Always Summer (15 page)

I looked
down on
Summer
, who was still shaking slightly.
 
I sighed, and dropped my forehead to her
chest.

“It’s
okay,” she said, “we better go.”

I couldn’t
reply, I just pushed off of her, and made my way to the ensuite.
 
I was getting a serious case of blue balls...
I needed a moment to masturbate... yep... just had to get that sorted out right
then.
 
Otherwise everyone downstairs
would be witness to an explosion.

Summer.

I felt
bliss, but also intense frustration at the interruption... all at the same
time.
 
And then I had realization... I
was on Sal’s bed.
 
Oh no, that’s not
where I wanted to be... and seconds later... I remembered a ten-year-old being
submitted to a violent act of sex... no, rape!
 

I gasped...
this unbidden image was altering my experience with Blake.
 
What kind of slut was I?
 
I wanted to be dominated by someone... not
just someone... by Blake!
 
Blake who’d been molested as a child.
 
I suddenly felt like a sick fuck!
 
I didn’t know why I desired that kind of
experience.
 

I was
screwed up in the head... I was mental!
 
Something was wrong with me!

I got up
off the bed.
 
I made my way to the
hallway, and down to my door.
 
I entered
my room, whisked off my shorts and panties, grabbed some tissues and wiped from
between my legs any trace of my arousal, before dumping the tissues into my bin
and replacing my panties with fresh ones, and putting on a skirt.
 
I tore my camisole over my head, and replaced
it with a bra and singlet top.

I could
hear Blake calling me from Sal’s room...

I’m sorry Blake, but you don’t want me...
there’s something seriously wrong with me.

The door to
my room swung open, just as I was about to reach for it.

“There you
are,” a flushed Blake said.
 
“Let’s get
downstairs then.”

“Okay.” I
said quietly, unable to meet his gaze.

Blake.

We made our
way downstairs and into the dining room.
 
Jordan was sitting between Max and Julie, Debbie sat opposite Max, and
there were two more place settings along her side for us.

I struggled
to focus on the food on our plates due to the intense stare Jordan was giving
Summer
; I wanted to jump across the table and rip his eyes
out.
 
She was no longer his... he had no
claim to her anymore... I hoped.

Summer was
seated beside Debbie, which meant she was immediately opposite Jordan... an
oversight if ever there was one.
 
Couldn’t her aunt and uncle... oh, no; her foster parents... see how
this was screwed up?

Max cleared
his throat.

“Summer,
we’re very worried about you.” He began, “For the last week, you’ve been moping
around, and steadily declining; today... well today, Debbie tells me you’ve
been almost inconsolable.” He stated.

Summer
nodded, but refused to look up.

“Well, some
decisions need to be made, and I’m afraid that Deb and I have made them for
you.” He said politely.

I did a
double take...
what decisions?

Max
continued, turning to Jordan; “Jordan... I appreciate that you have a great
affection for
Summer
, but you need to cool your heels
boy.
 
If she’s asked you to leave, or
told you she doesn’t want to be with you, then you have to man up and take the
hit!” Max explained, bluntly but kindly.
 

Yes, I liked this... I wanted Jordan out of
this as well.

“Now, the
fact is... although
Summer
appears to be a strong
girl, full of high spirits and resilient; she is in fact quite a fragile young
lady.
 
I hate to have to say it, but I
believe she needs a change of scenery while this difficult time is being navigated.”
Max explained, looking at all of us directly in the eye.

What do you
mean, change of scenery?

“Look,
Debbie phoned Sally today, and despite Sally just taking on a new job, and
Henry doing his Masters degree this year, she has offered to have Summer stay
with them for the remainder of the holidays, until Blake and her move to New
Jersey to attend college in five weeks.” Max explained.

I couldn’t
help it, I visibly slumped.
 
Julie did a
quick eye scan of the situation and then gave me a sympathetic look, and Jordan
sat stiff and angry in his seat, boring a hole into the top of
Summer’s
head with his intense stare.

Summer just
remained static, like a statue.

Sally lived
in Jersey City, about an hour and a half away, but it might as well have been
on another planet in terms of accessibility ease.

“Now, it’s
just another month, and then you’ll all be so busy with your new studies and
adult lives that all of this won’t even matter anymore. I hope all this angst
will clear and
Summer
will return to her normal
cheerful self by then.”
Max explained, smiling at us all.

“How about
it honey?” Debbie asked
Summer
.
 
“I’ll drive you there in the morning.”

“Sure...
why not?” Summer replied flatly.

Not what
I’d expected... I was thinking she might say ‘no way,’ or ‘I’m okay, things are
going to get better!’ but no, she simply accepted their decision without
batting an eye.

I was
furious!

Summer.

It was a
good idea... it would allow me time to think about what I needed to do about
Blake.
 
It might give me time to
rearrange our living arrangements for college too.
 
Plus Jordan might calm down by the time
college started.
 

Anyway, I
missed Sally... I could talk to her... she could help me get things into
perspective.

Blake.

I helped
clear the table.
 
Jordan had already made
his goodbyes to Max and Debbie.
 
He had
pulled
Summer
aside... and I had struggled to let him
get so close, but I couldn’t let him know what my intentions were just
now.
 
