Always Upbeat / All That (3 page)

“Wait, wait, wait, I can't,” Hallie said, cutting us off. “That's too hard.”

Eva gave Hallie a stern glare. “Girl, you got to be able to step in and pick it up. We ain't even doing the precision cheers. This is just
feel the beat
with a little soul. Come on now.”

Randal and Ella joined us, and then we started making up new steps. Eva followed me. I followed her. The four of us were jamming, but Hallie looked lost. Upset, she ran out of Randal's room.

“I got her, y'all,” I said to my friends.

Hallie went into the bathroom. I did not like her to be down on herself. She could get this.

I knocked on the door. “It's me, Charli. Let me in, please.”

“No, just go.”

“Hallie, come on, girl. Let me in. Please, girl.”

Finally, when she opened up the door, I said, “Talk to me. Why are you crying? You're on the squad. You'll get all this.”

“I need to have it now. I don't want to be the laughing stock of the varsity cheerleading team. Word's out. The only reason I made it was because they needed to have an even number, and they didn't want to give it to another sophomore.”

I said, “People are always making up stuff. I never heard that.”

“Yes, you did, Charli. You just didn't want to hurt my feelings.”

“Look,” I said, taking both of Hallie's hands. “I'll work with you day and night to make sure you learn all the cheers. I'll stand beside you in practice. You have rhythm, and you have the biggest mouth out of anyone I know. Take that the right way. For cheerleading, it's perfect. You just gotta project, be confident, get excited, and do the moves.”

“Yeah, but it's like when you stand in front of me and teach me … I get all the moves twisted and backwards, and I can't do it.”

“Well, that's all you had to say. If that's more confusing, then I'm going to stand right beside you. Watch me. Who dat? And we step up. Who dat? And we step back. Who dat think they bad? And we shake our hips. Who dat? We put our arms down. Who dat? We put our arms up. Then we do the kick ball change as much as we can because we're in the bathroom,” I said, as Hallie laughed. “We're going to kick them in their … turn and give three claps. That's all it is, and you just do it faster. Let's go.”

After about twenty times, Hallie had it. She gave me the biggest hug ever. She screamed. Randal's mom came running down the hall.

The blue-eyed-blonde Mrs. Raines said, “Is everything okay?”

Randal came running into the bathroom, “I told y'all not to jump and all that stuff when she's baking. She gets freaked out,” Randal sighed. Poking her head out the door, she declared “Everything's fine, Mom. We're going back to my room.”

Randal shooed her mom down the hall. “You girls be careful,” Mrs. Raines said, looking glum.

Bragging on my girl, I said, “Do it, Hallie. Show them the cheer.”

“We know she doesn't have it,” Eva said under her breath.

“Eva, goodness gracious, girl. Dang. Why do you have to be so negative?” I finally just said to her because I was tired of her always having something smart to say.

Classic Eva vented, “'Cause Hallie wants to be a cheerleader so bad, but then she starts crying like a kindergartner when she can't get the moves. We're on varsity. Honestly, maybe she should have made JV, if anything. All of us were wondering why she made the team. Let's just be honest.”

Tears started welling up in Hallie's eyes. I just looked at Eva and rolled mine. Eva needed to learn to hush up sometimes.

Believing in my girl, I said, “Don't even let her affect you. She doesn't speak for all of us. Do the doggone cheer. You have it. Do it!”

I started doing it when Hallie wouldn't. And just doing what I do, I didn't even realize Hallie joined in, and we were in unison throwing down.

Eva said, “My bad, girl. That's it. And you know I was teasing. I needed to motivate you to do the doggone thing.”

I smiled at Eva like,
You got me again, dang it
. I couldn't figure her out, but under all the layers there was love in Eva's heart. We hugged.

“You know we pick captains tomorrow,” Ella said. “And, Charli. It needs to be you.”

“Like they're going to elect me captain. It's just five of us juniors, five sophomores, and ten seniors on this squad. No way they're going to choose me.”

