American Made (Against the Tides #2) (12 page)

Before she got out of the shower I made my way down to her kitchen and threw together a pot of coffee for her. When she finally came downstairs I don’t think she expected me to still be there. She tried her hardest to cover how nervous she was but I could see how preoccupied her mind was. After taking a sip of her coffee she braided her hair so it was out of her face for the day and avoided looking at me as much as she could. As much as I want to hope it was the nerves, I can’t help but wonder if she was having regrets about what happened between us.

“What’s up, man?” I ask when I snap out of my haze and realize that Knox hasn’t said anything else since he sat down.

Knox sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face. “I called Brett’s family a few weeks ago about what Ari’s doin’ to herself. They drove up and met me at her house.”

“What happened?” I turn, giving him my full attention because I know how much she means to him.

“She fought with us just like she did with Emerson. After a couple hours she finally said she’d get help and check into a rehab but I think she did it just to make us go away.” I nod and wait while he chugs his beer. “Called her doctor today to see how she’s doin’ because she refuses to talk to me. She’s barely even tryin’, man. Doctor said they’re doin’ everything they can but nothin’ will help unless she wants it.”

“Shit,” I mutter. 

He didn’t even tell me this shit was going on, but I can’t really blame him. Ari has always been a hard subject for him. It’s rough to want someone as much as he wants her and not be able to act on it. I can’t imagine how hard it is to watch the woman you love lose herself and have no way to fix it. I know nothing I say will make anything better or easier so I settle for getting Envy’s attention and signaling that we need more beer.

“Emerson!” Envy cheers, holding the beer she was bringing us above her head in the middle of the room. 

As soon as Knox hears her name his attitude changes completely, but I can tell it’s forced for her benefit. Emerson grabs the bottles from Envy so she can go back to the bar and help another customer and sets them on the table in front of us. She lets herself look at me just long enough to say hello before dropping her head against her folded arms on the table. My stomach sinks more with each silent minute that passes.

“I take it today didn’t go as planned?” Knox finally asks. Without picking up her head, Emerson shrugs her response. 

Shit, this isn’t going to be good.

Grabbing my phone, I shoot off a message to Rush telling him where we are and asking if he knows what happened today.

“Here ya go, muffin,” Envy sings, setting a bottle in front of Emerson. When she still doesn’t move Envy grabs her by her braid and pulls her head up. “What’s wrong with you?”

Emerson forces her eyes open and it’s clear that she’s exhausted. “So tired,” she groans. I feel bad because I kept her up last night when I knew all about her tests today. Finally, she looks at me for more than a second and the small smile she has makes me feel a bit better. Sliding off the stool, she tilts her head toward the back door. “Can we talk for a minute?”

Ignoring the dirty look that Knox is throwing my way, I follow her outside and lean against the railing next to her. For a few minutes she stays quiet, doing nothing but staring at the water slapping against the pillars. Instead of pushing her because I’m not sure I’ll like the outcome, I do the same even though the silence is killing me.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she finally says softly. I turn toward her, watching the struggle play across her face but she still doesn’t look at me. 

“Well I’d help you figure it out of I knew what the
this
you’re talkin’ about is.”

“Whatever’s goin’ on between us—” she shakes her head while ringing her hands “—the shit that happened last night. I don’t know how to do it.”

“If you don’t know how to do what we did last night you’re one hell of an actress.” I laugh, trying to ease the tension in the situation. She finally turns toward me only to hit me in the chest.

“I hate you,” she mumbles. “You know that, right?”

Grabbing her arm, I pull her against me and wrap my arms around her. “You can hate me all you want as long as we can keep doin’ what we did last night.”

Emerson hits me again but I don’t care because she doesn’t try to pull away from me. She presses the side of her face against my chest and takes a deep breath. “I can do guns, war, death and all that shit, but I don’t know how to do
this
. I don’t talk about my feelings. I never have. We don’t talk about our feelings or issues in my family. I’ve never let myself want more than just sex with someone. Shit, I never even knew I was capable of it until you.”

