation, Ava hoped she couldn’t hear or decipher words either.

Ava was busy grinning like a besotted aunt when Declan plopped the baby in her arms and within ten seconds, both he and Ella had disappeared. “Oh crap.” She looked around in alarm.

Suzy held her hands up, walking backward. “Yeah, you’re on your own. Hermie has already wiped his nose on my shoulder, and Chrissy stuck her dirty little hands on my butt. I’ve had my quota for tonight.” With those words, she took off toward Gray, walking into his arms and never looking back.

Looking helplessly at Mac, she asked, “Where did everyone go? We had a plan to cover this, but I thought we were safe with all these people here.”

Rubbing her arm lightly, Mac said, “You’re doing fine, Avie.” Pointing to where she held a hand under the baby’s bottom, he added, “If you feel any action down there, though, we need to hand off and run.”

Suddenly, she could see herself in this same setting with Mac, holding a baby that they had made together. What would it be like to carry Mac’s child—to have something that was a part of them both? She had never thought it would happen for her, but now she felt a small flutter of hope that she could have all that with him. From the sexy, sappy look that he was giving her, she knew she wasn’t the only one thinking of their future.

When Jason and Claire walked up, Jason gave her that signature grin of his that never failed to turn her into a fumbling idiot. It wasn’t that she wanted Jason; it was just that he had so much charisma and didn’t seem to know it. “That looks good on you,” he said, pointing at Sofia. Luckily, Mac struck up a conversation with Jason, leaving her and Claire to chat.

“Looks like things are going well between you and Mac,” Claire whispered. “So, G-lo . . . crap, I mean Gwen is officially out of the picture, I hear?”

Ava couldn’t suppress her giggle at Claire’s slip. They would probably always know Gwen as G-lo. Maybe the other woman would even be okay with it if she knew how they all envied her booty. “Yeah, it’s going well.” She’d never had many personal
conversations with Claire, but she found herself admitting, “We’ve even exchanged ‘I love you.’”

Both Jason and Mac looked over at them when Claire let out a squeal before clamping a hand over her mouth. “Oops, but wow! Oh, Ava, that’s wonderful. I remember the first time Jason and I said that to each other. I’m so happy for you. So, no more stunts to get his attention now?”

Ava grinned. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I’ve found that I like experiencing new things after all this time. Mac will just have to learn to handle someone who likes to do crazy stuff sometimes.”

“Good for you,” Claire murmured. “I drive Jason nuts half the time. You know what a geek the man is. He likes for things to fit in neat little compartments, and he is constantly ruffled because I don’t.” Nudging her with her elbow, she added, “He likes to take all his frustrations out in the bedroom, though, so it works
really
well for both of us.”

Ogling Mac’s ass for a second longer than was acceptable in mixed company, Ava said, “I know exactly what you mean.” Both she and Claire had huge smirks on their faces when the men walked back to their sides. Mac and Jason shook their heads but didn’t bother to ask questions. Ava was sure that they didn’t want to know.

Unbelievably, she hogged baby Sofia for the rest of the evening, even braving a diaper change, which thankfully was strictly pee. When it was time to leave, she found herself volunteering them to babysit one evening soon so Declan and Ella could have a meal out.
Mac looked at her as if she were crazy, but the baby bug had officially bitten her.

*   *   *

They had been back at Mac’s house for a few minutes when he got a call from Gage. There had been a break-in at one of the buildings where they handled security, and even though the police had the situation under control, Mac needed to go double-check that the building was secure for the night. “I shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours,” he said as he grabbed his keys.

She thought about going home, but if she were going to be alone, she would rather be at Mac’s house. Going back to her lonely apartment didn’t hold much appeal. “Be careful,” she said as she kissed Mac good-bye and said she’d see him when he returned.