“Well, you're the best. You got what it takes. We're going to find a way to get you to be captain,” Eva said, surprising me because she cared.

“You're the best, and you got a way of pulling out the best in everybody. When the five of us put our minds to it, we can do it,” Hallie said.

“I just love y'all,” I said to them. “Drama and all.”

Eva winked, and then I thought,
“
Me
, captain
? … That would be amazing.”

“Charli, do you need me to take you to practice, honey. I'm going that way,” my mother said, as I was about to head out the door.

However, Blake was honking. I could not keep him waiting. I certainly was not going to tell him to leave so she could take me.

“No, Mom. Blake's here. Thanks though. Smooches!” I said, rushing out the door.

“Be—”

Before she could say careful, I was gone. I was not trying to be rude, but she was getting on my nerves. She had been telling my dad that I did not need to drive. She wanted me to wait until my senior year. He wanted to buy me a car. I needed a car, and I deserved one. If she was going to stand in the way of that, then I was going to hate on her a little bit.

“Hey, baby!” I said when I got into his car.

With a slight 'tude, Blake said, “What took you so long? You know my dad is going to kill me if I'm late for practice.”

“I'm sorry,” I purred, still wanting a kiss.

Then his cell phone started vibrating. As soon as I grabbed it, he snatched it out of my hands.

“You know you don't read my messages. Wassup with that?”

“What? You trying to hide something from me?” I asked, truly unsure.

Frowning, he sped down the street. “Why you always do that?”

“What?” I put on my seat belt.

“Starting beef with me. Shoot, I came all the way over here to pick you up so I could see my girl before practice. You know it's going to be hot as heck out there. My dad's going to run and work us hard. I'm just trying to chill and relax. You stressin' a brother and stuff.”

At that point I looked out the window. Blake and I were growing apart, and there was nothing I could really do about it. As much as I wanted to make him happy, to say the right things so that our relationship stayed good, things kept messing up. I really didn't know where we were headed. Particularly when his phone vibrated again, and he didn't answer it.

“We're probably going to have an extra long practice today, so don't wait around. Get a ride from one of your girls or something,” he said when we got to the school parking lot.

“No problem,” I said, as I got out of the car.

We were the Lockwood Lions. The purple and gold. This was supposed to be our year. Blake, the quarterback of the football team, doing his thing, running the ball in, throwing the long bombs that get caught for touchdowns, just being a stud. And me, his girl on the sideline, wowing the crowd with my moves, and making all girls in the stands wish they were in my shoes. But something wasn't right. And when the senior cheerleaders and their pack waved at my man and didn't even speak to me, and he got all goo-gooed like he was a baby, I knew there was trouble in paradise.

When some football players rolled up beside him, he tried to act like we were all cool.

“What, you not going to give me no love, no kiss, no smooch? Wassup, Charli?”

Trying to keep him whichever way I could, I went over to him and obliged his request. A few of the players gave him dap. He jogged off without even looking back at me. So caught up in being the man, he didn't even realize he was breaking my heart.

But then his cousin Brenton, a real sweetheart and way more laid back than show-off Blake, said, “Cheer up, Charli.”

“I'm cool, Brenton. I'm not down.”

“No smile on that cute face of yours. Something's up.”

“No flirting with your cousin's girlfriend,” I said.

“Maybe my cousin's girlfriend should want a real man versus a little boy who craves attention. But who am I to give advice, right? See you later.”

My girls came out of nowhere. They were jammed in Hallie's ride, which was on its last legs but still kicking. “Ugh, did we just hear what we thought we heard?” Hallie said.

“Somebody likes you,” Randal said.

“Nah, he was just being nice,” I replied.

Coach Woods was standing by the door. “You girls better get in here. I know you're new to my varsity squad, but I
will
make you run when you're late. I don't have time for prima donnas. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.”

“Dang, I didn't know we were joining the army,” Eva said.

