Always Summer (11 page)

Summer
continued in an on-again, off-again situation with Jordan.
 
This of course, was like manna from heaven
for me, as it was living proof that both of us were maintaining unsustainable
relationships.

Summer.

It was
Winter break... and I’d just gotten off the phone from Jordan again.
 
I’d broken up with him because he had started
following me around outside of school, making sure I was safe.
 
But I’d heard from Cameron, that he’d been
threatening some of his team mates with violence, because they had been talking
to me when they’d seen me out Christmas shopping.
 
He hadn’t denied it... he had just said that
they shouldn’t be treading on his territory.

I was
scared for Blake, because maybe he was in danger from Jordan’s over-the-top
possessiveness too.

Sitting on
my bed... I was sorting through my music on my phone now, and changing personal
ringtones for my friends.
 
But I was
actually thinking of Blake.

I had been
giving him a green light to ‘extend’ our friendship for years... but he had
never indicated that he wanted to.

Damn... I
had been practically cheating on Jordan... doing everything in my power to get
Blake to touch me.
 
But Blake preferred
fucking girl’s he could let go of easily.
 
He was certainly not interested in me... no more than friends.
 
That’s why I’d always end up back with
Jordan... his persistence wore me down.

But I had
to admit... once I left for college... I wasn’t taking the whole Jordan mess
with me.
 
I wanted a new start then.

I was in
love with my best friend!
 
I was fucking
his friend, on and off, and I was making a mess of my final year of High
School.

Why... why couldn’t Blake fall for me too?

I thought
about the last time I had had sex with Jordan.
 
It wasn’t the first time I had thought about Blake while we made out,
but it was the first time I projected his image on the entire scene, as if it
were him that I was being intimate with.

Jordan had
collected me from my place, to take me over to his house for dinner with his
family.
 
We had made our way to his
bedroom, since dinner was still forty minutes away.

When Jordan
had closed the door, he pulled me into his arms to kiss me.

Hands on my
face... at first they were Jordan’s.
 
They became Blake’s the moment I closed my eyes.

The thought
that I was kissing Blake and not Jordan fuelled my desire.
 
I rarely instigated sex... but I wanted my
fantasy to flourish.

“Fuck me!”
I said breathlessly... I’d almost said
Fuck
me Blake
... but I reined it in, and kept the Blake bit in my head.

Jordan
growled...
Blake growled!

He
maneuvered me towards the bed until my legs bumped up against the mattress.

“Summer!”
He said seductively, as he proceeded to undress me.
 
I placed my finger on his lips and opened my
eyes.

“Shhh!
We
have to be quiet.” I said, thinking about his parents, in addition to my
fantasies.

Jordan
smiled knowingly, as he peeled my clothes off and threw them on his floor.

Once I was
naked, and standing in front of a naked Jordan, he pushed me gently back onto
the bed and into the mattress.

“Can we try
skin on skin?” Jordan asked, hovering over me.

“No way...
it’s too risky!” I said in a panic.
 
Jordan was always trying to convince me to let him use the withdrawal
method.

He sighed,
reached over to his dresser and grabbed a condom out of the top drawer.

After
rolling the condom down over his ready penis, he looked at me with a smirk and
lay back over my body again, as I spread my legs open and around his hips.

I was
losing my vibe... my desire and fantasy had all but dried up.
 
Reality was Jordan... Blake wasn’t here.
 
It almost made me want to cry.
 

Jordan
wasn’t inconsiderate; he just didn’t have my complete attention... I wasn’t in
love with him.

Jordan felt
my pussy to make sure I was ready for him.
 
I wasn’t really that ready after all.

He produced
some saliva and licked it onto his hand, before smearing the moisture over the
lips of my pussy.
 
The action kinda
cooled me down a whole lot more.

Jordan held
his penis at the entrance to my vagina and then eased himself into me with a
groan.

He began to
move inside of me.
 
I closed my eyes and
tried to concentrate on the friction... attempting to mentally boost my
desire.
 
It was working... but only
slightly. I thought of Blake again, and wondered what he would do... and just
like that, by mentally picturing him again, my desire levels rose.
 
My pussy became wet; I was thinking about his
cock inside me, I began pushing back into
Blake.
..
I mean Jordan
/Blake
... with forceful
thrusts that helped him to reach areas of my vagina Jordan hadn’t explored.

In no time,
I had rolled Jordan
/Blake
over and
was astride him... and fucking him for all I was worth... fucking
Blake
in my head!

“I’m gonna
come.” Jordan lamented into my fantasy.

“Hold on...
I’m not there yet!” I said.
 
Thrusting
harder, trying to achieve my release.

“I can’t...
you’re too fucking good!” Jordan frantically breathed, before his body jerked,
he became rigid and a cry, stifled by a pillow reached my ears.

Fuck! Even in my fantasies I couldn’t get Blake
to fall for me... to come with me.
.. I began to cry!

Jordan
thought it was because the sex was so good... but I was so frustrated, I had to
take it out on myself later with my fingers.

I had
broken up with Jordan two days later... he had been persistently calling me
since.
 
I wondered how long it would be
before the pattern of going back to him would be fulfilled... or if this time I
could walk away forever.

