Always October (21 page)

“Because Mazrak is a booger!” shouted the half of Sploot Fah who had stepped back.

The half who was supposed to be doing the talking shot him a glare. The supposedly silent half clamped his hand over his mouth, then turned his back to us.

Nodding in satisfaction, the speaking half said, “Mazrak is bad. Mazrak is mean. Mazrak does wicked things. Sploot Fah kept following, saw other bad monsters join Mazrak. So Sploot Fah knew bad stuff was coming. Sploot Fah knows paths, knows tunnels, and thought peoples would come this way. So Sploot Fah came to help, just in case, because Sploot Fah is GOOD!”

“Done?” asked the other half.

“Done,” said the speaker.

The part of Sploot Fah who had been facing away scurried back. “Let's move,” they said together.

“But we can't climb this wall with the baby!” I said.

Both parts laughed. “Why climb wall? That would be silly!”

With that, they leaped up, grabbed the same handhold I had first spotted, and hung from it.

A chunk of wall about seven feet high and four feet wide tipped toward us.

“Watch out! Stand away!” cried Sploot Fah.

Both parts leaped down and scurried backward as the massive chunk of stone fell to the floor with a deafening crash.

Little Dumpling screamed with laughter.

When the dust cleared, we saw that where the slab had been was a continuation of the tunnel. It stretched into the distance, now dimly lit by lumnifung.

“Opening door is tricky part,” said half of Sploot Fah.

“No, no,” corrected the other half. “Opening door is easy. Opening door
without getting squashed
is tricky!”

“You say true! Now come on, peoples,
come on
!”

“But we need to go
up
!” I said. “To the surface.”

“Go up right here and bad things will happen,” said one of the Sploot Fahs.

“Very bad things,” agreed the other. “Like getting eaten!”

“Sploot Fah's way will get you up and out,” said the first.

“Plus you won't be anyone's dinner!” said the other.

So we followed the pair of creatures, or the creature who was a pair, through the opening. As we did, I took a step closer to Lily and muttered, “I hope we're doing the right thing.”

“It's not like we've got an instruction book,” she replied. “And Keegel Farzym did seem to think these guys—this guy—were … was! … annoying, but not dangerous.” She frowned, “It's certainly annoying to try to talk about them. Him! I can never figure out which pronoun I should use!”

“I just hope Keegel Farzym was right,” I muttered. Then I touched the stone wall beside us three times.

“Wait, wait!” cried both parts of Sploot Fah as we continued forward.

“Now what?” asked Gnarly.

“Where you brought up?” asked half of Sploot Fah. “In a barn?”

Mrs. McSweeney laughed. “Your sainted mother used to say the same thing to you almost every day, Gnarly—for exactly the same reason!”

“Have to close door,” explained the other half, to Lily and me.

Looking back, I saw a pair of ropes, one dangling at either side of the opening. Each part of Sploot Fah went to a rope. Once in position, they nodded to each other, then leaped up and grabbed on.

To my surprise the huge chunk of stone rose swiftly and silently, then clicked firmly back into the opening through which we had just passed.

“Easier to close than to open,” said the half on the right.

“Safer, too,” said the other half, dusting off his hands. “But
now
can go on.”

“And I can stop this stupid glowing,” said Luna, sounding relieved.

“It was much appreciated, darlin',” said Mrs. McSweeney.

“I'm glad. Even so, I'll expect some extra treats when we get home. That is, assuming we
do
get home.”

For some reason, I found the cat's uneasiness one of the scariest things yet.

As we went on, LD grew fussier and fussier. I started to stumble and realized I was exhausted myself.

I suspected Lily's grandfather wouldn't say anything, and I was pretty sure Mrs. McSweeney was tireless. I also figured Lily wouldn't be willing to admit she needed a break before I did. Telling myself it was LD I was concerned about, not me, I finally said, “Guys, I think we should take a rest. It's got to be at least two in the morning by our time, and we've been through a lot.”

“We can't stop now!” protested Lily. “We've got to get LD back to our world before the dark of the moon.”

“No, Jacob is right,” said Mrs. McSweeney. “If we just keep staggering on, we won't be in shape to handle anything big that comes at us. And even if
you
don't want to rest, that baby needs a break. The little beebums probably needs a diaper change, too … though how we're goin' to manage that, I can't think. Mr. Sploot Fah, do you know a place where we can rest?”

“Sure, sure!” said both parts. “Right here!”

They flopped down side by side on the floor, folded their hands over their chests, and closed their eyes.

“That's nice, darlin',” said Mrs. McSweeney, “but what I had in mind was a place out of the tunnel, with maybe a bit of water so we could get a drink and wash up.”

Instantly, both parts of Sploot Fah leaped to their feet.

“Fussy, fussy,” said one half.

“But Sploot Fah knows good spot,” said the other.

“Keep following!” they said together.

We must have walked for another half hour. I almost found myself wishing we had followed Sploot Fah's first suggestion and just lain down on the tunnel floor. By this point Gnarly was helping to carry the baby. He tried to act like he didn't enjoy having Little Dumpling in his arms, but I could tell that he did.

Finally both parts of Sploot Fah cried, “Here we go!” and led us into a side tunnel.