“Yeah, consider this boot camp,” Coach Woods said, hearing her.

The rest of us just laughed. Coach Woods was really cute, fly actually. She made the boys' heads turn, and she was in her thirties or something. I know compared to my mom that wasn't old, but to us it was, and she was still holding it down. I hoped when I got older I would look like her. But she wasn't just one of them cute, ditsy ladies. Nah, she was smart— unlike our coach from last year who Eva walked all over. Eva made up stupid stories when she was late or missed practice, saying she was with this guy and that guy, and coach just believed whatever she said … gullible. But it didn't look like Eva was going to get away with that stuff this year.

“Look who decided to join us,” Whitney Alexander, the baddest girl in our school, said to us when we walked in.

Word was she was so bad when she was a freshman that she had all the senior girls hating her because she was holding down their men. She was also up for valedictorian, which was impressive to me. Anybody could look cute—perm, weave, wearing a flattering color, padded bra, stylish clothes, makeup, and the right shoes—and anybody's head could turn, but not everybody could be a scholar. However, there was one characteristic Whitney had that I detested, disliked, and couldn't stand. She was a snob, and she prided herself on it.

“Like you own this squad,” Eva said, trying her.

“For real,” Hallie said even louder.

“It must not be true because if I owned it, you wouldn't be on it with your lack of skills,” Whitney said to Hallie.

“All right, girls, calm down. I don't want to hear all that,” Coach Woods said immediately, spotting the mounting drama. “All you guys sit down right now.”

The sophomores sat with each other. Whitney had a select group of seniors with her, and some other seniors were clustered together. And of course me and my girls were seated beside each other.

“I'm not having this cliquish squad,” Coach Woods said. “Yeah, it's great and fun, and we cheer for the Lions on Friday night. But our ultimate goal is to be state cheerleading champs for Class 5A. Everybody on this squad except one has a back handspring. Most of you guys have higher skills than that, but whatever area you're weak in, you need to work on it,” she continued. “You're on the squad because I knew you could do it. Do not slack up on me, and do not give each other drama! We must be a team, and every team needs leadership. Right now we're going to vote for captain, so at this time I want to take nominations.”

Whitney jumped up. “I nominate myself, Whitney Tia Alexander.”

Coach looked unimpressed. “Is there anybody else?”

No one said a word. I wanted it, but I didn't feel like nominating myself. Because I thought I could do it, didn't mean I really could. This was going to be my first year on the varsity squad. Although I have been a competition cheerleader since I was three, volunteered to teach cheer-leading to little girls, and I had the highest tumbling, best jumps, and tightest positioning out of anybody on the squad, it did not mean that I should actually have the captain's job. It was only my first year on the varsity squad, after all.

Eva, being true to her word, raised her hand, and said, “Coach, I nominate Charli Black.”

All heads turned quickly. Amazingly, one set of seniors started smiling and whispering to each other. The sophomores got super quiet and wide-eyed.

Whitney just burst out and said, “I know y'all are not going to vote for her. I'm the one with experience. I'm the one with respect …”

And some of the other senior girls started coughing. Hallie hit me on the leg. I knew she was thinking that maybe I had a shot at this thing. The body language in the gym told me that politics were working in my favor.

“I'm just saying that I need to be the captain. I can get you girls in shape. I know how to make you all that—like me. Charli probably doesn't even want the job. I'm your captain, right here.”

Coach Woods looked over at me and said, “Charli, do you accept the nomination?”

I looked around. Ella nodded. Randal silently clapped. Hallie was silently mouthing “Yes, yes, yes,” and Eva pushed me.

I said, “Yes, ma'am.”

“Do you have anything to say?” Coach asked.

“I love cheerleading. I love our school. I'd give you guys all I have. I could help make up routines that I believe would be competitive at state. If given the chance, I won't let you down.”

“Well, all right. Let's get to voting.”

Thirty minutes later, Coach announced this year's varsity cheerleading captain was Charli Black. All four of my girls screamed around me. I was elated. The squad picked me.