Blake.

Julie,
Summer
and I had had a large joint 18th birthday party on
15th May. It was two days before Julie’s and my birthday and four days after
Summer’s
.
 
Debbie and
Max, alongside my parents, hired out a hall, had a band, and everything was
fully catered for.
 
The best present for
me though, was that
Summer
had broken up with Jordan
during the week.
 
It appeared to be
permanent.
 
She maintained his behavior
was bordering on unacceptable... he seemed the same as usual to me, but it was
all good news in any case.

At prom
night, despite the split still being maintained, Jordan still took
Summer
(it had been arranged ages before).
 
But she wasn’t speaking to him that much,
since they were still apart... and since I went stag, she ended up dancing most
of the night with Julie and I.

We were all
off to college very soon.
 
Julie was
heading for Newark, New Jersey, to attend
Berkley
College
; and there do a Bachelor of Science in Fashion Marketing and
Management.

Because
Summer and I had always discussed going to college together, and local colleges
didn’t cater for her, despite some of the best fine arts and graphic design
courses available to me right here, we were planning on doing the next best
thing.

Summer and
I were attending
Centenary College
in
Hackettstown, New Jersey together... I had convinced her for eighteen months
that
Centenary
had everything I
wanted; despite it being in the middle of nowhere.
 
At least as far as my experience was
concerned.

She was
enrolling for a Bachelor of Arts, with
an English
major and a Creative Writing minor... and I was availing myself of their
Bachelor of Fine Arts in Art and Design.
 
We would be moving into our own apartment, and having to find a third
flat mate ourselves, to assist with the rent, in six weeks.

Today was
July 16th... tonight, we were back at celebrating Dylan’s birthday... a full
circle... he was turning eighteen.

I had just
completed the final touches to my hair in the bathroom and was heading back to
my bedroom, when I heard through Julie’s closed door
(I may have been listening)
, Summer talking to Julie...

“Yes,
marriage... can you believe Jordan proposed to me last night?”

I choked...
I froze...

And then
the tinkling of the smashed pieces of my heart could be heard for miles
(they were that loud in my head anyway)
,
as they skidded across the floor of the hallway in all directions.
 
In six weeks we were supposed to be moving in
together, I had made so many plans... hitched my star to her wagon...
Fuck!
 
What did this mean?

My
breathing had stopped, and when I remembered to breathe again, it rattled
through my rib cage and caught in my throat on its way back out.
 
I wanted to move my body... I had to move,
away from the door, but I couldn’t.
 
My
body was in such shock, my feet wouldn’t work.

“I didn’t
know you were meeting up with him again...You okay?” I heard Julie voice.

“Yeah...”
Summer said, unaffected.
 
“I mean it
hurt, you know, to see him like that, but... well.”
 
She sighed, “It was very romantic... it
was... sweet.” Summer explained.

“Helen...
well, she talks about us living together now that school’s finished and I can
get away from here... God, she makes me feel so special.” Julie enthused.

What?
 
Helen Daniels?
 
Julie’s friend who
was a year older than us... the one already in college?
 
AT BERKLEY!!! What...
The...
Fuck!
 
I burst through the door.

They stood
there... like deer in the headlights.
 
Julie was about to put her second earring in.

“Were you
listening at the door?” Julie asked me... already knowing the answer.

I was
shaking... I shouldn’t have burst in... I couldn’t hurt
Summer
...
I couldn’t lose her either!
 
Had I
already lost her...? But oh, I was so angry!
 
I narrowed in on the only thing that could keep this moment in some
semblance of perspective.

Julie was
wearing her standard style; a vintage dress in an indigo blue color that
matched her eyes.
 
Her pumps were the
same color, and gave her another two inches in height.
 
Her hair had remained in her short pixie
style all these years.
 
I had never
picked her for a lesbian, but then, she had never told me, or trusted me with
that information.

She had
trusted
Summer
with it, but Summer hadn’t given me a
heads up either... Right now, despite reason telling me otherwise, I couldn’t
entertain that
Summer
had no right to offer that
information to me, that it wasn’t hers to give... and I doubted very much that
Summer would know what complications this information had either.

But I was
even angrier with
Summer
than Julie at this moment,
despite having no right to be, and God Damn... if I wasn’t going to hang her
out to dry right now too!

Summer was
in a banded fabric cream mini dress, with matching heels; her figure was lean
but beautiful, like a Victoria’s Secret model... her hair was out and slightly
messy; her makeup, courtesy of Julie, highlighted her face flawlessly, and I
had to suck in a breath because I was so taken by her.
 
Fortunately, my sudden intake of breath
didn’t detract from my initial ‘burst through the door’ antics.

“What did
you hear?” Julie asked, her shock slowly turning to anger.

I lifted a
shaking hand into a quivering stop signal.

“Helen?” I
asked, or perhaps I squeaked, because it didn’t sound very loud.

Julie’s
face was burning... Summer’s mouth had dropped open; shock was still registered
on her face.

Pointing my
shaking finger at
Summer
, I continued, “You couldn’t
tell me?
 
How long have you known this?”
I forcefully spat.

“Um...” she
quietly murmured, “Since
Starbucks
?”
she said timidly.