An hour later, she had already showered and changed into one of Mac’s T-shirts. She didn’t want to go to sleep without him, so she wandered his house restlessly. When she came to his office, she decided to do what half the world did when they were bored, play Candy Crush. Mac had given her the password to his computer, so she curled up in his big leather chair and logged on. She smiled at how organized his desk was. Everything was neatly filed and labeled. You could take the boy out of the military but not the military out of the boy. Idly, she opened the desk drawers, laughing as she noted that his organizational skills extended there as well. She was just shutting the last drawer when a label on a folder caught her attention. AVA STONE. “What the hell . . . ?” she mumbled as she pulled the folder out.

As Ava thumbed through the list of reports, she wasn’t really surprised. She knew that Mac had kept an eye on her for years. Maybe she thought that it was more informal than these written reports proved, but she understood where his protective instinct for her had come from. The file didn’t contain a report on every man she had brought home over the years, but it was a good-sized list. The whole folder was a mirage. Now she thought of how Mac must have felt when he had these pages sitting in front of him in black-and-white. For the first time, she truthfully acknowledged to herself how much she had needed help to heal and how even though she was better, she still needed support to continue the process. She couldn’t go back to the pretend life she had been living.

She was almost to the end of the folder when she found an envelope. Her name was handwritten with her address listed as in care of Brant Stone. The return address showed a location in New York. She didn’t know anyone there, so she was truly puzzled as to who would be trying to contact her. Ava pulled a single sheet of paper from the envelope and felt the breath leave her body in a startled gasp as she read the first line.

Ava,

I know that I’m not supposed to have any contact with you, but I couldn’t continue to live my life as though nothing ever happened. You are the only victim here, but that night and what I did to you has haunted me since I was sober enough the next day to realize
what had happened. You may not believe me, but I wanted to turn myself into the police. My parents and your grandfather wouldn’t hear of it, though. Your grandfather made all manner of threats to my parents if they didn’t take me and leave town immediately. He said that you didn’t want me to humiliate you further by contacting the police. I have no idea if that was true, but I had little choice but to do as my parents wanted.

For weeks, I had been drinking more and mixing it with any type of drugs that I could get my hands on. But that night I had too much of both. Something about the combination made me so angry and aggressive. When you said no . . . I just snapped. I had no real concept of what I was even doing. When I realized what I’d done to you, it almost destroyed me. Ava, there is no excuse that I can make, or no way to apologize enough, but I am so very sorry for what I did to you. Not a day has gone by in my life that I haven’t regretted what happened that night. I’m not writing this expecting your forgiveness; I just needed you to know that as meaningless as it may be to you now, I’m sorry.

Kevin

Ava sagged in the chair, letting the letter flutter from her nerveless fingers. Turning the envelope over, she saw that it was postmarked four years earlier. “Oh my God,” she whispered as her head whirled and her stomach clenched. Why had no one ever told her about this? There were at least two people who knew, Brant and Mac. She would bet that Declan did as well. Her
brother had to have given the letter to Mac. Operating on pure adrenaline, she picked the letter up and ran to the door before realizing that she didn’t have her car. Running back into the kitchen, she found the box near the back door and easily located the keys to Mac’s truck that he rarely used. She had teased him for years about men in the South always having a truck, even if they didn’t drive it often. Declan was the same way.

Accessing the garage by way of the kitchen, Ava stopped only to hit the opener mounted on the wall before climbing up into the truck. Within moments, she was speeding toward Brant’s house. Her mind was buzzing with questions, and she planned to get some answers. How could they have kept something like this from her? Kevin hadn’t gone into much detail about what had happened afterward, but she had a feeling that Brant knew, and she was tired of being in the dark.

It was almost eleven by the time she pulled into his driveway. She was glad to see a light glowing in the living room window. She pounded on the door several times before her disheveled brother pulled it open, blinking in surprise. “Ava . . . is something wrong?”

She pushed him aside, stalking into the entryway. A sleepy-looking Emma rounded the corner, blinking at her in shock. “Ava?”

Without answering, Ava held the envelope in Brant’s face and watched him pale as he realized what she was holding. “Why am I just finding out about this?” she demanded.