W
e gotta go celebrate! My treat,” I screamed to my girls after practice was over. I was just announced as the new captain.

“You ain't said nothing but a word,” Eva yelled out, as she gave me a high-five. “And we ain't going to no McDonald's either. I want IHOP.”

“Like there's any difference,” her sister, Ella, said.

Eva jerked her neck. “Instead of her breaking out twenty dollars, she'll be bringing out forty. There's a big difference.”

Hallie yelled, “Pancakes for dinner, baby. Let's go.”

Whitney was sitting over to the side, rocking back and forth, as if she was in a trance. “I'll be right there, you guys,” I said.

“What do you want? Please go. You won, okay?” Whitney whined, as she saw me coming. “Like you're gonna know how to handle all the seniors.”

Trying, I said, “I could use your help.”

“But you're not going to be getting it. The squad spoke, and they chose who they wanted.” Whitney sulked. “And they'll get what they get. Sooner or later, they'll realize they made the wrong decision. You might have had more training than the rest of us. Yeah, I saw your fine skills. I know you can do fulls, aerials, and your jumps are immaculate. But do you have what it takes to be a leader? I don't think so.”

I started to say, “Do
you
have what it takes to be a leader? The vote says you don't.” But I didn't need to hurt her with needless jabs like she was doing to me.

Instead I said, “You will like my style and—”

But she did not let me finish. She got up and stormed away. Coach Woods came up behind me and understood that I was disappointed in Whitney's reaction. Honestly, I did want all of us to get along. I could only imagine when opponents speak after a presidential election, the loser is not happy. We were in high school. No one was going to the White House. This was about trying to win a state cheerleading title, and the right person needed to be in the job for that to happen. I firmly believed that was me.

I looked at Coach Woods and said, “I am gonna try to work with her.”

“I know you'll be great. Whitney doesn't realize that though. She is good but her attitude is not. She got in her own way. You stay grounded. I've been around long enough to see power do crazy things to ladies.”

“Yes, ma'am.” I nodded, knowing I would never be difficult like Whitney.

Outside the gym, Ella walked over and said, “Don't sweat Whitney.”

Randal came up to my other side and said, “You know she's just upset that she didn't win.”

“But our girl did. Let's go celebrate!” Hallie said.

“That's out now. She's not celebrating with us.” Eva had her lips stuck way out.

“Yes, we are. What are you talking about?” I said to her, not wanting her to spoil my moment.

Whitney had already tried to deflate my excitement. I didn't want anything else to pull me down. However, I saw Blake running up to me, smiling like he was into me—like he should be. My heart skipped two beats, and I forgot about everything else.

“I heard the news. My baby's the captain. Gimme some love.” He leaned in and kissed me, and he wasn't letting go.

His personal display of affection was a little overboard. I knew cheerleaders, band members, football players, and who knew who else were watching. He would not let me pull away.

Flinching and frowning, I said, “People are around us.”

As Blake's hand caressed my back, he whispered in my ear. “Then let's go somewhere alone. I wanna celebrate with you, baby. I'm the captain and you're the captain.”

“Like I said, she is not going out with us anymore,” Eva declared, working her neck and her hips in irritating positions.

As much as I wanted to be with Blake, Eva had a right to be ticked. I said I was going out with my girls, and I couldn't just ditch them. But my man wasn't letting up, and he hadn't been into me like this in so long. I was caught between wanting to do two things, which was impossible.

Remembering he had plans, I said, “I thought you couldn't drive me after school?”

“My dad let us out early. What's the matter? You gonna hang with them or me?” Blake asked, pointing to my waiting girls. “You always say I'm putting you second, and now what's up with this?”

“What's up with this anyway, Blake? You act like you're all into my girl when you—” Eva mouthed off before Randal and Ella pulled her back.

“Whatever, Eva. You wish you could get with this,” Blake said to her, not wanting to be called out.