He was still my friend, and he
deserved at least my continued pretend ambivalence.

When he’d
moved his body into her, stooping, and looking up into her eyes which remained
downcast, he appeared gentle, soft and kind.
 
He pulled her hair away from her face... “I love you.” I heard him
say... it felt like a kick in the gut.

Back in the
kitchen, Debbie and Julie were rinsing and stacking the dishes, talking
excitedly about what
Summer
would be privy to in New
York for the break.

Putting the
last of the condiments in the fridge, and giving the room a quick scan to
ascertain whether Max was around... he wasn’t... I approached Debbie.

“Mrs. MacFarlane... when do you plan on leaving in the morning?”

“Umm... I
don’t want to be hitting traffic on Meeker Avenue and so forth; so, probably
around 8:00am.” She answered.

“Can I come
along? I’ll return with you.” I asked.
 
I
had a good reason to want to go... I didn’t know where Sal lived... if I knew I
may be able to convince Sally to let me visit
Summer
on my own.

Debbie
sighed... Looking down at her wet hands, she grabbed a hand towel and proceeded
to dry them.
 
Looking up at me, she
smiled.
 
It wasn’t a very convincing
smile, I was expecting her to say no, but she surprised me.

“Sure, why
not.” And turning to Julie, she asked, “Did you want to tag along as well?”

I gave my
sister a hopeful look.
 
If she went, then
Summer and I could share the back seat, in addition to Julie providing
interference for me while we were there.

Julie
recognised my look for what it was, “Sure... it’ll be fun!
 
Can we do a spot of shopping while we’re
there too?”

“We won’t
have a lot of time, but maybe we can drive over to Jersey Gardens and pick up a
few bargains.” Debbie winked at Julie... Julie beamed.

I returned
to the dining room to find it empty.
 
Walking around the downstairs area, I didn’t locate
Summer
till I heard some murmuring from Max’s office.
 
A quick listen, confirmed that both
Summer
and
Max were inside the office, but I felt wrong about entering Max’s domain.

I took a
seat on the bottom step.
 
It was a good
lookout spot.
 

Down the
hallway, I saw
Summer
retreat from the office.
 
Looking up she saw me.
 
She momentarily stopped before continuing to
walk to me.

“Hi,” she
said, walking up to me.

“Hi...” I
replied, smiling.
 
“We need to talk.”

“I know.”

“Well, how
about we duck out the back and ‘talk’.” I offered.

“Okay.” She
sighed.

Summer.

After
confirming with Max that I indeed wanted to go to Sal’s, and having a brief
conversation about how he felt I perhaps should lay off boyfriends for a while
and concentrate on myself, since things were affecting me so badly to be in
complicated relationships; I stepped out of the office, only to see Blake
seated on the bottom step of the stairs.

It was time
for damage control... I didn’t want to lose Blake’s friendship... but there was
something wrong with me, psychologically... especially given that his closeness
throughout dinner had caused my desire levels to go through the roof; with
thoughts of him throwing me over the dining table and taking me roughly and
passionately amongst the food; plaguing the conversation that surrounded me.

Blake
indicated that we needed to talk, and I agreed...
yes, we really needed to talk.

Outside, we
folded ourselves into the swing seat for two that was conveniently out of
earshot on the verandah leading off of the dining area.
 
Blake placed his arm around me and drew me
in.

The
electricity surging into my body through his touch was confusing, and it made
my concentration waver.

“Summer...
Julie and I are going to go with you and Deb tomorrow, to settle you in at your
sister’s.” Blake said.
 
I sat up
abruptly, looking at him... his handsome features, his broad shoulders, his
chest rising and falling erratically, as he too struggled with our close
proximity.

“We won’t
be staying... we’re coming back with Deb in the afternoon.” He said, “But I’m
going to miss you so much.” He pulled me back into him tightly.

When had he
gotten so strong?
 
Why hadn’t I noticed
just how handsome he was before...? I mean, sure... I had been in love with him
for a long time, but it was more to do with his personality than his looks; the
way we eased into each other’s mindset... it was the main reason I had felt
this way.
 
Now, as I recognised his looks
for what they really were... stunning... I felt even more betrayed by my
distasteful lust towards him.

“Blake,” I
decided to cut to the chase... I went straight for the jugular.
 
“We can’t be together, other than friends.”

I thought I
heard his soul break.
 
I knew I heard his
intake of breath, and I felt a jolt run through him.
 
This was confirmed in his reply.
 
His voice broke, just like it used to when he
was going through puberty.

“What do
you mean...? I mean, why
are you
saying that?” he
croaked.

“I’m no
good for you.” I supplied.

His
uncertainty and grief rapidly turned into controlled anger.
 
I could feel it, I tried to remove myself
from him, but he held on tight.

“Excuse
me?
 
What does that mean?
 
You’re no good for me!?” he grumbled heatedly.

“I can’t
explain... but there is something profoundly wrong with ‘you and me’.” I said
weakly.

“I have no
idea what you mean... because what just happened upstairs was not lacking in
chemistry.” He argued.
 
He continued to
hold me to his side in a vice-like grip.