Grabbing her by the hips, I lift her onto the railing and settle between her legs. She slides her hands over my shoulders, letting her fingers glide back and forth across the back of my neck. I can tell she’s nervous just by looking at her. I am too but I hope I’m hiding it a bit better. I don’t know how to do any of this either. Before Emerson I didn’t do anything more than sex either. It wasn’t that I couldn’t; I just didn’t want to.

Sliding my hand along her jaw, I tilt her head up until she looks at me. “The only way to learn how to do something is to try it. It’s not something we have to rush into, Emerson. I have fun with you, I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Leaning into me, Emerson presses her lips against mine and sighs. “I don’t know how I did today,” she whispers. “I’m afraid I want it too much and I’m not gonna get it.”

“Look at you! Sharin’ feelings and shit already. I’m so proud.”

She swats at me but laughs at the same time which is exactly what I was hoping for. “Stop bein’ mean to me or you’re gonna be back to usin’ your hand.”

I grip my chest and pretend to be shocked. “You hurt me.”

“Yeah, I’m afraid of that if I get it.” Her face falls and I know what she’s getting at so I beat her to the point.

“You don’t get to say this won’t work because you’re afraid you won’t come home at night. There’s a chance of it with both of us. I’m not jumpin’ in blind here. I know the risks just like you do, but I’m willin’ to take ‘em.”

When Emerson opens her mouth to say something, the speaker by the door crackles and Envy’s voice fills the air around us. “Will the couple on the railing that look as if they’re about to fornicate please come inside? Your party is waitin’.”

Looking over my shoulder, I can’t help but laugh when I see Rush with his face pressed against the window grinning. Beside him, Knox is watching us like a hawk with his arms crossed over his chest. I’ve been telling him that nothing was really going on between us, but I guess now I need to come clean. 

“What if I didn’t make the cut?” Emerson asks, her eyes drifting between Rush and me.

I help her off the railing and pull her against me. She slips her arm around my waist, settling her hand against my stomach. When she looks up at me she looks so nervous. It’s a new feeling to hurt because I can’t take all of someone’s worries away. I lean down to kiss her, not caring that people are watching us.

“If you don’t, you’ll find something that you’ll be just as badass at.”

By the time we get inside, the guys are back at the table with a bottle of tequila and glasses sitting between them. The closer we get to the table, the slower Emerson walks. I slide up onto my stool but instead of sitting down, Emerson slides between my thighs and stays silent.

Rush lines up the shot glasses and fills them. He doesn’t smile or frown but he carries on the conversation he’s having with Knox. He gives no hint at all about how things went today and it’s pissing me off.

I finally break and slam my hand against the table. Emerson might be willing to stand there and wait for him to finally decide to say something, but I’m not. Rush’s attention snaps to me as he swallows a shot.

“Problem?” he asks.

I growl and it does nothing but make him laugh. Emerson squeezes my thigh nervously. “Damn it, Rush. Do you know anything yet?”

He shrugs and Emerson deflates in front of my eyes. Reaching into his bag, he avoids looking at her at all. “Reid and I were talkin’ about it and as much as I wanted you on the team—” he trails off for a second before slapping a black vest onto the table “—Reid wanted you more.”

Emerson jumps away from me and slams into Rush so she can hug him. I hate watching her touch him but I reel in my newfound possessiveness because what he just did made her happy. Stepping back toward me, she wraps herself around me. She tries to kiss me but she can’t stop smiling and it makes me laugh.

“I swear to god, Rush, if you’re fuckin’ with me I’ll kill you.”

“Flip it over,” he laughs, pointing at the vest.

Emerson spins around, never letting me drop my hands from her waist. She reaches out and slowly runs her fingers across the vest before taking a deep breath and flipping it over. The second she sees her last name patched onto the strap she visibly relaxes.

As quickly as she can she rips at the Velcro straps and pulls the vest on. Once she secures them again she runs her hands down the front of it and sighs happily before falling back against me.

I nuzzle into her neck. “Proud of you,” I whisper as she sniffs the edge of her chest plate.

“Ahh. I love the smell of tactical gear in the morning.” 

“Must be an acquired taste,” Envy snickers as she picks the empties off the table next to us. While she congratulates Emerson, Knox grabs the back of my shirt and hauls me toward him. 