“Blake?” I grunted, unhappy he was talking about my friend.

I certainly didn't want my boyfriend and one of my best friends going at it. Blake had to chill. Eva needed to let me handle this. Though I was torn, I knew if it was one of them, they'd tend to their man, so I had to do the same.

“Just go to the car.” I pushed him. “I'll be there in a second.”

I turned to my girls. They all looked at me like I had truly let them down. My insides were hurting.

Saying the only thing I could think of given the situation, I explained, “Y'all know I'm nervous about Blake. You guys even said this other girl's after him. I need to put in some time. I didn't even know he was gonna want to hang out with me, or I wouldn't have said let's do something. But take the money. Go eat and don't be mad at me.”

“We don't want your money,” Randal said.

“Speak for yourself,” Eva said, before she snatched the forty dollars out of my hand, and they left.

Minutes later, we were in Blake's car. “So you're captain, huh?” Blake asked. The tension was subsiding.

I didn't know where he was driving me, but he sure looked good doing it. His muscles were bulging from his chest. He didn't have a stench from practice because he had showered. My man looked and smelled good enough to gobble up.

“Where are we?” I asked. We were heading into a neighborhood hit by the foreclosure crisis. There were homes that were partially built. Down in the cul-de-sac, Blake and I were isolated. He parked the car and reached over and reclined my seat. Before I knew it, we both shared my seat and the passion intensified. Our hands were roaming; our bodies were moving. We were in sync. Our shirts were off but when Blake took his hand down too low, I stopped it.

“Please, Charli. Not now. Let me give you the best celebration present. Captain to captain, I'ma show you how it's done. You're my girl. I want you. I want us. Give me what I need.”

He kissed me again, and I did not want to stop him. I did not want to lose him. I did not want him to be mad, but the voice inside of me knew that I was not ready. I did not care what the consequences of saying no were. That was my freaking final answer, and he had to deal with it. Then I realized the upset look on his face meant I might lose him, and I could not hold back the emotion.

I started crying uncontrollably. “I'm sorry, Blake. I'm sorry. I thought I was ready, but I'm not. Don't leave me, please. I love you.”

Absolutely surprising me, he looked over and wiped my eyes. He leaned in gently and kissed my forehead. He lifted my chin to his face.

My caring beau said, “I'm sorry for pushing you. I love you too, and I want this to be right for the both of us. It's okay.”

“Really?” I asked, feeling so grateful he cared enough to wait.

He nodded. When I was in his embrace, I felt so secure. I felt so safe, so special, and so loved.

When Blake dropped me off at home, chaos awaited me. Both of my parents were yelling at each other at the top of their voices. I wanted the drama to end.

“Charlene, knowing where that child is, is your responsibility. She could be with anybody, anywhere. You're here all day. I don't understand why you don't know where she is. You got one job—taking care of this house. You can't even do that,” my father yelled.

My mom lashed back at him. “You must think I'm stupid. All the after-hours meetings and stuff you been going to … right! If you care so much about your home and this family, where are you, Roger, most nights? You're not on the bench at seven in the evening. You know the importance of telling the truth. So what is
really
going on?”

What was my mom trying to say? I had been so into my own world, hanging out with my friends, being with my boyfriend, and practicing my cheer moves, that the last thing I thought about was my home. My parents' marriage really seemed to be in trouble. Before they said something they couldn't take back, I stepped into the room.

“Is everything okay?” I asked timidly, knowing it was not okay but hoping they'd stop saying hateful things to each other if they saw me.

“Ask your mother,” my dad snarled, storming out of the kitchen.

“Charli, don't stand there looking at me like you're all disappointed. You're a big girl now. Adults argue,” my mom said. She went over to the sink and leaned in as if she was trying to collect herself. “And where were you, Charli? Don't even think about lying to me, saying you were with your friends. I talked to Hallie, and you were not riding with her. Your dad and I were worried sick. I called you, and you didn't answer your phone.”