Unlike the main tunnel, it had no lumnifung; by the time we had gone a little way in, it was pitch-black.

“Careful,” said one part. “Turn coming up!”

“Keep left hand on wall!” advised the other part. “That way you won't fall in.”

“Fall in what?” asked Lily.

“Big Black Pit of Bottomless Despair!” said both parts together.

I
almost wished Jake hadn't asked the question. Big Black Pit of Bottomless Despair was the scariest name for a place I had ever heard.

Maybe that was because, in a way, I had already been there. One of the reasons I love my grandfather so much is that he was the one who pulled me out.

“Well, that sounds nasty,” said Mrs. McSweeney.

“Nastier than nasty!” said half of Sploot Fah.

“Very bad place to visit,” said the other half.

“Perhaps this would be a good time for you to glow, Luna,” said Mrs. McSweeney gently.

“Don't do that!” cried the part of Sploot Fah ahead of us.

“Glowing would be very bad,” said the part behind.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because it is Big Black Pit of Bottomless Despair!” exclaimed both parts together. Sploot Fah sounded as if he were explaining something to a rather slow child, and I had a feeling he was rolling all four of his big eyes at my question.

“Can you be more specific?” asked Jacob.

In a softer voice, a voice tinged with a note of fear, the one ahead said, “Pit eats light.”

“Not smart to feed pit,” said the one behind.

So we walked on in the darkness, staying as close to the wall as we could.

“YAY!” cried both parts of Sploot Fah a few minutes later. “We here! And no one died!”

“That's lovely,” said Mrs. McSweeney. “I don't mean to sound fussy, but now that we're past the pit, is there any chance of gettin' some light?”

“Sure! Sure!” cried both parts. “Watch!”

I heard Sploot Fah scrabbling around. A moment later a sudden flare of blue light made me blink. The light came from a torch embedded in the wall. The part of Sploot Fah standing beside it cried, “First!”

An instant later another flare of light, orange this time, erupted at the opposite wall.

“Prettiest!” cried the other part.

“Thank you both,” said Mrs. McSweeney.

“Not both!” they cried, sounding exasperated. “There is only one Sploot Fah.
Only one
!”

“Well, thank the one of you,” Mrs. McSweeney said, her voice a bit tart.

I looked around. The cave was about twice the size of our living room. At its far side shimmered a dark pool, its surface reflecting the stalactites that hung from the ceiling. Gorgeous. As to the cave itself, its walls were reddish with streaks of other colors. It looked quite pleasant, and I was tired enough that I knew I could sleep on a stone floor.

As it turned out, I didn't need to. Sploot Fah—both parts—darted through an opening and returned with armloads of blankets.

“Where did those come from?” I asked.

“From the blanket maker,” said one of the Sploot Fahs, looking as if it was the dumbest question he had ever heard.

LD was fussing more than ever.

“He needs his diaper changed,” said Jacob wearily. Looking at Sploot Fah, he added, “I don't suppose you have a diaper maker, too?”

“Diaper?” asked half of Sploot Fah.

“What is diaper?” asked the other half.

“Something you put on a baby to catch the pee and the poo,” I said.

“Aaaahhhh!” cried both Sploot Fahs, throwing their hands in the air and running in circles.

“Baby monsters don't need no stinking diapers,” cried one.

“Baby monsters need to pee wild! Baby monsters need to pee free!” cried the other.

“Well, I guess that answers that,” said Mrs. McSweeney. “I do think it will be all right to let the baby go bare for a while, Jacob … though we should probably be careful where we sit.”

“Won't he be cold?” I asked.

“I doubt it,” said Luna. “He's got as much fur as I do!”

I realized this was true. Jacob had peeled off the baby's yellow-duckie pajamas, and then his diaper—I was impressed by how tenderly he had done this—and the little guy was covered with green fur from head to toe. It was hard to tell he
was
a guy, if you know what I mean.

“Whooo-eee!” cried both Sploot Fahs. “Stinky, stinky baby!”

Jacob carried LD to the stream that ran out of the pool and washed the baby's bottom. While he was doing this, Sploot Fah snatched up the diaper—each half took one corner—and scurried out of the cave. I have no idea what he did with it, but that was the last we ever saw of the thing. Or smelled of it, for that matter. Maybe he dropped it into the Big Black Pit of Bottomless Despair.

Jacob used a corner of one of the blankets to dry the baby's bottom. Then he pretty much collapsed onto the blanket himself. The baby curled up next to him. A moment later both were sound asleep.

“He's goin' to make a fine big brother,” said Mrs. McSweeney approvingly. “Luna, darlin', would you keep an eye on things while we rest?”

“Certainly,” said the cat, extending a paw and licking it lazily.

“Then I think we could all do with some sleep. Will you be sleepin' too, Mr. Sploot Fah?”

“No, no. Will go ahead,” said one.

“Will check tunnel,” said the other.

“Will be good guide and guardian!” they said together.

With that, they trotted into the tunnel we had just left.

I lay on my back, staring into the darkness, and rehearsed again the route the Poets had laid out for us. Get to the surface—not even there yet. Once we did get above ground, we still had the Black Bridge of Doom, the Forest of the Lost, the Tunnel of Tears, Flenzbort, and the Library of Nightmares to get through before we could go home.