“I might not have a say in what happens between you two, but do you see that smile on her face right now?”
See it? I’m fucking entranced by it.
I’ve seen her laugh, and the more she healed over the past few weeks, the bigger her smile got. Every bullseye she hit and every extra pound she worked to lift made her feel better, but it’s nothing compared to this. “If it ever disappears from that pretty face of hers and I find out you’re the reason it’s gone, I’ll fuckin’ drop you out the side of a helicopter in the middle of the ocean. Got it?”

I nod as Rush pushes a double round of shots our way. Emerson and Knox both take theirs but I push mine back into the middle of the table. Leaning back, Emerson turns her head to look at me.

“Are you not gonna celebrate with me?”

Reaching up, I run my thumb along her bottom lip. Knox has nothing to worry about because I’m starting to scare myself by how much I never want to see this smile disappear. 

“I’m gonna stay sober so you can drink. I’m still celebratin’ with you, but I wanna be able to drive you back home at the end of the night so we can celebrate alone.”

Knox shudders when Emerson tells me I have a deal. I slide back in the chair and pull her onto my lap, pulling my shots back and handing them to her. 

“OK, Rush,” she says, setting the empty glass down. “Are you drunk enough to tell me the truth about how I did?”

He laughs. “I told you the truth earlier. If I didn’t think you could do it, I wouldn’t have pushed you.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Emerson says, leaning toward him. “I asked how I did.”

“Truth is… you surpassed every expectation I had for you just like you said you would. Every task we had you do today was set up to be almost twice as hard as it usually is. That’s why I stopped you at the end to make sure you were OK. It wasn’t because I thought you should stop, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t push you too far.”

“You’d be dead if you pushed her too far,” I grumble.

Emerson changes the conversation topic after she gets the answer she was looking for. A little while later and a few more shots in, she rambles as she runs her fingers over the white police patch attached to the front of her vest. I know the consequences that could come along with her wearing it; I have the same ones following me every day I go to work. I know I told her I was OK with them, but the more I think about them the harder they seem to be to accept. I understand Knox’s hesitation now and I’m glad he took off already so he can’t call me out on it.

“Tequila makes me tingly,” she giggles as I run my fingers over her name on her back.

“Hey, Rush,” I call out when a thought finally hits me. “Did you have vests customized for every applicant?”

“No.” He shakes his head slowly. “Why do you ask?”

“Well I was just wonderin’ because you had this one all ready for Emerson and she only finished her interview a few hours ago.”

“Oh, that…” Rush looks anywhere but at me while trying not to laugh.

“What’s goin’ on?” Emerson asks, catching up with the conversation. When she finally catches on to what we’re talking about, she stares him down. “Spill.”

“There were no other applicants. After I found out everything I did, I told Reid there wasn’t anyone more qualified for the position. I didn’t say anything because you didn’t need that kinda pressure hangin’ over you while you tested but I’ve had that vest for at least two weeks.”

“What if I couldn’t do it?” she shrieks. “Why would you not have choices other than me?”

He waits until she calms down before he speaks again. “We didn’t need any other choices, Emerson.”

“Why the hell not?”

“I had faith in you, Em.” He shrugs. “You should start havin’ some in yourself.”

Before she has a chance to say anything else he mumbles something about taking a piss and disappears. I should have known there was a reason that he pushed her so much after telling her about the position. Now I do.

Sliding off my lap, Emerson stumbles as she turns and rests her forehead against my chest. I run my hand over the hard plate covering her back and want nothing more than to pull her vest off so I can actually touch her again.

“Ready for me to take you home?” I whisper against the top of her head.

“Can we stop and get some children nuggets?”

I laugh, realizing that this is becoming a pattern with her. “Yeah, I’m sure they miss your fantastic orderin’ skills anyway.”

Tipping her head back, she grins up at me and licks her lips. “Think I’ll get that supersized McDick this time?”

Sliding off my seat, I grab our stuff and tuck her under my arm so I can keep her close on the walk to the truck. “Oh, I found out that that’s a special order item, but I think we can work something out,” I say with a smile.