“My cell is dead, Mom.”

“Well, you need to start taking the charger with you. You knew you didn't tell me where you were going after practice. That's absolutely irresponsible. I didn't know if you were at the school waiting for me to come and pick you up or what. So I went over there, and Coach said you were long gone.”

Thinking back to practice, I asked, “Did she tell you the good news?”

“Yes, I know you're the captain. Under normal circumstances, I'd be elated. But captains are responsible, and someone who can't let her mom know where she is isn't someone I deem as responsible, Charli Black.”

My mother was not letting up. She wanted to know where I was. Honestly, I was so caught up in being with Blake that I did not think whether my parents were worried. Maybe my mom had a point. Maybe I'd been so self-centered that I was not really thinking about anybody but me, and that wasn't right.

“I was with Blake.”

“Doing what and where?” my mom said, demanding an answer, hands on her hips. “You got out of practice two hours ago. Charli, you're going to wind up pregnant.”

Shocked, I said, “Mom, no I'm not.”

“So you weren't with that boy, kissing somewhere or doing much worse?”

Things were pretty intense with us in Blake's car. I couldn't lie to my mom. I just looked away.

“Charli?”

“We didn't go far, Mom. Okay? Blake respects me.”

“I've seen Blake. He's gone from a skinny, little toothpick to a bodybuilder for goodness' sake. I know what high school boys want.”

“But do you know what Daddy wants?” I mumbled under my breath

“What did you say?” my mom asked, looking like she wanted to strangle me.

“I'm just saying, Mom, you gotta learn how to trust me. I can handle my relationship. But can you handle yours? I came in here, and you and Dad were fussing. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, but I am getting older. You can't treat me like a child. What's going on with y'all? What's going on with your husband?”

“Since you're so grown, you take your behind from my presence and ask him.” I did not know what I'd done or said or how far I'd pushed her, but she screamed, “
Go!
Go ask him.”

“What's going on in here?” my dad rushed in and asked.

“Talk to your daughter. She has some questions about your behavior. I think it's best you answer them, Mr. Integrity. And while y'all are at it, find something to eat tonight. I'm not cooking.”

“Like that's surprising,” my father said, before grabbing his keys. I followed Dad out the door.

My dad was the most refined man I knew. Classy and distinguished, he was never rattled and definitely believed not everything should be discussed. I knew he would not want me to talk about him and my mom. However, she had a point. If he was out doing things he shouldn't with someone else, then he was guilty. There were consequences, like his daughter being upset. Over the years I had come to understand the one thing my dad wanted to keep intact was my admiration. I was his princess. He didn't like me uncomfortable. He'd provided me with everything I'd ever asked for, unless my mom stepped into the picture and made him feel like he shouldn't oblige my every wish.

“Dad, do you still love Mom?” I said when the car was too quiet.

“Of course, I love your mom, sweetheart. You don't have to worry about anything. Honestly, we were having a serious discussion about you.”

I didn't want to tell him what I'd heard. Though their conversation did start out with me, it ended up on him. What was he hiding?

Seeing I was puzzled, he flipped the focus. “Where were you, Charli?”

“I need a new phone, Daddy. My battery keeps dying, and I don't want to buy a new battery that's gonna cost forty or fifty dollars when … I want a new phone. I've had this one for two years. I've been a good steward. Every time I charge it, it dies shortly thereafter.”

“Why don't you go and get a new phone?”

“'Cause I have two more weeks before the two years is up, and Mom doesn't wanna pay the higher price.”

He shrugged like that was stupid. “So where were you?”

“I was with my boyfriend.”

“And I'm supposed to believe he doesn't have a phone?”

“He was just giving me a ride home, and we stopped off to briefly celebrate,” I said, choosing my words carefully because I didn't want to tell a fib to my dad either.

I couldn't tell him everything though. If I said the wrong thing, I might not be able to see Blake again. Thinking back on Blake's love, I knew we could never be apart.